A/N - OK... Second attempt. =) My first one seems to be getting good reviews, so, I guess I'll post this one.. Once again, from the POV of one of the less popular characters. R/R!
Concentrate
Concentrate. My constant mantra. I know what everyone thinks. They're all saying, "Look at him, see how clumsy he is?!" They laugh. They think I'm a squib. They think I'm stupid. Maybe they're right.
It wasn't always this way! I remember when I could focus. When I didn't forget things all the time. When I had friends.
Not that I don't have friends. He is always nice to me, even when I lose so many points for us in potions. But then again, he can afford to be nice. The Boy Who Lived. His life will be easy. Then again, maybe he understands. He Who Must Not Be Named took his parents too. But at least his parents died. He doesn't have to see them once a month. Ranting, not even recognizing their own son. This is what I live with.
My grandmother is nice enough. She took me in, cared for me. She helps me when I forget things. She understands why. Understands that sometimes I can't help but see my parents, restrained, their faces purple with excertion, and their voices hoarse from screaming. How do I deal with that? Easy. I forget. My books, my scrolls, the words for spells. It's too hard to only forget their faces, so I forget everything.
And Him. He makes it so much harder. Every time I'm in his class. Yelling at me, calling me names. "Idiot, can't you do anything right!" Making everyone laugh at me. He knows about my problems. He hates me. If only I didn't have to forget. I could show them. Show them all.
She is nice to me too. So beautiful. Her shimmering red hair, the spray of freckles across her nose and cheeks. I want to tell her, but I can't. What if she laughed? I couldn't handle that. The shock of her saying yes when I asked her to the ball was enough. My courage fails me, and I find it hard to tell her anything. Some day.
Concentrate. Concentrate on what? Spells I never intend to use? Potions I never want to make? Magic made my parents how they are! I want nothing to do with it. Why do I keep doing this? To please those around me? Why should I care? They laugh. They tease. I am the butt of their jokes! But to fit in, to be one of them, carefree and happy. That would be a truly wonderful thing.
So I continue. Concentrating. trying so hard to please those who can not be pleased. Those who will not be pleased, who refuse to offer kind words, or encouragement. But I press on. the day will come when the pain will lessen. The need to forget will be less urgent. That will be my day. the time I show them all that I am not a bumbling fool. not the court jester, here for their amusement. That although I may not be better, I am at least their equal.
And so I continue. Continue to concentrate.
Concentrate
Concentrate. My constant mantra. I know what everyone thinks. They're all saying, "Look at him, see how clumsy he is?!" They laugh. They think I'm a squib. They think I'm stupid. Maybe they're right.
It wasn't always this way! I remember when I could focus. When I didn't forget things all the time. When I had friends.
Not that I don't have friends. He is always nice to me, even when I lose so many points for us in potions. But then again, he can afford to be nice. The Boy Who Lived. His life will be easy. Then again, maybe he understands. He Who Must Not Be Named took his parents too. But at least his parents died. He doesn't have to see them once a month. Ranting, not even recognizing their own son. This is what I live with.
My grandmother is nice enough. She took me in, cared for me. She helps me when I forget things. She understands why. Understands that sometimes I can't help but see my parents, restrained, their faces purple with excertion, and their voices hoarse from screaming. How do I deal with that? Easy. I forget. My books, my scrolls, the words for spells. It's too hard to only forget their faces, so I forget everything.
And Him. He makes it so much harder. Every time I'm in his class. Yelling at me, calling me names. "Idiot, can't you do anything right!" Making everyone laugh at me. He knows about my problems. He hates me. If only I didn't have to forget. I could show them. Show them all.
She is nice to me too. So beautiful. Her shimmering red hair, the spray of freckles across her nose and cheeks. I want to tell her, but I can't. What if she laughed? I couldn't handle that. The shock of her saying yes when I asked her to the ball was enough. My courage fails me, and I find it hard to tell her anything. Some day.
Concentrate. Concentrate on what? Spells I never intend to use? Potions I never want to make? Magic made my parents how they are! I want nothing to do with it. Why do I keep doing this? To please those around me? Why should I care? They laugh. They tease. I am the butt of their jokes! But to fit in, to be one of them, carefree and happy. That would be a truly wonderful thing.
So I continue. Concentrating. trying so hard to please those who can not be pleased. Those who will not be pleased, who refuse to offer kind words, or encouragement. But I press on. the day will come when the pain will lessen. The need to forget will be less urgent. That will be my day. the time I show them all that I am not a bumbling fool. not the court jester, here for their amusement. That although I may not be better, I am at least their equal.
And so I continue. Continue to concentrate.