Leelee's note: I cheerfully admit that this story doesn't fit into 02 season canon. I've only heard bits and pieces about upcoming episodes, and I base this story on those rumors and pictures, and generally molded it into something I could use. The song lyrics at the end were cheerfully lifted from Jackson Browne's "Song For Adam" from the "Saturate Before Using" album and I *cheerfully* recommend it to anyone who enjoys folk music (yes, I'm a folkie at heart - now you know my terrible secret). This is the first finished Digimon fic I've posted here, so please . . . feel free to rip it to shreds in reviewing it. ^_~
I love Digimon and have been reading fics here for quite a few months now. I know that this can never compare to some of the *amazing* stories that I've read, but I'm just trying to find my own voice for now. ^_^
So, on with the story!
*~*~*
The world was threatened. Again, I should add. The first time was about four years ago. I was the leader of our group. The eight of us, including my little sister, Hikari, fought off evil with a capital 'E' and then . . . we went on living our lives as before. It's safe to say that the summer changed us, alright, and some more than others, but aside from memories of our Digimon, a few group get-togethers, and a quicker-than-normal mental maturation on my part, our lives stayed almost the same.
Maybe I'm wrong. After all, *my* life didn't go through any major upheavals, but how can I really say that about anyone else? Maybe having Tentomon around really did do wonders for Koushiro's emotional distatchment from the rest of the world. Maybe - alright, definitely - Sora learned a lot about her relationship with her mom from Biyomon. Jyou, though? Or Mimi? How to get along better with others, I guess. Takeru and Hikari were a little too young to pick up very many life-changing habits or lessons.
So, like I said, it changed us, but it didn't change us. We were the Digidestined. Maybe we still are. I think it just might be a life-long job. Yup, that's me - Taichi, Leader of the Digidestined for Life.
What? I left one of us out? Well, yes, I did. Deliberately, too, not that I need to say *why* or anything . . . I think most of you know the all the 'why's', starting with 'why' we're here today . . .
*~*~*
We had our assignments. We took our places. We made contact with other, until then unknown, Digidestined. We learned a little bit about other Digimon. Heck, we learned a little bit about our partners, as well.
We thought we were winning.
"One down!" Davis shouted. "That's means there's - uh, how many more to go?"
He never was very bright. Stubborn, brave, and a loyal friend, but no one ever said he was bright. He was too much like a younger version of myself for comfort.
"Look!" Hikari called. "I'm getting an email from Ken!" Takeru, Iori, Davis, and Miyako huddled around her little -er, computer thing. Ask Koushiro what's its called, because I don't have a clue.
"What's is say?" Takeru asked. "How are he and Matt doing -" He stopped mid-sentence and his jaw dropped. His mouth moved for a long time, but no sound came out.
Iori and Miyako filled in the gaps for him.
"WHAT?!"
"No, that's awful! It can't be true!"
Hikari's lips trembled. "Taichi," she whispered to me. "Taichi," she said to me.
"What is it?" I asked, "Did Ken get mad at Matt for hogging the mirror all the time?" I was joking, always joking. "Did he kill him with his own hair gel?"
It was then I noticed that both Takeru and my little sister had very wet eyes. She couldn't talk, couldn't form any words. She just silently handed me her computer thing and then huddled in the blonde's arms. Davis was too busy with Veemon to notice, otherwise he would have been jealous, I'm sure.
I looked down at the screen. I can still see it in my mind. Stupid computer! The words were so cold, so imformal, so damn impersonal.
"Kari, tell the others that I've got some bad news. There was a mud slide just as we were leaving the ancient temple. Both the Digidestined girl and I are okay. Yamato was trapped, though, trying to pull Gabumon from the wreckage of the temple. He saved his Digimon, but not himself.
"I'm so sorry.
"Ken."
*~*~*
I turned to stone inside after reading those words. The other Digidestined managed to save the world, fight off Evil, and return to Normal. I honestly can't remember these last few weeks. Bits and pieces stand out in my mind. I've been told that my anger at his death spurred me to fight harder than I ever have before, but I have no memories to prove it. I can, however, tell you what Ken was wearing when he returned to Japan. I don't mean his clothes; I mean the look on his face. Sorrow was there, yes, but not the mind-numbing, soul-shattering grief that I felt. Yamato and Ken were not close, therefore Ken was not truly mourning him - *would not* truly mourn him for the rest of his life, as I will.
Ken also wore his pride very well. He had helped Save the World. He was welcomed into the Circle of Friends us Digidestined inevitably formed. He was, in other words, a Happy Hero. He and Davis were showing the signs of a close life-long friendship, much like mine and Yamato's was - would have been, that is, if he hadn't DIED, hadn't LEFT ME.
I'm sorry, really I am. I hurt still. I remember the funeral. I remember his face in the casket. I remember reaching down to lay the back of my hand against his cheek, and being surprised at how cold it was. His personality was supposed to be frigid, not his body! Flashing back to our battle against Myotismon four years ago, I can still feel the heat of his hands through our gloves. Cool as ice on the surface, blazing with passion underneath it all - that's Yama.
That *was* Yamato.
Now he's dead, buried, and gone. Do we really have souls? Is his out there somewhere, floating in the breeze? Is he with Gabumon, playing the blues on his harmonica for all eternity?
Did I even need to mention that Gabumon died the same instant his Chosen Child did? No, I didn't think so. There will be no new egg in Primary Village.
I have a fear that Digimon *don't* have souls, and that Yamato is all alone wherever he is. Alone, scared, unable to feel, to move, to see.
That's how I've felt these last few weeks. Sure, you guys have been great and all, supportive, kind, loving - but none of you were as close to him as I was. Not even you, Takeru, even though you're brothers.
I miss him. I miss his smile and his laugh, his jokes and his silence. I miss his arrogance, too, though it led to so many fights between us. He was a True Rebel, and rebels, although they live fast, die young.
So I wrote a poem. Or a song. Maybe it's a song. But you all know how tone-deaf I am, so I've asked the guys in Yamato's band to sing it for me. They set it to music, and it's different from what they usually play.
*~*~*
I finished my speech and stood back, gesturing to the band. They struck up the haunting melody on two guitars and a piano played by the drummer.
They started:
"Though Yamato was a friend of mine, I did not know him well
He was alone into his distance
He was deep into his well
I could guess what he was smiling at, but I couldn't really tell
Now the story's told that Yama jumped, but I've been thinking that he fell
"Together we went travelling, as we received the call
His destination America, and I had none at all
Well, I still remember laughing with our backs against the wall
So full of pride, we never thought that one of us might fall"
I saw that there was not a single dry eye among the Digidestined. It had taken me two weeks of sleepless nights to write this song, and every tortured line was like a gilded knife through my heart: it had two purposes. The first was to bring back the pain of his death, which came through in the broken voice of the drummer and had never really left me, and the second was to heal my own pain, which it did, little by little. Though it would never completely swallow up my sorrow, at least it gave a bit of resolution.
I carefully pulled out a lighter and lit the tall candle I was holding. It was the color of his hair . . .
"I sit before my only candle, but it's so little light to find my way
Now this story unfolds before my candle
Which is shorter every hour as it reaches for the day
But I feel just like a candle in the way
I guess I'll get there, but I wouldn't say for sure
"When we parted we were laughing still, as our goodbyes were said
And I never heard from him again as each our lives we led
Except for once in someone else's email that I read
Until I heard the sudden word that a friend of mine was dead"
Ken sobbing loudly cut through my own fog of grief. Maybe I was wrong about him not feeling Yamato's death as much as I had. Maybe he felt responsible for it. Maybe he suffered as much as I did.
And still the band went on:
"I sit before my only candle, like a pilgrim sits beside the way
Now this journey appears before my candle
As a song that's growing fainter the harder that I play
That I fear before I can I'll fade away
But I guess I'll get there, though I wouldn't say for sure
"Though Yamato was a friend of mine, I did not know him long
And when I stood myself beside him, I never thought I was as strong
Still it seems he stopped his singing in the middle of his song
Well I'm not the one to say I know, but I'm hoping he was wrong"
I held the candle at arm's length. I looked directly into the flames, steadfastly ignoring the eyes of my friends. 'This one is for you, my friend,' I whispered in my mind, sending my thoughts out, up, and away.
"I'm holding out my only candle, though it's so little light to find my way
Now this story's been laid beneath my candle
And it's shorter every hour as it reaches for the day
Yes, I feel just like a candle blown away
I hope I'll get there, but I've never prayed"
The music died down. As the last notes faded into the distance and the night, a tear slipped from my cheek, extinguishing the flame, the fire of friendship.
*~*~*
Well, for my first Digimon fic, how'd I do? ^_^
I love Digimon and have been reading fics here for quite a few months now. I know that this can never compare to some of the *amazing* stories that I've read, but I'm just trying to find my own voice for now. ^_^
So, on with the story!
*~*~*
The world was threatened. Again, I should add. The first time was about four years ago. I was the leader of our group. The eight of us, including my little sister, Hikari, fought off evil with a capital 'E' and then . . . we went on living our lives as before. It's safe to say that the summer changed us, alright, and some more than others, but aside from memories of our Digimon, a few group get-togethers, and a quicker-than-normal mental maturation on my part, our lives stayed almost the same.
Maybe I'm wrong. After all, *my* life didn't go through any major upheavals, but how can I really say that about anyone else? Maybe having Tentomon around really did do wonders for Koushiro's emotional distatchment from the rest of the world. Maybe - alright, definitely - Sora learned a lot about her relationship with her mom from Biyomon. Jyou, though? Or Mimi? How to get along better with others, I guess. Takeru and Hikari were a little too young to pick up very many life-changing habits or lessons.
So, like I said, it changed us, but it didn't change us. We were the Digidestined. Maybe we still are. I think it just might be a life-long job. Yup, that's me - Taichi, Leader of the Digidestined for Life.
What? I left one of us out? Well, yes, I did. Deliberately, too, not that I need to say *why* or anything . . . I think most of you know the all the 'why's', starting with 'why' we're here today . . .
*~*~*
We had our assignments. We took our places. We made contact with other, until then unknown, Digidestined. We learned a little bit about other Digimon. Heck, we learned a little bit about our partners, as well.
We thought we were winning.
"One down!" Davis shouted. "That's means there's - uh, how many more to go?"
He never was very bright. Stubborn, brave, and a loyal friend, but no one ever said he was bright. He was too much like a younger version of myself for comfort.
"Look!" Hikari called. "I'm getting an email from Ken!" Takeru, Iori, Davis, and Miyako huddled around her little -er, computer thing. Ask Koushiro what's its called, because I don't have a clue.
"What's is say?" Takeru asked. "How are he and Matt doing -" He stopped mid-sentence and his jaw dropped. His mouth moved for a long time, but no sound came out.
Iori and Miyako filled in the gaps for him.
"WHAT?!"
"No, that's awful! It can't be true!"
Hikari's lips trembled. "Taichi," she whispered to me. "Taichi," she said to me.
"What is it?" I asked, "Did Ken get mad at Matt for hogging the mirror all the time?" I was joking, always joking. "Did he kill him with his own hair gel?"
It was then I noticed that both Takeru and my little sister had very wet eyes. She couldn't talk, couldn't form any words. She just silently handed me her computer thing and then huddled in the blonde's arms. Davis was too busy with Veemon to notice, otherwise he would have been jealous, I'm sure.
I looked down at the screen. I can still see it in my mind. Stupid computer! The words were so cold, so imformal, so damn impersonal.
"Kari, tell the others that I've got some bad news. There was a mud slide just as we were leaving the ancient temple. Both the Digidestined girl and I are okay. Yamato was trapped, though, trying to pull Gabumon from the wreckage of the temple. He saved his Digimon, but not himself.
"I'm so sorry.
"Ken."
*~*~*
I turned to stone inside after reading those words. The other Digidestined managed to save the world, fight off Evil, and return to Normal. I honestly can't remember these last few weeks. Bits and pieces stand out in my mind. I've been told that my anger at his death spurred me to fight harder than I ever have before, but I have no memories to prove it. I can, however, tell you what Ken was wearing when he returned to Japan. I don't mean his clothes; I mean the look on his face. Sorrow was there, yes, but not the mind-numbing, soul-shattering grief that I felt. Yamato and Ken were not close, therefore Ken was not truly mourning him - *would not* truly mourn him for the rest of his life, as I will.
Ken also wore his pride very well. He had helped Save the World. He was welcomed into the Circle of Friends us Digidestined inevitably formed. He was, in other words, a Happy Hero. He and Davis were showing the signs of a close life-long friendship, much like mine and Yamato's was - would have been, that is, if he hadn't DIED, hadn't LEFT ME.
I'm sorry, really I am. I hurt still. I remember the funeral. I remember his face in the casket. I remember reaching down to lay the back of my hand against his cheek, and being surprised at how cold it was. His personality was supposed to be frigid, not his body! Flashing back to our battle against Myotismon four years ago, I can still feel the heat of his hands through our gloves. Cool as ice on the surface, blazing with passion underneath it all - that's Yama.
That *was* Yamato.
Now he's dead, buried, and gone. Do we really have souls? Is his out there somewhere, floating in the breeze? Is he with Gabumon, playing the blues on his harmonica for all eternity?
Did I even need to mention that Gabumon died the same instant his Chosen Child did? No, I didn't think so. There will be no new egg in Primary Village.
I have a fear that Digimon *don't* have souls, and that Yamato is all alone wherever he is. Alone, scared, unable to feel, to move, to see.
That's how I've felt these last few weeks. Sure, you guys have been great and all, supportive, kind, loving - but none of you were as close to him as I was. Not even you, Takeru, even though you're brothers.
I miss him. I miss his smile and his laugh, his jokes and his silence. I miss his arrogance, too, though it led to so many fights between us. He was a True Rebel, and rebels, although they live fast, die young.
So I wrote a poem. Or a song. Maybe it's a song. But you all know how tone-deaf I am, so I've asked the guys in Yamato's band to sing it for me. They set it to music, and it's different from what they usually play.
*~*~*
I finished my speech and stood back, gesturing to the band. They struck up the haunting melody on two guitars and a piano played by the drummer.
They started:
"Though Yamato was a friend of mine, I did not know him well
He was alone into his distance
He was deep into his well
I could guess what he was smiling at, but I couldn't really tell
Now the story's told that Yama jumped, but I've been thinking that he fell
"Together we went travelling, as we received the call
His destination America, and I had none at all
Well, I still remember laughing with our backs against the wall
So full of pride, we never thought that one of us might fall"
I saw that there was not a single dry eye among the Digidestined. It had taken me two weeks of sleepless nights to write this song, and every tortured line was like a gilded knife through my heart: it had two purposes. The first was to bring back the pain of his death, which came through in the broken voice of the drummer and had never really left me, and the second was to heal my own pain, which it did, little by little. Though it would never completely swallow up my sorrow, at least it gave a bit of resolution.
I carefully pulled out a lighter and lit the tall candle I was holding. It was the color of his hair . . .
"I sit before my only candle, but it's so little light to find my way
Now this story unfolds before my candle
Which is shorter every hour as it reaches for the day
But I feel just like a candle in the way
I guess I'll get there, but I wouldn't say for sure
"When we parted we were laughing still, as our goodbyes were said
And I never heard from him again as each our lives we led
Except for once in someone else's email that I read
Until I heard the sudden word that a friend of mine was dead"
Ken sobbing loudly cut through my own fog of grief. Maybe I was wrong about him not feeling Yamato's death as much as I had. Maybe he felt responsible for it. Maybe he suffered as much as I did.
And still the band went on:
"I sit before my only candle, like a pilgrim sits beside the way
Now this journey appears before my candle
As a song that's growing fainter the harder that I play
That I fear before I can I'll fade away
But I guess I'll get there, though I wouldn't say for sure
"Though Yamato was a friend of mine, I did not know him long
And when I stood myself beside him, I never thought I was as strong
Still it seems he stopped his singing in the middle of his song
Well I'm not the one to say I know, but I'm hoping he was wrong"
I held the candle at arm's length. I looked directly into the flames, steadfastly ignoring the eyes of my friends. 'This one is for you, my friend,' I whispered in my mind, sending my thoughts out, up, and away.
"I'm holding out my only candle, though it's so little light to find my way
Now this story's been laid beneath my candle
And it's shorter every hour as it reaches for the day
Yes, I feel just like a candle blown away
I hope I'll get there, but I've never prayed"
The music died down. As the last notes faded into the distance and the night, a tear slipped from my cheek, extinguishing the flame, the fire of friendship.
*~*~*
Well, for my first Digimon fic, how'd I do? ^_^