Title: Two Days at Least Before I Say Your Name
Author: OpheliacAngel
Pairings & Characters: Ruby/Anna
Genre: Romance/Friendship
Rating: Teen
Summary: They're running, they've been running since the demon she has grown to adore took her hand and whisked her away from civilization. With her entire being, Anna knows she will never be able to repay her, but that doesn't mean she'll ever stop trying. Season 4 AU - Anna isn't turned back into an angel, instead she goes on the run, as a human, with an overprotective Ruby.
A/N: This was written for Elle (itlllookbetterwhenitsfinished on tumblr), for #saffixchange (also on tumblr). I chose two out of her five possible prompts: contemplation and snuggles. Hope you like.
Series: Pt. 1 of After We Fall
Soundtrack: Garbage's 'The Trick Is To Keep Breathing'
~Now everything's about to fall apart
I won't be the one who's going to let you down
Maybe you'll get what you want
This time around~
Anna is cold, and to say that she doesn't automatically crave Ruby's warm arms around her would be a complete lie. It's not that she wants to lie to herself, or to the demon for that matter, but she has no idea what she's feeling and even more than that, is completely terrified of it and therefore, has no clue how to act on it or even talk about it.
She knew falling would be the hardest and most painful decision of her existence and it was, nothing could have prepared her for it. It's not over yet either, because now she is human and has no idea what any of the things she's feeling are or even mean. There is a constant doubt and accompanying nausea that plague her with the newfound freedom she has obtained; she grows angry and irritable for no apparent reason; and what must be the absolute worst part is this need that consumes her entire being, this desire to be around Ruby always.
When the demon walks away she wants nothing more than to cry out to her, to open her mouth as if to find words to convince her to stay, when she knows none will come from her disoriented state of mind. When Ruby talks to her she feels warm inside, and she smiles despite knowing that this must look strange to a demon.
Sometimes even a water-like substance leaks out of her eyes, humans apparently call them tears, whenever she thinks of her and how happy she is to have the demon at her side. These tears come upon her in an onslaught though, upon realizing they can never truly be friends.
Anna is doomed to return to heaven; no matter how far she may run, the only home she has ever known will follow behind her like a storm cloud, and someday soon it will catch up to her and when that happens, Ruby won't be of any help to her. Nothing frightens her more, and only Ruby's presence can still her racing heartbeat.
Another reason the two of them were never meant to be is because Ruby is obviously a demon, all black eyes and evil intent, an abomination, which Anna doesn't consider her to be in the slightest after their initial meeting.
Ruby is akin to a dark angel, with her beauty and seductiveness that shouldn't be able to touch Anna, yet does anyway. She is sarcastic and intelligent and always has something to say no matter how desperate and hopeless the situation may seem. She is like a miracle to Anna, one that hasn't come from above but deep down below, out of darkness and hellfire. She is the most welcoming sight Anna has ever known, and without a doubt the fallen angel will, at any moment's notice, fight for her goodness and die for the hope she has shown to her.
Ruby is a beacon of light that has found her, that has saved her and will continue to aid her through anything and everything. Ruby is Anna's without her even needing to ask or wonder, and Anna is more than grateful.
She is in love.
In fact, Ruby could very well forsake her life for her, a mere human who chose not to be an angel anymore, as if that was her choice to make all along when really it wasn't. If Ruby somehow didn't make it then Anna would never be able to live with herself; yet here she is, remaining with her, too afraid to run without her. Too fearful to exist as a human without seeing her at every waking moment.
In spite of all the things that could happen, of all the things that have happened, she doesn't care as she feels she should. She may at times feel ashamed at how drawn she is to Ruby, but she also loves the sensation of warmth and wholeness that wraps around her, making her feel like she's home.
Ruby has shown her that she doesn't have to be alone, which is the last thing Anna wants.
To her kind, she may be a demon and therefore, an abomination, a creature so long ago an angel but now beneath her, having no right to catch and keep the fallen angel's attention. But Anna has grown to like her and crave her company, due to her being protected like a precious object by this very same demon, something Anna hadn't even expected, let alone asked for. It's a kindness that she should be suspicious of and yet is not; the attention Ruby has been giving to her is a rare gift that Anna cannot reject.
Anna can't remember when Ruby made the decision to drop everything and leave with her in tow; doesn't know whether she thought it over, the huge responsibilities and massive consequences that come with this decision; and she most certainly has no idea whether she was in her right mind or just felt bad for a fallen angel, as if demons feeling sorry for angels or humans is a reoccurring experience.
She can't remember how it all happened, and why it all happened, but they're running, They've been running since the demon she has grown to adore took her hand and whisked her away from civilization. With her entire being, Anna knows she will never be able to repay her, but that doesn't mean she'll ever stop trying.
There's a lone bed in the room when Ruby checks them in, a small, dusty bed that looks like it could be big enough for the two of them but probably isn't. Anna stands by the door patiently, unsure what to do anyway, as the demon surveys the surrounding area and the room itself. They're the only ones here currently, given Ruby wanted to get the two of them as far off the radar as possible.
Ruby pulls out a chair and places it barely two feet away from the door, settling herself down in it. She looks up at Anna when she realizes she hasn't moved since entering the room, and motions to the bed, "You take the bed, I'll be fine right here."
Her voice is raspy when she opens her mouth to try to say something, and she clears it delicately before continuing. "Are you sure? I can take the chair if you..." It's guilt and it's uncertainty, although maybe it's mostly because she wants Ruby to cave and share the small space with her.
According to the fallen angel's rational mind, it can't possibly be that last option.
Ruby cuts her off, "No, take the bed. You need it more than I do." Anna has no idea what that means, but she does know not to bring it up again, lest she start an argument. Demons aren't usually generous, so Anna realizes she should accept her generosity, something she has been seeing a lot of from Ruby lately, and claim the bed as her own. She still sits down slowly on it though, as if Ruby will throw her off without a moment's notice, even though Anna knows she won't.
The room grows deathly silent after that and it's incredibly uncomfortable for Anna, who continuously looks back and forth between the dirty carpet floor and Ruby's tense figure, leaning forward in the chair, eyes trained on the door. There's something about Ruby that makes her never want to glance away, not even for a moment, something that draws her in both dangerously and innocently.
Even if Anna continues on with her denial, keeping on good terms with a demon seems like a good idea at the moment, especially since this demon seems to be the key towards her very own survival.
Anna really wants to survive, even more than that she feels this need to survive as a human.
She feels more alive like this, feels more towards Ruby, good things, not disgust or hatred or superiority. Every ounce of love and happiness that she gains from being around Ruby strengthens her connection with the demon, and convinces Anna that in some uniquely rare and strange way, they could maybe create something between the two of them that would last.
Something that the fallen angel would never forget.
Anna knows that if she were given the choice, she would rather die right here with Ruby than revert back into her angelic form. There was nothing to love about being an angel, not once she became a human, and as much as she doesn't know about humanity, as much as everything about this new form and new life frustrates her and terrifies her, she doesn't want to turn back.
She will stay here as long as she can with Ruby. They will become friends and maybe she will have the good fortune to learn a thing or two about her. She hopes for the best because Anna can't not, even though she's well aware that the worst is likely yet to come.
After all, being both a fallen angel and on the run with a demon, how can it not?
The dream is long and tiresome and leaves Anna near breathless, though she somehow still manages to get a grip on reality and regain consciousness. As soon as her senses come back to her, she opens her eyes to find Ruby above her, and she realizes she was the reason Anna was jolted out of her dream.
"Hey! Come on, sweet cheeks, open those pretty eyes for me. You're okay. It's all okay."
She must have closed her eyes again, for Ruby's words come to her frantic and concerned. Anna would understand it all if Ruby happened to not be a demon, but she is, and she has no reasons that the fallen angel can think of that would cause Ruby to stay with her, let alone risk her own life for her. It makes no sense but it causes her to smile and relax minutely. Her eyes flicker open to find Ruby hovering above her.
"That's it. It's me. It's Ruby. Ruby... the demon who's not going to bite you, angel cakes. Promise," she smiles down at her.
Anna holds onto her slightly shaking voice like a lifeline, fully convinced that when Ruby withdraws back into silence she'll wither away and be no more. She can smell Ruby, an overpowering mixture of raspberries and new leather, and she breathes all of her in to ground herself. Despite her genuine smile, a worried expression adorns her flawless features, creasing her forehead; anxiety also draws her lips together and tightens them.
"It's okay..."
Anna wants to tell her she'll be okay too, that she'll look after Ruby, that she knows how damaged and lonely she is too, that she needn't hide it from the both of them anymore, but when she can find no words she cups Ruby's face in her hand. She smooths out the lines of stress in her forehead with her thumb, and then brushes her silky dark hair back in order to see her face more clearly. It stuns her for a moment, realizing how utterly beautiful Ruby is, but she soon smiles warmly up at her, not caring in the slightest that she shouldn't be recognizing and falling for these things in anyone, let alone in a demon.
Ruby looks at her carefully, no doubt wondering if what's currently occurring is real. Anna can feel her tense, but she doesn't pull away like she assumed she would. The demon takes Anna's hand, the one cupping her face, and gradually removes it to hold it in her own. She squeezes it and after a moment of uncertainty, Anna squeezes back, unsure if this was the right move.
Ruby's smile tells her it was and something inside her blooms.
She scoots over a little then, noticing Ruby seems to want to join her on the cramped bed. Really, Anna doesn't mind; she has secretly desired this all along, and it's only now that she realizes how truly cold she is.
She shouldn't want anything, Anna can't even remember ever wanting something before, ever needing to have something so much. But right now, Ruby's arms around her are the only thing she can think about, their bodies pressed close together on the bed, the demon's breath on her neck and her fingers brushing back her hair so carefully. There's nothing else that she could want but all this, no one else she can possibly conjure up to spend her last remaining weeks or even days as a human with.
Ruby is slowly but surely becoming everything to her, Anna's sole reason to embrace humanity and figure out all its flaws and eccentricities. Even the brief moments she looks into the dark eyes of her companion Anna knows, knows Ruby will never abandon her, suspects that Ruby's drawn to her as well and if that were true...
If that were true Anna would run out of reasons to back away, run out of ways to convince herself that she isn't worth Ruby's love.
She's looked at Ruby long enough with longing and wonder to know that there's something different when it comes to her. Ruby is dark and beautiful and a demon, yet she seems so full of life and there's a gentleness and generosity about her that she only ever seems to show towards Anna. It seems like she wants nothing more than to help her, and the fallen angel wishes she could help Ruby too, and if by telling her that she thinks she loves her helps her in any way, gives Ruby something to care about and spend her time on, then nothing would give Anna more happiness than to give all of herself to her, even the parts of herself she hasn't discovered yet.
"I don't want to leave," Anna murmurs and Ruby wraps her arm around her, encouraging the fallen angel to burrow deeper into her embrace. She may have no idea what she's doing, what this means not only to her but to Ruby, but this feels nothing but right and now that she's human, considering she's made it this far, she wants to carve something out of this new life that can truly be hers, even if just for a little while.
"They'll have to go through me before they can get to you. And they'll never get through me, sweetheart." She whispers further reassurances in her hair and Anna believes them wholeheartedly. How could she not?
Anna smiles, knowing she'll never grow tired of the nicknames Ruby showers on her, names that make her feel special and loved. So she'll snuggle up against the demon, quite possibly her demon; and she'll allow Ruby to run her fingers through her hair carefully and soothingly, almost as if there's an art to it; and Ruby can call her angel cakes or any other name that proclaims Anna as her own, because Anna wants to be Ruby's. All Ruby's, only Ruby's.
And Anna will let Ruby protect her and be with her in all the ways that she knows how. It's true that Anna knows this won't last forever, that her superiors will catch up to her and send her back, send her to where she'll never see Ruby again, never feel her warmth or her love.
She aches all over, feels this great pain inside her and out, mingling with doubt and curiosity and fear, but Ruby's light kisses on her arms and forehead, gestures that seem so confident when they are given to her, convince her that if this is her last happy memory, or really the only happy memory she's ever had, then she'll finally be at peace.
Don't worry, Ruby. I'm never going to leave you.
FIN