A/N: This was written out of need for a Wrad story. Credit also goes to my good friend Cassey! (She says yay!) Enjoy! And you may not have any idea what we're talking about, but that's okay. :) R&R (if you can understand what's going on, that is.)
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Glee and it's characters do not belong to me, though I wish they did. :'(
Once upon a time, Brad was being Brad-like. He was just waltzing around, doing what Brads do best.
One day Will happened to notice Brad's bradliness and said, "Hello Brad! You are looking rather Braddy today!"
Brad nodded and furiously played the piano, for when was the last time a Brad actually spoke?
Will requested that Brad play "You are my Sunshine", so he did, happily so. YET the look on his face was almost angry. Will however, did not see such a look and continued to dance gaily along. Suddenly, Will's tie snapped in half. He started crying. Brad stopped playing "You are my Sunshine". Instead, he began playing the depressingly melodious tune of "When I Ripped my Pants", as featured on Spongebob Squarepants. Will started singing along, but changed the famous lyrics to ones of "When I Ripped…(dramatic pause)…my tie".
All of a sudden, Sue walked into the choir room. She heard Will's lyrical sobs and decided to intervene.
"Will, you suck. And your hair looks like grease," snapped Sue. She then demanded that Brad play "You are my Sunshine" once again. Brad confusedly looked at Will for further direction. Will pulled some cheese out of his left pocket and threw it at Sue's cranium. Sue fell to the ground and exclaimed, "William! DO YOU KNOW THAT I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!"
Will replied, "No."
Brad, in hopes to keep his two colleagues from killing each other viciously and without mercy, decided to play yet another tune. This time he played the "Central Dairy Song" as originally sung by the Peppermint Cow.
Sue began to brush off the linty cheese and stood up ferociously. Then Brad began to play the "Jaws" theme song. How appropriate.
"WILL! HOW DARE YOU THROW CHEESE AT MY PERFECTLY SCULPTED HEAD!"
Will shrugged and walked over to Sue.
"Do you see this tie?" He yelled exasperatedly. "Look at it Sue! Look at it! I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT IT! SUE! ARE YOU LOOKING AT IT?"
Sue slapped him. "Of course I'm looking at it! It distracts me from your god-awful face."
"I know you're responsible for this, Sue."
All of a sudden, Brad spoke up. "Actually, it was me." He admitted guiltily. He had an oddly deep voice.
Will and Sue gasped. "HE TALKED!"
At that moment, they heard a thud coming from the doorway. Will glanced over and saw Rachel passed out on the floor. The three of them rushed over. Will and Brad tried to aid her while Sue laughed maniacally.
"What do you suppose is the matter with her?" asked Will.
Brad did not respond, because he doesn't like talking.
Sue said, "It probably has something to do with beardy over here decided to speak for once in his life."
Rachel woke up. She said, "Actually, I was practicing. Now Mr. Schuester, may I have the next three solos we are going to be performing? Wait, why am I even asking? Of course I'll have the next three solos! You'll offer to give one to Mercedes and maybe Tina, but I'll end up with them in the end. I am Rachel Berry of course!" She beamed…like a light bulb…that was out.
Sue rolled her eyes and Brad walked back to the piano.
"Rachel," Will started, "I am very upset that you would fake such a serious condition such as passing out."
Rachel said, "Look I got fake blood and everything!" She pointed to her bloody shirt.
"Rachel, you don't bleed from passing out," Will stated.
"But Brittany said—"
"It's Brittany."
"Oh. Right. I guess I should go clean up then." And with that, Rachel fled away.
Will sighed, clearly tired of his students'—particularly Rachel's—dramatizations. Turning around to face Sue and Brad once again, he noticed that Brad's beard was gone!
"OH NO! Brad! What happened to your beard?"
Brad felt his chin and a worried look came across his face.
Sue admitted to putting Nair in his soup. Will's jaw dropped.
"Sue, you're going to end up killing someone like that!"
Sue simply scoffed in response. "That would be a service to the world."
Brad looked longingly at his empty bowl of soup sitting on the piano. He thought it tasted funny.
At that moment, Rachel came back into the room, with slushy all over her. She was red and blue and…BALD?
Sue explained, "Oh. I also put Nair in the slushy machine. I wasn't sure if Brad was going to have soup today, so I just wanted to be sure."
Rachel was very upset. "My hair!" she exclaimed.
"Well the good news is, by the end of the week, all of your glee friends will have no hair either. You can all conform into a musical, hairless cult. Will, you should follow their lead. At least then, I won't have to look at your painfully, mop-like head."
Will's mouth opened and closed again, but no words came out, he just pointed at the door.
"Yes, that's a door," said Sue. "Congratulations, you passed FIRST GRADE! Unfortunately for Rachel here, she still has no sense of colors, as demonstrated by her catastrophically clashing slushy mixture. She'll have to repeat it."
Rachel stormed out of the room angrily, but not before picking up some of her slushy and throwing it at Sue's face.
"How dare you!" Sue screamed in a Sue-like manner.
Brad, in attempts to calm the brewing murderous rage, began to play "My Shiny Teeth and Me", originally portrayed by Chip Skylark on "The Fairly Oddparents".
Will was familiar with this tune and started singing along. Of course, he changed lyrics once again to "My Shiny Tie and Me". But at this reminder of his tie, he once again broke down in tears. Brad stopped playing and walked out of the room.
"Brad!" Will yelled after him. "Come back! I'll never let go! I just need someone to console me. If you jump I jump, remember?"
Brad came back a few minutes later with his letter of resignation. When he came back, Rachel was gone and Will was playing a sad song on his guitar that he magically pulled out of his pocket. Sue was eating the cheese, the linted cheese, that she was supposed to be allergic to. Brad gave the letter of resignation to Will, grabbed the piano, and left.
Shortly thereafter, Sue died from the deathly cheese she so easily scarfed down. Rachel didn't get the solo and checked herself into a hospital for lack of hair. And there was Will, buying a new tie at Urban Outfitters with a vest to match.
THE END