Author's Note: After watching Thane's videos and the goodbye at the end, it motivated me to write this. Hope you enjoy! Reviews are welcome!
Shepard was upstairs watching Thane's last message for what felt like the hundredth time. After it finished playing, she sat on the edge of the bed, crying. She finally let the tears fall freely from her face. He was really gone. Kolyat said he hoped it brought more closure than pain. But right now, all she felt was her heart breaking again.
She was glad she had privacy in the room. She could finally mourn for Thane without being in Commander mode. She didn't have to mourn with a front. Shepard still wished they'd had more time together.
Kaidan entered the apartment, looking around. Wow, this is swanky, I could never afford a place like this. Shepard had invited him up, and hoped to cook her something. Now where is she? He looked in the kitchen, in the back bedroom, all over downstairs. Then, he heard noise upstairs, it sounded like someone was in pain. Did something happen to Shepard?
He quickly went up the stairs and followed the cries. Kaidan found Shepard huddled in a ball, crying. "Hey Shepard, are you ok?" He stayed in the doorway.
"Oh hi, Kaidan. I forgot you were coming up. So what did you have planned?" Shepard answered quickly, cleaning her face from the tears.
Kaidan then noticed that on the vid screen was a drell's face. He realized it was Thane. He had heard rumors about the Commander and the assassin. When he tried to ask the drell about their relationship in the hospital, he deflected the question. Kaidan didn't pry further, respecting both their privacy.
Shepard noticed Kaidan was looking at the vid screen. "Those were his last messages for me," Shepard finally said.
"Oh, I'm sorry Shepard. I heard you two were close."
"Yeah, more than close, I loved him," Shepard sighed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kaidan asked, his whiskey brown eyes looking at her questioningly.
"You don't mind. I mean I'm sure you had something planned."
"No it's fine. This is more important," he sat down on the edge of the bed.
She took a breath and said, "We had Thane's memorial yesterday. Members of the suicide mission came and Thane's son also came. He actually was the one who asked me if I wanted to host it. Talking about him in front of others was more difficult than I thought. I know it's been months, but the pain is still…"
"Raw," Kaidan finished.
"Yes, raw. Anyway, after the memorial, Kolyat gave me messages Thane had sent. I had the messages waiting, but I couldn't face it yet. I went out with other crew members, but the messages were still there, the vid screen still blinking," Shepard sighed deeply, rubbing the temples on the side of her head.
"Hey, it's fine, take your time," Kaidan soothed.
Sighing again, she continued, "I decided I needed to do it today, or else I'd never hear them. I heard it the first time, and just felt numb. I've watched the vids, I don't know how many times, I just know it hurts more and more each time," Shepard's voice broke and she felt the tears coming on again.
"I know the pain will lessen as time goes on, but for now, I just feel like my heart's breaking again," she said in a low tone.
"Shepard even though, I just met Thane in the hospital. He seemed like an honorable man. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. But just know you have friends. You don't have to go through this alone," he looked straight into her eyes.
Shepard felt the tears coming again, and let them come, knowing Kaidan wouldn't judge her. They had been through a lot, and was one of her closest friends.
She cried, and he put his arm around her shoulders. He kept whispering, "it's going to be ok," over and over, hoping it would sink in. After a while, she became quiet, content with the silence. Shepard looked up at Kaidan and attempted a smile, "Thanks. If you want, we can still go out."
"Nah, I'm tired of Apollo's. How about I cook you something?"
"Do you know how to cook? I don't want to get poisoned," she said looking worried.
"Don't worry. I learned how to cook at BaAt," he got up and headed towards the stairs.
"Alright, I'll trust you. I'll be down in a few minutes."
He gave her one last smile before heading downstairs.
She looked at Thane's face on the vid. Shepard reached her hand out to touch him, at least through the screen.
"I miss you Thane. But someday, I will meet you across the sea," smiling sadly, she turned off the vid and headed downstairs.
A/N: Will admit shed a few tears watching Thane's videos.