A/N1: Right. Set in the last episode of Victorious (SUPER SAD!) - italicized are Jade's thoughts. I don't even know what this is.
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious, its characters, or anything. I hardly own myself?
Enjoy. (I hope?)
This is probably one of the dumbest assignments that Sikowitz has assigned. Like, seriously? Say yes to everything? Come on!
Jade shakes her head and scowls on her way out the door. She can't even deal with this right now and, hopefully, she doesn't have to actually participate if no one talks to her.
She's about to round the corner when she hears Beck and Tori talking. She stops and listens. Because Beck sounds excited (while talking to Tori) and that can't mean anything good for her.
"So, you know how I love drag racing, right?" Beck asks, excitedly. Jade scoffs, not this again.
"Uh, no. Actually, I don't." Tori replies, sounding hesitant. Jade smirks, she doesn't like it either, Beck.
"Oh, well, anyway. Yeah, I love drag racing, and Jade doesn't." God, he sounds way too fucking excited.
"Okay... And?" Get to the point already, Beck!
"And... You know how Sikowitz told us to say yes to everything?" If he sounds any more excited, I'm going to explode.
Tori nods skeptically and says, "Beck, are you sure about that?"
"This is perfect, Tori! I've got two tickets and as soon as I see her I'm going to invite her and she has to say yes!" I'm going to fucking smack him.
"Beck, I don't -" Tori starts but Jade rounds the corner and interrupts.
"Tori! Hey, remember when you asked me earlier to come over to your house and help you make pizza?"
Tori looks confused and shakes her head in the negative, "Uh, no. I don't remember ever asking you that?"
"Of course you do! Remember? Please, remember? I need you to remember." God, can I sound any more desperate?
Tori's eyes widen when she (finally) catches on, "Oh! Right! Yeah, of course. Can you come over at 7?" She asks, slightly unsure.
Jade smiles in relief, "Yes, 7! I'll see you then." She begins to walk away and smirks at Beck's bewildered expression, "Oh, hey Beck."
Yeah, how do you like that, Beck?
X
At 7:09pm, Jade knocks on Tori's door. She didn't have to knock – she could have just walked in – but she did kind of push Tori into this so she might as well be courteous and knock.
When Tori opens the door, the shocked expression that graces her face is a pleasant one. She wasn't expecting Jade.
"Jade! I didn't actually think you'd come." Tori says, her brows furrowing slightly.
Jade smirks, "Of course I'd come. You're making pizza." When Tori's eyes widen, Jade can't help but laugh.
"Oh, right. You're helping though, right?" Yeah, helping. Jade shrugs and smiles, but doesn't say anything. When Tori doesn't move and let her in, Jade cocks an eyebrow.
"You gonna let me in, or what?"
"Yeah! Sorry. I'm a little out of it right now, sorry." Tori mutters as she opens the door wider to let Jade in.
Jade walks in and walks over to one of the couches and drops her bag. She turns to look at Tori and watches as the confused girl closes the door slowly and seems to be muttering to herself. This is going to be great.
She watches as Tori walks past Jade to the kitchen and starts looking through the cupboards, pulling out supplies. Bowls, cups, flour, sugar, and other stuff are pulled out and placed on the counter as Tori frowns.
As much as Jade loves when Tori's upset, she kind of being a downer and ruining Jade's mood.
"Hey, you okay over there?" Jade calls out, raising her eyebrows when Tori slightly flinches.
"Huh, what?" Tori looks at her, frowning.
Jade takes a few steps forward, "I asked if you're okay?"
Tori shakes her head and forces a smile, "Yeah, I'm fine." She steps toward the island and asks if Jade could Google how to make pizza dough.
"Yeah, sure. Let me just get my laptop out." Jade squints her eyes and walks to her bag, pulling out her laptop. She walks back to the steps and sits, glancing at Tori through the corner of her eye as her laptop powers on.
Something is up with Tori and it's bothering the hell out of Jade. She's going to get to the bottom of this, even if she has to force (really, Jade? Like you were going to do anything else.) it out of her.
But, first, Jade's going to try and get a rise out of the girl. So as she reads the ingredients off to Tori, when she gets to flour, instead of saying 4 cups, she says 4 pounds. Tori doesn't even question it.
Tori doesn't say anything until she's trying to knead the dough. "Uh, Jade?"
"Hmm?" Jade hums, not bothering to look up.
"This seems like a lot of dough... Are you sure it said 4 pounds of flour?" Tori asks, grunting as she lifts the dough to the counter.
"Did I say 4 pounds? My bad, I meant 4 cups." Jade turns to look at Tori and offers her a half-smile that she hopes is slightly apologetic.
Tori smiles back – it seems amused – and shakes her head. "Really, Jade? Look at this blob! We can make, like, 10 pizzas with it!"
Jade chuckles and shrugs her shoulders, "Yeah, well. We'll be -"
The doorbell ringing interrupts her. Jade gets up and walks to the door, opening it with a scowl.
"Pizza!" The pizza delivery guy says cheerfully.
"No shit. How much?" Jade grunts.
Taken aback, the delivery guy stutters, "Uh, it- that'll be, $16.75."
Turning around, Jade looks at Tori and smiles, "Hey Tori?"
"Yeah?" Tori replies from the kitchen, kneading the dough.
"Got 20 bucks?"
Tori looks up quickly and frowns, "$20?" When she sees the pizza guy, she frowns deeper, "Jade! You ordered pizza? But we were making some!"
Jade walks further into the living room and places her hands on her hips, "Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Look at the blob of dough you got there. Now give me $20."
"No!" Tori huffs.
"No?" Jade smirks, "Remember what Sikowitz said..."
Tori looks strickened as she walks over to Jade. She pulls out a $20 from her pocket and hands it to Jade, "Here." Is all she says as she walks away.
Confused, Jade turns back to the delivery guy, hands him the money, grabs her pizza and closes the door before he can say anything. She walks to the dining table and places the pizza down.
Before Jade can do or say anything, Tori speaks up.
"Why are you here, Jade?" When Jade opens her mouth to speak, Tori stops her. "Other than getting out of going with Beck; why are you here?"
There's something in Tori's eyes that makes Jade uncomfortable – which is weird, because she hardly ever feels uncomfortable around Tori.
"Because I told you I was coming over?" She didn't mean for it to come out as a question. What the fuck is going on?
"You didn't have to come over." Tori scoffs, "But you did. And you're here. And you told me the wrong ingredients for the pizza, and you ordered your own pizza and then took my money, to pay for it." She steps away from the dough and leans against the counter, "So?"
"So... I'm here? And yeah, I did those things, but I always do those kinds of things. So why is it bothering you now?" Jade is more than annoyed right now, bordering anger. Seriously? Is the stick up her ass higher up today?
"It's always bothered me, Jade. I just now decided to bring it up. And I'm tired. I'm tired of you, of everything! So if you can just toss me a bone here and answer me, that'd be really freaking great." Tori inhales deeply, trying to keep her anger under control.
Jade has never seen Tori so angry, and especially directed at her. She knew that she annoyed Tori and (purposefully) pushed her buttons, but this is just on a whole other level.
So she stands there, trying to think of what to say so that she doesn't make things worse (because she's pretty sure Tori would spontaneously combust if she was pushed any further).
She chances a glance at Tori's eyes and when they meet, something fierce tingles down her spine and spreads out to every nerve. Tori's eyes are burning, intense, with fire and anger and sadness and... something she can't place. But it sticks in Jade, smoldering.
Tori closes her eyes and breathes deeply, deeply, deeply, holding it in for as long as she can before the need to exhale powers through. Jade has never seen her this way.
"If you're not going to answer me, you can go." Tori breathes out, like a struggle.
Jade inhales deeply, too, clenching and unclenching her hands. "Tori, I don't know what you want me to say?" Is there even anything to say?
"Let me ask you something, Jade." Tori states, looking straight into Jade's eyes.
All Jade could do is nod.
"Love." Tori says without further explanation.
Jade stares at her for a minute, wondering what that is suppose to mean.
"What about it?" Jade asks, albeit hesitantly.
"What does it feel like? Love." Tori asks, breathlessly. Weird. "What does it feel like to be in love?" Tori glances away quickly then looks back to Jade. "How does it feel?"
Jade's eyes widen; heart beating faster than it ever has; stomach churning uncontrollably.
Oh.
Okay. Where is she going with this?
"Can I answer the first question you asked?" Jade asks, her voice full of hope. "About why I'm here?"
Tori huffs, puffs out her cheeks and closes her eyes. Jade can practically hear Tori counting to 10 in her head and feels her own heart pounding away. This is too weird. Maybe I should just go.
"No." Tori finally breathes out. "No, you can't." She stares at Jade with such intensity that Jade's fairly sure something within her short circuits. "But, please. Please, tell me about love."
The way Tori begs her is intoxicating. Which is also weird, because intoxicating? Really, Jade?
"I don't know what you want me to say, Tori. What do I know about love?" Might as well be straight up honest.
Tori looks at her, with big, brown eyes and flushed cheeks. Scrutinizingly, warily, sadly. "You've... You've been with... Beck a while now, have you not?"
Jade nods.
"And do you love him?"
Jade closes her eyes and breathes in, thinking. Truly thinking. Of course I love him. "Yeah, I do."
Tori shrugs her shoulders and offers a smile that doesn't quite fit her lips. "So? How did you know?"
"That I loved him?" No shit, Jade.
Tori pulls out a stool and sits, nodding her head.
"I don't- really know. I- maybe- " Jade growls and throws up her hands, frustrated. "This is fucking weird, Tori. Why do you care?"
Other than the loudness of Tori's flinch, it's quiet. No noise coming from outside; the only noise to be heard around them is of them breathing.
Jade watches Tori with scrutinizing eyes, watching her eyes rake the room, flitting from one side to the other before finally landing on Jade's. Jade almost flinches at the exhaustion evident in Tori's eyes but she refrains. Instead she focuses on trying to regulate her heart beat, her breathing, her emotions. When she came over earlier, she was expecting an easy night... not this.
Tori shrugs, and Jade can tell she's trying not to break. "I, just do."
And really, those three words shouldn't have been enough – not even close, but they are.
With a loud sigh (because let's be honest, I shouldn't have given in that easily) Jade continues, "I don't really know an exact date – but who does?" Jade pulls out a chair from the dining table and sits. This could take a while.
"It could have been Friday, the 13th of May, when he woke me up singing a song he kept dreaming of. Or it could have been a month later, when he acted out dialogue he put together that he gathered from 5 different books." Jade lets a small smile form on her lips and looks away from a spot on the wall she'd been staring at while talking. She looks down at Tori and her smile falls when she sees tears in Tori's eyes.
Before Jade could comment on her tears, Tori shakes her head and weakly tells her to continue.
Jade breathes in deeply and holds it in until her lungs practically scream for air. Letting it out, Jade thinks about what else she can say.
"I think – that's when I knew I loved him, but when I realized that I was in love with him? Well..." Jade trails off and chuckles softly. I haven't thought about this in forever. And I can't believe I'm telling Tori of all people. Fuck. What is it about this girl?
What is it about this girl? Question of her life.
"I was sick, and fucking pissed off because I had the best role in this play at school and it was only a two-night thing and I had to miss it. So I was at home, sulking and breaking things, and he came over with this stupid self-defense suit on." Jade looks up and shakes her, laughing lowly. "He came up to my room, smiled and said 'Your knight in self-defending armor is here!' and I swear to God I almost threw my switchblade at him."
Jade glances at Tori and her heart tightly constricts at the sight in front her. Tori's head is down, her shoulders, her body shaking, and quiet sobs are filling the room. Something in Jade wants to go to the crying girl and hold her – which is insane, this needs to stop – until she stops crying, until she's calm, until she's happy.
"Tori?" Jade says quietly, hoping she can hear her.
Tori freezes, as if remembering that she isn't alone, and then lets out a shaky breath. And again. She looks up and offers a sad, watery smile. "That's..." Tori mutters shakily, "Something else."
"Is that what you wanted to hear?" Jade asks softly, unsure of what to do now.
Tori nods her head and then quickly shakes her head afterward, "No, can- can you explain love to me in a more general sense?"
Rearing her head back, Jade furrows her brows and hesitantly nods. "I can try." Might as well try; shit.
Staring out the kitchen window, Jade watches the lights of Los Angeles flicker and flash, blink and bounce, filling the void.
"Love is..." This is hard; what the fuck do I know about love? "It's this..." Groaning, Jade closes her eyes and tries to imagine her and Beck, how she feels with him. But, she doesn't feel anything; not now, not like before. She loves Beck, but not like once upon a time. And that thought burns her heart, bringing a stinging to her eyes. I am not going to cry; not now, not about this.
Jade breathes in deeply again and lets it out, again and out, again and out. She closes her eyes and opens her mind. Letting thoughts of pushed aside feelings and emotions come forth, filling her. They're old, yet new. They're everything that scares her, yet makes her happy. They're in front of her, in the form of a crying girl staring at her with deep, brown full eyes.
No going back now.
"Love is scary." Jade starts but stops when Tori hiccups. She looks up at Tori but quickly looks away, knowing she'll never continue if she has to look at her.
"Love is the scariest feeling in the world. It's unexpected. It's everything you don't want to feel, yet you do. You want to feel it always; you want to live in it, bask in it, let it fill you up. You want to never feel it again. It's overwhelming." Jade lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes.
"When you love someone, it's what gets you up in the morning when all you want to do is stay under the covers. Love is the light at the end of the tunnel. Love is pain. Love is seeing someone in a different light than everyone else. Love is what pushes people to do stupid things. Love is cups of coffees and shared smiles and holding hands and tied shoelaces and scowls and furrowed brows and crumpled up pieces of paper. Love is rejection and acceptance."
This is it.
Jade looks up at Tori and waits til Tori meets her eyes. She makes sure to hold her stare.
"Love is explaining love to a crying girl. Love is telling someone the wrong ingredient because they don't have anything better to do. Love is getting out of spending time with a boyfriend because they'd rather spend time with a girl who they torture. Love is looking like a fool in front of a girl with the most beautiful brown eyes and smile and telling her things that she could easily reject."
The burning in Jade's eyes overwhelm her and tears leak out.
Fuck it all. If this goes down and she rejects me, well, at least she'll have a clue of what an ass Love is.
"Love is accepting all the bad, all the things that can go wrong, and hoping that they won't. Love is hoping the good outweighs the bad. Love is... not being a complete bitch to the person they love. Love is wishing and hoping and praying that the person you love loves you back... because unrequited love is heartbreaking. But it's livable. Love is..." Trailing off, Jade stands up and walks to Tori, stopping right in front of her and hesitantly reaching for her hands. When Tori doesn't pull her hands away, Jade smiles sadly and nods her head – I can fucking do this. I came this far already.
"Love is holding your hands right now and feeling more than I ever did holding Beck's. And I loved Beck. I love him; I do, but I've never, ever, felt this much, for him or with him. Tori, I... Love is hard. It's scary and hard and a pain in the fucking ass, but it's the next best thing to being happy. Being happy and being in love? Well, fuck, if it isn't the best combination then I don't know what the fuck is."
Her hands are shaking, or maybe Tori's are. Maybe both of their hands are shaking. But neither are saying anything – Tori hasn't said anything at all and it's scaring Jade beyond what she thought possible.
She's about the pull her hands away but Tori's grip tightens. Jade looks down at their interlaced hands and then up to Tori's face and breathes out harshly. The light in Tori's eyes are overwhelming but combined with the most genuine smile she has ever seen on her mouth is breathtaking, and she's extremely glad that breathing is involuntary. And Jade's body fills with hope.
Tori stands and her eyes flutter as she stares into Jade's hope-filled eyes. She slowly lifts a hand to cup Jade's cheek and Jade tries her hardest not to lean into the soft touch. Tori trails her fingers down Jade's cheek and smiles softly at the twitching muscle under her fingertips.
"Jade." Tori whispers, breathing in deeply through her nose.
"Tori." Jade whispers back.
I'm going to fucking explode, and leave a bloody mess all over Tori and her house. And God, please let her say something more than my name because just that is making me feel like I deserve this.
"Say something, please." Jade breathes out, her heart beating in her throat.
"You," Tori says as she softly taps Jade's nose.
"Are," Tori taps Jade's forehead.
"Something," Tori taps Jade's chin.
"Else." Tori taps Jade's bottom lip.
At that, Jade's lips part and she tries to suck in Tori's finger but Tori pulls away and laughs softly, shaking her head no.
"No, no." She breathes out, shakily. "You are still with Beck." Fuck Beck.
Jade groans and drops her head onto Tori's shoulder. "Right."
Jade feels Tori wrap her arms around her neck and she sighs contentedly. But, snaps her head up when she realizes what Tori just said.
"Wait. Does- does this mean... what I think it does?" 'Cause if not, God better be fucking ready.
Tori smiles warmly and shrugs her shoulders in what she hopes is nonchalantly, "It might be, yeah."
She just might kill me.
"You're lucky, Vega. It's taking everything in me right now to not say Fuck It and kiss the hell out of you." Jade groans out as her head falls back onto Tori's shoulder.
She feels more than hears Tori's laugh and quiet reply of "Don't tempt me."
What is it about this girl?
A/N2: So this wasn't too bad, right? I hope not. I hope it was alright.
Review! It'd be really rockin' if you did (and I mean, even if you just read this story, it's rockin').
Thanks. Let me know what you thought, you know? I mean, that'd be cool... It's also cool if you don't want to.
Your feelings on the ending of Victorious? (I'm still super fucking sad about it.)