Broken Fantasy

It still feels surreal. Gideon is dead. He's not in his cabin looking through his books on birds, he's… gone. Reid scrubs a hand over his face and lets out a shaken breath. He was somewhat able to cope because somewhere out there, he knew his mentor was still living and breathing. This… this is too much.

The unsub has a three hour headstart on them. The little information they do possess about him points them in the direction of every man in the area with a hunting rifle. Gideon's put away a lot of criminals since he started in 1975 and it'll take hours to go through the files. Precious hours they can't afford to waste. Everything seems to be against them, even though Reid knows they've put away criminals on far less information.

It was almost too much to see Gideon's body covered by the white sheet. How many times had they stood over a victim in the same manner? Reid can finally understand the pain the families felt when they were told a loved one was taken in a horrific manner such as murder.

The young genius had a bit of an idea when Maeve was killed, but despite how much he cared for her, the shock of her death couldn't compare to what Reid feels about Gideon's demise. The man gave up a life of fighting crime a little over eight years ago, so he should have stayed content in his cabin without worry of the evils of the world.

Of course, Reid knows how childish it is for him to think such a thing. Gideon would always come back to fighting crime in some way or another, even if he wasn't with the BAU. Fighting crime since the mid seventies doesn't go away in eight years. Old cases will haunt your dreams and every time you hear someone you put away get released you wonder if they'll come for revenge.

At least, that's what Reid knows he'd be like. Gideon was different; always has been. He's the one who put him with his team, a team who would become like Reid's extended family. Gideon was the person who convinced the non-believers the then 21 year old would be an invaluable addition to their ranks.

The young man hoped Gideon knew how much he appreciated one of the BAU's founders standing up for him, but when Gideon would nod and give him a slight smile, Reid understood the older profler did. The man knew so much, and sometimes it was hard to believe the knowledge Gideon possessed.

Now… now it doesn't matter. All Reid wishes is he had one more chess game with his mentor, the man who became a father figure to him. Sometimes he wonders if he's cursed in some way. His birth father didn't bother with him after he left, his mother was sick in more ways than one, Maeve was killed because of his inability to convince her killer, and now the man who was like a father to him was murdered as well.

Reid raises a hand to wipe away tears which began to fall like waterfalls down his cheeks, then soon finds himself sliding down the cabin wall, burying his head in his hands and fighting back the sobs.

It's… it's not fair. Gideon wasn't supposed to die like this. He was supposed to be away from the world of evil and doing whatever his heart desires in his little heaven. None of that matters. Reid's childish fantasy Gideon was fully away from the world of crime shattered the moment he received the phone call and told to come to his mentor's cabin.

The young genius doesn't know how long he stays behind the cabin, sobbing brokenly in his hands. Time seems to pass at a slow pace as the world goes on. Just because one man is gone doesn't mean the earth stops. Those who lost someone, Reid understands now, wish it would end when their loved one was taken from them. Gideon's death took the ground from underneath Reid's feet and he doesn't know how to get it back.

He knows he has to go back and find the son of a bitch who killed Gideon, but right now, Reid doesn't have the strength to do anything besides cry. He's sure people would think him pathetic, hiding away from everyone and sobbing like a child, but right now, Reid can't find it within him to care.

There's the sound of someone walking towards him, but Reid doesn't move. He hears the person kneeling in front of him, then taking him within their arms and holding him close.

"It'll be all right, Spencer," a familiar, warm voice soothes. Reid recognizes the smell of cologne in seconds and he buries his face within Hotch's chest, taking heavy gulps of air as convulsions rack through his body. "You have to calm down. You won't be any good to anyone if you can't get a handle on your emotions."

"He… he wasn't supposed to die, Aaron," Reid mumbles brokenly. "He was done with us, he should have lived a life of peace here."

"I know. Right now, Gideon needs you to be strong. We all do." The Unit Chief pulls away enough so he can see Spencer's face. He runs his thumb underneath the younger man's eyes and flicks away tears. "Gideon meant a lot to you, I know that. He did for all of us who had the honor to know him."

Spencer takes a heavy breath and rests his forehead against the other man's shoulder. Aaron seems to know what he needs, as his fingers move in circles across the genius's back. "Can we… just a little longer? I'm not… I'm not ready to face reality yet."

"As long as you need," Hotch reassures and Reid feels his lips press against his temple. "Let me know when you are."

"Mhm," Spencer mumbles, breathing in the man's familiar scent and letting it soothe his weary mind.

Fin.