Disclaimer: The lovely boys herein belong to Sooyeon Won, not me. :( I've just stolen them for the duration of my fangirl scribblings... I'll return them later almost good as new, promise. ^_~
Warnings: Scenes of an explicit sexual nature between two guys, Dai being Dai, emotional turmoil, dub-con (if you squint the wrong way), some mild sexual violence, blood.
Summary: The boys are waiting for the peace surrounding them to dissipate, as it inevitably will. Dai's swamped with memories of his grandmother, and her untimely death, only to be brought back from his internal darkness by the only source of light he can stand.
A/N: This manhwa seriously needs more love. I came across it by accident on manga reader and couldn't leave it alone until I'd read the entirety. All mistakes are my own – I haven't used a beta on this one. I think I caught all the coding and replaced it, but let me know if you spot any, okay?
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The sun shone down on the little garden my grandmother had tended right until the end– though I never could quite understand her insistence on doing it, when we have a perfectly good gardener to do it for us – lifting the moisture into the air around us until it was as though the air itself had thickened. I drew a breath in, unable to forget the look my crazy Gran had given me that last night. Was this how it had felt to her when I'd covered her face with her pillow? Like the very air was too heavy, too thick to breathe?
I'd wanted to kill her, no that's not the right word. What would Jaehee call it? Euthanasia. Yeah, that's more like it. Euthanasia. An end to her suffering. Hell, she hadn't even recognised me, the only member of the family to bother going to see her regularly, only days before that. She'd looked so weak, so broken, and still she'd called for my father as though just seeing him would save her from the disease eating through her brain.
What a load of shit. Just give me a clean death, I don't care if it hurts, in fact the more painful the better, but I never want to lose my mind – my self – like that.
A flash of sunlight made me squint, giving me a chance to wade out of such thoughts. It was just Jaehee looking through the CDs I'd left next to the little CD player, the one I'd bought for Gran a couple years ago. Not that she'd listened to anything other than the radio, but she'd used it which was more than I could say about that useless necklace Yooi gave her for her last birthday. Thing was hideous. She should have tossed it in the pond for the expensive fish to choke on, but she'd been too polite as always. Too grateful, I think, that someone had thought of her at all.
There was a clicking sound as Jaehee pushed the button that had the top-loader springing open so he could switch the discs. His hair fell into his face, hiding his expressive eyes from me, and the thought pissed me off, as much as it drew me upward into a sitting position.
Everything about him belonged to me. Had done since the first time I'd seen him, and decided then and there I had to have him. I can't say it was sexual then, as it is now, but I'd seen something in his scared, defiant face which had taunted me, demanding I prove that he was just as weak and pathetic as everyone else.
Only he wasn't, in the end. In fact Jaehee turned out to be the strongest person I've ever known. My little honour student. He can endure beatings that would put a lesser person in the hospital, but that's just physical pain. Now the shit that goes on inside his head is the stuff I've got to watch out for. Once he's troubled emotionally he never lets the subject drop.
But that's only part of why I find him irresistible. Why I need to stamp my ownership on his body, mind, and soul. Nothing less will satisfy me. He's taken over my life, the least he could do is pay for the privilege.
Warm brown eyes appear between falls of black, silky hair, and I'm lost again. Angry too. How dare he be so alluring? With those eyes of his, and the sensual movements of his lashes against his cheeks with every blink, I was never going to resist. And why would I? The strong take what they want and leave the weak to fend for themselves in this world.
But..
Why did Jaehee have to shove his way into my heart and refuse to leave?
I look back at him, our eyes caught now in a staring contest which leaves him confused, but not backing down. He's changed, has Jaehee. No longer the perfect kid with his parroted morals and ideals. No. That shine has long since worn off this brand-new penny I plucked on a whim from the ground in that alleyway.
I'm the tarnish staining his perfection.
What should have shone brighter than the sun now burns darker. I never suspected his shimmering beauty would wear off, not into nothingness, but onto me, as though the universe needs a certain quota of bumbling idiots who care about things. About people. Like stupid girls who can't take the hint that their boyfriend is into another guy, and to give it a fucking rest already.
So while his dirty linens are stained by my darkness, I find parts of my rotting soul being revived and wiped clean by his touch. His presence. By those damned eyes of his that I sometimes want to rip out of his head so they can no longer accuse me.
Fat lot of good that would do me! Blasted things bore holes through me even when I can't see them. Even when Jaehee is far away.
So I'll mark his skin with my teeth, and nails. Bloody him up a bit.
I move forward, his eyes still on mine, but he's frozen again. Trapped in place like he always is. Strong he might be, but not before me. I know when I've gone too far with him because he'll suddenly find the will to stand up to me. Knowing this I grab his hair in my fist and pull him to me, mashing our lips together harshly enough that his lip splits. Jaehee tries to pull back, but I'm not finished with him yet, not by a long shot. Licking the blood between us until he gets the hint and relaxes against me, I then reward him with a gentler kiss. One that leaves us breathless when I jerk him away, releasing his hair as I do so that he loses his balance and tumbles to the ground.
Funny how I could beat the shit out of him and he'll make no sound, but there's a soft whimper from him now. I can't help but smirk, can I? He's so fucking funny when he's like this.
"Dai?" Jaehee questions me with voice and eyes, his hands fluttering like the broken wings of a butterfly squashed by a pencil into a class-room window. So pretty, and delicate, and ruined. Smudged. Dirty. Stained by me a little more, perhaps.
"Jae-hee," I sing-song back, deliberately mocking him as he stares up at me, my little flightless, dying insect. It's my choice whether I push him further, and see how far I can get this time, before he gets angry enough to fight back, or I could lean down and apologise without words.
Yeah, and puppies are cute and the world is full of rainbows.
"Get off," he mutters now, eyes blazing with denial, pain, and under it all eagerness. Oh Jaehee, do you even know how you look to me right now, with that combination glaring daggers into my soul?
I catch his hand when he bats at me, trying to brush me off as though I were the insect in this relationship. Apparently I need to remind him once again who's boss.
Who's stronger.
I glance down at his bare chest, then back upward to see if he's paying attention. Of course he is. Jaehee, his eyes dark chocolate pools of intense longing, is waiting with baited breath for me to chose once more. With no other thought I lean down and clench my teeth around his nipple, feeling him arch upward, and listening to the exhalation of his breath. He's holding back sounds of both pleasure and pain, keeping his feelings from me, and I won't tolerate that any more than I'd let him cover his eyes with his hands.
So I dig my nails into his side until I feel the skin part, even as I bite down harder on the tender skin of his nipple, and wait until he makes a low, strangled whimper before letting up. Our eyes clash, his now showing defiance, and so heated with passion I'd expect them to have turned cloudy, but they're piercingly sharp. Bright and clear, he looks up at me, then he's arching, his fingers clinging in my hair as he tugs me into another kiss. This time it's him being ruthless, demanding, and I'm grinning into his mouth with accomplishment.
What a pair we must make; the fallen angel, and the demon who toppled him.
Ha! Crangela's obviously getting to me with her stupid praying and shit. At this rate I'll start spouting her religious crap... Naw, I'm never going to be tamed by such a weakling. By a woman like that who has so much faith in her God she can't see the filth she's walking through.
The only one who's ever been close to taming me is sliding his hands into the waistband of my shorts now, and everything is suddenly going too slowly for my tastes.
Not to mention that Jaehee might be mistaken enough to start thinking he's in charge, if I don't do something.
Pulling back and catching hold of both his wrists, I pin them one-handed to the grass over his head. Then I let my free hand trail down his arm, over his hair, along his cheek, then down to the bruise I've left him, and the clawed marks he'll bitch about later. They must sting, but again he's being silent, only the twitch of his body, and the hissing under his breath showing that it hurts.
Shifting my weight I push into his wrists where they're bound in a cage created by my fingers. The pressure enough I can feel the bones grinding against each other. I'm holding him so tightly it's making my hand ache.
Jaehee doesn't flinch; he calls my name. Why does he do that? He should be screaming at me for how I've treated him, or maybe crying, scared. Instead he's panting and beginning to writhe, his eyes still staring at me, and full of acceptance.
Disgusted with the fact I haven't moved us forward, I release him, hands reaching for his shorts instead. If he's going to accept me like this, after everything he's seen, then he's a fool. I'll only hurt him. By accident, and on purpose. Over and again until he's as shabby and dirty on the inside as I am.
Naked with only a swift jerk, he lays with his arms still stretched over his head, trusting me not to hurt him too badly. Or maybe not. I'm never quite sure what goes on behind those eyes. So much in every glance, but I'm betting there's even more behind that. Like the accusations he bombards me with; he never says everything he's thinking. Just the parts he can't bear to leave in secrecy.
I take a moment to really look at him; the willing submission, the twinge of something darker lurking in his beautiful eyes, and the blood I've drawn from him, thin red streaks rolling over his side and dripping onto the old lady's lawn. The wind picks up, just enough to ghost a breath over our sweat-damp skin and tousle the tips of his hair. It's amazing to me that such perfection exists, and that he'd let me tarnish him.
Let me fuck him.
We've said all that shit about love already. Called it other things, tried to pretend we're just two friends, as though we were ever friends. I don't know what we might have been to each other, but friends has never been it. In any case, as I pull his legs apart and reach up to slide two fingers into his mouth, I know we're not friends. We're something that has no name I've ever heard. We love, and hate each other. There is pain, anger, and resentment between us that might never be resolved, but there's also something drawing us together. I wouldn't call it some sappy-assed shit like Fate, or Destiny. Maybe it's just the look in his eyes, or the darkness I infected him with.
Jaehee's tight around me when I force both fingers into him at once. Above his head his hands fist around each other, muscles cording in his neck as he grunts with the pain he refuses to acknowledge with mere cries like any normal human being. Still, we both know how this goes by now, and it's been maybe an hour since I was last inside of him. Even I'm not sadistic enough to hurt my favourite toy so badly he won't let me touch him again.
The idea unfurls inside me, however, and the thrill of it is enough to speed my hand. He's relaxed already, the pinched look falling away from his face as I twist my wrist. The heat and slickness is calling for me to simply hurry along to the next part, and I know I can't hold out for much longer, but watching him lose control of his voice at last is beyond fascinating.
Time runs out before I've taken my fill. The urge to tarnish him further is burning through my mind with an unparalleled force. Withdrawing my hand I discard my shorts while he arches with yet more of those broken, needy sounds. I have to close my eyes, block out the sight of him, to hold it together long enough to work my way into him.
Heat unlike anything on this Earth, as though the fires of Hell are there, welcoming me home as I sink deep. Opening my eyes, I find him watching me, the softest look in those dark depths. How can he look at me like that? Like I'm the sun, and the stars, and the reason he's alive?
"Jaehee," I growl out, and I can feel my eyebrows drawing together in a scowl.
If it was me on the ground like that, with some bastard shoving himself into me, I'd have told him to fuck off, but he just smiles at me, and whispers my name like a prayer.
I begin moving before he's ready, and that wipes the pleasure off his face for a split second. The grin I give him seems to inspire some new moves on his part, that draw the first real moans from my lips. Then suddenly we're in a battle of wills. My body taking his, even as he lifts himself impossibly to take my mouth with his own. How he manages to keep his arms up there like that is mind-boggling, but I don't have time to think about that. He's close to the edge, and I'm not far behind him. How could I be when every stroke I make he's clenching around me like that?
"Cum," I find myself demanding, but he's not ready to surrender.
"Make me," he gasps out, his head thudding back on the grass, his jaw set in a tight line as he fights against the inevitable.
I fist his cock, smirking again when he's instantly going rigid under me. Unbelievably tight around me now, too. "Cum for me," I purr into his ear as I lean down to lick the lobe.
"You...ah!.. first."
With a short laugh at his audacity, I squeeze him harder, and bite into his ear. It's like an earthquake, how much he shudders and writhes. The heat pouring over my fingers tells me I've won yet again, and not a moment too soon, either. With a groan I feel the pressure at the base of my spine release, and everything is bathed in pleasure for an eternity.
It's not until pain slithers into my consciousness that I become aware of him as more than a concept. I blink at him, drawing back and flopping over on my side as his nails continue to bite into my side. Nothing like what I'd have done to him, of course, but he's leaning ever more towards sadistic as each day passes. Maybe one day he'll be strong enough to force me into that position? To be the one who makes me writhe for him.
Now that would be something to look forward to!
After a few moments I'm aware of him moving, and I lift the arm I'd flung over my eyes to protect them from the sun.
"Did you have to bite my ear like that?" Jaehee complains, but there's no real irritation. "I think you pierced it with your teeth."
"You'd look good with an earring," I tell him, then think about it. "Antique gold."
"Why do you say that?"
His hand falls away from his ear, and it's bleeding, I notice. Reaching up to smear the blood over my fingers I think about everything that's been going around in my head for the last hour or so, and I shrug.
"Dark gold that's been tarnished over time, it'd go with your eyes," I tell him.
I don't know what made me say that, and the damned look lighting up those self-same eyes is painful to watch. Damned idiot reads too much into things.
"What are you still doing lazing around here? Lunch time is almost here and if you don't get cooking you'll be eating my ramen surprise again," and I smirk as he frowns.
"Jerk," he mutters, but obediently rises and collects his shorts as he heads toward the cottage. "But if I'm cooking, you're doing the dishes," he flings over one shoulder.
Yeah, tarnished gold; that's my Jaehee.