It's been an illusion,
But I never meant to fool you
I got caught up in a fantasy
"I'm sorry."
Her voice cracked, as she fought the tears stinging at her eyes. She wasn't going to cry. Not here, in the cafeteria in front of all her peers as they looked down at her. Not that she really noticed them; she was staring at the blue eyed beauty who had stepped away from her, a look of pain obvious on his perfect features.
She hadn't meant to hurt him, she hadn't meant for any of it to happen. She had just wanted to fit in, for once in her life. She couldn't explain it to him though. What did he know about not fitting in? He was Troy Bolton, star of the basketball team, and the official Golden Boy of the school.
He could do no wrong.
So how was she supposed to explain to him that she had made up all those lies just so he would like her? Just so everyone would like her. She couldn't.
And she wouldn't.
She had screwed up, and now the whole school hated her.
"Poor Gabriella Montez, how are you going to lie yourself out of this one?" Sharpay Evan's words were cruel and cut Gabriella like a knife.
She turned to the blonde, decked in a bedazzled tank and super skinny jeans, she stared down the shy brunette, and if looks could kill, Gabriella would have been dead and buried long ago. She looked down at the floor, she was ashamed.
Why had she let it get this far?
I'm just a girl "Turn around." She said quietly, not able to look her mother in the eye at her ridiculous demand. "Why?" Her mother asked, raising an eyebrow. Gabriella sank deeper in her seat as a group of students passed by, eyeing the car curiously. "I can't be seen in this car. I just can't, go around the block, I'll walk from there." "I am not turning around Gabi, no one cares what kind of car you arrive in!" She argued, "You're being absurd!" Huffing, Gabriella sat defiantly, there was no way she was going to be seen getting out of this car. As another couple of students passed, she pulled up the hood of her sweater turning away from the window to stare pleadingly at her mom. "I am begging you." She said through gritted teeth. Maria Montez gave into her daughters desire, starting the engine and backing out of the parking lot. She drove around the corner and after a few moments, without another word, Gabriella got out of the car, slamming the door shut behind her. In a world that believes fame is everything Gabriella had gone home and begged her mom to let her switch schools. She wanted to move and get the hell out of Albuquerque, away from the whispering and the stares that plagued her these days. Her mother refused, not sure what was going on with her daughter, but sticking with her promise that she wasn't going to take a new job transfer until after Gabriella finished High School. "Honey, did you want a ride today?" Maria had asked her daughter every morning, always expecting the same decline with the same answer; Troy always picked her up. So it was with surprise that she found herself on route to East High with her quiet daughter in the front seat. "What's up Gabi? No Troy picking you up today?" She questioned, "Is he sick?" Gabriella sighed, "Yeah, a cold or something." She lied, one of many she had fed her mother over the past couple months. Glancing at her daughter, Maria could sense something was wrong. "What's wrong, baby girl?" And it was that simple question that set Gabriella off. Her mother watched in astonishment as her daughter broke down in her car, sobbing uncontrollably. Pulling the car over, Maria turned the engine off and reached over the seat to Gabriella, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her onto her lap, trying to calm the teen down. "I'm sorry," Gabriella sniffed, clutching at the front of her mother's top. "Please don't hate me." Maria shook her head, the thought was absurd. "I could never, I love you Gabriella, you know that." "Everyone else does." People say, that the world is like a stage "Why do you hang out with Sharpay?" Troy asked, grabbing another grape off of Gabriella's plate. She swatted his hand away playfully. "I don't know, she's the first one who talked to me I guess. She showed me around and stuff, so…" She said thoughtfully. "So you're friends with her because she gave you a tour of the school?" Troy laughed, grabbing another grape. They were sitting in the Science clubs secret garden on the roof of the school. They weren't supposed to know about it, and Gabriella hadn't until Troy had brought her up here to eat lunch together. Oh, and she also wanted to tell him that she was head over heels in love with him. "I'm friends with her because," Gabriella paused. "Just because." Troy laughed. "Oh, well, that explains everything." She punched him in the arm. "Shut up. Why are you friends with me?" She asked sarcastically. Troy looked thoughtful. "I like you for a lot of reasons." He explained. "You're nice, smart, and you laugh at my jokes." Gabriella laughed. "I like that you don't enjoy gossiping about everyone else, that's really lame. You're funny, you let me copy off of you in science..." Troy smiled at Gabriella's protest. "And English. Your mom always gives me brownies, so that's a plus…" Troy trailed off. Gabriella was a bright red. "I like that you blush when I compliment you." She went even redder. "It's cute." Gabriella looked away in embarrassment. "It's lame." Troy stood up from his seat on the ground, positioning himself in front of Gabriella, he crouched down and cupped her face in his hands, making her face him. "I actually want to be more then friends." He whispered, leaning in towards her. "Why?" Gabriella breathed. Troy smiled. "Because… I can't stop thinking about you." He admitted, closing the gap and pressing his lips against hers. I've been away from home for so long "What are you doing here?" Gabriella asked, dumbfounded to have opened her front door to see Troy standing on her porch. He shrugged and brought a hand to the back of his neck, a nervous habit Gabriella had noticed. "I uh- I don't really know." "Did you want to come in or..?" Gabriella asked, unsure. Troy shook his head. "No, I just… God, I just have a question Gabriella." Gabriella cringed at the suddenly harsh tone Troy was using. He wouldn't look at her, staring at something over her shoulder. She didn't say anything, waiting for him to ask whatever was on his mind, though she had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to ask. "Why'd you do it?" "I-I don't know." She muttered, playing with the bottom of her tank top. Troy groaned. "So you just made up all those lies for no reason?" He asked, frustrated. "Just like to stir the pot a little, eh Gabriella? See how many people you can hurt?" "No!" She snapped, just as frustrated. "It's just hard to explain, you wouldn't understand." "Why not?" He asked, calmer. She shook her head. "Because I don't even understand." She admitted. "I mean, I moved here with all these expectations, I was coming to a new school, and I was older and you know how High School is, everyone already has all these friends that they've known forever, they don't want anyone new coming and disturbing everything." "And then I met Sharpay, and she is just the epitome of popular. She's pretty and she's rich and everyone knows her and respects her-." "No one respects Sharpay, they're just afraid of her." Troy interrupted. "She's what I wanted to be, or what I thought I wanted. So I lied, I lied so she would like me, because if I was friends with her then everyone else would want to be friends with me too. I mean, if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't even know my name, I would just be another kid in your class." "That's not true…" He argued. "Yes it is Troy." She said, sadly. "You wouldn't have given me the time of day." Troy was silent. "It's not your fault. Not really. I mean, for awhile there, that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be that popular, I wanted to ignore everyone who I thought was below me. That I was too popular to talk to." She scoffed at herself, that wasn't who she was. "I know I messed up Troy, but who I was when I was with you, what we talked about, and how I feel about you, that's the real me, I swear." "I gotta' go Gabriella." I'm just a girl She had lost him. It had been made official when Troy had showed up to school one day with his arm hanging loosely around Sharpay's shoulders. They were East High's new golden couple, Troypay. Gabriella tried to be happy for them, it was her fault she lost Troy after all. She couldn't expect Troy to still lust after her after all the lies she had fed him, he deserved better than her. Though, Gabriella would hardly consider Sharpay 'Good Girlfriend' material. Sharpay didn't deserve him. She was mean and rude and didn't care about anyone. So how could she possibly care about Troy? Gabriella was convinced she didn't, she was sure Sharpay was just dating him for his popularity. But she couldn't judge, could she? She had only been friends with Sharpay for her popularity. East High had seemed to forget about the incident involving Gabriella, she was no longer whispered about in the halls, she was either forgiven, or nobody cared anymore. She figured it was the latter. "Hey Gabriella, did you want to work on that Chemistry homework at my house or yours?" Taylor McKessie asked at lunch time as they waited in line to pay. Gabriella had managed to find some new friends, some good – real- friends. They didn't mind that she absolutely loved Chemistry and Math, they didn't care that her mom wasn't driving the newest car on the market. Neither had Troy. She shuddered at the thought. She had to get him out of her mind, he was never going to talk to her again so there was no use for her to pine after him like a stupid, immature school girl. "We can do it at mine." Gabriella said, shoving Mr. Bolton into the back of her mind. "And maybe my mom will make us some brownies." Smiling,Taylor walked with Gabriella to her locker. It's so easy to forget what really matters in this life It was late at night when Gabriella let herself cry, when no one would hear. She didn't want her mom to know how upset she was about the whole situation, she was supposed to be over it. It wasn't that she missed Sharpay or anything, she was totally over bending head over heels to stay on her good side. She missed Troy. More than she ever thought anyone could ever miss anyone. He didn't even bother to acknowledge her presence anymore. When they passed in the hall, he walked right by her, Sharpay usually wrapped around him with a giddy smile on her face. When the whirlwind of lies came out, at least Troy had sent a disappointed head shake her way, sometimes a defeated sigh… Nowadays though, she didn't get anything. And she had tried to convince herself that she didn't need him, because he hadn't given her the chance to make it up to him, which she knew she could if he would just talk to her, just let her explain absolutely everything. But he had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. She should have been happy that everything had blown over, and that not everyone in the school loathed her, she should be grateful, but she couldn't stop thinking about him. And it was killing her. "Please Troy! Don't leave! Stay!" Gabriella had never been one to grovel, but here she was, only a step away from getting on her knees. She could tell that Troy had tried to come over when she wasn't home; normally, she would have been at Taylor's practicing for the State aptitude test that was coming up in a couple weeks, but Monique was sick today… "I'm just here to drop off some stuff you left at my house." He looked uncomfortable, and that was disheartening to Gabriella, a guy who she used to consider the best thing that had ever happened to her didn't even want to be around her. "Just listen to me! Why won't you let me explain myself? It's like you don't want to even be friends!" She cried, stepping onto the porch and closing the front door behind her. Troy shoved the box labeled 'G.M.' into her arms, taking a step back. "I don't want anything to do with you! I wish you had never moved here! I wish I had never met you! You ruined everything, you know that? Everything I thought I loved about you, it was all a lie, and now I can't trust you so there is no point of us ever being friends!" Tears were springing at the corner of her eyes. "I never wanted to lie to you. The minute you said you wanted to be more then friends, I wanted to come clean, Troy. I did! But I never got the chance, things always came up and then suddenly it was all blowing up in my face." "Don't fucking cry, Gabriella!" He grabbed a fistful of his hair, frustrated. "I just came here to give you your crap back, I didn't come here to make up, or hear your sappy story, because I don't care anymore." Feeling pathetic, Gabriella stared at the box in her arms. "You won't forgive me, yet you'll date Sharpay? The biggest Bitch at East High?" He shrugged, "I can trust her to be herself, that's more then I can say for you." "Yeah, and it sure says a lot about you." She retorted. "I'm done here, Gabriella. With you, with whatever we had." Gabriella's lips quivered. "Please, Troy…" She begged, one last time. Had he meant more to her then she had meant to him? Troy's mind was made up. "Goodbye, Gabriella." You gave me my wings so I can fly, I can fly It was at Graduation when Troy and Gabriella's paths crossed again. The ceremony was over, Gabriella had been made Valedictorian, and after a nerve wracking week of coming up with a speech, she was glad it had gone off without a hitch, and she hadn't made a complete fool of herself up there. High School was finally over. She looked around, watching as everyone said their teary goodbyes to their friends. Everyone would be going off to different Universities, some 25 miles away, and others 2,000 miles away. She had personally chosen Stanford, and was a little nervous about knowing absolutely no one. Taylor would not be with her anymore, she was going to Yale University, and the only contact they would have for a long time would be by phone or internet, but they had promised each other that they would stay in touch. Standing beside her mom as she made small talk with some lady she had met during the ceremony, Gabriella searched for Taylor, but she was nowhere to be found. Instead, she spotted someone who she hadn't talked to in over a year. Troy stood beside Sharpay as he talked to his best friend, Chad Danforth. He had been up on stage a couple times for a couple of awards, with his perfect smile as he accepted each. With every award, Sharpay could be heard hooting and hollering from her seat, and Troy dedicated his 'Sportsmanship' award to her, with an adorable 'I love you, baby.' It had made her sick. She was surprised they had lasted this long, she had initially thought Troy was just using Sharpay to get back at her, but maybe there was something about her that Troy genuinely liked. Whatever it was, Gabriella would never know. He was laughing at something, his head hung back as he chuckled. She couldn't hear his laugh, it was too loud in the Hall, but she could still imagine it, and she missed it, and after this night, she was never going to hear it again. Gabriella never intended on coming back to Albuquerque. Her mother was moving to Stanford with her, and after that, she didn't know where she would go, but she knew she would never find her way back here. "Hey Gabby, are you ready to go?" She smiled at her mom, who was looking over her shoulder with a small smile on her face. "Yeah, I guess." She answered, not even sure her mom was paying attention to her. "Gabriella?" His voice sent a shiver down her back, she turned slowly to face him, not sure what to say. "I uh- I just came to congratulate you on the whole Valedictorian thing." He was scratching the back of his neck, nervous for some reason. "Thanks." She said, "Um, good job on all the awards." Troy nodded. "Yeah, thanks." The two watched each other as they both thought of things to say, but it was obvious to Gabriella that whatever friendship or relationship they had had was gone, and it wasn't fixable, and whatever persuaded Troy to come over here and talk to her was mislead. It was bittersweet. Troy was finally giving Gabriella the time of day, but she wasn't sure she wanted it. How many times had she wished he would just talk to her, and now, here he was, trying to make small talk and she wasn't interested. It was just awkward. Troy was rocking back and forth on his feet. He was just as uncomfortable as Gabriella. "Well, I'll see you around, Gabriella." She nodded, watching as he made his way back to Sharpay, but not before turning back to her and sending her one last, genuine smile. "Good luck at Stanford, Gabriella."
with a dream
that got the best of me
Gabriella was shaking, she was so nervous. Sitting in her mom's old Volkswagen, she felt inferior. Why hadn't she just walked? She was embarrassed as she looked at all the fancy – new – cars that were parked in the student parking lot.
I got out of touch with the ones
that gave me my wings to fly, to fly
Guess I confused
the roles I play
She had weaved a giant web of lies to fit in at East High, but with Troy, she only wanted to be herself. There was many times when she wanted to come clean, tell Troy that everything he had heard about her was false. She wanted him to know that who she was when she was alone with him, that was the real her, and that the real her could be trusted.
that I, I almost forgot where I belong.
Yeah, Yeah
with a dream
that got the best of me
It's so hard to live with regrets but I promise I will try
To be a better me, From now on
I'm sorry
I didn't mean to do you wrong
Yeah, Yeah
I'm just a girl