Dominating the Planet for Villains
Hi, my name is Victor the Villain. Ill be your guide through this extra helpful guide on how to conquer your planet, whatever species. I give you useful tips, super handy weapons and all you need to know about how to control your henchmen. In just a couple of easy steps, you will soon be enslaving civilizations of your own! However, being evil is hard work! You better keep a strong mindset or you could end up like that Darth Vader fellah! So read carefully, and, as we villains say,
FOOLS! Ill destroy them ALL!
10 Tools you will need to begin your Domination
A secret base: No villain is complete without a secret base! It can be under the sea, in a tall mountain, or even in the sewers of a big city. From here you will plot, control and dominate your empire.
Henchmen: You can't take over the planet all alone! You need expendable people that will do the dirty work for you. It's a good idea to make them senseless, yet smart. If their stupid, they will screw things up.
A dark past: If you had a happy childhood or a gleeful adulthood, put this book down! No villain is a villain without a dark secret.
An evil laugh: It could be a chuckle, a giggle or an all out roar; you must have an evil laugh to terrify your henchmen and your enemies.
A mascot: You have to have someone to keep you comfort. After all, you are human. However, you hate humanity so you must have some animal. (NO PARAKEETS OR BUNNIES)
A cool outfit: You can't control the masses by wearing a rabbit suit! You need an outfit that demands respect and obedience. It can be a scientist suit or a long gown and cape, but make it impressive!
A dark acolyte: Don't leave everything to your henchmen. They will continually screw up. You need a dark acolyte (preferably female) that can do your assassinations and stealth missions. Treat her well, though, or she or he will turn against you.
Torture chambers: If you ever capture the man threatening your world domination, (which you will) you must have torture techniques ready just for him. Make him feel special!
An escape pod: Usually the hero of your story will escape his imprisonment. If this happens, you must have some sort of escape method to flee from your base.
An Armageddon device: Remember, you must always have a device which can destroy the planet in 50 seconds. Without one, who will follow your will blindly? NOBODY!