But where will you go?
With no one left to save you from yourself
I realize you're afraid
But you can't reject the whole world
You can't escape
You won't escape
You can't escape
You don't want to escape
--Where will you go?
Evanescence
Good way to Die
By: Chibi
"Where are you going?"Hiei tried to keep moving but was forced to stop when he felt a vine creep around his ankle in a tight embrace, like a lover's hand grabbing hold of him and refusing to let go. Hiei would've rolled his eyes and snipped the plant away with his sword; only for Kurama would he stand still and be tolerant as if he couldn't break free. Anyone who knew Hiei knew that he was not the type who could ever be held against his will.
"Where are you going?" The question was repeated, made more serious and felt more painful. Hiei could feel something stab into his heart, feel something choke and clog his throat, but somehow the fire demon found his voice and responded.
"You know where I'm going, Kurama." Hiei shut his eyes, shoving curiosity down to the pit of his stomach because he knew he'd turn around to look at Kurama, standing there and trying to be calm. Hn. Only Kurama could be calm while keeping a vine locked around someone's ankle. "I'm going to the Makai just like you are."
"Wrong." Hiei could feel that cool demeanor unwrap itself from around Kurama. Whether Kurama knew it or not his voice was shaking, not enough to worry about but enough to notice and let guilt rear in and slap Hiei across the face. A part of Hiei wanted Kurama's voice to shake more; wanted that calmness to snap apart. He wanted to tell him to just stop it and put that calm Kurama mask away. The mask wasn't needed at this time, at this moment. But Kurama was as stubborn as he was beautiful, a flower made up of defiant thorns that never did what they should've done, that never listened when they should've listened. So Kurama said what didn't need to be said, because it was already known between the both of them. "You're going... to die, Hiei. I know you are."
"You know, you're too damn smart sometimes." Hiei's voice held that smirk that was as close to a smile as he would ever get in the presence of others. "When did you figure it out?"
"I saw Yukina give you her teargem." Hiei did look back at Kurama this time, their eyes meeting whether willingly or not debatable. Guilt rocked across Hiei's body again, breezed through his black cloak and brushed all the way up to his lips. He didn't think anyone saw that. He didn't think Kurama saw that. Because Kurama knew better than anyone else that as soon as dealing with Yukina was over... Hiei's task was done.
"You saw that, huh? What was going through your mind when you saw that?"
Kurama chose not to answer. Instead he said, "Why are you going?"
"You didn't answer my question."
"What do you think I was thinking, Hiei?" The vine around Hiei's ankle got tighter, tight enough to dig into his skin had it had thorns. It took all of Hiei's self control to not listen to his instincts and cut himself free. He needed to stay in this moment. "I know you. I know that you feel like there's nothing left since your duty to Yukina is over, at least it is to you. So you're going to go and find someway to die because there's nothing left." Another vine tore out from underneath the ground and tied itself around one of Hiei's arms.
"Kura-..."
"So how will you do it? Fighting? A fight to death, that's it right?"
"Kurama... let go." Whether Hiei meant for the vines to let him go or for Kurama to just release the hold he had on the fire demon ever since they first met was questionable.
"Why? Why are you going?" Kurama sounded close to shouting. "Why are you going to die? After all you've accomplished. After all you've been through." The unspoken message, of course, was after all we've been through. And the last thing Hiei could do was deny the fact that him and Kurama had been through a lot together for whatever reason. Friendship? Love? Denying anything was pointless when dealing with Kurama anyway. Either he'd figure you out, or you'd trip over your own feet trying to approach him. "Do you really think your life is over now? Do you really think that?!"
"Kurama..." The vines were getting tighter now, tight enough to hurt had it been anyone but Hiei. There would be definite marks around the smaller demon's skin, perhaps a reminder of what he was leaving behind.
"I understand that to you, your task with Yukina is done. But that is no reason for you to go off and die!" Somewhere in the back of Hiei's mind he was glad. Glad to know that he had this kind of power over Kurama. Making those cool mint green eyes explode and flare to life and grow wild, Kurama always looked best when he wasn't trying to remain calm. Only Hiei truly saw this side, this best side, of Kurama. Upset to the point of shouting out how he felt, upset to the point that even his hair looked like it was on fire. While Hiei didn't necessarily like the idea of being the cause of Kurama's coolness cracking over this, he also had to admit to himself that deep down... it felt damn good to know that someone thought so highly of him.
Too bad... Hiei's mind was already made up. Yukina was all he ever even tried to care for; there was no room for anyone else. Hn. Maybe that was why Kurama forced his way underneath the fire demon's skin. Damn fox.
"There's nothing left."
"Nothing? You still have her. And you have friends now, whether you want to admit it or not." Hiei waited silently for Kurama to say it. You have me. Hiei knew it was coming, he could feel it boiling over in the pit of his stomach. But would that really make him stay? How did he really have anyone when they didn't really know him? And Hiei was not willing to tell that story, because it would require thinking about that story. That story. His story. "Hiei? You have..."
"Don't." Hiei's free hand moved to grab his sword, moving faster than the third vine that decided to make an appearance and try to tie down his last available hand. Now it was time to stop standing there, staying in that moment.
He didn't need to stay there anymore.
"But... Hiei, you have..."
"I said don't, Kurama."
"No! You have m-..." But Kurama couldn't speak anymore, because in the blink of an eye Hiei had all the vines cut away and chopped apart to the ground.
"This is over, Kurama."
"No. No it's not." But Hiei had already began to walk away. Kurama balled his fists tightly, the action causing more vines to erupt from the ground but they only ended up meeting the same fate as the previous set of vines. "Stop! Hiei, stop!" Kurama ran right past Hiei since Hiei was just walking and stood in front of him, spreading his arms out. "I won't let you go. I won't! Because you have me!" Hiei had seen Kurama close to tears before; no one else ever had but him. Once when his mother was sick, Kurama's eyes looked so tired and dead that they had turned watery, swimming in sadness and ready to give up. Back then Kurama was willing to give his life for the woman, but even Hiei wasn't cruel enough to twist logic enough to throw that moment in Kurama's face to try and prove his point about going off and dying. There was another time, when Kuwabara had supposedly given his life in the tournament. No one else caught it but Hiei did. The sound of Kurama's voice being close to tears, held captive in his throat and unwilling to go free.
Kurama was close to tears again, very close. Kurama was one of those strong people who, if they ever did cry, never did it in front of anyone. Kurama wouldn't break that much in front of Hiei, but he'd certainly break enough to at least try and make him rethink what he was doing. Even if Kurama knew better than anyone else that Hiei's mind was set that didn't mean that he wouldn't try.
Maybe Kurama didn't know it, but the fact that he was trying did mean something to Hiei. He'd remember it, he'd never forget it, and he'd take it to the gates of hell with him. And this was the part where he should've apologized perhaps. Apologized for being a bastard and leaving something that would, and could, quite possibly be the best thing he had ever had. Something that would, and could, warm his heart and make him look forward to the next day.
But he wasn't sorry. Hiei held no regrets or no type of feelings of sorrow. He knew what he wanted to do and he was going to do it. So instead of apologizing... Hiei punched Kurama right in his stomach. Kurama's eyes flew open and for a moment he felt anything he had eaten in the past day rise up and tickle his throat from the force of the punch. Hiei held his arms out and caught Kurama when he fell, simply holding him and selfishly stealing any type of moment he could get. He was leaving, yes, but he wasn't stupid enough not to take any chances he got before he left.
"I don't want you, Kurama." Kurama winced and closed his eyes, cursing himself for being strong enough to take a blow like that. He wished that for once he were weaker so he could go unconscious. "Just like... I don't want Yukina."
"What?" Kurama's eyes widened at that. Hiei was... putting him in the same group as Yukina?
"I don't want anything. With her, I simply wanted to see her. That's all."
"And with me?" Kurama whispered. Hiei simply held Kurama a bit tighter. "What about me, Hiei?"
"You know something, Kurama?"
"Yes?"
Hiei rested his forehead against Kurama's before he closed his eyes and lightly brushed his lips against the red head's own slightly trembling lips. It was a ghost of a kiss, barely there while at the same time the impact was strong enough to awaken a warm feeling within Kurama's body. "This... would be a good way to die."
"Hiei..."
"But I don't deserve something like this. That's why I'm going to the Makai to die."
"Wait... but..."
"If I had a choice... dying like this would be it. Ending everything like this would be it." Ending everything? Hiei had suddenly changed it from dying to ending everything. Saying it like that... made it seem like things could be... started over.
Could it?
Kurama opened his mouth to ask but made the mistake of looking into Hiei's eyes... all of them. During that kiss Hiei had snatched his headband off, awakening the Jagan. Kurama was strong, very strong, but Hiei was just as strong and the Jagan stronger. Kurama slipped down to the ground seconds after the Jagan locked onto his eyes, muttering words to try and once again stop Hiei from going. Hiei tied his headband back around his forehead and watched Kurama for as long as he could, right up to the point of the Jagan's effects wearing off. He had considered doing something fancy like perhaps erasing the memory of him leaving, or even erasing his name from Kurama's mind.
But there was no reason for him to do that.
It was best Kurama remembered Hiei's dying...
... because it was a good way for Hiei to die.
To be remembered... by Kurama.
Owari