A/N: sup guys.
Yeah another new one.
I felt like doing something big-ish, I dunno I feel like I'm losing steam on the Naruto fandom so I feel like other than the stories I've already posted, this'll be my last big story. After this I'm just going to finish what I have maybe put up a one shot every now and then but I don't think it'll be very often.
Anyway, enough of my brooding.
This is a Naruto fairy tail parody, I'm not going to say too much just yet so just read it. There are some more notes at the bottom but read the story first.
Apologies spelling, grammar and OOCness
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of it's characters
"Mirror mirror, on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all?"
The blonde said in a smooth sultry voice as she tossed her hair back over her shoulder with a dramatic flick of her head and her hand slid down on her chest to rest on her side.
A heavy sigh came from the silver mirror with the gold trim in front of her, before a clearly annoyed voice suddenly growled. "This again grandma? Don't you have anything better to do than stand here all day asking me to tell you you're pretty? This isn't even really what you look like anyway, so why bother?"
The queen's eyes narrowed down into a dangerous glare, "Listen brat, I didn't ask you for any smartass remarks I asked you a question and I expect you to answer it. Now tell me, who is the fairest of them all?"
"Ugh," Tsunade could practically hear the mirror rolling it's eyes at her as it muttered something about old age making her senile before it spoke. "Fine! You are O.K?! You're the fairest of them all."
The blonde grinned as she rolled her shoulders back and stood up straight, making to turn and walk away, "That's all I needed to-"
"But you won't be for long."
The queen stopped dead in her tracks and froze, dense silence fell over the room until she turned back and walked towards the mirror and hissed.
"What?"
"There's another, with skin as soft as snow, lips as red as blood and eyes as black as ebony wood. He will come of age soon and once he does, he will be the fairest of them all." The mirror gave a snort, "Looks like you're screwed granny."
Tsunade's eyes filled with rage and her heart began to pound with fury as she glared at the mirror and screeched, "That's impossible! He can't be, he's supposed to be dead. I had the huntsman take care of him!"
"Apparently he didn't- Hey hey! Put me down you old hag!"
The mirror screeched when the queen suddenly grabbed it and started shaking the thing in a furious rage, "Pu-uh-uh-uh-uht me-me dahow-uh-uh-" Tsunade stopped shaking it as she glared at it while the mirror just whined in protest, "Jeeze grandma take it easy will ya."
"It can't be true. You're probably lying you little bastard!"
"Hey don't blame me just cause your little lap dog screwed up. You should've known something was up when he left the kingdom two days later."
Tsunade looked up in shock when she realised that the mirror was right, she should have known something was wrong when Kakashi suddenly started acting differently before he just as suddenly disappeared.
Kami, the heart he gave her must have been a fake. Was It even a human heart at all?
She's put so much effort into getting where she was, first seducing that sorry excuse for a weirdo freak of a king, then marrying that moron and duping him and the kingdom long enough to gain their trust before killing him.
Do you know how hard it is convincing thousands of village idiots that she was innocent of murder? These simpletons were surprisingly intelligent for a bunch of backwater villagers. But all in all things were going fine until her beloved husbands child turned seven and the mirror told her that he was destined to be the fairest of them all.
Naturally he had to go.
So Tsunade had her best man come in and take the child into the forest, kill him and bring back his heart and she honestly thought that he succeeded.
It's been eleven freakin years! Where has this kid been hiding all this time?!
"I've been asking you who was the fairest of them all, everyday twice a day for the passed eleven years and you're only telling me that the twerp is still alive now?!"
"You never asked, besides he only started coming into his looks a little while back. I gotta say though, he's turning into quite the looker. Hey I wouldn't mind reflecting on some of that, if you know what I mean."
Tsunade let out a screech of fury as she lifted the mirror above her head and made to smash it on the ground when she suddenly caught herself and took a deep breath, she went over the the wall and hung the mirror back in it's place making the object hiss in annoyance.
"Damn! So close."
There has to be a way to fix this, there's always a way. She just has to find it. She's worked way too hard to gain the title she has now. Marrying the spandex moron, ruling the kingdom with an iron fist, eating the hearts of young virgins to keep her beauty sustained.
There's no way she's going down without a fight.
No way in hell.
Tsunade steeled her nerves together and shut her eyes as she spoke as calmly as she could manage, "Kurama, where is he?"
"Where's who?"
The blondes eyes snapped open and her face filled with rage as she screamed,
"WHERE IS ROCK LEE?!"
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lee hummed a tune as he moved about the kitchen, stirring pots, shifting pans, slicing fruit and cracking eggs at a speed that would baffle those that didn't know him.
The boy paused to look out of the nearest window and felt a smile grow on his face when he heard a soft tapping sound against the window sill. Lee walked over and opened the window, giggling when a tiny little squirrel almost immediately hopped onto his arm and slowly went up all along his shoulders, underneath his long hair before stopping beside his left ear.
"Good morning my little friend, I hope that you slept well?" Lee asked as the squirrel leaned up against his cheek to rub against it before pulling back and letting out one quick chirp.
Lee laughed, "I assume that is a yes?"
The squirrel rubbed against Lee's cheek a little more and the raven smiled as he walked right across the kitchen towards the cabinet just above his head. Lee pulled open the little wooden door and took out a jar of nuts, taking a handful before walking back to the window and placing them down in a pile on the sill.
The little squirrel stayed on his shoulder for a bit rubbing its nose against his cheek and neck before going back down Lee's arm and hopped down to the nuts while Lee gave it a broad smile, "Now that you have your breakfast, I think I should finish everyone else's."
The squirrel's head almost seemed to give a nod as it stared with those unusual foam green eyes and Lee's smile grew a little more as he took the pot of porridge off the stove and turned it off before turning to the fruits he'd been chopping when his little friend arrived.
It's been eleven years since he was taken away from his home and his father's kingdom. Eleven years since mister Hatake left him all alone in the woods and Lee became lost in the never ending void that was the dark forest.
He'd been so scared at first, being the tender age of seven, everything looked bigger and darker and scarier than it probably would have been for someone a little older. The huge looming trees that almost seemed to move and moan in the darkness of the night. The strange sounds that sounded so nefarious and seemed to come from everywhere.
Lee had been terrified and even started crying as he wandered around the thick brush, what's worse is how he ended up falling down a hill since he hadn't realised where he was headed and ended up breaking his left arm and leg. It had been excruciatingly painful, that and the almost blistering cold that fell over the forest was enough to have Lee sobbing tears of sorrow at his horrible fate.
But then he met them and everything changed.
"BWAAAH!"
"AHHH!" Lee screamed as he immediately spun around at the sudden sound and let out a deep breath when he saw exactly who it was that decided to try and give him a heart attack.
The silver haired man threw his head back as he started laughing hysterically while another voice laughed loudly just behind him as well. Lee glared at the man before turning back to glare at the blonde currently rolling around on the kitchen floor in front of the table as he laughed. A light blush spread up to the tips of Lee's ears as he folded his arms across his chest and glared between the two men.
"That was not funny."
"Of course it wasn't fucking funny, it was hilarious." Hidan grinned as soon as he'd gotten himself under control with the chuckles still rocking through his body. "Eleven years and this shit still isn't old."
Lee just glared at the older man with a pout on his lips and Deidara finally managed to pull himself up off the floor as he gave the raven a smirk.
"Oh Lee don't pout, yeah? You just look so adorable when you're scared we couldn't resist."
"I am glad that you find my terror so amusing." Lee said as he turned back to the fruits and put them all in a bowl when Hidan wrapped his arms around Lee's shoulders from behind, forcing him to stop as he leaned their cheeks together.
"Ok. I'm sorry Lee. I'm so fucking sorry, I swear on motherfucking Jashin that I won't ever do it again." Lee almost rolled his eyes since he's heard that one before, but Hidan started rocking back and forth with his head on his shoulder and Deidara was staring at him with that one blue eye all wide and sad. The boy gave a sigh.
"I forgive you."
"Good." Hidan said as he gave Lee one more squeeze while Deidara started picking apple slices out of the bowl of fruit he just cut. "So what's for break-What the hell?!"
Lee didn't look back as he heard Hidan stomp across the kitchen just slapped Deidara's hands away from the bowl and turned off the stove when the kettle started to boil.
"Have you been giving that glorified rat my nuts again?"
Lee sighed as he took the kettle and walked over to the tea set he had layed out on a tray on the table, "It was only a handful, the poor little thing was hungry."
"Yeah, why can't the poor little thing have your nuts Hidan?" Deidara asked as he slipped around Lee and started picking apple slices from the fruit salad all over again, before looking up at the silver haired man with a grin. "Everyone else already has, yeah."
"Deidara!" Lee said as a light blush spread over his face and he looked back at the blonde in shock.
The blonde just shrugged, "What? It's true."
"Shut the fuck up."
Lee just gave another sigh as the two started to argue and picked up the tray before walking out towards the dining room with the tea set balancing effortlessly in his hands.
Steam slowly rose up from the kettle on the tray, carrying the scent of herbs up to his nose and Lee smiled at the warm smell when he was scared half to death all over again. Two arms went around his waist and he was lifted up into the hair.
Lee squealed as he tried to keep a tight hold on the tray, while the cups and kettle tilted precariously all over the tray.
The boy was finally set down and he took a deep breath when a hand came down to ruffle his hair and Lee couldn't help but smile despite himself.
"One of you will seal my death someday."
"I hope not. Without you we'd have no one to torture." Kisame laughed as he dragged his hand back down through Lee's hair down to his back. "Morning Lee."
"Good morning Kisame." The blue haired man gave him that shark like grin before disappearing back the way of the kitchen, "O.K, what the fuck?"
"He did it!"
"I don't care who did it. You'd better fix this before Lee gets back."
Lee sighed as he wondered what on earth those two had done in the four seconds he left them alone and turned the corner to walk into the dining room where Nagato and Konan already sat. Zetsu was in the corner meditating while Sasori sat on the floor tuning one of his puppets.
The redhead gave him a nod of acknowledgement as he walked by while Zetsu just glanced up at him as Lee set the tea down on the table.
"Good morning Nagato, Konan."
The blue haired woman leaned in to press a kiss on Lee's cheek and gave him a soft smile while Nagato just gave a brief nod, "Lee."
Konan is the one that found him, out there at the bottom of the valley. She carried him back in her arms for the longest time, Lee actually managed to fall asleep with the woman walking and woke up to find them still trudging through the forest.
When they arrived at the large log house in the middle of the woods, none of the others really seemed to like Lee much at all. Sasori and Deidara pretty much hated Lee in the beginning and Kisame had taken to pushing him around every chance he got.
The only ones that ever seemed to give him a break besides Konan were Nagato and Itachi, Zetsu didn't really pay attention to anyone anyway and Tobi seemed to have the kind of personality where he just loves everyone he meets on contact.
Kakuzu and Hidan came around first, that happened on a day when Lee was left in their protection when they were visiting a neighbouring town when Lee was just eight years old. Kakuzu managed to trick Lee into picking some old man's pocket somehow managing to convince Lee that it was all a game and Lee had been proud of himself when he actually won, until he realised that he'd been tricked into stealing and cried as he let out a string of curses that made Hidan beam with pride.
Deidara and Sasori came around when Lee was nine, after the boy attempted to make a sculpture in an effort to get the art crazed bandits attention. Unfortunately Lee failed miserably as the sculpture he created was a little less than hideous. They were about to tell the boy that much when Lee suddenly looked up at them with those huge black eyes just burning in anticipation and Sasori couldn't find it in himself to say anything mean.
Which is a miracle since he hates children, but at least this child was trying and he wasn't as whinney, annoying and slimy as most so he just gave the boy a pat on the head while Deidara took it upon himself to make sure Lee never creates something that horrific ever again.
Kisame only came around about four years ago, when he and Itachi had to take Lee to a healer since Nagato and Konan had been gone for the passed week.
They ran into some trouble on the way back, as a couple second rate bandits actually tried to rob them.
The idiots.
Lee had been feeling a little better so when someone came after him he actually managed to hold off pretty well for a while. Kisame was surprised at how fast the boy seemed to be until Lee was suddenly thrown flat on his back and surrounded.
Itachi held off the others while Kisame came to the boy's rescue because, "No one knocks around the eyebrowed freak but him."
Lee smiled at the memory as he stood back up and clutched the tray against his chest while Nagato poured himself and Konan some tea when the boy suddenly stumbled back as something jabbed him softly on the centre of his forehead beneath the long bangs hanging over it.
The boy blinked in surprise when a blush started spreading over his face at the soft smile that waited for him when he looked up at the raven before him.
"G-Good morning Itachi." Lee said with a slight stutter while Itachi's smile just grew a little more as he leaned forward to press their foreheads together.
"Good morning Lee."
Lee's blush got even darker and his hands clenched around the tray.
Nagato decided that it would be best if Lee was paired up with Kisame and Itachi whenever they got "work" to do since Kisame is the strongest as far as physical strength is concerned and Itachi is a certified genius. They'd be able to handle it if anything went wrong and Lee needed to be protected.
Lee got to spend a lot more time with both of them he's closer to them than the others, especially Itachi. So it's not that difficult to see why Lee may or may not have developed some slightly unhealthy feelings for the older man.
He is beautiful after all, brave and smart. Why wouldn't Lee like him?
The moment was broken when a squeal suddenly broke through the air and Lee was yanked away from Itachi and pulled into an almost bone crushing hug.
"Lee!" Tobi practically sang as he pulled Lee closer, "You look so pretty today! Pretty long hair and big black eyes. So pretty Tobi just wants to tear you limb from limb."
Lee gasped for air and gave Tobi a quick squeeze before attempting to pull away, but the man before him wouldn't budge.
"T-Tobi I must go get breakfast."
"That's O.K. We've got it!" Deidara announced as he and Hidan came in carrying all the food he'd made dished out and set on trays. Kisame walked in after them with a look of frustration on his face as he walked around Tobi and Lee to sit down at the table.
Lee frowned as he managed to get at least a little breathing space between himself and Tobi as he watched the two set down the plates.
"That is very kind of both of you, but you did not have to-"
"It's not a big deal." Hidan said quickly and Lee smiled once Tobi released him and he turned towards the door. "I will go get the rest-"
"NO!"
The entire room fell silent and stared at the two even Zetsu cracked one eye open to stare at them. Deidara gave a nervous smile, "You always do so much, yeah. We'll take care of it and the dishes."
"Thank you." Lee chirped with a bright smile and a bow, making the two look away in guilt as they went to the kitchen to get the rest of the plates.
"No problem."
Lee watched them go before Tobi grabbed his hand and pulled the boy to the seat between him and Itachi at the table while Nagato and Itachi both shot a look at Kisame and the man just shook his head.
"I'm back!"
Lee looked up at the doorway and saw Kakuzu walk in, he could almost feel the huge grin underneath his mask as he held a brown bag in his hands.
"Hey Lee, look what I gotcha." Kakuzu said as he nudged Tobi right out of his seat and the other man whined in protest.
"You're so mean! I wanted to sit next to Lee."
Lee couldn't help but laugh when Kakuzu just rolled his eyes and opened the bag before pulling out a silk green shirt and the boy's eyes went wide. "Nice huh?"
"It is beautiful." Lee smiled as he took it in his hands before reaching out and wrapping the man in a hug, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
Kakuzu chuckled, "I thought you'd like it, saw it in a store and I had to get it."
Lee took the shirt and held it up against his chest. "It must have cost a fortune. How did you manage to pay for it?"
Kakuzu frowned, "Pay?"
Lee's smile immediately fell and he gave a heavy sigh, "Oh no."
"Alright that's all of it."
Deidara said as he and Hidan sat down and Lee gave a sigh of exasperation as Kakuzu just turned back and started eating along with the rest of the table.
Deciding that there was absolutely no hope left for Kakuzu Lee turned back to start eating as well when he suddenly frowned.
"You forgot the salad." Lee smiled as he made to stand up, "I will go get it."
"No! Ugh-ugh!" Deidara choked on his food and Hidan screeched.
"Just fucking stop."
Lee frowned at the two, "Why?"
"We-uhm-" Hidan stumbled over his words and Deidara stayed silent when Kisame just sighed.
"Just tell him already."
"Tell me what?"
Hidan and Deidara still didn't say a word and Kisame just blurted out, "They splattered your pet all over the walls."
Lee's mouth fell open and he sank back into his chair with a heavy slump while Hidan and Deidara cringed as he screamed.
"YOU KILLED GAARA?!"
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Why can't we just get him a new fucking rat, why does he have to have this one?" Hidan hissed out as he stared at the boy and old woman in the centre of the room.
Lee had his hands held out as he cradled the crushed form of his poor little squirrel in his hands.
"Because this squirrel is important to Lee." Itachi whispered back as they continued to watch as the old woman put healing herbs all over the tiny little rodents body while Lee just watched on sniffing occasionally.
It took roughly one hour to get Lee calm after the boy ran into the kitchen and found his pet's dead body cradled between the apples and peaches in the fruit salad on the bowl while blood splatters sprayed all across the walls.
Apparently that had been Deidara's doing, he'd been aiming a miniature bomb for Hidan's head but somehow missed and ended up hitting Lee's pet squirrel instead.
The two had sat there for what felt like ages, begging Lee for forgiveness and of course he forgave them but that didn't stop the tears from falling as he sobbed into Konan's shirt while the woman gave them a death glare that promised that they would both pay dearly once Lee wasn't around to witness it.
Thankfully, Nagato came up with a solution that would hopefully spare any more vicious deaths or mutilations that may occur by suggesting that they take the squirrel to Lady Chiyo, a very powerful healer that had moved into the forests a few years ago to see if there wasn't anything she could do to help.
And as a punishment Deidara and Hidan both had to go with Itachi, Kisame and Lee. Which is why they stood in the back of the tiny little hut while Lee sat with the healer as she treated the squirrels dead form.
"Something isn't right about that squirrel, yeah." Deidara said as his eye stayed fixed on Lee and the little rodent. Itachi just glanced at him as he folded his arms across his chest.
"Something like what?"
"Don't tell me you haven't noticed that little shit always watching Itachi, because we both know you have." Hidan growled out while Itachi's eyes just narrowed down at the two in the centre.
"Those eyes, it's not normal for a rat to have green eyes and when it looks at you, it's like its dissecting you yeah. Like it's looking into your soul," Deidara bit his bottom lip before releasing it, "Maybe we should just call it quits, we'll get Lee a new pet yeah, like a dog or something."
"We could give him, Hidan." Kisame chuckled and the silver haired man just glared.
"Fuck you."
Itachi didn't say a word, even he could admit that something was off about Lee's pet. But Lee loved that freaky little thing and he certainly didn't have the heart to take away something Lee loved so much.
Not when everything has already been taken away from him before.
"Can you help him?"
Lady Chiyo looked up at the boy and smiled at the concern on his face. He's certainly a strange one isn't he? Absolutely adorable, but still strange. Caring so much about a squirrel instead of just tossing it in the trash when he realised it was dead. Compassion is a rare find especially in the time they live in and for it to be so strong in one young boy is quite amazing.
"Well let's see what we can do." The old woman said as she lifted her right hand over the rat and her hand began to glow. Lee felt his eyes go wide while the woman seemed to pause for a moment and blinked twice before she mumbled.
"My my my, what do we have here?"
"Lady Chiyo, is something wrong?"
"No, no. Nothings wrong dear." The old woman chuckled as she adjusted her legs so she was sitting down completely and covered the creature in Lee's hands with both of her own. "I'm just... Well that isn't important, let's see if we can wake the little prince them hmmm?"
Lee gave a quick nod and the woman's hands began to glow even brighter than before. Lee felt energy travelling up his arms and into his body but the most of it was concentrated in his hands all around Gaara.
They sat that way for a few more moments when Lee suddenly felt a twitch in his hands and then another and another until lady Chiyo stopped and pulled her hands away and Lee beamed as his eyes filled with tears of joy when he saw the little squirrel perched up in his hands. Rubbing its eyes with its little hands before slowly looking around itself.
"You are back! Oh I am so happy you are alive Gaara." The squirrel ran up Lee's arm and perched itself on his shoulder as it rubbed itself against Lee's cheek before Lee gently took it from his shoulder and held it up in front of his face.
"Do not do that again! I was worried sick."
"He's back now." Lady Chiyo said just as the others stepped up and looked around Lee as the boy held it up against his cheek. Noting how the animal somehow seemed to glare at the four standing behind Lee and she bit back a chuckle as she spoke.
"Well now that all is good and well, you can go home. Oh but one thing first. I'd like to examine the squirrel a little more, just to make sure everything is working properly. You can all wait outside."
Kisame shrugged and turned to leave while the other's followed but Lee didn't get up, "I will stay."
"Oh, my dear boy that won't be necessary. It would actually be best if you weren't here to see this. It's quite the delicate task."
"But-"
"Let's go Lee, we'll be right outside." Itachi said as he stretched out a hand for Lee to take and Lee let out a sigh as he set Gaara down and took the older mans hand.
"Alright."
"Oh and Lee, you might get a few side effects due to the revival ritual since you were so close when I performed it, but it's nothing to worry about." Lady Chiyo added and the boy gave a nod.
The squirrel sat still as Lee kept glancing back at him as they left the hut and lady Chiyo kept that warm smile until the door shut and the smile turned into a smirk. The woman reached out and flicked the squirrel in the head.
Hard.
"Ow!"
"Ahh so you can talk." The old woman said while the squirrel just glared back at her. "Which only leaves the question as to how you can talk."
"That's none of your business."
"Really?" Lady Chiyo asked with an arched brow, "because Gaara is such a rare name, that poor child couldn't have heard it in passing and then just decide to name his pet squirrel Gaara. Which means somehow you managed to make him name you that without him knowing what you truly are."
The squirrel gave a scoff that sounded like a high pitched cough, "And what might that be?"
"You're that Sabaku brat aren't you? The one that went missing after I was kicked out of Suna."
"What if I am?"
"The great and powerful leader, known for his ruthlessness and cold demeanour." Lady Chiyo started to laugh covering her mouth as she broke into a fit of giggles, "My my what on earth have you done to yourself."
Gaara rolled his eyes, "I was cursed by some pathetic little girl who wouldn't accept the fact that I didn't want her. Now I can only change back to my true form by experiencing-"
"True loves first kiss?" The woman asked and Gaara growled as he gave a nod.
"Yes."
"And that's why you're hanging around the boy, you think he's your salvation."
"Yes."
Lady Chiyo broke out into a brand new fit of giggles and fell back on her back as she laughed, while Gaara just glared. "I don't see what's so funny old woman."
"Of course not for all your intelligence you're a complete imbecile." Lady Chiyo said as she sat back up still laughing a bit while Gaara continued to glare.
"Says the decrepit old hag with less sense that she has teeth."
"Hey watch it rat boy." The old woman said as her eyes narrowed down at him. "I gave you life and I can just as easily take it away."
Gaara didn't say anything else while Lady Chiyo brushed down the dirt on her skirt until the squirrel just gave up and sighed. "I assume you want some kind of incentive for keeping your mouth shut until Lee has broken the curse?"
"Maybe you're not so stupid after all." The woman said with a grin, "I want fifty pieces of gold once a month every month and I want that pink haired bimbo your siblings replaced me with sacked so I can have my old job back. Deal?"
"Deal, but only after Lee and I are married." The squirrel said as it turned around and made to run out of the hut when lady Chiyo spoke.
"Married? I thought you just wanted the boy to break the curse."
Gaara stayed silent for a moment before he spoke, "He's mine, I'm not letting him get away from me."
The squirrel went running out of the room slipping through the side of the door before Lee's squeal of delight rang through the air, while lady Chiyo just shook her head.
"You're in for a rude awakening my boy."
A/N: yeah
There are going to be three princes in total all vying for Lee's affections, I realise that this one is actually a lot like my other fic most youthful friends but eh, I think it's worth the read.
Anyway, it's basically one prince for each fairytale.
Gaara = princess and the frog (or squirrel I guess in this case)
Sasuke = Lee as Cinderella
Neji = Lee as Rapunzel
All of this stuffed into one ridiculous story.
Wish me luck ;)
I'm thinking that there might be one or two chapters left to this one. Its not going to be very long. There's only so much you can do with a story like this right?
Please review.