Holding on to You
Kagami x Kuroko
Setting: It's Kagami and Kuroko's first year of college at Keio University in Minato, Tokyo. While Kagami was recruited by the university to play basketball for them and also studies under the university's business department, Kuroko was accepted by excellent test scores and studies under the medicine department. Although it's their first year of university and begun dating after high school, they decide to rent an apartment not too far from school together. Although they do live together, due to their different schedules and Kagami's long practices for the basketball team, they don't actually see each other as often as you'd think, which begins to create distance between them. The story begins with Kuroko meeting up with Kagami after his basketball practice to grab dinner for the first time that week (day of the week: Thursday).
After noticing the distance building between them, Kagami asked Kuroko to dinner, but once at the dinner table they do nothing but talk about their days and eat silently. Kagami begins to get anxious and think, "How did it come to this?" After asking himself the same question about ten times he finally builds himself up to tell Kuroko what's been on his mind, but Kuroko beats him to it.
Kagami begins, "Ku—"
Kuroko interrupts, "Kagami-kun, it may just be me, but I feel like we are drifting apart…"
Hearing the words come out of Kuroko's mouth makes reality nothing but harder for Kagami to take in. He begins to wonder why it's such a shock to him when he had already realized it, did he have hopes that Kuroko felt like nothing was wrong? While trying to find the right things to say, Kuroko begins to speak again.
"Kagami-kun maybe we should stop seeing each other, it might take off pressure from our daily lives."
"What?! BUT—"
"Kagami-kun please listen. I know it's rather sudden to say this, but we can still be friends."
"BUT WE LIVE TOGETHER!"
"Kagami-kun I would appreciate it if you would not cause a commotion here. I know we live together but there are two bedrooms and a bed in each room. We will still see each other at times, but now we won't have to feel obligated to do so."
The guest bedroom? Kuroko really intends to break off their romantic relationship. When they first got the apartment both of them agreed to stay together in the same bed since Kuroko felt it relieving to feel Kagami near him at night. And for Kuroko to go as far as to say that there were two different rooms in the house, Kagami can only think one thing, Kuroko no longer had any kind of romantic interest in him.
"I-I can't accept this. What about our feelings? Have your feelings changed?
"No, my feelings have not changed. Our feelings do matter, but we have to think like adults now, we have priorities now Kagami-kun. I have to focus on my studies and probably getting a part-time job, while you have to focus on your studies as well and basketball."
"So what?! I still can't accept this, this—"
"If Kagami-kun can't accept this as an agreement, then I will have to do this for the both us. I am sorry Kagami-kun, but I am breaking up with you."
Kagami can't take this. Why? Why did it have to come down to this? Why did Kuroko do this? Was there someone else? Was it all one sided? Were his feelings not enough? Trying to hold back all the questions Kagami just sits there silently looking down, with a shocked expression. Finally he manages to calm himself down a little, he looks up at a Kuroko with a straight face and finally replies.
"If that's what you'd like then I respect your decision."
"Thank you Kagami-kun."
What is this feeling? He's the one who made the choice to break up so why does he feel like this? Kuroko can only question why it suddenly hurts much more, his chest, it hurts. Why did Kagami just suddenly accept it? Was he hoping for Kagami to put up a fight and not let him go? Knowing that it's too late now, Kuroko just calms himself down the best he can, they're still friends right? What else could he ask for? Besides it will probably be temporary and they still live together, not much is changing. Kuroko decides to just eat the last of his dinner and head back home to shower and sleep.
After finishing their meals, they decided to head back home together. Neither says a word, they simply walk side by side silently, both too afraid to say something wrong. Since their house isn't too far from the restaurant they went to, they simply keep walking until they reach their apartment complex. As Kagami begins to open the door Kuroko's stomach drops, he knows once they take a step into their home, everything will only hurt more. He wants to stop Kagami from opening the door, he wants to hug him, he just wants to feel Kagami's arms around him, comforting him like he used to. But he can't, he just can't bring himself to do that, he has already made a choice and no matter how much it hurts he decides to stick to it.
Kagami finally opens the door, he signals for Kuroko to enter before him. They slip off their shoes at the entrance and walk into the living room. Simply in too much of a shock at all of the day's events Kuroko just stands there not knowing what to do. Should he go into the guest room and try sleeping? Should he ask Kagami which room he'd like? When he finally decides that he should ask Kagami what would be the best sleeping arrangement he notices that Kagami already begun moving his own belongings into the guest room. Kagami notices that Kuroko seems curious as to why he's already moving his belongings without discussing anything. And therefore begins to explain.
"Sorry, I just thought that if I moved into the guest room it might be more convenient for you."
"Oh, thank you. But staying in the guest room alone is no problem for me at all."
"It's alright I'm almost done, but you should probably shower and go to sleep, you probably have a busy day tomorrow."
"Oh yes that's true. I will let you know when I am done so you can shower next."
Kagami just nods. Why? It's not what he wanted, he thought if they talked about the issue they could just work it out together. But he just accepted Kuroko's decision after all. No matter how much he wanted to hold on to him, he knows that he can't hold him back. All he can do now is keep his distance from Kuroko, simply because he's afraid that he won't be able to hold his feelings back.
As he stands in the shower Kuroko fights off the tears, he can't cry, at least not yet. If he were to cry in the shower, he knows that Kagami would quickly notice it. It'd probably be better to avoid such situation, once in bed he can cry all he wants. Kuroko turns off the water and and dries himself off. He quickly slips on his pajamas so he can let Kagami know that the shower is ready. As he is about to knock on Kagami's door he can't help but feel strange. This wasn't what he wanted at all, but he knew that this would be probably be the best for Kagami and himself.
Kagami opens the door and Kuroko just stares up at him. He can't speak, why aren't the words coming out? The tears, they are about to come out. No, Kagami will notice and wrap his arms around him, and if that happens Kuroko will not be able to hold his feelings back. On the other hand Kagami quickly notices that Kuroko's near his breakdown point. He looks at Kuroko with an emotionless expression.
"I'll go shower now then. You should go to sleep, you look tired."
"Ka-Kagami-k—"
"Have a nice day tomorrow, I'll see you sometime this weekend probably. Good night."
As he finishes speaking, he simply walks past Kuroko, who is at the brink of tears. Seeing Kuroko like this is something that really hurts Kagami. But it is too late now. Kagami knew that he had two options, to either let his emotions out, or two act emotionless. No matter how much he wanted to hug Kuroko and comfort him, part of him couldn't do it. Kuroko had broken up with Kagami, and he knew how much effort it probably took for him to say that. So the best he could do is respect Kuroko's decision and act cold towards him.
After a quick shower, Kagami just wants this day to be over. As he's falling asleep he tries to convince himself that it's all a nightmare and that tomorrow things will be back to how they used to be. But deep inside he knows that things will not be the same tomorrow. From now on, things will only get harder.
Not being able to fall asleep, Kuroko lays in bed trying to fall asleep, but instead the tears keep rolling down his cheeks. This feeling, what is it? Loneliness? It's been so long since he felt this way. Ever since high school started Kagami had always been there for him. But now Kagami wasn't laying right beside him. Kagami's heat wasn't near him anymore. As he kept thinking about it, his chest only hurt more and more. This feeling, would it ever go away? He wondered, but he knew his answer would only come with time.
Finally his eyes grew heavy from crying and he became emotionally drained. As he fell asleep Kuroko could only wonder what tomorrow would bring. Maybe things would get better, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much anymore. So many questions that would be answered in the coming day.