Today has been rough. James spent the day packing his clothes. We'd been fighting for a few days, since the audition, really. Not that I am not happy for him, but honestly I don't want him to go. We've been together 3 years. His face is red. Mine is tear streaked. I stand in the door frame as he folds clothes in another suitcase. This is it.
"James,-." My voice squeaks.
"No." He zips his bag, setting it by the others. "This is my chance to get out of this town. To have a better life. This is my dream coming true."
"I know that."
"Then, why are making this so hard?"
I force myself to keep my mouth shut to avoid gasping and crying out loud. My heart is being torn to pieces. Then, he starts moving the bags out the front door. No sign of emotion. Just a hard set jaw. His bags are packed and waiting for Kendall's mom to come by. He brushes past me in the hallway for his last bag.
"Daddy?" Trinity, our 2 year old daughter, stands up from the living room floor.
"Mommy? Why you crying?" I walk over and sink to my knees in front of the couch and wrap my arms around her. No words will help her understand, and even if there were some, I couldn't say them.
"Daddy?" Her voice is inflicted with confusion as she watches him walk away.
"Daddy!" She pushes my arms off her and runs at him, attaching to his legs. He stops. He's leaving us, but he stills loves her. James squats down and smiles at the tiny, girl version of himself. His eyes dart over her face, taking in details. Lord, how he adores that little girl.
"I love you, Trinity. Daddy loves you so much. Always remember that, please?" The little strand of chestnut hair hanging over her eyes, he pushes back. After kissing her forehead, he pulls her in and to his chest. "I love you. You'll always be in my heart. You're daddy's girl."
"Be a good girl. Okay?" Another kiss is pressed to her little cheek, and she kisses him back. Their smiles match each other. Her arms wraps around his neck as much as possible.
"Give your best love some more sugar?" He puckers up and she kisses him one last time.
"I love you, Daddy." She smiles. He stands up, letting go of her hand slowly. The mini van pulls up out front.
"I love you. I love both of you." The bags go over his shoulder and he is gone without leaving a trace of his existence here, aside from Trinity and the pictures. Oh, and the little one nudging around the inside of my tummy.
I hadn't told him yet. We're just 17. He probably would have left anyways.
I reach in my pocket, pulling out my phone. His number is first and I dial it, but of course no answer. A voice mail would have suffice.
"James. I have something I need you to hear. I'm not mad at you. I hope you get this. You left before you could hear what I needed you to. I hope you find it, what you're looking for. And, I hope it's everything you dreamed your life would be; plus so much more. I know that you can do this. I do hope you find happiness wherever it is that you are going. I wanted you to know that, and nothing's gonna change that. You deserve so much out of life and you can make it happen. And, you're already so far. I knew you could do it. I just hope whatever it is out there that you were missing here, I hope you find it." I click the phone to hang up as Trinity runs in my arms. Her tiny body squeezing to mine.