Socks
Warnings: Hidan.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto but I wish I did. Especially Akatsuki.
Sakura woke up with a sock in her face. A smelly sock. A smelly sock that reeked of foot fungi and man odor. She did the only thing she could do: let out a cry of outrage.
"Whose freaking sock is this?" Sakura all but barged into the living room, where ten men were relaxing on couches and bean bags.
"Tobi didn't do it! Tobi swears he didn't do it! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi got off from his spot on the couch and hopped to Sakura.
Sakura's eyebrow twitched at Tobi's answer and took in deep breaths to calm herself down. Because I definitely don't want Tobi to be a sobbing mess all over the floor today, Sakura thought to herself.
"Okay Tobi, I believe you," Sakura tried to smile at him but was still irritated with what happened earlier.
Tobi glomped her into a hug and cheered, "Yay Sakura-chan loves me!"
She could hear snickering in the background, breaking her train of thought.
The pink-haired female set her fiery glare at the rest of the Akatsuki members and tried to find the culprit who dared to laugh at her.
Immediately, a few members gulped loudly, giving away who sniggered at the short-tempered woman.
"Hidan and Kisame! Did you guys put this disgusting thing on my face this morning?" Sakura gritted her teeth, willing not to lose her patience with these two. Whenever it came to these guys, they were the ultimate pranksters who liked to play tricks on everyone.
"Wish I did, bitch. It was fucking hilarious to hear your scream today. Come to think of it, if you were in my bed every night you'd be screaming all the time," Hidan smirked and winked at her flirtaciously.
"Nah little one, that sock is way too small for my foot. You know what they say about big feet," Kisame grinned his sharp teeth at her.
Sakura rolled her eyes and turned away from him a little, but not before she saw a few glares directed at Hidan and Kisame. She could've sworn Itachi's eyes flashed red but when she blinked again, all she saw was dark brown.
Sasori broke the tension in the room by saying boredly, "You should clarify what you mean by that, Hidan. I think you mean she would be screaming due to seeing your ugly body."
Deidara laughed loudly at Sasori's joke, "Good one danna, yeah! Give me a high-five!" He held up his palm to Sasori but Sasori merely glanced at it, focusing on Sakura's face instead. Deidara saw that he wasn't going to take part in it and started sulking to himself.
Hidan got up from his seat and snarled at Sasori, "You wanna go motherfucker? 'Cause we can fucking go right now."
Kakuzu frowned at Hidan and said, "Take a fucking seat. I don't want to have Sakura fix you guys up, losing us more medical supplies bought with money that we need." In fact, you don't even deserve to have her touch you with her rich, beautiful hands, Kakuzu inwardly sneered.
Hidan turned his temper to Kakuzu and sneered, "Money that we need? We barely even spend money as it is due to your cheapskate ass! We're rich as fuck but you don't even want to use any of it!"
Hidan and Kakuzu started arguing, their voices getting louder.
Sakura sighed to herself. This situation is getting out of hand...
Pein coughed, causing Sakura to look at the orange-haired, handsome man.
His piercings are so hot! I can never get tired of looking at his face! Her inner conscience squealed.
Pein coughed again. Sakura snapped out of her thoughts and looked at Pein.
Pein looked at Sakura...and coughed.
Sakura stared at him weirdly, "Pein, are you sick?"
To make matters even more strange, he stammered, "Uh...no. I just wanted to ask, how are you?" He looked away from her as his cheeks started to have a light tinge to them.
Not expecting that question from him, she slowly replied, "I'm...fine...except for the fact that I woke up to a sock in my face today!" Sakura ended her sentence with an angry shout, getting worked up again now that she remembered why she was here in the first place.
Pein didn't say anything to her, knowing not to reply back to her because this was a beautiful yet deadly woman who could kick his ass if she wanted to.
She whirled on Zetsu, seeing as he was the only member besides Madara who didn't speak yet.
"Did you do it?" She asked accusingly to the man who sported white on the right side of his face while the left side was black.
"No, I did not," White Zetsu replied dutifully.
"Of course we didn't do it, how dare she accuse us? Even if she does look tasty..." Black Zetsu sneered.
"Be nice to her. She's pretty," White Zetsu muttered to himself.
Sakura rolled her eyes, used to the plant guy's antics by now. "Fine, I ruled out three people (Tobi, Hidan, Kisame) who told me they didn't do it, without taking into account if they lied or not..."
She was interrupted by a husky, deep voice who said, "You forgot me, my darling."
Madara sauntered over to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, smirking at the other members who stopped arguing when they realized the long-haired Uchiha was standing very close to their beloved blossom.
Angry glares were sent towards Madara's way who brushed them off like they were dust on his shoulder. Sakura wiggled out of his grasp and scowled at him, "That's because you don't count as a person."
Madara put his hand over his chest, feigning hurt and said, "Ouch my love, that went straight through my heart."
Undeterred, he stepped closer to Sakura once more, and started rubbing his cheek against hers, reveling in the soft skin that she had.
"I know you don't mean that because I'm your favorite person," Madara purred.
"Madara, remove your infected cheek from Sakura's before I do it for you," Itachi said dangerously. He was furious at the fact that Madara got to touch Sakura's perfect skin today and he didn't yet.
"Uh...hello? Whose freaking sock is this?! Is it that hard to answer?" Sakura butt in angrily, waving the dirty sock around. Without waiting for a reply, she threw the sock at Itachi's face.
The sock hit him square in the face and dropped to the floor, with Itachi looking shocked that his dear Sakura had even thought to throw this filthy thing at him.
All the members started laughing at his expense, with Deidara's spirits being up and about again. "That was fucking funny, yeah! Hit him again, Sakura!"
Sakura looked mortified, guilty, and amused. "S-sorry, Itachi! It was an accident, I swear! I'm just really angry because no one wants to confess!" Sakura's aura darkened around her, and laughter ceased, making the room fall silent.
Itachi merely nodded towards her, accepting her apology. Of course she wouldn't do it on purpose, his Sakura was too kind to him to do that.
"Well? Anyone? Any brave soul?" Sakura bit out, daring anyone to stand up to her temper and face her wrath.
Although beautiful, kind-hearted (sometimes) and strong-willed, she was a force to be reckoned with when furious.
"The sock is too dirty to tell what color it is!" Tobi helpfully chirped.
Sakura looked at the sock, rubbing her fingers on her chin. "Hm...yes, yes it is...and when I wash this sock, I can tell who is the culprit! Tobi, you're so smart!" Sakura kissed Tobi's cheek quickly before rushing out of the room. Tobi blushed underneath his mask, looking awfully happy.
Immediately, the other Akatsuki members surrounded Tobi with their black auras, looking menacing at him.
Tobi wailed, "Tobi is just helping Sakura-chan! Don't hurt Tobi!" As he backed away, they stepped closer to him, wanting to give him a good beating for receiving a kiss from Sakura.
Kisame stopped in his tracks suddenly, scratching his head. "So, now that she's gone, who wants to fess up on the prank?"
The members looked at Kisame blankly, not saying anything.
"I'll give ten bucks to whoever tells me."
Kakuzu, now interested, "I'll take the ten bucks if they refuse to tell you and I find out who it is."
Kisame rolled his eyes. "Fine, since no one refuses to admit anything because they're scared of being told on, I'll leave the job to Kakuzu."
"I believe you don't have much time before Sakura finds out who did it," Pein solemnly said.
Without a word, Kakuzu rushed upstairs, leaving confused members behind.
"Why would he go upstairs, yeah?" Deidara asked, puzzled. "Because he is going to search the bedrooms, duh," Sasori replied, with a tone in his voice that indicated his friend was stupid.
"I knew that!" Deidara stuck his tongue out at Sasori.
"Let's fucking chill until Kakuzu or Sakura comes back instead of standing here like fucking retards!" Hidan complained. A few murmurs of agreement spread around the room as they walked to their previous seats. Hidan grabbed the remote and turned on the television. Konoha Housewives was on at the moment, with Hidan exclaiming, "What is this gay shit?!"
Itachi quietly said, "I happen to like this show."
Silence spread across the room with the exception of the T.V. show playing.
"I swear to Kami, I didn't cheat on you!"
"Oh so your lips just happen to fly across the room towards hers and arms went to touching her ass?! I want a divorce!"
"No wait honey, I swear-"
"-slap-"
"Huh, this show is interesting to see. I can see why you enjoy watching it, Itachi. These people are retarded," Sasori remarked.
"They don't even look delicious at all though," Zetsu argued.
"Tobi thinks this is boring! Tobi wants to watch Ninjatubbies!" Tobi whined, bouncing on his beanbag. He jumped at Hidan, reaching for the remote.
"Hey get off me, bitch! That show is retarded. What are you, a fucking kid?" Hidan snarled at him, pushing Tobi off his lap.
"Tobi doesn't care 'cause he's changing the channel now!" Tobi cheered, jumping up and down.
Madara could feel a headache coming on, rubbing his forehead.
"Hidan why did you let him have the remote, yeah? Now we're stuck watching three colorful wanna-be ninjas dance like dumbasses!" Deidara grumbled.
"Yes!" Kakuzu's cry of triumph was loudly heard from upstairs.
He practically ran down the stairs to report his findings and said, "I know who did it." He smirked at Kisame. "You owe me twenty bucks now."
"What the- I only said ten bucks, dude! Why the hell are you doubling it?"
"Investigating is expensive," Kakuzu simply replied.
"I'll give you the money later, man. I don't have it on me right now," Kisame groaned at having to give his money -which were basically his life savings- to Kakuzu, of all people.
"Fine. Anyways, the person who put the sock on Sakura's face is..."
Sakura burst into the room, with a clean sock in hand and interrupted Kakuzu.
"You motherfucker! I'm gonna get you!" Sakura screamed, pointing at the Akatsuki member.
"What the fuck?! Me? I didn't even fucking do anything to you!" Hidan defended himself.
"Look at this stupid sock and tell me it's not yours!" Sakura heavily glared at him, shoving the sock on to his face.
Hidan caught the sock, and stared at it.
"Oh shit," was all he could say.
The sock had the name 'Hidan', with hearts all over it.
"Oh man, that is so gay!" Deidara howled with laughter when he peered at the sock.
"That does seem...quite out of your character," Madara commented.
"It's not my fault my mother sewed all this onto a pair of socks!" Hidan protested, his ears turning pink. He continued talking, "I don't even know how it got to Sakura! Although I was fucking drunk as hell last night and I don't remember what I did..."
"Hidan, you have three seconds to run before I do something to you," Sakura grit her teeth, her hands clenching into fists. Hidan forgot about the sock for a moment, taking the time to flirt with her. "Oh yeah? Why don't you do something nice like kiss-"
Before Hidan even got to finish his sentence, he laid on the floor with a sock in his mouth, dazed. Sakura stomped out of the room, grabbing Tobi with her. "C'mon Tobi, we're watching Ninjatubbies!"
"Yaaayyy I love you Sakura-chan!"
Pein peered down at Hidan. "Hidan, I believe they use the phrase called...put a sock in it?" Hidan glared at Pein, spitting out unintelligible curses.
"Oh fuck off, did you just try to make a joke?"
Itachi merely smirked at Hidan and added, "You just got socked in the face."
A/N: Thanks for reading! If you have any ideas on what I should write, let me know.
- Kai