The dream began as it always did.
She was standing on the terrace of her Palace on Alderaan. Her home.
The sun had long gone. Leia looked out at the sparkling lights amidst the darkness. The looming mountains were just dark shapes in the distance. Someone not accustomed to the sight of them might find them intimidating but to Leia, the sight of them had always been comforting. They made her feel shielded by these mass landforms as if the earth of Alderaan itself was trying to protect its Princess. Even at a young age, Leia had been aware of a vaguely sinister threat beyond those mountains, outside the walls of the city of Aldera.
It was time for dinner.
Leia turned away from the terrace and walked through the corridors of the Palace. The light material of her dress billowed against her legs. The paintings that lined the walls were blurry as if the details were slowly fading from memory but she didn't notice. She had somewhere she had to be.
Leia was in the dining room. The dining table was where it always was- in the middle of the room- but everything else was different. The walls were grey, mechanical, much like the walls of a ship. The back wall of the dining room had been replaced by a large window from which the vast expanse of space could be seen.
The planet of Alderaan hovered in view.
How can I be looking at Alderaan?
It was always at this point in the dream that she felt a sense of dread.
Her father sat at the head of the dining table as always. He was facing her but his eyes were drawn to something over her shoulder. Leia tried to get him to notice her. She called out 'Father' but no sound came out. She tried to wave her hands to get his attention but realised she was handcuffed.
Why won't he look at me?
Leia called out for her father again, but still she had no voice. She wanted desperately to tell him that they shouldn't be here.
"In a way... in a way... in a way." The words echoed in her head. She tried to cover her ears but couldn't separate her hands as they were bound together. Leia looked at the binders closely, wondering why she couldn't feel them on her skin. When she looked up, she was standing next to her father in front of the window. Bail was looking at her. Leia looked from her father to Alderaan hovering in the distance. She knew what was coming and looked back to her father. Her heart beat rapidly. His mouth was moving, but no sound came out.
A gloved hand gripped her shoulder from behind. Leia tried to move but she was frozen.
"In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that will be destroyed first," a voice said.
Then an explosion.
Leia cried out and fell backwards, covering her face with her arms. She looked up but her father was gone.
"You're far too trusting," was whispered in her ear.
Leia bolted upright in the bed, suddenly awake. Her hand flew to her ear; she could still feel the warm breath of the whisper. Hair clung to the sweat on her forehead and her body shook from the impact of the dream. She slowly realised that the sobbing sounds she heard were coming from her.
Every night. Every damn night.
She shuddered and released a shaky breath.
It's always the same. I know what's going to happen but I can't ever stop it.
Leia sat upright in her bed for awhile, recovering. She waited for her trembling to subside and her breathing to even out, then threw the covers aside and climbed out of bed.
That's all the sleep I'm getting tonight.
The base was quiet at this time of the morning. Leia wandered around with no definite destination in mind. All of the rooms she passed were dark, empty and silent. The only sounds she heard were the buzzing of machinery and the chirping of native birds from outside the walls of the rebel base.
Leia realised how early it must be and felt a wave of exhaustion. She went into the training room and sat on a bench. The room was dark and mostly void of furniture except for some fitness equipment. Leia rubbed her face wearily. Sitting there in the dark with her face in her hands, it seemed like the easiest thing in the world to close her eyes. She was lightly dozing until the image of the explosion reappeared in her mind.
Leia's body jerked involuntarily and she fell off the bench, wrenching her knee painfully. Hissing in pain, she crawled back onto the bench.
If I don't get some decent sleep soon, I'll go crazy.
The recurring nightmare had been coming earlier and earlier in her sleep cycle and Leia never went back to sleep after it. The more she thought about it, the horrible dream and her helplessness, the more her frustration grew. Balling her hands into fists, she knew she needed an outlet for her anger. Leia looked around the room and spotted a punching bag.
Perfect.
The frustration poured out of her body as Leia hit the bag over and over. Every punch was harder than the next. Trying to make a sizeable dent in the bag gave her mind a much-needed focus.
She didn't know how long she spent letting loose on the bag but eventually the sounds of people walking around the base made her stop. The lights flickered on; they were set to do so at the same time each morning.
Leia shook out her shoulders and exhaled slowly, trying to calm her racing heart rate. Her muscles had not been warmed up when she strained them and she was feeling the consequences. Pain emanated from her hands and wrists and her shoulders were aching but she ignored it.
It was time to be Princess Leia.