Lazy Saturday
summary: Three men utilize the best day to be lazy in their own laziest kind of way, which includes being lazy and doing absolutely nothing which they see nothing wrong with. Well except the damn kitten it never agreed with them and don't forget the snail documentary.
A.n: Omg I can't believe I'm actually writing a T rated book I never thought that would happen or that I would ever do a crossover well not this early anyway. So this idea came to me when I was having a warm bath(I know too much information) but then I just pictured this and then I laughed like crazy and then the thoughts kept pouring that I couldn't stop them. Ha-ha a bunch of lazy bastards that's right how would they survive then I laughed like crazy again. This is my attempt to humour I hope it will make you laugh like it did me. I assure it was so good in my head...well proceed then.
Warning: crack...Or at least I tried
Disclaimer: Neither belongs to me. Google their owners, though I do own the shower gel I was using when I though of this.
It was Saturday, well that much was obvious if anyone had the strength to look up the calendar. Three men lay slouched on a couch that had obviously seen better days in nothing but underwear. The glow from the T.V indicated it was on and been watched by the men, though it seemed not all were okay with what was been given to them through airwaves. The pale TV glow intermingled with the lights streaming in from the window. Someone groaned no one asked why. Another sigh no one asked. The third sound of tiredness was last of the limit a brunet men seated on the couch could endure.
"Will you stop with the sounds Shikamaru you are wearing me out"
"Will someone then change the station just the moving picture is making my eyes fall". The man named Shikamaru seated at the center of the couch yawned as if to simplify his point
"What do you expect me to do?" the brunet replied; asking with a scratch at his stubby beard.
"Change it". The ponytailed ninja replied as if it was obvious.
"Ask Darui?" the brunet made a lazy indication to the white haired man beside Shikamaru who looked half unconscious.
"What a drag I can't reach it" said white-haired man replied without making any move to know where the remote was.
"Stark?" the younger brunet yawned turning to his right counterpart.
"Don't be annoying I can't either."
The three men turned a lazy gaze to the remote on the coffee table not 3-inches away from them.
"What a drag..."
"So troublesome..."
"So annoying..."
Three consecutive sighs were released at the same time, as all men slouched even further if it was possible.
"Who put it there?" Shikamaru asked with a lazily tilt of his head
"Darui"
"Starrk" Both names uttered at the same time. The ponytail brunet sighed, muttering 'troublesome men'. Time ticked by and no man made a moved to retrieve the remote. The torture from the TV continued. Obviously Shikamaru had had enough and it was only for a minute.
"I think...if I watch any more about snail hibernation my eyes would literally fall off"
"I think...the remote is moving on it...own" Darui yawned replying
"And I think you two should shut up so I can sleep"
"You can't sleep Starrk who would change it". Starrk deadpanned when had he been elected as remote changer, he had no recollection of that even if his brain was in sleep comatose.
"So annoying to even argue with you" Starrk yawned his vision was getting blurry already or was it the snail documentary making him fuzzy.
"I swear it...just move...again"
"Shut up and sleep Darui you're so annoying"
"Man what a drag...who would change it now...Shikamaru?"
"Hmmm...the clouds so beautiful" Shikamaru sighed sleepily he could smell fresh air. There sleep comatose were jerked away when the TV immutably screeched loudly, emitting high metal technoy music enough to render any lesser man deaf.
"Ahh this so troublesome..."
"What a drag someone reach for the remote Starrk?"
"Shut up and leave me alone"
All three men grumbled as they endured the loud sound emitting from the T.V, how had it even become that loud. The evil remote was out to get them; maybe Darui had been joking earlier. Between trading their slouched positions on the have-seen-better-days couch and reaching for the surely evil remote, was not an option. All men agreed on taking their chances, it was only commercial so their ears could suffer more. Faces scrunched up someone made an audible wince.
"Such a drag whose idea was it to invent remotes" the white haired man grumble med.
"Just thinking about it makes me ache all over so troublesome"
"Annoying piece of technology" They all sighed tiredly through the noise. Then it quieted down the commercial was over, going back to the dreaded snail documentary now they were on escargot and slugs. Kill them now? well that would be easy they were all lying helplessly on the couch right?
"Do you smell burning?"
"I do but what time is it?" Starrk replied to the cloud ninja. The brunet spoke again when the man made no intention of moving"its beside you Darui just turn your head for the mother of sleep...man so annoying"
"9:10..."
"...can't even make reasonable words now..."
"There is something burning" Shikamaru said directing the statement to Starrk.
Three heads turned back towards the kitchen. They could see smoke coming out from the oven. Three sighs and they turned back around.
"Someone has to volunteer" the older of the three men said in a very bored but obvious tone
"I refute shotgun"
"Not me"
The lazy Konoha ninja groaned and grumbled a little about the smell, scrunching his nose further as he spoke. The smell obviously not to his taste not that it was in anyone's taste
"It smells of burnt chicken"
"Well that goes breakfast" the kumo Nin replied
"Lilinette would have my head"
"She has your balls already man am more worried about ino the woman is bat crazy"
"And shii...yeah he would probably kill me"
Sighing lazily again they made a passing glance towards the kitchen. Not that there gaze alleviated anything.
"Well it hasn't reached the gas yet" Darui suggested in a tired tone holding back a yawn
"yes its good thing we aren't dead yet so troublesome, at least my Shougi board is till from a safe distance" Shikamaru replied after making a fleeting look back to the kitchen where it lay on the island counter.
"so annoying who cares about that...time Darui?"
"five seconds before we die at the hands of our fellow comrades and have our ass handed out to us"
"We have to do something"
Both men nodded tiredly looking back to the kitchen but making no intention of leaving their slouched place on the couch that surely now had their trademark ass imprint on it.
As if on cue the door bust open to bring in more arrivals to the partly burning house. The entire new occupant took in the scene that stretched before their eyes. Three grown men looking dead on the couch in nothing but underwear; smiling tiredly at them but smiling nonetheless as if a fucking Calvary had come to their rescue and save them from anguish.
Not to mention the still burning oven that now would surely have only charred ash and nothing more in them. Death was the only word that reverberated through their minds, slow painful death that is after they put out the kitchen.
"Starrk!"
"Shikamaru!"
"Darui!"
Neither man answer only tired nods were given indicating they were seconds from falling asleep.
"Oy Lilinette make breakfast again the last one burnt" the wild green haired girl about to scream before she was caught off.
"Ino please take my Shougi away from the kitchen"
WHAT! Ino almost screamed bloody murder before they were interrupted again.
"And Shii move the remote later to the couch, it being on the table is such a drag"
And they passed out. Veins popped. Eyes bulged. Teethe grinded. Fists clenched. Each uttering just one word as if to convey as much the emotion to the men who were oblivious to coming bloody mutilations
"SHIKAMARU!"
"STARRK!"
"DARUI!"
The whole neighborhood vibrated with uncontained screams before followed by a resounding boom. Well it seemed two particular Ninja and Arrancar covered in soot and chicken parts would look to getting a new kitchen but it seemed that would wait as another shout of war cry was heard before charging towards the now still sleeping men.
A.n: That's was my attempt at humour, which is not exactly an easy genre to write. Anyway reviews lemme hear from what my fellow readers think.
Popcorn x iced tea