The evening Zuko is banished, Azula seems unusually pleased with herself. Mai has no idea why. It is not like Azula had anything to do with her brother's banishment. She is unwilling to expend the mental resources to work it out on her own. Her entire future has just been ripped out from under her. She was supposed to marry a prince, not that Mai cares about that, but she genuinely liked Zuko, and she does not genuinely like anyone, present company excluded.
"At least now I won't have to listen to him whine about how Mother's gone and Father doesn't love him," Azula tells Ty Lee, a smug smirk on her face. She turns to Mai. They have been sitting in Azula's bedroom for at least an hour, and this seems to be the first time it has occurred to the Princess that Mai has not said a word and is hardly listening. "Of course, I'm sorry for your loss," she tells her, as if it is a mere afterthought. "You would have made an excellent Fire Lady. Perhaps the nation wouldn't have burned under Zuko after all, with you on the throne beside him."
Mai draws her knees to her chest and curls into herself, and Azula tilts her head to the side. "Is this about what your parents will say?" she asks. "I'm sure they won't be pleased that your betrothed has been banished until he finishes an impossible mission." Azula is certainly right about that. Mai remembers the day her parents signed the contract with Princess Ursa. Zuko had held her hand and kissed her on the cheek in front of them the previous afternoon and they had wasted no time making the arrangements. Their excitement was palpable, as if her father had just been awarded an important promotion, which Mai realized later, her probably thought her he had. Mai was nine when she got engaged. She is used to it by now.
"You must miss him," Ty Lee adds. She crawls across the bed and throws her arms around Mai, and the other girl does not have the heart to push her away.
Azula shakes her head in mock sorrow. "It's just a shame you couldn't manage to hook someone a little more worthy of you. Well, there are plenty of other koi fish in the pond." She sounds distant, like her mind is elsewhere. Probably trying to decide whether she should move into Zuko's room.
"Maybe Zuko will come back someday," Ty Lee tells her. "And you can marry him then."
"Yes, it's true," Azula sighs. "Technically, your contract is still valid until he's been gone for ten years. Or unless you receive a proposal from someone of similar rank or higher, which only leaves me."
"So until he's been gone for ten years then," Mai replies dully. She has been demoted from being engaged to a prince to being engaged to a ghost. "I'll be in my twenties by then."
"That's still of marriageable age." Azula shrugs, picking at her nails. "And you can always have an affair in the meantime."
"I think your father would have me executed if I did that," Mai points out.
Azula looks genuinely surprised by the suggestion. "Why? Everyone does. That's just what you do when you live in a palace. You wage wars and you fuck. As long as you don't fall in love with them, what Zuko doesn't know won't hurt him, and frankly, I'm not even sure you can feel love, so I really don't see a downside."
"I could get pregnant," Mai answers, raising her eyebrows. This seems like a major oversight for someone who claims to think everything out ahead.
"So you fuck women."
"Ooh, that sounds scandalous," Ty Lee adds, sounding absolutely enthralled by the idea.
Azula glances at her like she has just remembered she is in the room. "Ty Lee, go re-braid you hair," she demands.
"Okay, Azula!" Ty Lee climbs off the bed without another word, even though her hair is still perfectly braided, and half skips to the washroom. Azula turns back to Mai.
"Well, I'm glad he's gone," she says. She has not yet discovered the consequences of being left alone with Fire Lord Ozai. "You were the last thing I had to share. Now I get you all to myself." She leans in, and Mai does not question it until their lips are touching. She blinks.
It only lasts a second before Azula pulls away. Her cheeks are tinted a light pink. A question hangs in her eyes that Mai does not know the answer to. She is still too shocked to think straight. Even Zuko has never kissed her on the mouth before. She was so certain that he would be her first kiss, probably when they were teenagers and they started courting officially. Never had she imagined it would be his sister.
Azula does not see Mai off when she leaves for Omashu. Mai does not expect her to. They are not sentimental people, and a few kisses that did not even include tongue do not exactly entitle her to a romantic farewell on the docks.
Mai has not seen Azula for months when she and Ty Lee arrive at the palace in the midst of her brother's kidnapping. It is extremely welcome. There is nothing to do in Omashu. Mai and Ty Lee have exchanged letters, but Azula does not write letters because it might cause people to think that she misses them. At first, she is all business. She sits on the throne, issues orders, and within an hour of her arrival, has awarded Mai authority over her parents, and Mai thinks that maybe Azula has forgotten about their childhood romance. It is probably for the best anyway. They could still be sisters-in-law one day, though Zuko has been gone for three years now, and Mai is beginning to seriously doubt it.
Then that night, Azula arrives at Mai's bedroom door. She is already in her robe and she invites herself in without knocking.
"Azula, I'm changing," Mai protests halfheartedly. In reality, she is finished changing, but she puts up with this kind of behavior from her parents, and she does not need it from her friend too.
"This palace is… nice." Azula does not even pretend to mean it.
Mai sighs. "It's the worst. You didn't interrupt me changing to talk about the palace."
"No, I didn't," Azula admits. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Azula crosses the room, traps Mai's head between her hands, and nudges her tongue into her mouth. It is hardly surprising and hardly unwelcome, and Mai does not feel the same guilt for kissing someone other than her long lost fiancé that she did when she was younger.
"I slept with Ty Lee on the way here," Azula tells her immediately after breaking the kiss.
"Oh," Mai answers, slightly confused. "Umm, congratulations?"
Azula crosses her arms unhappily. "You're not unhappy?"
"Why would I be?" Mai asks. "We haven't spoken for four months and we were never really in a relationship to begin with."
"I know that," Azula snaps, clearly annoyed. "That's what I was going to tell you when you started yelling at me."
"Hmm," Mai tilts her head to the side and pretends to think. "Does that really sound like something I would do?"
"No," Azula mutters.
"So, was it good?" Mai asks, and Azula shrugs.
"It was sex."
"Was it your first time?"
"Yes," Azula answers. Mai is positive she is lying, but she is nowhere near prepared to go there tonight. Someday she will broach the subject, but not on the first day they have seen each other in months. Not when they are about to embark into the woods together for who knows how long.
"Is that what you're here for now?" she asks instead.
"If that's what you want me to be here for," Azula replies. Mai groans. She wonders if Azula was this awkwardly smooth with Ty Lee. She probably did not have to be. Ty Lee has always jumped to follow the Princess' directions. Mai knows that Azula has always viewed her as more of a challenge. Perhaps that is why Azula greeted her with a kiss and Ty Lee with an orgasm.
Mai yawns pointedly. "I'm not really in the mood to lose my virginity with my parents right down the hall," she answers. "Maybe next time."
"Alright," Azula says. "We're meeting to discuss your brother's rescue from those imbeciles before breakfast. Don't oversleep."
Mai nods and turns toward the bed to pull off the throw pillows that the servants insist on leaving there. After a moment, she hears footsteps as Azula begins to walk away. "I really am glad to see you," she calls after her without looking up.
The footsteps pause. "Who wouldn't be?" Azula answers, but she is smiling. Mai can hear it in her voice.
The night after Azula fails to drill into Ba Sing Se, Mai finds her just out of sight of the campsite, sitting with her knees drawn to her chest on the riverbank. "I'll have to tell my father his big plan is ruined," she says before Mai even sits down. "You know what that's like."
At first Mai is confused. "I rarely fail at anything important because I rarely try to do anything important."
Azula looks over at her, and Mai is surprised to see that she is anxious. Ty Lee would probably be better in this situation. Mai does not know how to provide comfort, but she will try because, though she hates to admit it, her feelings for the Princess have grown beyond the kisses they share, and she does not want to send her into Ty Lee's arms. "What did your parents say when they found out Zuko had been banished?"
"Nothing." Mai shrugs. "Not to me anyway. They were the ones who promised me to him. It's not like anyone asked my opinion." But Mai had been able to sense their disappointment. It hung around her like a thick fog any time they were in the same room. It is one of the reasons she was so eager to leave her family behind. But it will be worse for Azula.
The Princess' mouth pinches as she thinks. "I'm not going home with the soldiers," she finally announces. "I won't see him again until I have something else to show for it."
"Something like what?" Mai asks. This cannot be going anywhere good.
"Ba Sing Se," Azula answers. "We're going back."
This is not what Mai signed up for, but she cannot in good conscience leave Azula to face whatever punishment Ozai would subject her to when she returned home to the palace, and she has no desire to be dumped back in Omashu anyway. She leans over and takes the other girl's hand in her own. "Do you have a plan?"
Azula groans. "Not at the moment, no. But I'll think of something."
"I don't doubt it," Mai replies. "You always do."
"Do you remember last year, when we left school for lunch and didn't go back?" Azula asks. It is a completely irrelevant question, and Mai does not know where Azula is planning on taking it, so she simply nods.
"Ty Lee was too afraid to come with us," she adds.
"I didn't want her to," Azula admits. "That's why I told her I wouldn't protect her if we got caught. I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend, but then you told me you were leaving for Omashu instead."
"I wouldn't have been able to say yes anyway," Mai replies. "I'm still engaged to Zuko, remember?"
Azula waves her hand dismissively. "How many times do I have to tell you that doesn't matter? That's just what you do when you're royalty, and you practically are. Do you think my father is secretive about the women he fucks? And he's still technically married to my mother."
"Your mother hasn't been seen in five years," Mai points out.
"Your fiancé has barely been seen in three," Azula retorts.
"I think I would have…" Mai bites her lip. This is a delicate situation. Her relationship with Azula always has been. "I would have wanted to say yes."
"Would you still want to say yes?" Azula asks, her eyes wide, and even if she did not, Mai would not have been able to tell her that because in this moment, Azula is lost, but she looks so hopeful.
"I think… I would," she answers carefully. Azula smiles, and it looks heartbreakingly genuine. Her hand is on the back of Mai's neck, pulling them together in a kiss that leaves both of them breathless.
"Well, I'm going to go have sex," Azula says when they break apart. She stands up and straightens her clothing. "Don't tell Ty Lee." And she is gone in an instant, leaving Mai to wonder what exactly she just agreed to.
"Are you playing her?" Mai asks. They are sitting beside a campfire somewhere deep in an Earth Nation forest shortly after Azula's catastrophic failure with the drill. She has taken Ty Lee to bed nearly every night since then, while Mai has been relegated to sitting outside the tent staring into the fire until she stops hearing them scuffling around. Tonight however, Azula elected to stay with her when Ty Lee announced she was going to sleep.
"No," Azula answers immediately. "It's just sex. She knows that. But she would put an end to it if she knew we were…" Azula fumbles with the last word. It only fuels Mai's irritation.
"Are you playing me?" She finds it annoying and alarmingly backwards that she is being forced to hide their blossoming romance so that Azula can continue to casually fuck their other friend. If it is just sex, then there is no such thing as emotional infidelity. Ty Lee should not care.
"Of course not," Azula assures her, though Mai suspects she would say the same thing regardless of the real answer. "We understand each other in a way Ty Lee and I never will. I value your company much more than hers. But I don't see how I have a choice, since you still won't sleep with me."
"Tents don't turn me on," Mai answers dryly, and Azula frowns.
"I should turn you on." She stands up and goes into the tent, and Mai listens for noise, unsure if Ty Lee is asleep yet, until she does not hear anything for several minutes and decides it is safe to join them.
The night before the coup, Mai washes off her makeup and plans to go to sleep early. It is not exactly like she needs to be well-rested. Azula is handling everything. All she has to do is loudly talk with Ty Lee about how they are not actually Kyoshi Warriors and make it look convincing. Mai could do that in her sleep.
Her door opens without warning, and when she turns around, Mai is surprised to find Azula standing in the doorway. "I thought you were with Ty Lee," she comments, turning away to finish unpinning her hair. She concentrates on laying the pins in a stick-straight line on the bedside table, like her mother used to make her do.
"I was going to," Azula answers, closing the door and walking over to sit on the edge of Mai's bed. "But she's not who I want to be with tonight."
"Oh?" Mai asks, and she is proud of how well she manages to make her shock sound like boredom.
"No." Azula is undeterred by Mai's lack of a reaction. Mai supposes she probably expected it. "I'm conquering the Earth Kingdom tomorrow. I'd like to spend tonight with the person whose companionship I value most, if that's alright with you."
"What are you going to tell Ty Lee when she asks you why you didn't show up tomorrow?" Mai asks.
Azula shrugs. "That I needed my rest. It doesn't matter. She believes anything I tell her."
Mai side-eyes her warily. She knows this is a ploy that is intended to lead to sex, and it is… working. Well, she was always going to cave in to Azula eventually anyway. She supposes it might as well be now. After all, what Azula wants, Azula gets. "Fine," she groans.
"Well, you could at least try to sound a little enthusiastic. If I didn't know you so well, I'd be incredibly insulted," Azula answers, but she stands up, unties the sash of her robe, and allows it to slide off her shoulders and pool around her feet.
Lying in bed with Azula pressed against her is nice, Mai decides afterward, while Azula's head is pillowed on her shoulder and her leg is hooked around Mai's narrow hips, and what comes before it is nice too. Azula is methodical, but she also burns with the passion of the sun. For the first time, Mai can almost see a future with her if Zuko never returns, though she is not sure a future is what Azula has in mind. If Zuko returns, Ozai will probably expect her to make a political marriage. If he does not and Azula becomes Fire Lord, she will, of course, do whatever she wants. Mai is not sure where she would fit into that plan, but she tries not to think about it as Azula shifts against her. After all, they have a coup to stage tomorrow, and no one is getting married anytime soon.
A week later, they are on a ship. Her, Azula, Ty Lee, and Zuko. Mai is not sure how things managed to turn themselves upside down so quickly.
She sneaks into Azula's room on the second night of the voyage. She is not with Ty Lee. Mai does not think she has been since the coup. She does not want to draw attention to herself with a knock that will echo through the corridors, so she invites herself it.
Azula whirls around, her hand alight in blue. She extinguishes it once she processes the identity of the intruder. "You should know better than to walk up behind a firebender unannounced," she comments.
"I could say the same thing about a knife thrower," Mai answers, and Azula shrugs. "So where does this leave us?" Mai crosses her arms. Having Zuko back is… confusing. She still likes him. She always has and she always will because a future with him is the only thing she has ever known. But she likes Azula too.
"Do you want to be with him?" Azula asks. She turns her back again and goes back to fiddling with something in the drawer of the bedside table. She is hiding her hurt. Mai knows because she does it herself.
"I don't think it's my choice," she replies to avoid really answering. "I do want to be with you."
"So you want me to be your other woman? Is that it?" Mai still cannot see Azula's face, but her voice is sharp.
"I've been your other woman for months now," she points out, and Azula's shoulders slacken. Mai knows that she challenges the Princess. She is one of the only people who does. Perhaps that is why Azula has been so intent on pursuing a relationship with the least available person she knows.
"I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand with Ty Lee," she admits. "I mean, I'm not surprised she fell in love with me, but I never expected her to admit it. I was very clear that my attraction to her was purely physical."
"She not the type to suffer in silence," Mai points out.
"No," Azula agrees. "That's your strong suit." It sounds like an accusation.
Mai takes a breath. "Yours too."
Within seconds, Mai finds her back pinned to the door as Azula's lips are on hers. They stumble to the bed, attempting to peel each other's clothes off without breaking the kiss. The bed squeaks and body parts slam against the wall. They leave bruises on each other's bodies with their hands and their mouths. They should be quieter, but Mai cannot bring herself to care.
They lay side by side in the narrow bed when it is over. Mai laces their fingers together and holds their joined hands up to study them. "I don't want to lose this," she murmurs.
"There's no point in asking you to choose," Azula replies, and Mai thinks that it is an agreement. "We both know that's not an option anymore. You're marrying my brother."
Mai rolls over so that she is facing the Princess. "Why did you bring him back? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you did, but doesn't that kind of mess things up for you?"
"I'm tired," Azula replies. For a moment, Mai thinks it is a dismissal, but then Azula continues. "I was wrong to want him gone. Some things are more important than a throne." Mai does not thinks she is referring to family.
This vacation was a huge mistake, Mai realizes as they arrive back at Li and Lo's house after the bonfire. She has broken up and gotten back together with Zuko in one evening. Not that she can ever really break up with Zuko. Sometimes she thinks she'd like to, but most days she is relieved that she is betrothed to someone she thinks she could actually love someday. It makes things with Azula all the more confusing.
"I really thought you were going to do it for a minute." She did not hear the door to the bedroom she and Ty Lee are sharing open, but Azula is standing behind her. "Why is it so dark in here?"
"The darker it is, the more stars you can see," Mai replies, but Azula lights the lamps anyway.
"Are you lamenting the fact that you're doomed to a life with that drama queen?" Azula asks, joining her at the window. When Mai does not answer, she speaks again. "Ty Lee asked me to be her girlfriend."
"When?" Mai demands, unable to keep the urgency from her voice.
"On the way back from the beach, when you were wrapped around my brother." The Princess wrinkles her nose.
"What did you say?" she asks. Her stomach feels like it is in her throat, like she just jumped from somewhere high and her internal organs have not caught up with her yet.
"I told her I didn't see why not," Azula answers. "After all, now that Zuko's back, it's not really fair for me to have to be alone."
Mai rolls her eyes. Both siblings are drama queens. Sometimes she has no idea why she puts up with them. "Azula, you've never been alone. I was the one who was alone the entire time we were in the Earth Kingdom. You unloaded on me and then you jumped into bed with her. No wonder she fell in love with you. She only saw the fun part of being in a relationship with you, without having to deal with all the shit."
"I only had to jump into bed with her because I couldn't do it with you," Azula argues.
"If you really cared about our relationship you would have waited for me," Mai bites back. "Not found someone else in the meantime."
"I only care about myself," Azula's voice is low and deadly. "You should know that by now."
It is not true. Mai knows it is not. There are a lot of things Azula cares about, and sometimes Mai thinks she is one of them, and sometimes she does not. It is one of the reasons that Mai does not regret her concurrent relationship with Zuko. She knows that he loves her. How Azula feels about her depends on the day.
"I care about Zuko," Mai says, though Azula already knows this. "But I care about you too." It feels like a scandalous admission between two people who claim not to care about anything in the world.
A moment of heavy tension falls over the room, and then, like some unspoken message has passed between them, they reach for each other at the same time. They are both still angry and they are trying to be quiet, and it makes things messy and clumsy. They fumble with the knots on each other's skirts. Lips are bitten. Skin is scratched. They leave marks.
Immediately after they are finished, Azula climbs out of bed to locate her clothing and leaves to find Ty Lee. Mai lies in the bed and listens to her footsteps retreat down the hall, hopes that Zuko does not come looking for her.
They are losing each other. Mai can feel it, and she wishes it did not make her feel so empty.
When Azula comes to Mai the night after the invasion, she looks about as terrible as Mai feels. "I hope you're happy," the Princess moans as she collapses beside Mai on her bed. "Your fiancé told my father I was lying about the Avatar."
"Haven't you heard?" Mai asks, turning back to the window. "He's not my fiancé anymore. My parents are probably trying to figure out who to pawn me off on right now."
"They're in Omashu. They probably don't even know yet," Azula answers absently. Mai turns back to look at her.
"Are you okay?"
"Of course I am," Azula snaps, but her eyes are rimmed with red. Mai has very rarely seen Azula cry, and it has not happened in several years. Of course, Mai cried for the first time in a long time today too. She is not even sure if it was because of Zuko leaving or because she no longer has any idea what her future holds, and it is not even up to her. Azula rolls toward her. "Do you want to have sex or something?"
"I don't think now is the time," Mai answers without hesitation, and Azula actually looks relieved. "Come here." She swings her feet onto the bed and pats the pillow beside her. Azula crawls toward the headboard to join her. By the way she is carrying her body, Mai can tell that she is in pain.
Mai leans over to press a kiss to her lips as Azula lays down and spots a dark red mark on her neck that she knows she did not leave. "I've had enough thinking for one day," Mai sighs. "Let's just lay here and talk about something other than battle plans."
"Like what?" Azula asks. "Battle plans are the only thing I ever talk about anymore."
"Exactly," Mai answers. "Is there anything else on your mind? Did one of your handmaids do something stupid this morning? Has Ty Lee proposed marriage yet?"
"No, but she is getting awfully attached," Azula answers. "Sometimes I wish I could feel the same way about her. Our relationship would be so easy if you weren't ruining things."
"I don't think that's fair," Mai points out. "I felt exactly the same way with Zuko."
Azula breathes a heavy sigh. "Zuko's gone again."
"I thought we'd established that."
"I thought bringing him back would end it, you know." Mai looks over at her in confusion, and Azula rolls her eyes. "Come on, Mai. You've seen the bruises. You're not Ty Lee. I know you're intelligent enough to figure it out. I thought bringing Zuko back would end it the same way I thought capturing Ba Sing Se would ended it. The same way I thought bending lightning would end it." A bitter laugh. "It's pathetic isn't it? A conqueror who's still under her father's thumb."
"We could assassinate him," Mai suggests, and she is surprised to find that she is only half joking.
"No," Azula shakes her head. "Everyone would know it was me."
"But you'd be the Fire Lord," Mai replies. "What would they do about it?"
Azula raises an eyebrow. "And I suppose you think you'd be my Fire Lady."
"That would come as an awful shock to Ty Lee," she mutters. A weary sigh. "Choose whoever you want. I don't think I even care anymore. I'll probably be the third wife of some noble twice my age in Fire Fountain City this time next year, taking care of five spoiled children who aren't even mine."
"I see. So this is a ploy to save yourself as much as it's a ploy to save me," Azula draws, and Mai shrugs.
"Why not kill two dragons with one blade?"
"How ironic is it that we're two of the most skilled combatants in the entire world, and we're still completely at the mercy of our parents?" Azula asks. Mai cannot tell if it is intended to be a rhetorical question.
"Sometimes I envy Ty Lee," Mai agrees. "Her parents probably still haven't even realized she's missing. No matter where she is, she'll find a way to be happy."
"I gave up on that dream a long time ago," Azula murmurs, grimacing as she attempts to place her arm behind her head and then giving up and dropping it back to her side. Mai reaches her arm out so that Azula can place her head on it instead. "And this just proves it. People like us don't get happy endings."
Ty Lee cries herself to sleep the first three nights in the Boiling Rock. It annoys Mai to no end, because there is really nothing to do other than sleep, and now she cannot even do that. Azula's words continue to ring in her ears, People like us don't get happy endings. Sometimes Mai thinks if she had known it was their last chance, she would have taken Azula up on her offer to have sex that night, but then she remembers the look of relief on the Princess' face when she turned her down, and the thought makes her sick to her stomach.
"Can I help you?" Mai call up to Ty Lee's bunk on the fourth night, because trying to fall asleep over Ty Lee's sobbing is getting very old very fast and because Ty Lee is her friend, despite the resent Mai feels toward her over Azula.
"I'll never see her again," Ty Lee whimpers. Her voice is agonized, and Mai does not know whether to roll her eyes or feel guilty for wanting to.
"That's no one's fault but her own," she replies instead. "She's the one who locked us in here."
"I loved her," Ty Lee sobs. Mai sighs heavily. She bites her lip.
"I did too."
A moment later, Ty Lee's head is hanging over the edge of the bunk, her wide, moist eyes staring Mai down. "You did?"
Mai nods. "Mmhm."
"But what about Zuko?" Ty Lee asks. To Mai's surprise, she does not seem upset. Merely surprised and curious.
"I liked Zuko too," she answers. "But I've known I was going to marry him since I was nine. We were forced to love each other. With Azula, it just… happened."
Ty Lee slides off of her bunk and into bed beside Mai without touching the floor. Her hands are on her, and Mai does not stop her. It is not the last time they sleep together in the narrow bunk in the corner of the small, dark cell. They cannot wage wars from prison, so they fuck. Sleeping with Ty Lee is inherently different than sleeping with Azula was. It is wilder but with less force. Ty Lee is much more vocal, and it often feels like some sort of athletic competition. There is never any pretense. It is nothing more than sex to either of them. It is the two of them clutching at each other desperately, searching for someone else in one another's bodies. Sometimes Ty Lee whispers to Mai that she loves her when they are finished, but Mai thinks it is out of habit more than anything. Words meant for Azula.
Over time, the resent she feels for Ty Lee vanishes. After all, neither of them can help the hold that Azula had on them, and just because Mai fell first does not mean that Ty Lee's feelings are any less legitimate. And it is difficult to be angry at the acrobat when she nuzzles her face into Mai's neck and falls asleep with her breath tickling Mai's chin. They do not love each other, and they never will, but it is nice to be close to someone.
Mai does not like the asylum. It is gorgeous from the outside, and the garden is nice, but the inside of the building gives Mai a cold feeling, a feeling of not being trusted, like the walls have eyes.
Azula's room is down two flights of stairs, well below ground level. It was probably done for her own safety, but it is still just as upsetting to think about someone who once lived and breathed sunlight being forced to hide underground.
Azula does not react when the door of her room swings open. She is curled up on the bed facing the wall, her hair strewn across the pillowcase. At least it looks clean, Mai thinks. At least she is well taken care of.
She sits on the edge of the bed and rests her hand on the Princess' upper arm. "Azula," she murmurs.
There is a moment of silence before Azula replies, "Why are you here?"
"Because you're here," Mai answers, rubbing her arm. "What other reason would I have?"
"You should be with your fiancé," Azula says, and Mai hates how utterly defeated she sounds. "Didn't he just become Fire Lord this afternoon?"
"That's not where I'm needed," Mai replies shortly.
"I don't need you," Azula snaps, but it is not as effective when her voice is shaking the way it is.
"Yes, you do," Mai argues, as if she is not speaking to someone whom she knows could kill her without even sitting up.
"You betrayed me."
"I know," Mai sighs. "But I couldn't just let Zuko die. I would have done the same thing for you. I'm not sorry about what I did, but that doesn't mean I don't feel about what happened to you."
Azula looks up at her for the first time since Mai entered the room, and Mai can tell immediately that something is wrong. Her eyes are wide but empty. Mai always believed that Azula's resting face was a smirk, but now her expression is completely blank. "Do you think I'm insane?"
Mai gives her arm a reassuring squeeze. "I think you've always been a little insane, Azula."
"Did you know I was going to lose my mind?" Azula presses.
Mai bites her lip as she decides how to answer. "I felt you starting to slip away towards the end," she admits. "After Zuko left."
Azula is silent for a moment. "Are you still marrying my brother?" she finally asks, and Mai groans.
"He voided my contract," she replies. "So I don't have to anymore—"
"You should," Azula interrupts. "That's your happy ending, isn't it. That's what you've always wanted."
"I don't know." Mai shakes her head. "I accepted it so long ago because I knew it was going to be my future, and I figured I might as well lean into it. But I don't know if it's ever been what I really wanted."
"Well, I certainly hope you don't want me," Azula comments. It is meant to sound like a joke, but Mai detects a certain bitterness in her tone. "I'm afraid you'll be sorely disappointed. Spending your life with someone who's locked up can't possibly be as fulfilling as it sounds."
"Of course I want you." Mai brushes a strand of hair from her companion's cheek and is shocked to find it damp. "And people like us don't get happy endings right? So I should probably just accept my fate." She leans down to place a kiss on Azula's temple and then pushes herself off the bed and takes a step toward the door.
"Wait," Azula says. When Mai turns around, the Princess is peering at her over her shoulder. "Are you coming back?"
"Obviously," Mai answers, rolling her eyes, and Azula's lips flicker into something that is almost a smile.
Azula spends her first night free from the asylum with Ty Lee. They have reconciled by now, and Mai finds that she does not hate it as much as she thought she would. After all, she is probably going to marry Zuko. Azula needs someone who can be completely devoted to her, not someone who may soon be juggling her with a husband.
They find each other the next morning in a living room that Mai has rarely seen used. It has been three years since they have lain in one another's arms, but they fit together just like they used to. Azula's fingers still feel the same way on Mai's stomach. She still makes the same tiny gasping sound when Mai's lips meet the inside of her thigh. Every action is slow and deliberate. Every kiss is lingering, like neither of them can believe they are finally doing this again.
"You're less out of practice than I thought you'd be," Azula comments, when they are laying on the couch afterward, pressed together and slicked with sweat. Mai smirks.
"You thought I'd be out of practice? You're the one who's been in a mental hospital for three years."
"But that's different," Azula explains. "I'm the best at everything I do." Their relationship has not seemed so light since before Mai left for Omashu, back when the Avatar was a legend, and Zuko was a distant memory, and the kisses did not involve tongue.
"How would you feel if I married Ty Lee?" Azula suddenly asks her. Mai raises an eyebrow. It seems a bit abrupt. They have not been back together for very long.
She shrugs. "I'm probably going to marry Zuko. I would be a hypocrite if I told you you couldn't."
"Everyone is getting married," Azula comments. "I won't be left out." Mai understands. She and Zuko will probably marry, and Ty Lee could leave and find someone else, though Mai seriously doubts she will. She seems just as in love with the Princess as Mai is. Azula is marking her territory, so to speak. The marriage is an insurance policy that she will never be left alone.
"Why do we do this?" she finally asks. It is the night before she marries Zuko, and she is lying in bed beside Azula questioning every decision she has ever made and wondering why, when she is about to have everything, it still is not enough.
Azula shrugs halfheartedly. She is twisting her own wedding ring around her finger, and she does not look up. "Because it's fun." And because we love each other, Mai thinks, but she does not say it. She and Azula are the kind of people who prefer to pretend that they do not know how to love. And they understand each other in a way that Zuko and Ty Lee never will.
"We're going to hurt them," she comments. Azula does not seem concerned by the thought.
"People like us don't care about hurting other people."
Mai hates to admit that it is true. Zuko finding out about the affair would prevent her from having to choose, though now that Azula has married Ty Lee, the time for choice is long over. But Zuko finding out would put an end to her having to pretend. She loves him. That was an inevitability really. A childhood crush that evolved into love because that is the only idea that either of them has ever known. But she loves his sister too, and pretending she does not is becoming extremely grating.
"Let's not think about that," Azula murmurs. She rolls over so that she is hovering over Mai's body. "This is the last night that I won't be committing treason by sleeping with you. Let's just enjoy it."
"Why?" Mai asks, though her hand is already tangling in Azula's hair, pulling her closer. "You've already committed treason so many times, what's one more thing?"
"I'll have you know that I have never committed treason in my life," Azula argues. "I have always been completely loyal to my nation. Unlike you and your husband."
"And your wife," Mai reminds her, and then Azula's lips are on her collar bone and neither of them speak for a while.
Tomorrow, Mai will marry Zuko like nothing happened. Like she has no doubts. And they will be happy. That is what she tells herself.
Mai gives birth to Izumi late at night with a typhoon raging outside. Zuko is on one side of her, clasping her hand, his eyes so wide that Mai thinks they might fall out of his head. Ty Lee is on the other, whispering words of encouragement into her ear. It strange to be giving birth surrounded by the two people against whom she has committed the worst acts of betrayal. Two people who trust her perhaps more than they trust anyone else and whom Mai would sacrifice her life for. It is only in moments like these that she doubts the affair. A tear leaks from her eye and Ty Lee brushes it away with her thumb without thinking anything of it. She probably attributes it to pain.
Azula is tucked into a corner on the other side of the room. Ty Lee has been begging her for a baby ever since she went with Mai to pick out a crib for the nursery. Mai thinks that Azula might eventually give in, but the fact that she refused to sleep with Mai as soon as she started showing because the idea of it freaked her out does not seem encouraging.
The pressure building in her lower abdomen suddenly disappears and she hears a high-pitched cry. The midwife carries something squirming and pink to the basin on the other side of the bed. Zuko leans in close to her ear. "We have a daughter."
He sounds so ecstatic and so proud and so in love, and Mai cannot help the sobs that suddenly wrack her body like the typhoon wracks the outside walls of the palace. In that moment, she wishes more than anything that he could be enough.
The midwife thrusts the baby into her arms. Mai looks down at her daughter, meets golden eyes that are identical to Zuko's and Azula's, and wonders how old she will be when she realizes what a fucked up family she was born into. For Mai, it happened when she got engaged at nine years old. For Azula, it was when she was eleven, the night Zuko was banished and an hour after she had her first kiss.
Zuko wraps her in his arms and greets his daughter over her shoulder, and she forces thoughts of betrayal from her mind. They are going to be a normal, happy family, if only for tonight, so that when Izumi is older, Mai can tell her how excited she was on the night of her birth, how she knew she loved her as soon as she held her in her arms, and not how she was wracked with guilt over an affair or how looking into her eyes was like staring her betrayal in the face or how her mood matched the raging storm outside. Her daughter deserves that much.
For Izumi, that day comes when she is six years old, younger than eitherher mother or her aunt. She is not forced to marry or harmed in any way, but in the end, it will still be devastating.
Mai is on top of Azula with her lips on her neck and her hand between her legs, and neither of them hear the door crack open. They are nearly thirty now, and they have been carrying on the affair for more than half their lives. Mai rarely feels the shattering guilt anymore, or perhaps she is just so used to feeling guilty that she no longer notices. Azula and Ty Lee still do not have a baby, and Mai seriously doubts that they ever will.
Sometimes they tell each other that they married the wrong people. Mai is unsure if they are both telling the truth or both lying, or if either of them even know. Mai loves Zuko, but he will never be enough for her. That is a fact she was forced to accept when she caught herself looking at Izumi and imagining she was Azula's instead. Mai does not know if Azula loves Ty Lee. Sometimes it seems like she does, and Mai does not know what their relationship is like behind closed doors. All she knows is the fit of hysterical laughter that Azula fell into the one time that Mai suggested inviting Ty Lee into bed with them.
"What we have is nothing like what we have," she had replied once she was able to speak again. "Ty Lee would ruin it."
"Mommy?" A small hand is tapping her on the shoulder. "What are you doing?"
Mai shrieks and jumps off of Azula like she has been burned. "I thought you locked the door," Azula whispers without taking her eyes off of her niece.
"You usually do," Mai answers, studying the expression on her daughter's face to gauge if she has any understanding of the situation she just walked into.
"You came in last," Azula hisses. Mai shakes her head. All of this arguing is not helping anyone.
"Izumi," she says in the desperate hope that if she acts like nothing is wrong, her daughter will forget this entire ordeal ever happened. "Do you need something?"
"Daddy wants to know where you are," she answers. "Why don't you have any clothes on?"
"We took them off," Mai answers stupidly. "We were too hot." Azula shoots her a disappointed look. Mai is so used to lying to her husband that it has become second nature, but she has never had to lie to her daughter before. At least not about anything important.
"Oh." Izumi tilts her head to the side. "Okay. I'll go get Daddy and tell him I found you."
"No, don't." Mai reaches out to stop Izumi, and the child looks back at her, alarmed. "I'll just get dressed and find him myself," she adds. "Where is he?"
She hopes that if Izumi ever mentions this to Zuko, she will leave out who Mai was in bed with. She will tell him it was Ty Lee. It will hurt him less than knowing that his wife is having an affair with his sister.
To Mai's great relief, Izumi does not mention the incident to anyone. She seems to forget about it, and, for a while, Mai thinks she is off the hook. And then, Mai places a hand on the small of Azula's back at her daughter's fourteenth birthday party, and her Izumi's eyes narrow, and Mai knows that she has given herself away.
Mai follows her daughter into the palace. "Izumi!" she calls, and the teenager whirls around. "I walked in on you having sex with her, didn't I? I didn't remember before, but it just came back to me." She sounds absolutely vicious.
"Yes," Mai admits. There is no point in denying it anymore. The affair is more than twenty years old and nowhere near ending. Someone was always going to get hurt eventually. In all her concern about Zuko and Ty Lee though, Mai never imagined that it would be her daughter.
"How long have you been doing this, Mom?" she demands. Mai hangs her head.
"Since I was fifteen."
Izumi is silent for a moment, and when she speaks again, her voice is low and deadly. "What about Dad?"
"I love your father," Mai answers truthfully. "But I was betrothed to him when I was nine years old. Neither of us ever had the opportunity to explore other options."
"Clearly you did," Izumi spits, gesturing back out to the party. "Does he know you've fucked my aunt? Who have you had sex with more times, Mom? Dad or her?"
"I don't know, Izumi," she replies. "It's probably about even."
"I can't believe this!" Tears are streaming from her daughter's eyes, and Mai wants more than anything to rush forward and gather her in her arms, but she doubts very much that she would be allowed to.
"Izumi, I love your father," she tries. "And I love you more than anything in the world, but I love your aunt too. I've loved her since I was a teenager, and when you fall in love, you'll understand that you can't let something like that pass you by."
But Izumi merely shakes her head at her. Her daughter is looking at her like she is a stranger, and it feels like Mai is being stabbed. "I won't tell Dad or Aunt Ty Lee because I don't want them to ever feel like I feel, but… how could you do this?" She turns her back on the her mother and walks farther into the palace. Mai does not go after her. There is no point.
That night Mai cries openly in front of Azula. It seems wrong to seek comfort from her for this, but she feels like she is burning alive from the inside out, and she needs to talk to someone. It is not like she can tell Zuko or Ty Lee what happened. She sobs, loud and ugly, and Azula simply sits in silence and rubs her back.
"What if I lost her?" she gasps when she is able to speak. "What if she never speaks to me again?"
"She won't," Azula assures her. "Even I don't hate my mother that much."
Mai nods. She clenches her teeth and makes the hardest decision she has ever made and will ever make in her life. "Azula, we have to end this. I have to try to make things right with Izumi, and I can't do that if I'm still sleeping with someone who isn't her father."
To her surprise, Azula does not react with anger. She sighs and nods her head in resignation. "I agree," she replies. "You daughter comes first."
Mai raises her eyebrows. "You're okay with me putting someone else before you?"
Azula shrugs. "If my parents had ever put me first, do you think I would have ended up like this?" She slides her hand through Mai's hair and pulls her into a searing kiss, a kiss mingled with gasps and tears and with the passion of every time they have ever been together. A kiss that is the last of its kind. "We had a great twenty-three years thought, didn't we?"
"The best," Mai agrees. She knows they are both blocking out the harder memories, the things that neither of them want to remember, like Mai's affair with Ty Lee in the Boiling Rock and the three years Azula spent in the asylum, but she does not care. She will have the rest of her life to remember those things. This is the last night that she has Azula. "I love you," she whispers. It is the first time she has said it, but it has always been true, and it always will be, and it will kill Mai if she does not say it at least once.
"I love you too," Azula replies. Words Mai never thought she would hear.
She runs her fingers through the hair behind and Azula's ear, taking in her beauty and wishing more than anything that things had not works out the way they did. "Go have twenty-three more great years with Ty Lee."
"If I could do everything over, I would have asked you to be my girlfriend that day we skipped school," Azula says. "And I would have told Ty Lee about our relationship in the Earth Kingdom. We would have ended up together."
Mai shakes her head. "I would have loved a life with you fifteen years ago," she answers. "But I have my daughter now, and I wouldn't give her up. I would do everything exactly the same way all over again. For all the guilt it's caused me, I don't regret our time together."
Azula presses a short kiss that reminds Mai forcefully of their first one to her mouth, and then she stands up and leaves without a word. Mai sits a while, letting the day's events sink in, and then she too leaves the room where they were last together.
She navigates the halls of the palace to her daughter's bedroom and cautiously pushes the door open. Izumi is asleep, sprawled across the bed with a troubled look on her face. She is a perfect mix of Mai and Zuko, a little too much like both of them than either of her parents would like. Mai pushes several strands of her daughter's long, black hair out of the way and lays a kiss on her forehead. Izumi mumbles in her sleep and shifts closer. She and her daughter have had a solid relationship up until now. Mai would like to think they will get through this.
Perhaps Azula was wrong. Perhaps people like them can have happy endings. Just not the happy ending they wanted.
A/N: So, I'm obviously experimenting with a new pairing here. I kind of hated what I had to do to Tyzula and Ty Lee and Mai's friendship to make it work, but it's a different interpretation on all of those relationships, and it's good to try new things. Anyway, I actually had a lot of fun writing this.
As always, let me know what you think. I'll see you all on Wednesday for some more Fate Is Cruel.