Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for the storyline.

Goodbyes

Ritsu doesn't know why goodbyes were 'good', when the only one that would haunt her for the rest of her life was the complete opposite of it.

What was it like to love her?

It was like taking a deep breath of fresh air after nearly drowning.

Fireworks exploded above us, lighting up her face. She was so beautiful then that it took my breath away. In that moment, I knew. I knew that I was in love with her, and always have been. Her eyes were full of joy and emotion, her smile sincere and wide, her cheeks flushed with excitement. She jumped around, gesturing wildly at the fireworks, her silky black hair whipping around. She was looking up at the fireworks, but my eyes were trained only on her. Her immense and rare burst of happiness put a soft smile on my face. It made me warm inside. She was the only one who could make me feel this way. And I loved how I was the only one who got to witness this side of her. I accepted how I felt about my best friend, and it made me happier.

-x-

What was it like to be loved in return?

It is the warm, fuzzy feeling of contentment and happiness you get when you wake up on Christmas morning and find presents, things that you've been wanting.

No matter how exhilarating it was to love her, I kept my feet on the ground. I knew she didn't love me back, at least not in that way. But her love, her love for me as a friend—it hurts to say that—was more than I could ever ask for. It was how she came to me telling me about her problems, even if she knew I would tease her about them, it was the way she tended to my scraped knee with so much tenderness. It was how she would always hit me on the head if I did something stupid or teased her. She loved me in all these little ways and they were enough for me, just enough for me to get by. However, I couldn't help—like a greedy little kid wanting more sweets—but hope for more. It was just wishful thinking and hopeless dreaming, but it was there. And I could not deny the fact.

-x-

What was it like to lose her?

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once.

"Goodbye, Ritsu."

I watched her walk away from me for the last time, arms wrapped around her beloved. My heart was filled with anguish. Why couldn't that be me? I was there for her, I was there since the beginning. Goodbyes were never 'good', I thought darkly. As her familiar figure—forever burned into my mind—disappeared into the white snow, every single memory, every conversation we shared, everything we did, just came rushing into my brain. I broke down and cried, shivering alone in the cold winter, feeling the loneliest I had ever felt. The white snow that was once beautiful to me, now seemed too bright.

"Hey Mio! It's snowing!" I shouted eagerly. I grabbed Mio's arm and rushed out the door, not bothering to put on my coat.

"It's… It's so beautiful," Mio said, her eyes sweeping the white snowy landscape, her face filled with wonder.

"Like you," I blurted out. Mio and I turned to look at each other and we both blushed intensely. "I-I… What? It's true!"

Mio laughed at my defensiveness and brushed the compliment aside, though her face stayed the same shade of red for the entire day.

I loved her, and thus I wanted her to be happy. I had confessed to her earlier that day, after the first snowfall. I knew she didn't love me in that way and yet I still confessed. I just wanted her to know how I felt about her. But I guess I didn't think it through enough, otherwise I wouldn't be alone, pathetically curled up in the middle of a park, with only my depressing thoughts to accompany me.

"Ritsu… I'm-I'm sorry, but I can't. Y-You know I'm not… Not like that," Mio said quietly and looked down. I guessed she was quite surprised at my confession.

"I-I know, Mio. But… But we can still be friends, right?" I said with an extremely forced, high-pitched voice. Mio cringed at my tone.

"No! No, Ritsu, you don't get it… Things just won't be the same anymore. We'll be awkward and all… I think it's best that we just end it like this, without any awkwardness."

I knew I would never forget this memory, the last memory that I would ever have of her. I would always beat myself up over it and how foolish I was to lose her and our friendship like that in the heat of the moment; in just mere seconds, I lost the love of my life forever.

"Huh? But-"

"I'm sorry, I have to go. Goodbye, Ritsu," Mio said and that was when she walked away from me.

I hoped she was happy. Because I would never be able to be her knight, the one to protect her and steal her heart, unlike our elementary school days. I hoped that she would be happy without me, while I would try to be happy… Without her, for the rest of my life.

When you lose someone held so dear to you, whom you had spent the most of your life with,

the person that meant the world to you, in a span of mere seconds.

A/N: *gets hit by flying rotten eggs and tomatoes* Please don't kill me! :c A little plot bunny influenced by 'Three Questions' from Love & Misadventure by Lang Leav. I just wanted to try a one-sided Mitsu fic because they are just so addictive and angst-y in a way that feels really good. ...I think I might be a masochist. Once again, thank you for reading this. Please review and favourite if you enjoy it :)

P.S. I made up that 'quote' at the end of the story. I hope it's nice and sad.

x

Joeh