A/N I will be updating my other story tomorrow, but I couldn't get this out of my head. So here it is. It probably won't be as long as my other story and I'll update both as regularly as possible. Set after the finale as Clarke is walking away from the camp.
"May we meet again." She didn't wait on a response from Bellamy before turning from the camp and walking away. She knew where she needed to go, what she needed to do. She would be lying if she said she wasn't terrified of leaving on her own. She had a gun slung across her back and a dagger in her belt. She had a pack on her back with ammo and food and her water pouch. The first place she needed to go was the first place she called home here on the ground. She just needed to spend some time in solitude, so she could rest her mind and try to relax. She had a lot of demons she needed to slay, metaphorically of course. She had so much on her mind as she walked, knowing the route like the back of her hand by now. She thought of Lexa's betrayal, if you wanted to call it that. She understood perfectly why the commander had done what she did. And Clarke couldn't say for sure if she would or wouldn't have done the same as the commander in that situation. But she took it personally, that much couldn't be helped.
She thought they were better than that, which was her mistake of course. She should have seen something like that coming. She should have known that Wallace would consider her loyalty to her people and her "commander before Lexa" way of life. It didn't surprise anyone really. She kept replaying her kiss over and over. Surely it meant something, right? She was foolish to think that she could mean to the commander what the commander meant to her. Hodnes laik kwelnes. Lexa believes love is weakness. She proved to be correct about that. It wasn't until Clarke's weakness walked away from her on that mountain that she finally found the strength to do what had to be done. She irradiated level 5, she burned every citizen in the mountain. She had the blood of men, women, and children on her hands. She wouldn't ever forget it. She wouldn't ever be able to live in the camp with her people knowing what she had to do to keep them all safe. She was a monster, everything she had fought so hard not to become.
She was coming upon the drop ship before she knew it. She walked over all of the burned corpses, wondering still how many of them were her people. She thought of the day they arrived on the ground, the feelings she felt when the door opened for the first time. She never would have imagined in her worst nightmares that this is who she would become. She was grateful for the silence and solitude, she didn't want to be around anyone. She knew they all saw her as a hero, someone who brought them all home alive. She knew they didn't hold it against her, with the exception of Jasper. That was the problem, she needed to feel the guilt. She needed to feel the remorse of what she had done in order to hold onto the last shred of Clarke she had inside her. She needed to hurt for the people she had hurt. She approached the hammock and let herself sink into it. She fell into a fitful sleep with her dagger in her hand.
Her body was moving before her mind was even fully awake. When she finally realized what was going on she had a dagger against a throat with one at her throat as well. "Octavia what are you doing here?" Clarke lowered her dagger and sighed.
"Lincoln told me where you're going, we're going with you. Arguing with me will do you no good princess, so don't bother. I'm certainly not coming along to keep you company."
Clarke didn't miss the way she practically spat the word princess, clearly she wasn't forgiven yet. She knew the girl was right, arguing would be a waste of her time and energy. So she closed her eyes and relaxed back into the hammock. "We leave at first light" she said as she heard Octavia descending to the first level. She heard her talking to Lincoln as she tried to block out her surroundings. She wished she never had to ask Lincoln how to get to Polis, if she had already known then she would still be alone right now. She should have known he would tell Octavia. But it was probably better this way, definitely safer. She could deal with the discomfort of the situation if it kept her alive and got her to the capitol. It wasn't long before she fell into a deeper sleep, able to relax more with the 2 grounders below her.
It took them 4 days to get to Polis, and that was apparently making good time according to Lincoln. They had traveled fast and stopped only when absolutely necessary for hunting, eating, and sleep. Clarke was sure she smelled like a wild animal and didn't look much better. But she hardly cared, she was there for a purpose. She needed to talk to the commander and the other leaders who she knew would all be here. She needed to talk about her people being able to live in peace at Camp Jaha. Maybe discuss trading and alliances. She had no plans to go back, but she did want them safe. She wanted her people to be able to live the life they had dreamed when they fell from the sky. She knew that the sky people could teach the grounders valuable things, and the grounders could definitely teach the sky people. She still couldn't see the city but Lincoln had informed them that they were nearly there. She heard it before she saw it, then she really saw it.
It was the closest thing to the civilized cities in her books that she had come across since being on the ground. It wasn't glamorous, but very functional and very much ahead of everything surrounding it. Buildings had been built of wood, no tents. There was a town center with lots of people milling about. There were shops, trading posts, and what looked like a stage. The stage caught her eye, maybe it was for musical or theatrical performances. She didn't know how long she stood there taking it all in, it was a beautiful place.
"Would you like me to show you where you will find the commander and the other leaders? You could always take in some of the capitol first if you'd like" Lincoln told her with a smile.
"I should probably get it all over with, do what I came for. I don't see much point in stalling, trying to enjoy myself. For all I know she could kill me today for just showing up here."
"If I recall, you received an invitation." She didn't miss his smirk.
"Yes, you recall correctly. If I recall, she extended that invitation right before she left me and my people to die. I'd say the invitation was rescinded." Clarke didn't mean for that much bitterness to come out in her words.
"The invitation stands Clarke of the Sky People. So we meet again." That voice stopped Clarke in her tracks and she immediately felt the emptiness creep into her heart.
She turned around to face her, face expressionless. "Commander." She nodded respectfully, it was all Lexa would get from her. "I've come to discuss peaceful living for my people, possible trade. Is there somewhere we can speak?"
Lexa thought Clarke sounded broken, dead inside. She kept her commander face on however, she couldn't let the girl see how it ripped her heart apart to see her like that. She had heard what Clarke had done to save her people, she respected her even more for it if that was possible. She knew Clarke wouldn't be the same, but she didn't expect this shell of her former self. "Follow me." She was afraid if she said anything more, or stayed in the open any longer her face would betray her.
Clarke did as she was told, following silently. She had expected it to be harder, seeing her again. But all she felt was this hollow emptiness inside of her chest. Like something was missing and being around the commander made its absence obvious. She didn't miss it though, love is weakness. She didn't need it, all she needed was to do what she came her for so she could leave. She knew where she would go back to. She would live in the bunker that used to have such a special place in her heart. The bunker that now just brought a reminder of what kind of damage she can cause. Finn had turned into a murderer because of her. Living there would mean she never forgot. It meant she could keep an eye on her people from a distance. It was safe, warm, had everything she would need. She hadn't paid much attention to her surroundings during their brief walk. She found herself standing in front of a large stone building, it looked like it had survived the war relatively unscathed.
"This is City Hall, where we hold all of our meetings, where we try criminals, plan wars, and even celebrate. It is also where I live." The commander explained as they walked inside. She didn't get to see much of the inside as Lexa led her off to a hallway leading away from all of the activity inside the building. She followed Lexa through the door she had just opened into what she knew was her bedroom.
The first thing she noticed was the huge bed covered in what looked like actual cotton blankets. She had weapons adorning the walls, how very Lexa. She had a desk that reminded her of the one she had in her tent in Ton DC where they would look over maps and war plans. It was furnished with intricately crafted wooden furniture. It looked every bit a room made for royalty of sorts. It fit the commander well. Said commander was currently standing in front of the closed door waiting patiently for Clarke to finish her appraisal of the room. She was trying very hard to ignore the feeling in her stomach at having the sky girl in her room.
"What have you come to talk to me about Clarke?" She hoped the pain didn't show in her voice when she said the girls name.
"My people, I want them to be able to live in peace. We no longer have any alliance with anyone and I don't know if they will survive on their own if other clans target them. I just want them to be left alone. They can teach the other clans things and learn in return. They can trade, my mother can make medicine. They have technology. They have knowledge of things that could benefit the people of the ground. They have no reason to go to war with anyone for any reason. They mean no one any harm. They just want to live, farm, hunt, and move forward." She tried to put as much emotion in her speech as possible, wanting the commander to see how much she wanted these things for her people.
The fact that Clarke never once said "we" was far from lost on the commander. She replayed the girl's words in her mind, having already decided to give Clarke anything she asked for. She couldn't let it be known that she would have given the moon for the sky princess. She would have given anything to put some light back into those blue eyes. They used to shine like the ocean, now they looked like a dark stormy sky. "Why do you speak of your people like you will not be living with them?" She had to know.
"Because I won't be, which should be of no concern to your decision. My people helped you in every way they could. All I ask is some help in return. Please just extend your protection over them. Erase the target from their backs that has been there since we fell from the sky."
She didn't want to let it go, but she knew she had no right to pursue any further information. "Everything you asked will be given, Clarke of the sky people. I owe your people that much."
"Thank you Commander, I'll be on my way now. It's a long way home, I'd like to be on the road alone for as few days as possible."
Lexa's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "You're traveling alone?" She nearly screamed at Clarke.
"Yes, it's of no concern to you Commander. If there's nothing else I'll be on my way."
She turned and walked out before Lexa had any chance to stop her. Getting around other people as soon as possible to avoid Lexa making a scene in front of her people. She walked out of the doors with her head held high, relieved that her people would be okay. Now she was on her way home. It was going to be a long trip.