BUTT GUNS: The real Astroboy Adventures.

By Rocku

ch. 1: "my butt has guns"

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"C'mon Astro! Just a little further! You can do it!"

Astro took baby steps. He was walking for the first time and Dr. O'Shay was encouraging him as he made his way... to the coffee machine.

"Now pour the coffee! POUR THE COFFEE!"

"You need to stop using that poor robot to do trivial tasks." Yuko appeared behind the doctor with Momo screeching happily behind her. "He needs to learn important things, and he needs to go to school!"

"No, no, don't worry, I have it all figured out. I'll keep him locked in the basement for a few years, and then when I know I've finally broken his spirit, I can..."

"Doctor!"

"Alright, alright! I'll send him to school! If you weren't so good in the sack I wouldn't be doing this..."

Yuko shifted her eyes nervously around the room.

"Here Astro. This is called a BOX." Dr. O'Shay threw the object at the young robot. "Just, just play with that for a bit..." He then walked out of Astro's room and closed the door. Astro looked at the box, then around the room.

"This box is gay." He threw it against a wall. Soon Nora, that yellow robot who looks like... like a trash-can, came into the room.

"I've been sent here to help you with your lessons. Lesson number 1: Shut the hell up. Lesson number 2...

"Birdy!" Astro broke through the window and flew after a bird. In the process he flew into a telephone pole wire, got electrocuted, passed out, and fell into the middle of the road causing a 12 car pile up.

"Oh snap. Hell, I'm not cleaning that up." Nora looked both ways and then made a run for it.

>>>

"Where did all the extra energy go!"

"Maybe he... maybe he's just storing it for another time..."

"Shut up, Jerry. Just shut up. You don't know what the hell you're talking about."

Some dude whose not really that important and his robot homies are talking about why Magnomite, some robot whose purpose was probably mentioned but since I don't pay any attention to episodes that don't have Skunk in them, I'm not sure what it is, is taking extra energy he doesn't need.

The dude called up Dr. O'Shay. "Dr. O'Shay, Magnomite is being a stupid head... what do I do?"

Dr. O'Shay threw down his magazine of "Large Women who like Abraham Lincoln" in frustration. "Oh hell! Why does everyone always come to me with their problems! It's like I'm the president of some... some sort of Ministry of Science... place..."

Inspector Tawashi busted open the door to O'Shay's office all gangsta style. "Hey! Doctor! Your kid's been beating up my kid!"

"Impossible! Astro's in his room..." Dr. O'Shay heard Astro's voice come from outside the window.

"Gimme your lunch money!" Astro was beating up Tawashi's kid, who had the same mustache and inspector uniform as his father.

"Hey, that's one ugly kid."

"Shut up! Stop it with the city wide black-outs!" And with that, Tawashi left.

Dr. O'Shay got into his car for some reason and began driving. He soon got a call from the dude in the Magnomite place.

"Magnomite's being a total bitch!"

Hmmmm... thought Dr. O'Shay. Tenma must have sabotaged it!

Tenma sat at his desk in the shadows and gave a creepy, foreboding smile. Suddenly Astro breaks down the door and walks into Tenma's house. "Hey, what is this place?"

Tenma freaks out. "Kid! How'd you get here!"

"I dunno, I never ran this far. Copyright a shoe commercial. I like shoes. Who are you, mister?"

"I'm your father. Astro, would you like to come live with me?"

"No. Your house smells like dog food."

"Oh."

"K, I'm gonna get going. I have more stuff to steal."

Tenma watched Astro go, not exactly sure just how he should have felt at that moment.

>>>

Magnomite crashed through some building, killing some people, yadda yadda yadda... Soon, Dr. O'Shay's car got flipped over by one of it's legs, and was about to get stepped on when Astroboy came and stopped it.

"Magnomite!" Astro yelled. "I know you're just hurting people because you're insecure about how big your butt is!"

"It's true!" Magnomite cried. "My butt is huge! Oh, what can I do?"

"But don't you see..." Astroboy explained. "The only way your butt will get smaller is if you go back to the building you came from."

"Really Astro?"

"Yeah, sure... whatever..."

"Then I will. Oh, thank you, Astroboy."

"Nice. Now can you get off my foot. It hurts like the shit."

"Sorry."

>>>

"Dammit!" Tenma slammed his fist down. "Mark my words, Tobio, I'll have you yet!"

"Uh sir? I know where the smell is coming from. Apparently you're house is built over an evil dog burial ground and my guess is they're pretty pissed off."

"Great, now I have two problems!"

>>>

Dr. O'Shay put his arm around Astro. "Good job, Astro. You saved the day. And there were no casualties."

Astro made a face. "What, are you kidding? Thirteen buildings collapsed. 350 people died. Look, there's a woman over there holding her dead baby."

"Yup, everything's aaaaaaalright..."

"Oh God, my baby!"

Everyone joined hands and laughed into the night.

- End ch. 1