Jagged Little Pieces; or Beautifully Broken (1/1)
Disclaimer: Kate, Sawyer, Jack, Hurley, Libby, and Ana Lucia...not mine. I will take the broken virgin Mary statue and it's mess.
8/7/06
Spoilers: S.O.S., Two for the Road, and ?
A new look on the hug scene in ?
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She always turns her head, always runs away.
There are some things that will always be the same. Unchangeable, immovable.
She'll always run.
I watch her run. I watch her hide. But this island is not big enough for her to run far. And though she's an expert at blocking people out, I see her crack.
She's beautifully broken. Always has been. Some people are just born that way. Ain't nothing you can do to change it. It's just one of those things.
Maybe it's cause I've been there. Maybe that's why I can see past the act. Maybe that's the connection she doesn't believe we share. Refuses to believe that anyone could know how it feels.
She thinks she wants to be alone but every action betrays how she really feels. How she needs to not be alone. Especially now. She's been alone far too long already. She cares too much about other people for it to be good for her.
I'm the last person who should go to her.
She sits, staring at a broken virgin Mary. The symbolism is not lost on me.
The thing I think she doesn't realize, is that we're all lying there in that statue. That there's pieces of us all, all over the place. Some of us realize we're broken, have been for a long time. Others, like Jack for example, don't think there's anything wrong.
She doesn't understand that nobody gets out of this place intact. That maybe we're not supposed to. Maybe we're just supposed to let other people fill in the cracks. Maybe that's what makes us beautiful.
Listen to me get all poetic over some pile of rubble. There ain't nothing symbolic about a pile of trash, ain't nothing beautiful about it either. Just sad.
I've still got little pieces of Ana Lucia poking out of me.
She runs to punish herself, I just choose more entertaining methods.
We really aren't that different.
For instance, I still can't go to her. Still can't explain things to her. Even when I know it's what she needs.
She's still got little pieces of Jack, sharp jagged pieces, poking out of her.
And as she starts to cry, as her tears run down and try to wash everyone out of her cracks, I feel myself crumble a little.
Jack turns to look at me, not clear why I'm hanging around.
Hell if I knew the answer to that...probably would have gotten the hell out of dodge long ago.
His eyes travel past me and see Kate crying in the corner. She can't see either one of us, thinks her soft sobs can't be heard in the stony silence of the next room. But they echo off of empty walls. Compelling me forward.
Still I don't go to her, expect Jack to do that. His job as the hero after all, to rescue the damsel in distress.
But he just turns his back on her. Too caught up in his righteous anger I suppose.
See the thing he doesn't see is that the girls are dead. They ain't coming back. And he can hunt all he wants but it's just revenge. He can call it justice but it ain't. Ain't no such thing as justice, only revenge painted up to look prettier. And it ain't gonna be as fulfilling as he thinks it's gonna.
He can be as angry as he wants but it ain't gonna help no one.
If he wants to be the hero, he should probably remember the ones who ain't going to be covered in dirt in a few hours.
Kate needs him. She doesn't need me.
Just cause she got, 'caught' in some damn 'net' with him doesn't mean I don't feel every sob tear away at something inside.
It also don't mean I don't feel bad about getting, 'caught in a net' with Ana. Doesn't mean I don't I feel like shit when she's next to me.
But you learn to live with that. You learn to get over getting screwed and move on. Kate knows that. Jack will find out one day.
Jack gets up and leaves. I'm sure it's her sobs that chase him away. They probably scare him. He never did learn what to do when he can't fix tings.
Well guess what Jacko, the world ain't pretty. It don't fit into your little plans sometimes and people die. You can't fix everyone. You ain't God.
Stupid bastard.
Hurley gets it. Hurley gets how screwed up the world is. How no one comes out whole.
I almost feel sorry for him. Poor guy was finally getting a break. Shoulda known better though.
The part that makes me go to her. The part that makes me finally slide into the seat beside her and gather her in my arms...
It ain't cause Jack left.
It ain't cause her tears are too much to take. Cause honestly they aren't. I've made plenty of women cry before. Probably'll make plenty more cry.
It ain't even cause of Hurley sitting there staring at Libby's lifeless body.
Funny thing is it's Ana Lucia.
The thing that makes me angry. Makes me want to scream at all of them.
See this side of the island pretty much hated her. And it pisses me off that they're all gonna cry about it. Gonna pretend she's one of the group.
She was one of the biggest friggin outcasts on the damn island. All cause she was doing what she had to. And I get that. Sometimes the things you gotta do ain't gonna be pretty.
It's just not fair.
And yeah life ain't fair.
But still a part of me hates it.
So I go to Kate, not cause it's what I should do, not cause it's what she needs, but cause it's something I gotta do. And if Ana Lucia taught me anything, it was that some things are necessary.
Most of them aren't pretty.
And when she pulls away from me at first, when she turns away and pretends that if she doesn't look at me I won't know. Won't hear her tears, won't feel her pain. When she can't stand the thought of crying in front of me...
I know it's just something she's got to do.
It's who she is and I don't want to change that. So I wait for her to come to me, put my arms around her, let her know I'm not leaving. And she does come to me. Buries her face in my shirt and cries. Letting me fill in a few cracks for a little while.
So yeah, there are some things that will never change. Somethings that are fixed in the sky and there ain't no way around them. We like to believe that it's different. But maybe that's just one of the biggest cosmic jokes of all.
The hope that things are gonna get better.
But the truth is we're always gonna be broken on some table, all our secrets spilling out.
And these immovable truths... one of them is that she's always gonna run.
Guess a part of me just hopes that one day she'll run to me. Maybe it's selfish but there are some things you just gotta do.
And protecting Kate... well it's just one of those things.