Title: Five Times Kara Thrace Fell In Love
Author: Alice J. Foster (a.k.a. shipperfey)
Summary: Poetry was fun. Painting was cathartic. Pyramid was the best pastime a girl could ask for. But flying—nothing could compare to flying.
Spoilers: Post S3, contains no spoilers for S4.
Category: Angst.
Warnings: Character Death (not Kara or Lee).
Pairing(s): Kara/Lee, with Kara/Zak and Kara/Sam.
Rating: PG-13
Started: 1/5/2008
Finished: 1/6/2008
Disclaimer: Nope they don't belong to me. I'm just playing with them; I'll put them back before the writers realize they were gone.
Beta: The wonderful cherylad.
First
The skies of Caprica were never as beautiful as the day Ensign Kara Thrace first flew a Mark VI.
The skies weren't what stuck with her, though.
It was the first time she actually felt in control.
As she navigated through clouds so white they almost blinded her, she realized it was the first time she proved her mother wrong.
She got her wings the next day. No one showed up, but she didn't let it bother her.
Poetry was fun. Painting was cathartic. Pyramid was the best pastime a girl could ask for.
But flying—nothing could compare to flying.
Second
Her palms sweated profusely the whole time she was up at the podium; someone should've told her that teaching was this nerve-wrecking. She'd been herself, funny and quirky, and she was pretty sure no one had noticed how awkward she felt.
Helo had teased her about how her lack of discipline would either make her a shitty instructor -- or a really good one. She was going to kill him for making her nervous.
It was her first day, and she breathed a sigh of relief as the clock struck 0700 and her students started to file out.
She never noticed the one who stayed behind until he spoke up.
"Great class, sir," the nugget told her with a smirk.
"Excuse me?" she asked him with a pointed eyebrow. "Adama, right?"
He nodded. "Zak Adama, sir."
"Drop the sir," she ordered him as she took her time sizing him up. He'd been quiet throughout the class, but she'd noticed him taking notes.
He was cute.
Off-limits, her mind reminded her. Most definitely against regs.
She never liked rules.
She let him take her to a bar after class.
He let her show him what it was like to do body shots of ambrosia off your flight instructor's navel.
They were inseparable after that.
He was like poetry.
Third
Zak's death changed her life forever.
As she's stepped off that raptor onto the Galactica deck, she realized his life had changed her as well.
Zak had always joked about the Adama legacy. It wasn't until she met his brother that she understood it. And it wasn't until her name was added to the Galactica rotation that she understood she was now a part of it.
The ship hummed to life under her toes, promising her a new start.
It wasn't long until the unforgiving bulkheads and small bunks became her home.
Jogging through the hallways of the Galactica had the same effect on her as painting; it helped her forget her pain.
Fourth
Falling in love with Sam had been so easy.
He was everything she loved about her life before flying.
It didn't hurt that he was great in bed, and his eyes seemed to worship every inch of her without ever trying.
She fell hard and fast. Faster than she would've allowed herself before the worlds ended. Much faster than she would've allowed herself before Zak.
She'd run out of time before; she wasn't about to make the same mistake. It didn't matter how estranged they became or how far apart they grew.
She never stopped loving pyramid, even after she quit the game.
She never stopped loving Sam, even as she watched his Raptor exploding into a million pieces.
Fifth
Over the years she'd known Lee Adama, she'd spent most of her time trying not to love him.
It worked sometimes.
More often than not, however, she'd find herself falling, but it was always in degrees. She could hardly say that she fell in love with him once, more like she started to fall for him when she met him and just couldn't stop. It was like flying into an over-pressurized atmosphere, getting pulled by the planet's gravitational field and not being able to pull back.
One day she discovered he loved flying as much as she did, he just wasn't as open about it as she was; she fell a little. She'd been so in love with his brother, she hadn't noticed until much later.
Then she found out he never had to ask her questions about her past to understand her; he could read her like a book. They could have entire conversations without words; and she fell a little bit more.
There were things that made her fall in love with him that probably shouldn't have; like the way he blurred the line between pain and comfort, or the way he was the only person that could get her to let her guard down.
Her mother had taught her that loving duty and honor made you strong, but loving people made you weak.
Loving Lee never made her feel weak.
Even after so many years of gradually falling in love with Lee Adama, she never fell in love with him as much as the day of her husband's funeral, when he brought her a bottle of Picon's Best Label.
She could still feel the ghost sensation of the Admiral's arm around her shoulders, squeezing tight and holding her up.
Lee took a seat next to her amongst the sea of empty chairs. He broke the seal to the bottle of ambrosia before handing it to her, his fingers brushing against hers in an attempt to comfort.
He didn't know what it felt like to lose a spouse; he got to divorce his.
It was killing her to sit in an empty room after venting Sam, and Lee knew it.
Not that there was anything left to vent; everything had gone away along with the raptor. It had just been a symbolic funeral for another pilot who sacrificed himself for Earth.
Kara laughed bitterly around the bottle before taking a swig.
"Son of a bitch died destroying a frakkin' Resurrection Ship. How's that for irony?" she asked herself.
Lee replied anyway. "Pretty ironic," he conceded, reaching for the bottle and taking his own swig.
"Last stop on the way to Earth, and he gets himself killed."
There had been such a gap between her and Sam after she returned from Earth; they hadn't even discussed what their relationship would be like once they made it to the Thirteenth Colony. And now, he was gone, and she would never get to find out if her marriage was salvageable.
Kara wished she'd chosen to displease the gods by divorcing Sam, all those months ago aboard a planet that had been yet another stop on their way to Earth. Because then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't be hurting this much. Maybe she would've gotten over him completely, and her head wouldn't be filled with 'what ifs' and confusing her completely.
Kara and Lee sat in silence for a while longer, until the alcohol took effect. Picon's Best had always been her favorite, a fact that had never escaped Lee's attention.
"Bottle like this must be going for what? Eight thousand cubits or something?"
Lee shrugged. "Between five thousand cubits and one's soul. Lucky for you, I'm a master at bargaining."
Kara briefly wondered if he still had one to lose, especially after Baltar's trial. She hardly got to see him anymore; he was always off doing something obscure aboard the civilian ships. And then she met his eyes; definitely still as soulful as ever.
"How do you mourn a machine?" she asked once her eyes returned to the flags of the twelve colonies.
"The normal way," Lee replied calmly.
Lee and Sam; she would never be able to understand how they'd gotten along after she flew into that storm, but somehow they had. She realized suddenly that Lee wasn't there just to comfort her-- he was mourning the fallen cylon as well.
"I don't even remember the last time I told him I loved him," she confessed. "How frakked-up is that?"
It should feel awkward to have this conversation with Lee Adama of all people, but it didn't. It was a nice end to their frakked-up triangle.
Lee smiled that gorgeous smile of his. "On a scale of one to five, with one being your basic Kara Thrace frak-up, and five being a major Starbuck frak-up? I'd give it about a two-point-one."
She gave him an inebriated snort; one quarter of a bottle of Picon's Best had always gotten anyone plastered.
The tattoo on her arm felt like it was burning through her skin.
The words flowed easily out of her mouth, for the first time ever. "I love you, Lee." Once she said it, she almost felt alive again.
Lee didn't even think before replying. "I love you too."
"Promise me something."
"Anything for you, Kara."
"Promise you'll make me say it every day when we get to Earth," she started to say, pausing to swallow the lump in her throat. "When we land there, I need you to make me say it every day. If anything ever happens to one of us, I want to remember the last time I said it."
"Every day? For the rest of our lives?" It was a question and a promise all rolled into one.
It was Lee; she knew he understood he wasn't the only one promising something.
"Every day," she promised back.
"Deal."
the end
A/N: This is my first time doing this style of story, and I'm not sure I got it right. The final chapter just grew into a monster beyond my control.
Please let me know what you guys think—good or bad.