A/N: I've been watching and re-reading Dance in the Vampire Bund lately. It remains as one of my favorite animes. I wish the manga had more closure because it was certainly a cliffhanger for me. I needed more of Akira and Mina interaction and a real freaking kiss. Sad to say the manga ended although their relationship had always been clear. I just wish I knew at least a little of what the future holds for the two of them.Anyways, this was written after Sanin's arc before Tatiana. The lamentations of the vampire queen. It's a one shot deal despite the misleading note at the end of this one shot. I made it as if Yuki wrote it. I hope you guys enjoy.
Doubts & Insecurities & Eternity
A Dance in the Vampire Bund Fan Fiction
by Xincliere
"Yuki, " the vampire queen called my name. "Do you know? " Her melancholy and somehow sad voice echoed through the room we were in. Her private chamber. Then she looked at her small hands, palms facing her, "I sometimes doubt the feelings Akira has for me. " Her voice was calm but through it all I heard the slicing pain in her voice as it sliced my own heart. And I questioned to myself how she could still doubt him when all he thinks about is her. "Is it because of the promise? Is it because his family serves mine? Is it because it's in his were blood and servant of mine that he remains at my side?" She chuckled darkly. "I am a fool, aren't I? Afterall Akira went through for me. Sometimes I wish this heart is also dead. Don't misunderstand, this feelings I have for Akira, sometimes it's too strong that if I could not have him then it's better if everything is destroyed."
I have been friends with Hime-san for quite a time and I found out she has this side of her that seems to question everything when it comes to Akira-kun. Her usual confident self wears off and she's plunged into a semi-depression. If I could call this in human words, it's insecurity - the queen of all vampires think that she's not enough of a reason for Akira-kun to stay by her side.
"Sometimes I wonder, " she placed her small delicate hands on the glass overlooking the city night of her bund, "would it have been better if Akira hadn't met me. " Her face shadowed as soon as the words came out of her mouth.
"Hime-san, that's -" I try to voice my protests but she cuts me off.
"I heard him say once. "
"Eh? " Akira-kun said that it would have been better if he hadn't met Hime-san? But that's impossible.
She smiled sadly, her face reflected on the glass window. "He said, if he hadn't met me, then none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have lost people who are important to him. His comrades, his friends. " She looked at her two hands again and with more disdain she continues, "My true self is a monster who robs people of their most precious things. " She chuckled darkly, "True. What could these two bloody hands hold dear? I am the reason for every despair Akira has went through. If only he did not meet me... If only I was a normal girl. I could grow up normally. Be with Akira. Grow old with him. " Each word that came out of her lips were pained with hidden sorrow. Her inner battle. Her dream and fervent wish. Sometimes I think that she hates her vampire origins. Still all of it came out with a calm voice.
"But Hime-san," I formed a fist with my hand over my heart and said with conviction, "If you were not who you are, you wouldn't have met Akira-kun. It's exactly because you are the queen of all vampires and he is a werewolf that you two met." If I ever saw a solid proof of destiny, it was already here right in front of my eyes.
She turned to me with a tear-stained face. "Yuki. I am really selfish because I am still happy that he is by my side. And I am afraid. I fear that I will not be able to let him go, no, not until I die and this body turns to ashes and I take my last breath. " She looked at both of her hands, pale against the artificial light in the room and eerily contrasting the bloody night in the vampire bund.
Hime-san's sorrow and the deep love she feels for Akira-kun, I probably will never be able to comprehend. I could not begin to measure the love they have for each other.
"Hime-san... " The sorrow that coated the four walls of the chamber threatened to suffocate me and I thought of closing my eyes but instead I stood up and went to her side. Somehow, more than the love I've lost, the friendship that I received was more than enough to overcome everything - the differences between Akira-kun, myself, and Hime-san. For the person who accepted me and called me beautiful, it was a devotion all new to me that I was sure I'd never escape from its chains and I'm not sure I even want to. I know a little about what Akira-kun feels toward Hime-san, because Hime-san has this effect on others. She's like a magnet that pulls people to her side and once you're caught, you're stuck.
"Hime-san, " I stood beside her by the window as she wiped the tears that dropped to her cheeks. "When you look into the eyes of Akira-kun, what do you see?" Surprisingly, it wasn't as painful to talk about it now. I pretended not to notice it at the beginning but I realized that Akira-kun's eyes have always been looking at something so far away. It was both his longing and his source of determination. "For Akira-kun, Hime-san is probably the world. "
"Yuki... You don't have to console me. I'm sorry. I'm just overthinking things. " She grabbed my hand in her smaller ones. And I looked at her with a gentle smile and shook my head. "No Hime-san, I'm telling you what I've always noticed. For Akira-kun, no matter how many people he loses, no matter how many sorrows he go through, no matter how many times he's ripped to pieces, he will always stand up and go back to you even if he has to crawl. " A certain event flashed in our eyes. "Hime-san, as long as you are there, Akira-kun will always stand and go back to you. So please don't ever think that you dying will be better for anyone not even for Akira-kun. Because if he loses you, I don't think Akira-kun will be living anymore. You are the home he always come to and if you aren't there, life would be meaningless. "
"Yuki... " Hime-san's eyes filled with tears. She bit her lip to stop herself from sobbing.
"If you're wondering how I know, it's because I've been with Akira-kun since middle school. I didn't notice it before but it always seems to me that he has set his eyes on somewhere far that I can't reach. And finally, I knew. When you came to your school, I knew. " I led Hime-san to sit down on the sofa and faced her. Her scarlet eyes were frightening and beautiful at the same time.
"Once, Akira-lost his memory." I recalled how Akira was before Hime-san came. "It was like he was only half-living. He hang out with us but it was like he wasn't there sometimes. I catch him looking far away like he was always looking at something he couldn't quite grasp. I thought that him losing his memory was better because he seemed to spend a lot of time with us but how wrong I was. When you came I knew what he was always looking for. Hime-san, believe in Akira-kun."
"Yuki... " she looked at me gently like I'm one of her beloved children. Hime-san always had two faces but this face she only shows to those she trusts the most. And I'm glad I'm one of them. "Thank you for cheering me up. For being my friend. Living a long life, I'm glad I lived long enough to meet you. " She smiled at me with her toothy smiles. It was cute and adorable and I understand Akira-kun's wish to always see her smiles.
We laughed and we didn't even hear the door open until Akira-kun's voice interrupted us. I didn't miss the glance he gave to Hime-san even if she wasn't aware. I'm used to it. He always seems to always look for her everywhere.
There was still tension there because of what happened to Akira - kun's friend but I've no doubt that they will overcome this soon because Akira-kun isn't willing to leave Hime-san.
But soon was not an hour later, nor was it a day after. It spanned for days and nights, separation and trials awaited them both. It was a battle Akira-kun cannot afford to lose. More than the promise, more than time, to prove that love is eternal and destiny exists, the vampire queen and the werewolf boy will brave the bonds of society and all the threatens to break them apart.
I realized then that even if the world fades away, the two of them will always remain. The vampire queen and the boy who gave her his everything.
Come, let's dance in the Vampire Bund.
- from The Memoirs of a Human Girl in the Vampire Bund, Chapter 45 by Saegusa Yuki
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