Notes: Oop, dead girl walking!
Antonio has been following Jayden for twelve years, seven months, and four days.
Everything Antonio has ever done since he was six years old has been focused on this one moment, this one bright light at the end of a long, dark, and lonely tunnel. The idea that when Jayden's duty to his family was finished, they could be together.
That idea had changed over the years, of course, from a boyhood friendship to a teenage crush, to a deep and abiding love that Antonio has hardly ever understood and has never, ever been able to pull away from. He's followed Jayden across time and distance, over oceans and through trials, and all with only the hope that at the end, he and Jayden could run off into some sort of metaphorical sunset and be together.
Yet now, as they stand on the brink of that, pulling themselves out of the rubble, Ji saying that it's over, it's done, Xandred is gone, Antonio tries to find Jayden's eyes, to reach for him… and he comes up empty handed.
Somehow, after all this time, even with their task completed, Jayden is still too far away to reach.
They catch each other in the hallway. Antonio feels like his stomach wants to drop out of him at the idea of what might happen between them now, and Jayden… he looks unnerved.
They stand in silence for a long moment, Antonio trying to decide if he should reach out or not.
"Jayden," Antonio says at last, shrugging and grinning, "Say something."
"Good job, Antonio. We couldn't have done it without you," Jayden says, his face neutral.
"That's it?" Antonio wonders, letting his hands drop out to the side, waiting. "That's all you have to say?"
Jayden looks down at Antonio's hands, and something in his face hardens. When he looks back up, he says, "What else is there?"
Antonio opens his mouth to yell, to shout, but nothing comes out. He wants to scream everything, the rest of our lives, but he doesn't.
Had he been wrong all this time? Had Jayden… had Jayden never felt anything for him? Had he sacrificed his life and his own dreams for a man who didn't feel what he felt?
How could he have missed it?
"Nothing," Antonio says, his lip quivering, "I guess there's nothing."
Jayden nods, like he's glad Antonio finally understands, and he turns back the way he'd come.
It's easy, really.
It comes naturally, smiling and talking with his friends about his plans for a fishing cruise and laughing with them about Mia's cooking.
If he doesn't look at Jayden, if he doesn't acknowledge that Jayden looks a little remorseful at the idea that Antonio is leaving, then he'll be able to leave.
A part of him wants Jayden to say something, to try and stop him. He just needs a word, a nod, a hesitation… anything.
But nothing comes, and Antonio walks away from the house and his powers and Jayden.
And he won't turn back.
They say it takes a long time to make something a habit, or to break one. At least thirty one days of constant repetition.
Antonio wonders, as he sits on the dock of the cruise ship, if it will take him as long to stop thinking about Jayden every day as it took him to start.
He'll try not thinking about him again tomorrow.
Antonio buys his own fishing boat. He opens up a little shop with some guys at the fisherman's market, and they fish during the week and sell the catch on the weekends (half price on Wednesdays).
It's a good life, and he likes it. It's lonely, but that's nothing he isn't used to. He hears from the rangers occasionally, and even Lauren.
But a year goes by before he hears anything from Jayden at all.
When he does, it's just a "Hey," that Jayden tosses out as he stands on the other side of Antonio's booth.
Antonio hesitates. He gets up from his seat behind the display, nods in return. "What can I help you with?"
Jayden has, of all things, the audacity to look hurt. Like after all the time, after the let down that was their friendship and everything else, Antonio is supposed to act as they always have, as thought Jayden is still the sun shining in the east for him.
And while Antonio may still see Jayden as the sun which his life has revolved around, he certainly isn't going to let Jayden know it.
"I guess I'll take a halibut," Jayden says, nodding to the display, "If it's not too much trouble."
Antonio shakes his head and wraps the fish up, handing it across the stall to Jayden as Jayden hands him some money. Antonio makes the change and hands it back.
"Have a good one," Antonio tells Jayden, nodding.
Jayden hesitates. "Can we talk?"
Antonio purses his lips. He wants to snap back something like 'is what you have to say worth my time?' but he doesn't. He just shrugs. "I'm pretty busy."
Jayden looks around the deserted fisherman's market for a moment, then back at Antonio with a pointed look.
Antonio stares him down.
"Later, then," Jayden says, trying a grin, "I'll wait."
Antonio can't help the little bitter puff of air that escapes his lips. Jayden will wait, hmm? Antonio had waited twelve years, seven months, and four days for Jayden, and waited even longer after that. He had put his life on hold, trying to do what Jayden wanted of him. And now Jayden wants to wait for him.
Jayden waiting, however long Antonio decides, has a sort of poetry to it after all this time.
"Alright," Antonio says, smirking a little dangerously, "You do that. You wait."
Jayden's eyebrows go up at Antonio's tone, but after a moment he just nods at him, like he understands (though Antonio very much doubts he does) and he leaves.
So Jayden waits.
He comes by the booth at the fisherman's market every week, buys Antonio's fish, and doesn't hassle him. He sometimes sits in the park nearby and reads or people watches. Antonio tries not to focus on him, tries not to even let Jayden know that he notices.
Sometimes though, when it's a clear day, Antonio thinks he can see a figure that resembles Jayden's waiting at the docks, staring out at Antonio's boat on the ocean.
He's always gone when Antonio pulls in, though.
Jayden actually waits for Antonio to come round, like a love sick puppy that Antonio probably resembled at one point. He doesn't look particularly sad or happy, he just… waits.
Antonio wonders if Jayden would wait for him as long as he'd waited for Jayden, and if, after all that time, Antonio would have to strength to cast him off.
"What?" Antonio asks, coming up to Jayden's favorite bench, where he's eating a bag of chips and watching kids play in the park.
Jayden looks up at him, like he didn't even see Antonio coming over, which Antonio knows is just a tactic.
"Antonio," Jayden says, and his lips curl a little, "What what?"
Antonio licks his lips, and resists the urge to glare at him. "Say whatever it is you have to say to me, because this is getting old, Jayden."
Jayden looks at him. He crumbles up his bag of chips and sets it aside, and then he licks his fingers clean of the salt and wipes them off on the hem of his shirt. "I don't have anything to say," Jayden says, standing to face him, "Nothing important. I mean, I can't say I'm sorry, you wouldn't accept that. So all I can say is that I'm here, now. Finally."
Antonio swallows. "Yeah, it's a little late for sorry," he agrees, instead of responding to the last part.
"I am, though," Jayden says quietly, "I am sorry. Even if you don't want to hear it."
"I don't," Antonio agrees, crossing his arms over his chest, feeling very exposed, "It doesn't change that fact that… it doesn't change anything."
Jayden nods. He looks down at his shoes, scuffs them on the pavement. "Why'd you come back here?"
"What?" Antonio asks, caught off guard by the subject change.
"Why not go somewhere else? Live somewhere new? Why come back here?" Jayden clarifies.
Antonio flushes. He's been struggling to answer this question himself for a long time. "Because it's home," he says quietly, looking away and out at the kids playing.
"Yeah," Jayden agrees, smiling sadly, "Yeah it is." Jayden pauses for a long moment, and they stand there, watching the kids play. "I don't blame you for giving up on me Antonio. I deserved it. But I'm… I'm gonna keep waiting, until you tell me to stop, because I can't give up on you. You deserve better than that."
Antonio feels his throat get tight, so he laughs to clear it. "Oh how to tables have turned," he jokes, not daring to look back at Jayden.
"Mmm," Jayden agrees, grinning slightly. "I'll see you."
He's watching Jayden walk away, feeling very, very small, and he calls out, "What changed?"
Jayden stops, and turns. He doesn't come back, but instead he just shrugs and says, "I think you did."
So Antonio let's Jayden wait.
He waits for him at the market, he waits for him at the shore, he waits.
He waits until Antonio needs help getting the sign off the top of the booth to close down and he just gestures behind his back and Jayden is there, no questions asks, helping him.
He waits until Antonio sees him on the shore and invites him on the boat to go fishing with him.
He waits until Antonio breaks down and stops charging him for the fish he buys.
"Is this what it was like?" Antonio asks Jayden, as they walk towards Antonio's apartment after closing up the booth one day. "Having me there, doing everything you asked all that time?"
Jayden scoffs. "You hardly did everything I asked."
"Clearly you paid no attention!" Antonio says, annoyed, and he reaches over to swat at Jayden's arm. Jayden playfully deflects him, laughing.
It's strange that they can joke about it, now.
Antonio stops walking, waits for Jayden to turn to him. "You were my whole life," he says, worried at the way his voice quivers as he says it, "Why couldn't you have been this way then?"
Jayden looks suddenly guilty, his eyebrows furrowing. "I never thought you'd leave," he says, and Antonio wants to drop kick him.
"Why did you think I was staying in the first place?" Antonio says, throwing out his arms to the sides. "I was in… I cared about you."
"I know," Jayden agrees, his face softening, "I know. Everything got away from me, Antonio. I'm still learning."
"I would have," Antonio starts, frustrated, angry again, annoyed, "I wanted to…"
"Would have," Jayden repeats, "So, not anymore."
Antonio pauses, considers. "What are you asking?"
Jayden looks kicked. "You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?"
Antonio raises his eyebrows.
Jayden comes forward, reaches out and puts a hand on Antonio's waist, coming in close and leaning his forehead against Antonio's. "What if I don't know what to say to make you stay?"
"Jayden Shiba," Antonio warns, his hands coming up to either side of Jayden's face against his will, "You had better say something or I am going to-"
Jayden smiles at the same time he kisses him. It's a light, easy kiss, but it stops Antonio in his tracks. His hands tighten on Jayden's face, and he feels Jayden's other hand come up to hold his arm, and before he knows it he's being kissed exactly how he's always wanted to be kissed.
It has taken thirteen years, eleven months, and fourteen days to get to this moment. And it isn't fair that he had to wait so long for it to happen, or that he had to give up on it ever happening in the first place. It isn't fair that Jayden put Antonio through so much, and it isn't fair that they're both sorry.
It isn't fair that Antonio had to wait so long, and Jayden so little.
"That works," Antonio says as they break apart, "That's good."
Jayden smiles at him, touches their noses together. "So you'll stay?" Jayden wonders hesitantly, "I get to keep you?"
Antonio laughs, rolls his eyes, tucks his head into the crook of Jayden's shoulder. "I never really left."
Jayden holds onto him, there on the sidewalk, and Antonio lets himself feel Jayden's warmth around him.
"I still want you to say it," Antonio tells him after a moment, and Jayden chuckles.
"I don't know if I can just yet," Jayden admits, and Antonio wants to roll his eyes again, but then no one is perfect, "But don't give up on me."
"I won't," Antonio agrees.
He never had.