Disclaimer: I do not own "Gossip Girl."
Author's Note: Blair's PoV. Post 2.20. Short and introspective.I just needed to work out Blair's head-space before I continue writing her. Thanks for reading! :-)
She had Nate again.
That simple concept, that short sentence, had the power to set her life back on track. She smiled to herself, snuggled deeper into her duvet. She could make this work; make her planned life work as long as that piece was in place. Everything else she could put together as she went, with Nate… then she would still be Blair Waldorf.
She could attend a university a semester late, maybe even a year; could use the time to help Nate get set on the political track his grandfather wanted him on. No one would find that odd, the supportive girlfriend was a role she'd donned in grammar school.
She could put Nate back together, like before his Dad and the FBI and the— everything; like before. And then she would be back together too.
She closed her eyes, reveled in that idea. No one would see that she'd fallen, that she'd gotten lost; a magic trick—wave the right hand around, so no one notices what the left is doing.
With Nate, she had control. She sighed, visions of standing, glowing with perfection, just a step behind Nate as he gave press conferences, posing for pictures, undertaking charitable causes…
She'd fixed it, her life, it was going to make sense again; no more uncertainty, no more pain, no more darkness; no more passion, no more excitement, no more pleasure…
A shard of anguish made her open her eyes wide as the bolt of grief rippled all over her body; she clenched her teeth against it, closed her eyes again—tightly this time. Breathed in and out until the anguish dulled, until she could remember dark empty eyes and stop trying to play the wife…
Passion led to mistakes, excitement to recklessness, pleasure to delusions— As if anyone (she) could ever be in a relationship with Chu— him.
She'd lost focus—it was allowed, once. She was over it. She was back on track. She had Nate again.
And if maybe, maybe, there was a dull ache, a throbbing deep inside her, in the darkest corner of herself where she would never look again, where she'd buried –we're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck— it didn't matter, she would make it not matter.
She had Nate again.
She was back on track.
--Fin