A/N: hey darling reader!

So, this is technically the sequel to Ermergerd-Lock: A Study in Pink, but you don't have to read it if you haven't yet. All you really need to know is Ermergerd-Lock Better-Homes (Sherlock Holmes) can't say Iraq, and calls it Iraqu. Jawn Wats-Off (John Watson) had to put up with Ermergerd-Lock saying he came back from Afghanistand.

Whatelse? Mrs Houdini (Mrs Hudson) is a junkie, Gavin Lestrade (Greg Lestrade) has OCD and is particular about germs. He works with Sally Minivan (who's somewhat of a BAMF) and the pretentious brat, Anderson.

Most names have been changed for humour factor, there is a lot of swearing, a disclaimer for all my stories can be found on my profile, and no offense is intended.

I can't imagine this will be very funny, not really my favourite episode. I do promise that the next one will be humerous and will feature the ever-fabulous, Mormon-Arty, someone we are yet to meet.

I used the transcript from . com but I've changed most, if not all, words :)

I've said much.

Enjoy

X

Soo Long Lmao took a large pinch of tea leaves from a bowl and dropped them unceremoniously into a teapot before pouring water in. She was a little distracted by the oriental flute music in the background. The National Antiquities Museum had demanded that the music play while she demonstrated the ancient Chinese clay tea set they had. She was more than a little pissed that she had children and a few adults watching. Children always want to try the tea and she always said no. She had a secret tea fetish and she had to keep the tea for herself.

"The great artisans say the more the teapot is used, the more beautiful it becomes," she told those who had gathered around.

Soo Long Lmao poured some more water into the teapot and groaned. She had overfilled it. That means, as per usual, she'd have to bullshit her way through this. Soo Long pressed the lid into place, the excess water spilling over the sides of the pot. 'There's no going back now,' she thought and picked up a small jug. Soo Long poured the liquid over the pot and looked up at the viewers.

"The pot is seasoned by repeatedly pouring tea over the surface. The deposit left on the clay creates this beautiful patina over time." She held up the wet teapot to show everyone, marvelling at her skills of bullshitting. She was more successful that a high schooler bullshitting the meaning of a poem in English class. "For some pots, the clay has been burnished by tea made over four hundred years ago."

'More like four minutes ago,' she thought to herself before putting the pot down.

A while later, when all the visitors had gone and the oriental music was turned off, Soo Long began to dry the teapot with a makeup brush. She was sure her boss would flip her shit if it was discovered Soo Long was destroying the ancient tea set.

An announcement caused Soo Long to smile. "This museum will be closing in ten minutes."

Finally. Once she got off, she was going to go on a date with this person she met online. She was excited to meet someone who wasn't an idiot at a museum.

Speaking of which, one of her colleagues walked over and watched her silently.

"Four hundred years old and they're letting you make tea! LOL!" Andy Galbraith said.

Soo Long disliked Andy. She didn't really know what he did here. She suspected he just showed up and pretended to work. "Some things aren't supposed to be behind glass all the time."

She turned and looked at him and raising her eyebrows as if to say 'what do you want now?' When he didn't reply, she turned around and continued packing up.

"These pots need attention," she continued, deciding to bore him away. She held up a dry pot without any shine. She had to continue her bullshiting and do whatever she had to to get him away. "The clay is cracking. I'll have to make tea tomorrow."

"Well, I can't see how a tiny splash of tea's gonna help," he said before grinning nervously.

"Sometimes," she started, "you have to look hard at something to see its value." She put the teapot down before grabbing another one. "See? This one shines a little brighter."

But Andy was determined. He had a huge, raging crush on Soo Long and this was his chance to ask her out. "Would you like to have a drink with me? Like, not tea, you've already had some. Like a beer or something? I dunno. Maybe we could go to a pub tonight?"

Without looking at him, Soo Long put the pot down and rolled her eyes. Why did everyone just assume everyone in London were straight? "You wouldn't like me all that much."

"Couldn't I maybe decide that for myself?" he asked.

She was so close to turning around and just yelling 'I'M A LESBIAN!' but she couldn't bring herself to. She didn't want her colleagues to know yet. "I can't. I'm sorry. Please stop asking," she said.

Andy frowned as she closed the box and walked away. He was gonna date her, even if it was the last thing he'd do.

After the lights had been turned off and the doors were closed for the night (which, mind you, was only ten minutes after her conversation with Andy), Soo Long started to put away the tea sets in the basement archive. There were rows and rows of bookcases as one would find in a library. She was in the section she had marked out with Hello Kitty stickers. As she put one of her cases in it's spot, a noise startled her.

She turned around and looked out. "Is that Security? I work here, you know!" But, with no response, she put the set away and walked away from the bookcase type things and peered out. "Hello?"

To her right, a large, tall, narrow object stood, covered in a white sheet that seemed to billow in a breeze, despite the fact that there was a large protest a few months back to keep all windows closed and no air-conditioning to preserve the artefacts. That had been her first tip off.

Of course, she had to investigate. I mean, she's a smart person, unlike those people in those crime shows (or Supernatural, if we're gonna get specific), who think 'this is dangerous! I could die!' and then check it out. Like, she knew that she was in a very secure location and there was a low chance of anything happening.

She pulled off the sheet that concealed the object and her face filled with horror and fear

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" she screamed as the museum put over a fabulous tune that Soo Long would've enjoyed, had she not have been in the situation she was in. She didn't know what Ermergerd-Lock was, but the music that accompanied the word was fab!