If Jordan had still been religious, she might have believed Lu was an angel. But she'd lost that ability to believe beyond the science, beyond the facts years before. She'd lost enough of that innocence that the sheer pain she felt now surprised her.

The emotions that usually collided with her anymore were dirtied by anger, shame or remorse. They were the feelings of a guilty person, of a tainted person. But as she stepped into the shower and felt her tears mix into the hot spray of the water, she only felt loss.

She'd held it together all day. Through the ambulance ride, through the autopsy, even through Woody's sighs of memories in her office. This was a woman who'd been the bane of her existence since she'd come into Boston. She'd taken over Woody, she'd taken over cases and she'd seemingly tried to stick it to Jordan every chance she'd gotten.

Jordan muffled the escaping sobs with her hands and leaned her cheek against the cool tile of the wall. Lu had made her life the bad sort of interesting. She'd kept her on her toes. And now, now that she was gone, she realized that through Lu's reign in Boston, she'd managed to set everything straight again.

In every situation, she'd given Jordan a focus for her anger, a target. She'd given her drive. And she'd gotten them through it without showing them a bit of mercy.

When Woody had turned dark and brooding in those days after he'd returned to the job, Jordan had ached for him. She'd wanted to leave him alone, cause him no more grief than was necessary. But Lu's presence had made them fight through it. And in fighting, they'd moved passed it in their own way.

Anger was always a much safer route for Jordan. If she could turn the fear, the heartbreak, the betrayal into anger she could always make it through. And somehow, Lu had made that possible for her.

And now she was gone.

The tightness in her chest had started to ease by the time she stepped out of the shower, and as Jordan gazed into the still slightly fogged mirror, she realized she'd become numb.

Numbness was okay. She could work with that. She could think things through. But she didn't want to. She wanted to curl up and sleep off the haze that was fogging her brain. She wanted to wake up in the morning and know that somehow this was all a dream.

But it wouldn't work that way. It hadn't the morning after her mom's murder or the morning after Woody's shooting. Sleep wouldn't save her this time either.

A knock on her front door pulled away from the warmth of the bathroom, and she padded across the wood floor to the doorway. Who the hell was it? She wasn't up for company. And anyone else should be home sleeping, eating, getting away from their thoughts.

The face she saw through the peephole surprised her even though it shouldn't have. They'd done this before. And she found herself even smiling a little as she saw the white bag in Woody's hands as she let him in.

"Sesame Chicken?"

"And fried rice. Just like normal." His voice was quiet and dull, without the usual Woody bounce to it. He looked around the room slowly before glancing back to give her a small smile in return. "Is this okay?"

"Wasn't going to sleep tonight anyhow." Jordan took the bag from him, interrupting the possible moment before it started. She couldn't do this. Couldn't rehash everything like they normally did. They could talk of course, but just about any other issue than Lu. Any other issue than the one that made her want to break down again.

Woody followed her into the brighter light of the kitchen, handing her plates from the cupboard and pulling two beers from the fridge. His fingers brushed her chin, tilting her face up to look at him. "You've been crying."

"Please don't." She pulled away from him then, wondering briefly if the spark of pain in her chest was from the loss of contact or from the loss of Lu.

His arm at her shoulder turned her toward him and his hand shook slightly as he traced his thumb over her cheek. "You're allowed to cry, Jordan."

Shaking her head, she backed away from him, surprised at the words choking her, surprised at the tears she saw in his eyes. "No. You are allowed to cry. Nigel, Bug, Lily. They're allowed to cry. I hated her, Woody." Tears blurred her vision and the sobs gripped the air in her throat. "I wanted to make her life hell. I have no right to cry for her."

"Jo." He whispered and she broke down as his arms came around her. Pressing her face into his neck, she felt his tears dampen the hair at her temple. Woody took a halting breath and pressed his lips against her hair. "Under different circumstances, you guys would've been great friends."

She knew he was right, had started even thinking along those lines since she'd been cleared of all charges. Lu wasn't a bad person. She wasn't the devil everyone thought her to be. She was simply a woman trying to figure out the truth. Which was something that forever redeemed her in Jordan's eyes. And she died finding that truth.

Woody's hand rubbed down her back and she felt another shuddering breath come from him. "You both have the same fire, the same fight. She reminded me of you. That's why it was…it was so easy to…" His words tumbled to a stop and his grip on her tightened slightly. "That's why it was so easy to love her. And she deserved so much more than to be just a stand-in."

She eased back then, pulling her upper body away from him to look up into his face. Tear trails lined his cheeks but he seemed calmer as he stared back down at her. Jordan raised a hand to his face, brushing off a lingering tear and gave him a little smile. "And that's why she dumped your ass, Woody."

It earned the laugh from him she'd wanted and he kissed her forehead in response. "Yeah. I'm surprised she put up with me as long as she did."

"Somebody's gotta do it." The teasing words slipped out before she thought about it and his gaze caught hers. His eyes brushed over her face, focusing on her lips for only a moment before he kissed her. She felt his sorrow and his pain, but she tasted his love.

It was so wrong to be doing this with Lu's body still in the morgue but it felt so right. And as he led her back to the bedroom, his hands pulling her closer to him, Jordan decided that Lu was an angel. Because only an angel would die to bring Woody back to her.