Love's Own Hell

" you pierce my soul.

I am half agony.

Half hope.

I Have loved

none

but you."

-Jane Austin Persuasion

Human feelings are unexplainable, especially that one that is derived off of want and need. It's a feeling that consumes your body in a wave of heat and lust . But it's not lust, no the word is much more softer than that it's derived from the heart your eyes get soft and their voice is heavy dripping in this word. The only bad thing is when you need something , no more like an aching want . But you know how ever close you get you can't touch it well we'll explain that when we get farther along.

" , Last night on , uh , what are your plans? " Cas looked at those green eyes like it was an obvious joke.

" I just thought I'd sit here quietly." Cas spoke blatantly his round blue eyes looking back upon his human that heart melting smirk cursed perfectly on his lips. He quickly shifted his eyes from staring as Dean snorted.

"Dude,come on. Anything? Hm? Booze? Women?" Cas stiffened and gulped as his ears started to burn. He could feel the embarrassing pressure of those Verdant colored eyes. His breathing began to give away his emotions as if he was no more than a sheet of readable paper. " You've been with women before? Right ? Or an Angel at least?" He could hear Dean's unbelievable sarcasm pierce through his words. Cas rubbed the back of his neck as the air started to feel suffocating and stuffy. why why the hell did he need to bring this up. " You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud seeding?" Why the hell did he have to bring this up?

"Look I've never had the occasion ok." why'd he have to bring this up Cas agonized internally as Dean went to grab his jacket off of the opposite chair. Cas quickly stood up.

"All right. Lemme tell you something. There are two things I know for certain, one: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are *not* gonna die a virgin. Not on my 's go." Cas felt butterflies fill his stomach as Dean's hand clapped his shoulder. A warm tingle filled his body as he caught a quick wiff of the familiar scent of leather, wet earth , and a cheap cologne that passed him as Dean led the way to the car.

Cas bit his lip as he entered the sleek black impala. The way the cold leather felt against his burning skin as they drove. He couldn't stop himself from fantasizing over those strong hands that cradled the steering wheel touching him in way that would make a demon question why he was an angel. He felt an unbearable heat curl in his stomach as his heart began to flutter at an abnormal rate as he quickly tilted his head against the cold window to look away.

Inhaling gasp like breaths through his nose as he tried to calm the desperate instinct to kiss michael's vessel. That's right he's michaels. Meaning he was strong, and powerful and began to look at him through his peripheral vision watching his mannerisms as he checked him out from the way dean thrummed his silver ring against the steering wheel when a good song came on ,or the way his lips tugged upward when he reminisced.

The car soon stopped and Cas woke up from his daydream as he realized they were in the brick alley way. He quickly got out of the car . Cas heard loud music blasting from the top floor of the building that Dean so smirkingly opened the door and winked at Cas as he closed the screen door. Cas shook his head as he followed like a sick puppy. By the time they entered Cas felt his stomach turn sour.

He could smell booze , Sweat ,and lust born ecstasy. His ears rang with the sounds of drunken moans and high buzzed laughter. Cas kept his head down and his eyes glued to the floor as he and Dean were escorted to a booth by the bar. He soon found his eyes wandering over the tablecloth as girls in fluffy see-through underwear began to latch onto other men and serve them drinks in this case Dean asked for two .

" Hey,*relax*." Dean shrugged and pulled that oh so cute smile that made Cas screw his jaw tightly as that pit in his stomach tightened.

" This is a den of iniquity, I should not be here." Cas felt like prey pinned under Dean's gaze his blue eyes flickered up to view his muscular tanned skin and those soft lips . Cas started to feel dizzy with guilt and sinful thoughts.

" Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks!" Dean chuckled as Cas blinked lazily as Dean looked perfect in his eyes oh how that iniquity sounded so perfect so needed so so tempting. He felt a soft smile flit to his lips hopping Dean would read it.

He did just, just not in the way he wanted Dean to read watched as Dean perked up those green eyes looked amused and on the prowl as a girl in white was on her way to top off their glasses. " Show time." Dean winked. Cas felt that knot in his stomach. Please god almighty don't make her my first time. Cas began to nervously pray in his head as she came over to be honest she did look like a nice girl and anyone would obviously want a catch like that, but to Cas she was just a gulped softly as her heels clicked closer.

"Hi what's your name?" Cas started to concentrate on his glass of beer the way it smelled of high concentrated grain and how golden the liquid was perceived as he tried to drown out her high pitched voice as she pulled the sad and quiet girl facade.

"Cas! His name is Cas. What's yours" Cas jumped slightly at the way Dean's voice framed his name so rich and delicate and . Cas stopped himself his heart beating to hard as he shook slightly nervous. Hell I shouldn't even be here.

" Chastity." she smiled at Dean who had his flirty smirk on. Cas wanted to hightail it in run as he felt himself stiffen up and get a shiver from that face.

" Chastity?" Cas knew Dean wanted to smirk . Assbutt. Cas internally rolled his eyes. as the so girl named "Chastity" nodded and did a really long mmmhmm as Dean looked at Cas and smiled. " is that kismet,or what buddy." Cas couldn't control himself he quickly grabbed his beer and took a hard long pull at it trying to quench the internal heat forming in his body. " He likes you, and you like him,so…." Cas swallowed hard.

" C'mon baby." Chastity grabbed Cas's hand and lifted him out of the booth. He could smell the fake spray tan on her body along with the cheap perfume mingling along with it as well.

" Oh hey." He felt those strong hands grip his shoulder and for one soft moment he felt a pure sentimental calm wash over him. Before Dean pulled out a wad of cash." Take this. If she asks for a credit card no, just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu. Go get her tiger." Cas's face went pale as a sheet and started to panick. Oh I am so going to smite him. " Don't make me push you." Cas gulped as he was pulled into the back.

The rooms were painted a florescent hot pink accented with black, a beefy man at the back in security. as he was dragged into a back room and roughly forced onto a black satin bed. Cas seemed to freeze as his throat tightened and the girl started to straddle his hips.

" Don't be shy baby ." She quickly started to loosen his tie her fake nails scraping against his skin . " Hmm we should get you out of this shabby thing." She began to strip him of his trench coat. Dean is going to kill me for this.

Cas turned his blue orbs to look directly at Chastity's. She relaxed as Cas slowly sat up. He saw her past ,her father who was a mailman who hated his job, and then there was a little girl so bright so full of hope who adored him endlessly and then he left leaving her all the guilt and regret of blame.

" It's not your fault that he left you."Cas spoke sympathetically and softly as Chastity looked at him in disbelief

" What." Seriously is she really this blonde?

" It's not your fault,that your father left you." He said slowly her face was mortified she quickly got up and off of him.

" Get out." He could see the tears start to well in the back of her eyes.

" 'scuse me?" Cas looked at her oddly. Was it something I said?

" Get out."She pushed him into the hallway.

" Wha." He was cut off by a crying scream. Cas just stood there stunned by her reaction. He soon heard footsteps and then Dean showed up. The angel's eyes fluttered up to look at him.

" What the hell happened?" Dean looked at him confused.

" She looked into my eyes and I told her it wasn't her fault her father left his name was Jerry, mailman he hated his job and ran out." Cas looked at Dean.

"Bastard! Get out." She threw a bottle of liquor at him sprinkling his face and coat in alcohol. He saw Dean's lips pull into a heart stopping smirk.

" Cas you don't do that, this place runs off of desertions from fathers." Cas slightly winced internally at that thought .

" Didn't you hear me ? I said get out!"Chastity hissed as Dean started to notice the security guard started walking with toward them.

"Yep we're going ." Dean started walking with Cas in tow, Cas started to get those Butterflies in his stomach as Dean started laughing it was big and bellowus and rich. Cas watched from afar . He noticed his hand he wanted to hold it to feel those soft touches of those rough calloused hands encircle closed around his. His hand was mere inches away be for Dean picked up pace to open the door. Cas pulled his hand away. As he slipped out of the door Dean was crouched over still laughing as he slapped his knees.

" Oh man I've never laughed that hard in a long time." Dean looked up and noticed that Cas's coat was a skew along with his tie."Come here." Dean walked over to him and began to adjust his coat. Deep shivers ran through Cas as those soft fingers ran lightly over his his collar as Dean fixed up his tie. Cas Tried to control himself but with the heightened scents of rain kissed earth and adrenaline along with the way those Jade eyes looked so sensitive and vulnerable as they looked down at him he couldn't take it.

One moment he was staring and the next he was on his toes his lips crashing against his. Cas felt his heart leap heat lept to every extremity throughout his body and he was in bliss for a brief moment before Dean pushed away.

"What the hell cas!" Cas backed away slightly mortified at what had just washed over him.

" D-Dean I-I've liked you for a long time." Cas ran a shaking hand through his jet black hair.

" What?! Since when?" Case held the bridge of his nose.

" I know it's huh I know it's an Iniquity but like you said It's a perk I just Dean I ." Cas began to pace while felt his body tense the butterflies in his stomach started to back flip and knot. as Dean cut him off.

" Cas since when ?" Dean looked at him seriously his fingers tracing over his lips as Cas stopped.

" Dean what did your mother used to say to you before you used to go to sleep." He could feel his hands still shaking as he tried to fix the wrong he thought he had done.

" That angels were watching me so? Dean was looking at him softly something glimmering in his eyes Cas was to paranoid to see it.

" And what am I Dean?" Cas opened his arms slightly to exaggerate his point as he stared wide eyed at that human he so desperately wanted, what he needed.

" An a-angel." Dean looked at him . Cas could see it click in those big green eyes that looked so amazed at him.

" Dean I've loved you since you were little I have watched you and have lifted you from your w-worst and I c-can't have you w-watch me d..." Cas lost it emotion cracked into his voice as tears slipped from his eyes. " You agonize and taunt me Dean you pierce my soul I am half agony, half hope, I-I have loved none but you." Cas shook as he tried to get his voice under control. but he couldn't move forward in this game it was Dean's move to accept or deny the cards he had just laid.

Cas could still feel the burning sting of tears as Dean walked towards him his hands grasped Cas's wrist and pushed him toward the wall. He felt those soft hard toned lips pressed against his. Strong toned arms thick and corded like steel that stroked down his side. Cas felt a burning feeling of ecstasy that filled his limbs and warmed him to the core as he hungrily wanted to make this kiss last for ever. Dean broke away breathing hard.

" I know the feeling." Cas drank in his smile before he broke the hold on his left hand and tangled his fingers into that carmel colored hair and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. He quickly found a silver ring sketching out his jaw as their breaths was shallow and heated. Cas felt his clothes cling tightly to him as Dean began to grab at them nails digging into cotton and skin. Cas made a weak squeak as Dean groped his ass . They pulled away Dean bit his lip. " You know I promised you, you wouldn't die a virgin." He motioned to the Impala, and Cas meekily nodded as Dean opened the back passenger door. " It's a good thing that no one usually sits here." He winked as he motioned for Cas to enter before he followed behind. " Hold on give me a second ." Dean awkwardly shoved himself between the front seats and slipped the keys into the ignition,loud music reverberated into the car as Dean fell into the back seat a quirky smile filled his lips.

Cas's hand softly landed on Dean's. He tilted his head to the side as he closed his green eyes lazy and cat like his right hand reach out and grabbed Cas by the back of his neck their lips meeting softly and slowly at first and then grew into hungry and wanton like a ravenous animal had been set free, Cas heard a low growl echo through Dean's throat. He inhaled shallowly as he felt Dean's hands slip down and grab his shirt harshly . One hand hooked around Cas' collar slipping his pointer finger into his Tie and pulling him in close for another mind wiping kiss. Dean grunted as his fingers slipped trying at the buttons.

" Ah Screw this." He dragged his strong fingers down the buttons. Cas heard fabric ripping and buttons shredding as Dean exposed Cas' bare chest to the cold brisk air. Cas noticed Dean strip his shirt and he followed leaving his trench coat and shirt to fall to the floor . Dean caught him slightly off guard as he was pushed to lay down on the cushions of the black car. A deep cool chill traveled lazily up his back . Dean smiled softly at Cas those green eyes alight with a fire. Dean lowered his head his lips colliding softly against Cas' neck and down his body leaving dark purple bruises along his pale body, causing a moan to part through his lips as warm hands ran lightly down his waist and thighs. Dean's lips made its way back up to Cas' leaving another trail of circled love bites like a burning trail. Cas mewled softly as Dean kissed him hard pushing him deeper into the black leather,one hand pinning him down while he felt the other trail down his body.

Cas' senses heightened as Dean pushed a leg in between his causing a rocket of pleasure to shoot through his body as the other hand hooked into around his belt line. Cass couldn't take it is hands grabbed the Dean's shoulder blades, nails biting into warm tan skin as Cas arched closer to this human. Quickly their pants were discarded. Dean pulled away panting for breath from their tounge twisted kiss.

" Castiel I've loved you too." He whispered softly in Cas' ear before kissing along his jaw and captures his lips. Soon the air was warm fog spread thinly on windows the air was imprinted with moans and whispers of sweet nothings . Shallowed breath, tickled sweat covered skin. The air smelled of ecstasy and rain Cas played with the soft brown locks that rested on his chest and smiled softly as Dean's fingers stroked his arm softly. His green eyes staring at the clock, he let out a sigh.

" Is something the matter Dean?" Cas looked at him confused as Dean lifted his head to peer at the reborn angel. The amulet swaying from his neck.

" So your last night on Earth." He looked at Cas his eyes filled to the brim with Sadness or lust ? no not that this this was not lust for this this was LOVE. Cas looked at him calmly.

" Now I'm not afraid to go." He kissed Dean. " when we love a person all fear disappears. And when you are afraid all love disappears. That was written by Osho. So I am not afraid." He said meekly as Dean rested his head on him again.

" Then I hope you know I love you Castiel." He squeezed his shoulder,before he kissed him again.

So like I said if you can touch it and grab hold of this light you hold on and you don't let go. This light is something that can not be replaced and is entirely human this feeling is known as Love and it can be cruel as well as kind. For Love has it's own Hell.