Tag for S1e13
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I do not own Merlin. If I did there would be more than five seasons.
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I promise
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Merlin's heart was pounding furiously in his chest as he opened the door to Arthur's chambers without knocking. 'I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish we could all go back to normal and Arthur and I could joke around like usual but I can't let anything happen to him. If my life must be forfeit in exchange for his safety then that is what I must do.'
"Ah, Merlin." Arthur said without turning around. Merlin closed the door softly behind him and stood in front of it, making no move to walk closer.
"How are you?" Merlin asked softly. Arthur turned halfway towards him from where he stood by the table in his room, his other arm held in a sling.
"Good." Arthur said shortly as he plucked a grape from a bowl on the table and grabbed a cup.
"I'm pleased." He said.
"Yes." Arthur said as he sat heavily on his chair. Merlin's heart clenched at the obvious sign of weakness from his normally strong master. "I owe it all to Gaius."
"I need to talk to you." Merlin said urgently and Arthur scoffed at him.
"You still haven't got it yet, have you?" Arthur asked in mock irritation. "I decide when we need to talk."
"Not today." Merlin persisted stubbornly. 'Please just listen for once. It's important.' Arthur looked at him incredulously.
"I sometimes wonder if you know who I am." He chuckled.
"Oh, I know who you are." Merlin smirked slightly.
"Good." Arthur said.
"You're a prat." Merlin continued as he stepped closer to his friend. "And a royal one." Arthur snorted and shook his head.
"Are you ever going to change, Merlin?" Arthur asked fondly.
"No you'd get bored." Merlin replied impishly. He was silent for a moment before continuing. "Promise me this, if you get another servant, don't get a bootlicker." Arthur looked up sharply at that response and eyed Merlin suspiciously.
"If this is you trying to leave your job…" Arthur started.
"No! I'm happy to be your servant…until the day I die." Merlin said softly, his eyes flashing with an emotion Arthur could not yet put a name to. 'I'd be anything, do anything for you, Arthur.'
"Sometimes, I think I know you, Merlin." Arthur said slowly, still staring suspiciously.
"Well, I know you, and you're a great warrior. One day you'll be a great king." Merlin praised softly, his voice choked with emotion. 'I just wish I was here to see it.'
"That's very kind of you." Arthur said in surprise.
"But you must learn to listen as well as you fight." Merlin said quickly. 'Please understand. Listen to what I cannot say.' Arthur scoffed again.
"Any more pointers?" He asked sarcastically.
"No." Merlin sighed, shaking his head as he tried to blink back his tears. "Just…don't be a…prat."
"Merlin, why does this sound like a good-bye?" Arthur asked as he stood up. Merlin just shook his head and took a step back.
"Promise me that you will always be careful. Don't do anything foolish, Arthur." Merlin begged even as he backed away from the advancing prince.
"Merlin, what are you-"
"Trust in your friends, Arthur. And know that I…I have always believed in you." Merlin whispered as his eyes filled with tears. He quickly turned his back hoping to hide them from Arthur. He made his way to the door only to be caught by the arms, spun around and pressed firmly against the wall.
"Why are you saying all of this? What are you up too?" Arthur asked, eyes searching Merlin's face for any sign of what the younger male was thinking.
"Please, let me go." Merlin said as he struggled against the strong hands wrapped around his biceps.
"No." Arthur said simply. "What are you doing, Merlin? Why are you saying good-bye?"
"I'm not!" Merlin lied.
"You're a terrible liar, Merlin. You know you can always tell me anything." Arthur said softly as he stroked Merlin's cheek gently. "Let me help you with whatever it is." Merlin closed his eyes and shook his head sadly.
"Not this, you can't help me with this." Merlin whispered brokenly.
"With what? You aren't telling me anything!" Arthur shouted exasperatedly.
"I had to do it! It was the only way to save you, Arthur. The only way! I looked through every book I could find on medicine and ma-…and there was nothing. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just let you die! I need you!" Merlin shouted desperately. Arthur wrapped his arms around his shaking manservant and rocked him gently.
"Shh, Merlin. It's alright. I'm fine, we're both fine." Arthur soothed as he pressed a kiss onto Merlin's messy black hair. Merlin shook his head.
"You don't understand." Merlin sighed.
"Then help me to understand." Arthur pleaded.
"There was no way to save you, Arthur. You were going to die." Merlin stressed. "So I went to the Isle of the Blessed and I asked the High Priestess for water from the cup of life, it can save anyone from any type of poison. It saved you." Merlin explained.
"You used magic? Is that what this is about? Merlin, I don't care about-"
"No, Arthur! It's about the laws of the universe. For a life to be given one must be taken." Merlin said without looking at Arthur. There was a moment of silence.
"You killed someone? Who was it, Merlin?" Arthur asked gently.
"…Myself." Merlin sighed, looking up into startled light blue eyes.
"What? I don't understand. You aren't dead and this isn't funny." Arthur snapped harshly.
"I'm not joking, Arthur. A life for a life. That's the price I had to pay. I offered my life for yours and now I have to go and fulfill my bargain with the High Priestess." Merlin's voice shook with repressed emotion. Arthur looked at Merlin in confusion before his expression turned to one of horror and denial.
"No! Merlin, you can't-No! There has to be another way!" Arthur shouted desperately, hands clenching around Merlin's forearms tightly. "I won't let you go. I'll-I'll lock you in the dungeons!"
"Arthur, it's too late. You already drank the water. No matter where I am I will die. I just wanted to say good-bye to you first and tell you that I love you." Merlin whispered, his tears finally sliding down his cheeks. Arthur shook his head, glancing around frantically.
"No, no this can't…There must be something I can do. I can't lose you Merlin! I can't!" Arthur's voice broke on the last word and Merlin smiled sadly at him.
"I'm so sorry." Merlin breathed before stretching up and pressing his lips gently against his prince's. Arthur wrapped his arms tightly around the slim waist of his lover and deepened the kiss. They kissed with an urgency and desperation that left them breathless until Merlin pulled away reluctantly.
"Please, don't go. Please." Arthur whispered brokenly, eyes shut tightly as he rested his forehead gently against Merlin's. Merlin hesitated, hands clenched tightly in the back of Arthur's shirt.
"Arthur, you know it doesn't matter where I am. You can't…I'm going to die." Merlin whispered. Arthur gave a broken sob and clutched Merlin tighter.
"Please. Just stay with me. I don't…I want to be there for you. I don't want you to be alone." Arthur gasped out. Merlin nodded slowly and Arthur unwound his arms from around Merlin's waist and grabbed his hand instead, leading him towards the bed. He settled down and pulled Merlin down with him, covering them both with his comforter. Merlin slid one leg between Arthur's, draped an arm across his waist and laid his head on his chest as arms closed around him, holding him tightly.
"We can lie here until…Until." Arthur said blinking back his tears. Merlin Lifted his head and smiled sadly down at the blond.
"I love you. You know that right?" Merlin asked softly. Arthur shook his head and closed his eyes tightly, tears rolling down the side of his face to wet his hair. "I love you so much, Arthur. So, so much." Arthur pulled him down into a desperate kiss, lips moving frantically as his tongue mapped out every inch of Merlin's mouth, committing his taste, the sounds he made, the feeling Merlin gave him to memory.
"When I die-" Merlin gasped out once he was able to tear himself away from Arthur's mouth.
"No!" Arthur sobbed, shoulders shaking as he let go, crying into Merlin's chest.
"When I die I don't want you to stop living. You mourn me and you move on, okay? Find some sexy bloke or some beautiful woman and you fall in love. Have a kid. Get a dog. Just…just live okay? For the both of us." Merlin whispered. Arthur stared up at him, tears still falling.
"I don't want anyone else." Arthur murmured stubbornly. Merlin smiled down at him affectionately and snuggled back down into Arthur's chest.
"Let's get some sleep, yeah?" Merlin whispered, closing his eyes as he listened to Arthur's heartbeat, letting the sound lull him to sleep.
Arthur stayed awake, stroking Merlin's hair and memorizing every bit of his lover as he could. It was early morning when Merlin stopped breathing. Arthur's breath caught in his throat and he closed his eyes, pulling Merlin closer and pressing his cheek against unruly black locks as he wailed and screamed and cried his grief and agony.
"I promise." He whispered as he ignored the startled knights and king who had burst into his room at the commotion.
"I promise, Merlin."