Please Find it First

by Writer Awakened

You, my friend, your problem is that you write with your head, not your heart. Truly? Maybe your heart is the problem. Maybe the emotion controls you... Ever wonder how some descriptions never match the story they're describing? A letter from Serra

Please Find it First

-

It hurts just thinking about you.

My heart feels so empty when you're not around.

I don't say anything to you. That would never do. Instead, I throw my moist little pouting into the fire and watch it burn. Up in smoke. Up in ashes. Like the way I feel for you.

I don't know what it means to be in love, but I know how it feels.

I always thought this mushy romantic stuff was icky. I still do. But I can't avoid it. If you see the words on my page written in smoke, believe me when I say I won't drag myself down. It's never your fault, was never your fault-

I'm sorry. What good is this feeling if it'll never work? What good is a feeling, ever? I suppose you know something about it. I would feel bad comparing my little pouts and whines with yours. You never cried, but you wanted to. Your next time will be better for you, but mine will only get worse.

I know I annoy you, and I'm sorry but I can't even help it. That's who I am. Really, it's…just who I am. I could change it if I would, but I can't. And stupidly believing that I could would only be worse.

It's hard thinking of you when I'm bathing, when I'm trying to sleep, when I'm crying. But it's hardest when I'm talking to you. The closer you are, the more far away I feel. Sometimes I wish we were so far apart we fell off the world.

But I'll keep looking, I promise. Ha ha, it's so sad and silly looking for something you've already found. I'll find it someday. And again. And again, until time runs dry and cries and bleeds and loves and hopes like we do. So I'll find it then.

I hope you find it first.

Your solemnly detached,

Serra