Chapter 49: The Journey Home

As predicted, Fenris and I are given separate cabins on the ship and we don't see much of each other during the voyage. I guess the Chantry probably wouldn't approve of our sleeping arrangements prior to leaving. Which is funny when you think about it - Andraste had been already been married to a mortal man when the Maker took her as his bride. It always sounded a little sordid to me for an organization that asks their templars and sisters to take a vow of chastity.

I finally get my chance to talk to Leliana. She tells me of her friend, although she does not name her. I remember the stories about how Leliana traveled with the Hero of Ferelden, and the others who helped her stop the Blight. I bet I can guess who she's talking about, but I might be wrong.

The information she provides is mostly the same as I've already learned. The most practiced method of dealing with an abomination is to kill the host. There is some belief that being made Tranquil can force the spirit out. She does give me one bit of useful information, however.

"The Avvar have a different relationship with spirits. I remember hearing stories of how they worship them almost like gods. My friend says she has learned of a ritual practiced in some clans. It allows a spirit, if it and the host are both willing, to leave the host body without further harm."

"And this doesn't depend on the length of the possession?"

"She didn't think so, although the longer spirits are out of the Fade and have contact with mortals, the more chance that they become corrupted and turn into a demon. I doubt a demon would be willing to submit to such a thing."

"Thank you, Leliana. It's more than I had," I say.

"Oh, I suppose there is one more thing, but I don't know if it can help you. The Divine has been instructing some of her followers to research things, and in particular, she has one researcher looking into the Rite of Tranquility. We may learn more from their studies, should it come to that for your friend."

"He considers Tranquility a fate worse than death. I doubt he'd ever let that happen, but thanks for the information anyway."

The trip home by ship takes less than half the time it had taken us to get there. Before I know it, the ship is pulling into the harbor. It's a bright sunny day, and the seas are surprisingly calm. We arrive in the late morning. I say my goodbyes to Leliana, and we board the smaller boats that take us ashore. Stepping off the boat and standing on the Kirkwall docks again, I feel a tingle of excitement. I can't believe I missed this stench. I'm home.

Fenris walks up next to me, and stops. I smile up at him, and he returns it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a familiar green shimmer appearing and my grin widens. "Cat's here," I say to Fenris. He looks around but doesn't seem to pick out her shape. "She's good at hiding. I'm going to head home so I can talk to her."

"Home," he says, his smile faltering. I know he's thinking about Anders, who probably still lives at my place. "Yes, I should speak with Aveline. I had her watching for something while I was gone." We both start walking back toward Lowtown. The damage done in the Qunari uprising seems to have mostly been repaired, but there are a few piles of rubble that remain as reminders of the skirmish.

We reach my street, and I have an idea. "I don't have a job there anymore, but we could meet up later at the Hanged Man?" I suggest. "I'm sure everyone will want to see you."

"Maybe," he says, noncommittal.

"Alright," I say, a little disappointed. I can't really ask more of him right now when even I don't know what's going to happen. I turn to head toward my house, already missing his familiar presence.

"Norah, wait," he says. I turn to look back. He runs his hand over his hair in what I now know is a nervous gesture. I say nothing, but wait for him to speak. "If you...if things do not go well, I have room for you at my mansion if you have need."

"Thanks," I say, giving a small bow of my head. "I may have two houses, but I'm not sure if I can use either of them right now."

With one last look, he turns and walks back toward Hightown. I head down the street from my place, to where I stashed a spare key. It's hidden in a small compartment in the bottom of a lamppost. Thankfully, it's still there.

I feel my heart beating wildly as I put the key in the lock and turn it. I open the door, and am slightly relieved to find no one home. The bed is made, which it hadn't been the day I left. I'm struck with a memory of that last morning. Being here makes it feel real again.

From the looks of things, Anders hasn't used this space in a while. A tiny layer of dust coats some of the surfaces. Maybe he had too many memories here, too.

Cat appears next to me. "He's not here, you know."

"I can see that. I'm happy you're here, Cat," I say, and open my arms to embrace her. She allows it, but doesn't return it.

"What's wrong, Cat? What's happened?"

She thinks for a moment before responding. "It's probably better if you just see it for yourself. He's at his clinic."

"Alright, let me get changed first," I say, and move to find something else to wear. I've been wearing my leathers so long they're starting to feel like a second skin. I find a simple dress, the one I wore when I first went to see Orsino. The day Anders had come back from the Deep Roads . I remember his face as he was frantically looking for me, sure that I'd run into trouble. My heart is heavy. I need to see him.

Recent events have made me extra cautious. I'm not leaving the house without my daggers and my staff both. I swap out the apprentice staff for the one I had taken from Nikolaus. This one really does feel good in my hands. I'm not sure what enchantments have been laid upon it, but magic hums through it. I throw a light cloak over myself to hide the weapons and head back out.

Cat and I find our way easily through Darktown. I see no sign of the Carta, but then again, we aren't near my safehouse. I make a mental note to check on Telun when I get a chance.

I really need to check on everyone . Fenris was right, Talon still presents a threat. I don't know what that means for my stay in Kirkwall, but I'm not leaving this time without at least telling everyone about the danger. I feel a sense of guilt, wondering how the others had taken my disappearance. Had Anders or Corff told them about us leaving?

I climb the final set of stairs that lead up to the clinic. The door is open, and a man is walking out. I don't know him, and I wait until he leaves before I enter. Anders is the only one here now. He stands over his table, looking at documents. It's only been a few weeks, but he looks older, more haggard. His hair has grown again, and I think he may have lost weight. His robes are different, too. Black? That's new. He doesn't look up.

"Hello," I say, suddenly nervous.

His eyes flick upwards looking at me, then over to Cat. Seems he can see her just fine now too, even when she's hiding. "She told me you were back," he says.

"Yes. Colette won't be a threat anymore," I say. "There's more we need to discuss, though."

"I'm listening," he states, looking back at his desk. Cold. I guess maybe I deserve that.

I decide it's best to just forge ahead with it. "I didn't come back empty handed," I say. "I found an old contact from my days in the Game, and I learned of a possible way to separate you and Justice."

"That won't be necessary anymore," he says, looking at me with a serious expression. "Justice and I are one now. He's helping me do things I wouldn't have been able to do without him."

My jaw drops. "Horseshit," I say, getting angry. "That's him talking, not you." He frowns at me, but I step closer. "I did not go through what I did just to lose you to him now."

He blinks a few times, and his expression turns a little sad. "You were right to leave. I never thought in a million years I'd be grateful that someone else was in love with my girl, but I trust Fenris to take care of you."

Ouch. My guilt weighs on me. "I...I'm not with Fenris," I say, and remember saying something similar to him before.

"He loves you, it's obvious. You could be happy. There's nothing left for you here, Norah."

"Really?" I say, my hurt feelings conveyed in my tone. "That's the way you want it, you'd rather send me to someone else?" This isn't the Anders I remember. Did my leaving cause this?

Isabela calls from the doorway. "I hope I'm not interrupting something. Oh poo, looks like I'm not. Seriously, puss, he's been a grouchy shit since you left. I was hoping things would be more fun around here with you back in town."

"Isabela, it's good to see you too. I was worried when I didn't see you before the Qunari thing."

She grimaces. "Yeah, about that...uh, never mind."

"Was there a reason you came?" asks Anders, a bit impatiently.

"I ran into Fenris, he told me Norah was back. I figured I'd find her here. Puss, he told me not to tell you, but Aveline found his sister. He's going to meet her at the Hanged Man as we speak."

"I told him I would go with him - why would he not want me to know?" I wonder - then I look over at Anders, and realization dawns on me. He wanted to give me time with Anders . "Sorry, Anders, I have to go, but this conversation is not over."

I look at Cat, and she nods in agreement to my unasked question. "I'll stay with him. Just come back, okay?"

I hurry to the Hanged Man, my mind racing. I can't believe Anders just now. He didn't even sound like himself. He's never been cold like that to me before. What happened while I was gone? I remember the way he hadn't reacted at all when I walked in the room, and I feel angry. What did you expect, Norah? For him to run to you and kiss you like one of Varric's ridiculous serials? You told him good-bye, to not wait for you. I sigh. Damn it.

First Anders going all icy on me, then Fenris didn't even tell me about his sister? What is it with the men in my life and being idiots? I promised him I'd help. I send a hope that things are going well with the meeting and pick up my steps, trying to get to the bar faster. Thinking about Fenris makes me realize he's been there for me a lot, but he doesn't often lean on me. Every time something went wrong, like when Anders left me the first time, Fenris was the one there to help me pick up the pieces and understand things better. He went all the way to Orlais just to help me settle things with Colette, and didn't even object when I decided to let her walk away. I want him to be able to lean on me, as well. I need to help him with this.

Anders's statement, "you could be happy", sticks with me. On the way back to Kirkwall, all I could think about was seeing Anders, telling him what I'd learned, excited to give him the answer I'd been looking for. As usual, I got so focused on the one task ahead of me that I hadn't really thought farther than that.

I want to help Anders, yes, but what if he, or Justice, won't let me? He didn't even seem interested in hearing what I'd learned. What if it really is too late for us? I don't want to abandon him, not with his problem with Justice. My heart hurts, and I don't want to think about it anymore, but something else comes to mind. Fenris, on the roof of the Hanged Man, telling me he thought my mother would just want me to be happy. Am I happy?