"Hello, Q." q said. "It's good of you to meet me here."
Q muttered for a few moments, then said, "Not like I had a choice."
"Still," q replied, smiling slightly. "It was good of you to meet me here."
"Let's get to it." Q grumbled. "I'd rather not continue going over it."
"I've got an idea." q said. "Something that could be fun."
"What kind of fun?" Q asked, interested.
"The kind you used to get up to with Picard…before the Continuum came down around you." q replied. "You see, ever since we've arrived in this alternate reality, I've been bored out of my skull! Humanity is just another word synonymous with stupidity."
"I know." Q replied, taking a long pull on his coffee. "You'd have my sympathies, but I'm just as bored."
"Well, I did something pretty big, and held it for two Earth minutes. The Continuum should have come down around me for creating a trans-temporal black hole, unless they knew…whatever. So long as we play this right, we can have fun, and the Continuum will stay off our backs." q said. "Apparently, here, Picard and Data and Janeway and Sisko, and everybody else…they're just actors here. Data isn't really an android, he's a human called Brent Spinner."
"So?" Q asked. "Just spit this out already!"
"Fine," q whined. "Gosh!" he muttered. At Q's glare, he started. "We round up all the actors who played main characters in The Next Generation, and we throw them into…" q pulled out a book. "The Harry Potter series. To make it fun, we'll throw in the Golden trio, and three others who were playing in the movies that resulted from the books."
Q looked at the impudent boy. "And how will the Continuum not come after us?"
"Simple." q declared brashly. "Just film it, and release an edited tape every week as a TV show. Kitchen Nightmares makes a one hour episode out of a week's worth of work. All we'd have to do is…" q snapped his fingers lightly, barely making any noise. "And, since the actors are already well known, no problem!"
"And copyright?" Q asked. "Not that I listen to human laws, but what do you intend to do about it?"
"Simple." q said again, even more brashly. "I've discovered an entire website dedicated to online books that are a knock-off on various works of copy-written material. All we have to do is throw up a boring disclaimer saying something along the lines of 'this is for your entertainment only. We are not making any money off of this…blah blah boring blah." q slugged the remainder of his latte. "So. Are you in?"
"The rest of the world will think it's fiction, but the game is actually happening?" Q asked. q nodded.
"That's right." he said proudly.
"I'm in." Q said, looking at the youth. "You're a bad influence on me, you know that?"
"I know." q said. "and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll gather them." he snapped his fingers.
In a white expanse, LeVar Burton, Brent Spinner, Jonathan Frakes and the rest of the TNG main cast looked around.
"Well this is interesting." Jonathan said.
"Yeah…" LeVar Burton said. "I know all you guys, but why are we here? For that matter, where is here?"
A moment later, three more actors showed up.
"Who are you guys?" the two groups asked each other.
After several moments of bedlam, both groups quieted down.
"I'm Daniel Radcliff, this is Emma Watson, and this is the Rupert Grint." Daniel said, gesturing to his friends in turn. "We starred in the Harry Potter movies."
The TNG cast introduced themselves, and the topic of discussion revert to where they were and why they were there.
Suddenly, q arrived with Q. Patrick Stewart face-palmed. "Of course." he muttered. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"Hello." q said. "I have gathered you here for a game. I call it Seven year survival!" his words seemed to echo deeply, and the actors and actresses present exchanged nervous glances.
"Now. Here are the rules of the game.
Rule number one: If you die in the game, you will end up back in real life at the end of the week. If you die at the start of the week, tough luck, you've got seven days of limbo ahead of you.
Rule number two: If you intentionally get killed, you'll gain for yourself a week of pain, and I'll just throw you back into the game. The only exception is when you would have gotten killed doing something you would have done anyway…such as jumping in front of enemy fire to save your friend.
Rule number three: Anybody that you meet who is not currently here, or about to be here, will be oblivious to the fact that this is a game. Telling them will result in absolutely nothing more than people thinking you are crazy, plus a day of pain.
Rule number four: If you do anything to get a pain penalty, the pain will increase every time you commit such infractions.
Rule number five: Your goal is to survive to the end of the seven years.
Now, for the rewards. You will be paid a thousand dollars every week, and anybody who makes it to the end will win an additional million dollars, plus, I'll take care of any one problem. The survivors will need to come to a consensus about the problem I'm fixing, because it will be a worldwide occurrence. For instance, you could ask me to solve world hunger, and I'd do it. Please, don't ask for frivolous things like never getting traffic citations again in your life."
"Why are you doing this?" Patrick asked.
"Simple." q said. "I'm bored. Besides," he said, wheedling. "think of the benefit to humanity if at least one of you survive this. Now…you three. Select three more people from the Harry Potter movies you did."
Emma Watson was the first to speak. "Evanna Lynch." she said calmly.
"Very well." q said, snapping his fingers. Evanna Lynch appeared with the other Harry Potter stars.
"Where am I?" she asked. She looked around, seeing the other Harry Potter stars. "How did we end up here?"
"I brought you here." q said impatiently. "For a game."
"What do you mean? Are you some Harry Potter obsessed guy who also likes Star Trek?"
Both nearly immortal and nearly omnipotent beings doubled over laughing.
"That's rich!" q said, beating the ground in laughter.
"Oh my sides!" Q added, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.
While the Qs were yukking it up, Emma explained the situation to Evanna. "So…basically, you picked me to take part in this game?"
"Sorry?"
"It's not a problem. Besides, I get to actually be Luna this time around."
"Tom Felton." Daniel said, cutting through the remaining laughter of the Q. "We were good friends."
Tom Felton instantly appeared in the white lobby. "Daniel!" he said. "I was just thinking about you. Where are we, and how did I get here?"
"Long story short, those two are pretty close to omnipotent, and we," Daniel gestured to everyone else in the area. "Have just been entered into a game. Emma, Rupert and I had to chose a total of three more people for the game, so I chose you because you're my friend."
Tom nodded his understanding. "Okay, so…Luna and Draco…who's the third?"
"Alan Rickman." Rupert said at last.
If he were wearing anything more than his pajamas, Alan would have been rather intimidating. As it was, he seemed like a slightly dangerous teddy bear.
"Ok, you could use a bit of a wardrobe upgrade, there, Rickman." q said, staring in horror at the pajamas. He snapped his fingers, and Alan found himself wearing a black robe that billowed impressively when he so much as took a single step. "I assume that I will be reprising my role in the Harry Potter series?" he asked blandly.
"Correct!" q said, briefly looking like a gameshow host. "Q, tell him what he's won!"
"You win a trip to the Harry Potter series!" Q said, following along. "For seven primetime television years, you will live in the shoes and memories of Professor Severus Snape! You will also be paid one thousand dollars each week, with the chance to win one million dollars for yourself if you survive to the end!"
Rickman turned towards where the Golden Trio was standing, and strode towards them. Rupert and Daniel flinched purely out of 'on-set' instinct, while Emma looked a little unsure of herself.
"Explain…this…thing." He said dangerously.
"It's a game that q and…well, Q are playing. We all get to live out our roles for real. If we survive, we each get a million bucks, and they will do something big for us…if we have a consensus about it." Emma explained.
"In other words, I really will be Severus Snape." Alan said. "Great."
"Isn't it?" q asked, looking far too cheerful. Snape smirked, then punched q full in the nose.
The annoying omnipotent being reeled back in shock. "You punched me!" he said. "Janeway never punched me!"
"I said the same thing to Sisko, son." Q said, moving to his son's side. "Except that I was whining about Picard never punched me."
"And I wish he had!" Patrick said.
"Now now now," Q said faux soothingly. "He…you would not have been Picard if you had."
"I just thought of something." Daniel said suddenly. "Muggle stuff doesn't work at Hogwarts or any other magic-rich area. Isn't Data an android…essentially, a load of muggle stuff?"
"He is quite right." Brent said. "If you intend to make me into the android I portrayed, then I would be unable to function in this game of yours."
"That's not a problem." Q said. "You can be Data regardless. I'm Q, remember? I can do nearly anything, allowing your positronic brain to function around magic is simple in comparison to some of the things I've done. I'll also let LaForge's VISOR function as well."
LeVar Burton groaned. "I'd hoped he had forgotten that thing." he said. "It was a real pain to work with."
"Well, then." Q said happily. "Shall we begin?"
Suddenly, Brent Spiner was Data, wearing his Starfleet uniform. "Most intriguing, captain." he said. He saw that the others were not in uniform. "Are we on leave, sir?"
"No, Data." Patrick said. "Q is playing a game with us."
"Ah."
Q snapped his fingers, and everyone present, with the exception of Snape, appeared to be eleven years old again. Everyone was also firmly in-character, leaving Harry to wonder just why he'd chosen Draco to come along.
"I think that does it." Q said, stepping back to view his work. Picard had hair again, and did not seem happy in the slightest.
"Put me back, Q!" he tried to roar. His voice was too high for it, and had Riker mildly amused.
"Sir, your voice…" he stopped abruptly, clamping a hand over his mouth while the others laughed a little.
"Yes, I know very damn well about my voice!" Picard snapped. "Your voice isn't much better."
"I should wash your mouth out with soap." Q admonished. "But I'll forgive your potty mouth this one time. Now, time to go…"
Everything flashed blindingly white…