Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or the characters TT

Warnings: Language, yaoi maybe, blood

Author: Kumiko-kun

Pairings: Riza x Havoc, One-sided Winry x Ed, and maybe Roy x Ed

Description: Ed remembers the day that he destroyed everything he loved. Depression overcomes himself as the memories flood his mind. Is there any way to return Ed to a state of happiness that was taken away from him at such a young age?

The Forgotten Times

Part 1

The darkness of the sky matched the solemn mood below on the ground. A chilly wind blew through the small cemetery as one man stood at two tombstones. Clutching his jacket closer around him, he stared down at the writing on the old tombstones. One silent tear slid down his check only to fall into the wind before it could hit the ground. The memories of a time long ago, of happy days full of fun and laughter flooded back into his mind. Everything he once had was gone. All of his happiness had been taken away when she had died so long ago. His brother was taken from him for a mistake that they had made together. He blamed himself for the loss of both his mother and brother. A light rain began to fall from the sky onto the ground below. There wasn't much that this young man could do but turn and walk away from his past, from the pain that fill his entire body. It had been years since he had visited the graves he now stood at. Years he had taken, trying to forget what he had done, separating himself from all of his friends and family. He was alone and he knew now that there was little that he could do to forget what he had done.

"Mom, please let us play just a little bit more," Ed whined as he, Al and Winry stared up into her eyes.

Trisha giggled slightly before nodding. She waited quietly while the three went to hid in the house. Counting out loud, she reached to ten before making her way around the house to find the kids. First she found Winry hiding at the bottom of a closet under a fallen coat. Smiling, she took her hand before going to find her sons. A loud crash from the other side of the house startled her before she could hear the screams coming from the source. She made her way to the source of the noise quickly with Winry behind her. At the end of a long hall she found that the living room was caught on fire. The rug that sat beneath the coffee table was set ablaze by a fallen lamp.

"Winry, run," she yelled before trying to get into the room. Winry did as she was told.

"Al? Ed?" She called, hoping to get an answer from her boys. "Please answer me!"

"Mom?" Al called out rather quietly from her right.

Turning toward the right, she saw her boys hiding beneath a table behind where the fire was. She tried to get closer to them but the fire began spread through the room.

"Boys, you have to run, get out of here," she cried, watching the fear rise in her sons' eyes as she couldn't get near them.

Ed looked up at his mother and took Al's hand in his own and pulled Al out of the room along with him. After they were away from the room a good bit, Ed heard an explosion behind him then another scream. Stopping, he turned around and wanted to go back but Al kept him still.

"Al! Let go, we need to go get mom!" Ed yelled, pulling free from his brother's grip.

"Ed! NO!" Al lunged forward to push Ed out of the way as the ceiling above where the fire was growing grew unstable. The plank fell down and landed on Al and Ed's left leg, trapping them beneath.

Ed screamed in pain as his leg was crushed beneath the wooden plank before looking around. He saw Al crushed underneath the same plank that trapped him. With the fire burning around him, he ripped his leg out from beneath the fallen wood and reached back to pull Al out. Reaching out with his right arm, he grabbed a hold of Al's arm. Fear filled Al's face when he saw the look in Ed's face. Ed's arm was burning up but he couldn't get his brother out. A tear fell down Ed's face just before he fainted.

It was memory of a time that he wanted to forget, he killed his mother and in doing so killed his brother. Everything that happened that day was his fault. If he had not wanted to play anymore, Al and his mother would still be alive and his limbs would still be attached to his body. He had lived with Winry and Pinako while he was younger but once he was older he left them and joined the military. It was all he could do to forget the day his family died. He wanted to disappear from their lives, wanted them to forget the killer of his family. The military taught him everything he needed to know. Alchemy kept him alive and out of the way of Winry and Pinako, who he knew were looking for him.

Slowly he removed the watch from his pocket, sighing when he realized what time it was. Turning away from the gravestones, he made his was down the hill and to the train station. He still had to report to central to give his report on his last mission to the man who had done everything he could to keep him alive. No matter what happened to this kid, the bastard always managed to keep him alive. Six years he struggled within the military, trying to keep out of the way of people and to die. Death was what he wanted; it was what he wished for at every mission since three years ago. The memories of that day three years ago still haunted his every move along with what he had done to his mom and brother. Even now, at seventeen, no one had managed to convince him that the death of his mother and brother were not his fault. Shoving the watch back into his pocket, he finished the journey to the station with a filled conscious and worried heart.

XxxxxxxxxxxX

The general sat at his desk, staring at the paperwork that lay in front on him piled up high. Sighing, he began reading one of the many reports he had been given in the days passed. Today was the day that Fullmetal was to come in and turn in another report for him to read. It was always one report after another from that boy, yet he never got tired of seeing him enter his office. Just knowing that he was alive was enough for the general. He wished he could do more for him; he wanted to see the young man smile so badly. Six years ago he had met him, wandering the streets of central as an eleven year old boy. The general took him in when there was no one he could turn to, to take care of the child, that is.

"Has it really been six years," he asked himself as he laid the paper down that he was reading to stand up from his desk and look out the window. Three years after he had met the young boy and taught him alchemy and everything he knew, it looked as if the boy was going to change. Yet, that changed on the day he had sent him to the east for a mission to search out a known killer. He had shut the memories out from his own mind but he knew that the young man would not do that, nor could he.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts on the matter. Turning around, he found Hawkeye standing in his office with a worried look on her face.

"Yes, Hawkeye," he asked, trying to stay as calm as he could despite the look on her face worrying him.

"Sir," she began, stepping into his office and closing the door behind her. "I've just received word from the Central hospital stating the Fullmetal is currently in fatal condition. Apparently something had happened at the station on his way here."

By the time she had finished what she was saying, he was out of the office and walking down the hallway. She was close behind him, telling him everything that she was told on the phone not too long ago. The general sat in the back of the car while Hawkeye drove, he drummed his fingers on the door as it seemed like the ride was never going to end. Why did he worry so much over this subordinate? Was it because he had raised him from the age of eleven without knowing his past that pained him to see him in such pain? Or was it more than that? Shaking his head, he continued to stare out the window at the passing buildings. He wanted to arrive at the hospital quickly to make sure that the young man was okay and that everything would be okay.

"Excuse me, sir, but we are here," Hawkeye said before exiting the car to open his door. She followed him up the stairs to the hospital doors before stopping the general with her hand. "Roy."

He stopped just before the doors but didn't turn around.

"He's going to be okay," she said, taking a step forward to rub his back. "He's stronger than any of us can tell. Let's just believe in him."

Roy turned around to look at Hawkeye. "Have you ever looked into his eyes? There's nothing but pain and regret in those eyes. It pains me to look into them," he said not waiting for her reply. "There's guilt that he holds inside for something that I know barely anything about hides behind those eyes. I want to know what happened when he was a kid. All I get are the screams that he has at night and the nightmares that plague his every dream. Do you understand how hard it is to care for someone when you know practically nothing about their past?"

She shook her head in reply.

Slowly, he turned away from her as if to go inside of the hospital but instead he just stood there, staring at the stone walkway beneath his feet.

"Did I ever tell you what happened to him in the east on that mission three years ago?" He whispered, barely audible to her ears.

"Sir?" She wasn't sure what he was talking about but it looked as if it pained him to talk about it.

"That day, three years ago when he returned from the mission in the east…"

To be continued….

A/N: this was intended to be a one-shot but as I began writing this, I began to get ideas of what I wanted this story to be about and how I wanted it to turn out. Please review with what you think of this please and if you think it may be worth continuing!! PLZ!!