How I Got Here.
I love him.
It excuses nothing, but even now it's still true.
And it's the only explanation I can offer for how I got here.
Prologue
I deserve this, make no mistake about that.
I am by no means innocent in it all.
I can't claim it was an unwitting mistake; that I didn't know.
There was no manipulation.
I wasn't fooled or lied to.
No one persuaded me.
It didn't happen to me.
I wasn't a victim in any of this.
I could spin it that way if I wanted to; people would believe it.
I could probably walk away from this relatively unscathed, even with some sympathy.
They'd blame it on my falsely perceived vulnerability, my assumed fragile state of mind, my alleged susceptibility to being taken advantage of.
But none of that was true.
I knew exactly what I was doing.
I was fully aware what I was risking.
It was a conscious decision I made, knowing it could never end well.
Yet I did it anyway.
I had always been a willing participant.
So here I am, standing amid the fallout; witnessing the hurt and pain I caused.
Knowing I did this.
And I am a despicable human being.
Because I don't regret a single second of it.
I am not sorry.