Nick Stokes and CSI are owned and operated by CBS and its affiliates.

Don't sue me, this is just for fun.

In keeping with the Halloween spirit, this is a remake of Edgar Allan Poe's The Ravan starring Nick Stokes.

-sorry about the double posting-this fanfic befuddles me..

Edgar Allan Poe Vs. Nick Stokes

In the Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I sauntered weak and weary,

Over many a beer and Sports Illustrated lore

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping

As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my front door.

"Must be some...v…v…v…visitor," I gulped. "Tapping at my door."

Only this, and nothing more.

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December

And each football team I routed, wrought their ghosts upon the floor

Eagerly, I wished for tomorrow and vainly, I had sought to borrow

My Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition as I sit in sorrow

And was just about to drift into a snore.

And sad uncertain rustling of each of my mom's purple curtains

Filled me with terrors, only felt six feet under before.

So that now, to calm the beating of my heart, I stood repeating

"Okay, Nicky, just some visitor knocking at my door

Just some idiot visitor knocking at my door

Just this and nothing more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

I called, "Hey! Who's there. Sorry I did not answer;

But the fact is I was napping,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my door

With my gun in tow, I opened the door but

Darkness there, and nothing more.

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In flew a raven Grissom would compare from some poem galore

This bird made no sound, as flew through my front door

But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above door -

Perched upon a Dallas Cowboys banner just above my door

Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

So this bird makes me laugh, as I wasn't sure if it was my beer

Or years of stress, or politics or Grissom's bugs or fear

Was this bird for real I thought, and gave voice to these thoughts as

I said. "Tell me, what are you doing above my door?

Do you have a name? And if so what is it I implore?

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

Now I know I'm losing my mind as I marveled at this fugly fowl

Hearing him use such meaningless discourse I abhor

Did Discovery Channel or Animal Planet ever show such a bird

Sitting above a CSI's front door?

Uttering words like "Nevermore!"

But the raven, sitting lonely on my beloved banner, spoke on,

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour

Wondering if I should switch alcoholic beverages at the store

But I thought, he'll be gone by tomorrow as other birds before

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

Damn bird, I thought he's screwing with my mind

Straight I wheeled a chair in front of the bird, poster and door

Sat into thinking, "I should have gone to the shrink because

Now I've got this bird sitting there in front of me quoting crap like

"Nevermore"

Then, I swear on my grave the air grew denser from an unseen censer

Whose footsteps creak along my living room floor.

"Dammit!" I cried, "Am I being haunted by the ghosts of stalkers, kidnappers and

and dead prostitutes. I seem to have that allure'

Respite-respite and nepenthe from these memories of Kristi, my long lost whore

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

"Oh you little freakin thing of evil, said I, "Or are you some kind of prophet of evil or the devil.'

Am I finally losing my marbles as everyone swore

Or have you been sent by Hodges and his lab rats,

Tell me, tell me I implore

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

"Okay, so you're not gonna tell me, must I beat it out of your little head?"

And then send you back to the Lab with a note saying to Hodges, "Hahaha your bird is dead."

Or maybe, just maybe you are here to give me a message from my lost radiant Kristi,

My fair and heavenly whore

Of why my life in Vegas as always been such a chore!

Or that promotion I so should have gotten

Or the stalker who was stalkin

Or the Tahoe that got stolen

Or the coffin and the ants who ate me swollen

Or the Supervisor who is so sullen

Will you answer me this while I call you from the floor

Tell me, Raven, who the hell are you? Will you tell me?

Am I ever gonna know what it is you're here for?

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

"Be that word of our departure, you freakin bird!" I shrieked upstarting

"Get your beak back out into the night by Lake Mead's shore!"

Don't leave bird crap on my Tahoe or the Denali

Leave my loneliness unbroken, get your a off my door.

Take that freakin beak out of my shredded heart and take yourself off my door"

Quote the raven, "Nevermore!"

So the raven, never flitting, is still sitting,

Sitting on my Dallas Cowboys banner just above my door

And his eyes have this all seeming of a demon, that is dreamin

And the light from my TV over him, streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my broken soul from out his shade lies floating on the floor

And it shall be lifted-nevermore!

A/N HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!