The Struggles of Love
Hiya this is my first fanfic I've put on the Internet, although I've written many. Also this is mildly yaoi just implications not major. Ok I have paired Trowa up with a new character, I might use her In a lot of fanfics, for background information about her look at my profile and look at the stories I've written and look at Jessica's Statistics. Also this is her diary she's written in if you get confused at the end I'll clear that up, at the end too. Well I would like C & C's please. Flames are welcome.
Legal Crap: I don not own GW, I really wish I did though.
(…^o^) Authors note.
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Aug. 3
I love him but I'm afraid to tell him. I saw him today and I burst into tears, he came up to me and I ran I couldn't be that close to him. I'm afraid. I love him so much I don't how he can't see it. I was walking by the study (Quatre's house) and heard Duo talking to Trowa. I caught bits of the conversation, mostly Duo talking. Here it is in dialoged form.
Duo: Hey so what do you think of her huh?
Trowa doesn't answer.
Duo: Man answer me…your blushing!! You know she's got it bad for you, ever notice how she acted when she first got here and now?
Trowa: I don't really see a difference
Duo: Doka! You're a blind baka then. When she looks at you there is really love in her eyes.
Trowa: Hn
Duo: Hn! That's all you have to say?
I had walked in before my former koibita's temper could flair. When I walked in I turned instinctively to Trowa, he was blushing! Duo had thought I haven't seen. He winked at Trowa. To which Trowa turned a dark shade of red, finally Duo left. Here is me and Trowa's conversation.
Me: Hi!
Trowa: Hello
Me: What were you and Duo talking about?
Trowa: * turning a even darker shade of red* nothing...
Me: Your blushing, ne?
Trowa: I gotta go!
Me: ok *disappointed voice*
Trowa: Ja ne…
After Trowa had left I started crying, then I felt warm arms wrap around me. Duo. Conversation with Duo.
Me: *sob, turns and crys into duos chest*
Duo: you like him don't you?
Me: nani?… is it that obvious?
Duo: yeah to everyone but Trowa.
Me: damn….
Duo: I think he like you too…
Me: yeah right ….he always runs…
Duo: He's shy, think of his life…..
Me: Your right.. but there is probably no chance of us getting together anyway…
Duo: Yes there is … I'll try to help…
Me: To you help means do anything and try anything..
Duo: Yeah you know me to well…
Me: *laugh* Ja ne… i'm going to visit Hilde
Duo: Ja… I can drive you
Me: Its ok I wanna go alone to think.
Duo: ok Ja
Me: Ja
Duo: Hey Hilde live pretty far just how are you going to get there?
Duo: NANI!?!
Me: bye *runs and laughs*
Duo: Wait… *runs*
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Aug. 4
Well good news is I managed to out run Duo…hehe. That's just shows how much he brags. Gee I remember when a certain braided pilot said he could out run all the pilots, really…
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Well I got interrupted earlier I went to the movies with Hilde. I plan on going back to the mansion soon. I wonder what Duo has been doing to poor Trowa? But maybe it will be good. Well whatever I'm gonna call Quatre to see if it safe to go back yet. Wonder if Duo's mad?
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Aug. 5
Well I came back to the mansion today. No one knew till a new mission came up. We start the mission tomorrow. The mission pretty much states we are pretty much to get new MS plans for a mobile suit OZ plans to build .The plans are at a school. We enrolled today. 2 girls 4 guys. Because of the suspicion 5 guys would cause. Duo has to dress as a girl hehe. I can't believe how much he screamed about it. It was pretty funny, but a kinda a bit scary. The guys said I could dress Duo. At the moment they said that my mind simply screamed "PINK!" Trowa hasn't even said hi yet, as a matter of fact he hasn't said anything at all near me. I hope he's not mad I still love him.
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Aug.6
Trowa Still hasn't spoken to me at all! Damn! Well the mission should be done soon. It was fun dressing Duo as girl. I put him in a black thigh high skirt and a maroon sweater white knee high socks and after an hour of debating I finally got him into black strappy sandals. He looked cute as a girl. Trowa and Heero managed to find where the blueprints are. They had to go through hours of hacking and codes. Today at least Trowa said hi (I was in total shock), but that was all he said. It was really funny at school today when all the guys were hitting on Duo, I think Heero was jealous. I teased him about it, although it may not of been the smartest thing, duo then followed my lead and I got away with it. When I was talking to Quatre, after rescuing him from a horde of girls. He said Trowa had been acting strangely, he seems more blanked out then usual. Like he is always thinking about something. Interesting what could he be thinking of?
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Aug. 7
I actually had a conversation with Trowa today, here it is.
Me: Hiya!
Trowa: Hi
Me: *in total shock* wh...what's up?
Trowa: Nothing, Happy we finished the mission ?
Me: Not really, I can't dress Duo up anymore…*fake pout*
Trowa: You'll get another chance.
Me: what do you mean?
Trowa: There should be another mission like that in a month.
Me: yay! I think….
Trowa: hn
Me: Wanna go to the movies tomorrow?
Trowa: *hesitates*
Me:…with the other guys?
Trowa: Yeah sure…
Well I'm going to the movies tomorrow, now all I have to do is convince the guys. I have a very slim chance to get Wufei to go but if I get Duo to go I can probably get Heero to go. What chances… but Trowa will probably go anyway…I hope.
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Aug. 8
Yay! Trowa and me went to the movies…alone! I think Duo planned this, I'll have to thank him. Well I had fun, I'm sure Trowa did he even smiled a few times. After the movie I was really hyper and dragged him to the mall. He seemed amused to watch me run around. He bought me a new dress it's beautiful. It's an evening dress long black spaghetti strap, with a slit that comes up the right leg. It's so nice. I went to Le Chateau and seen Trowa go in to the jewelry store, wonder why? Whatever I had a great day! We left around 3 and came home around midnight. I had fun! I bought a new pair of pants and a new tank top. The pants are black boot cuts and maroon tank top and black sweater. Now that I've thought of it Trowa seemed almost relieved that I went with him, like I wouldn't go without the other guys, probably just my imagination…
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Aug. 9
I am so Happy!!! OK I'll start at the beginning. Today Relena called and invited us to another one of her formal Balls. OK I managed to get all the guys to go, same with my girls. Ok the guys wore...clothes yeah clothes. OK THAT wasn't an accurate description.
Duo wore white formal pants. A plain button up shirt that wasn't tucked in with a very loose black tie and a white dinner jacket. As for Quatre you know he looked proper he wore white dinner pants, pressed white shirt, white vest with black velvet buttons with the velvet neck live that came down to the buttons, and black bow and a whit dinner jacket.
Wufei wore white pants and a black waistband (ok I don't know the real name but the thing that goes around a guys waist under a jacket) and a whit shirt, simple. For Heero it was a Duo look almost, he wore white pants and a pressed white shirt and very loose bow, and a white vest, he was holding a bouquet of white roses, it was a mixture between Quatre and Duo. As for the clown he wore a very simple outfit but still looked very handsome. Trowa wore a white shirt (no buttons) and black suspenders, and white dinner pants. Ok now for my girls. For Hilde she wore a nice green gown, long sleeveless. Relena wore a white dress with a bow on her butt (hehe), Catherine wore a pink sleeveless dress that came up to her knees, Dorothy wore a maroon long sleeved dress she looked nice but her eyebrows, I'm her friend and all it just do I HAVE to like her eyebrows? Ok now for Sally she looked stunning she wore a dress like me almost except it had thicker straps and really clingy material. I wore of course the new dress Trowa bought me. I wore a silver teardrop necklace, a silver bracelet and a new pair of earrings I bought when I was at the mall with Trowa. I got compliments from all the pilots, even Wufei, which was more like grumbling. At 7 we left. All the girls looked great, I can say the same for the guys too. Trowa was acting strangely but relaxed after awhile. When we got there Relena did her little speech, and confiscated Heero's gun, she doesn't seem to notice that he always has more then one gun. I got to sing a few songs one of them was 'This I Promise You'. After dancing with all the pilots, mingling and eating the usual Relena party stuff. After awhile I got Wufei to dance with me again…he was very reluctant, but Sally said something in his ear that made him turn bright red, he then grumbled something with the words 'onna' 'injustice' and 'baka'. He then agreed to dance with me. Right after dancing with Wufei, Trowa pulled me aside onto the balcony. It was a beautiful night, clear so you could see the thousands of stars and a perfect crescent moon. Clown boy said he needed to talk to me. What came out of his mouth next was the best thing in the world he could have said to me. He admitted that he had liked me for awhile, and he said he loved me. He asked me if I felt the same? Well what do you think I said? Of course I told him I loved him to. I asked him a lot of questions like why haven't you noticed I like you before? If you really liked me that long why didn't you tell me? After our little Q & A session, he gave me a gift. He gave me this beautiful silver locket, with a vow inside.
I love you
And will forever
I'll never betray you
I'll always be here for you
To hold, love, and protect you.
T.B
I love it! I wanted to stay on the balcony forever with him but Duo came and dragged us in saying Miss Relena (he said the miss sarcastically) wanted to make another 'little' speech before everyone went home. Finally she finished her 'little' speech with the words 'Je ne minna-san' everyone ran for the door. Don't get me wrong Relena is my friend but after hearing that speech over and over again it gets damn boring.
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Aug. 10
Trowa and me went on a date it was really fun. We went to the dinner, the movies and then I got to see him perform a new act at the circus. Yay!
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Jan. 8
Hello! The braided baka decided to hide you then forgot where he put you, he finally found you and I threatened him till he gave you back, finally. Trowa and I are still together, but lately he seems distant. He hardly talks to me anymore, he's really silent, worse then usual. It's really starting to worry me. Even Duo's worried.
Jan.10
MY LIFE SUCKS! Trowa can back from the circus today and broke up with me. He came back at around 8 and said he needed to talk. I was secretly dreading the talk. We went on to the balcony, he said we shouldn't see each other anymore. God he shocked me I knew it was coming but man it hurt. I started crying. I felt like everything I loved in the world had just died. I ran to my room, I ran the other pilots who looked stunned to see me cry. I think Duo knew what happened and figured I wanted to be left alone. My life sucks…
Jan. 12
Again my life sucks, I…damn! I really can't believe after everything… I thought he loved me. I wrote a new song "Break Down". I didn't even leave my room today. I haven't cried since I was a child, I only stated crying again when I met Trowa, the last time I cried was when I left Duo at the orphanage…strange I only cry when I'm near a pilot. Well I don't feel like writing I may not write for a while…
Feb. 2
My life still incredibly sucks without Trowa, but I guess life goes on. Well at least I go and do things now, I've said hi to Trowa a few times since the 'incident', he's acting strangely, I've seen him pull Duo aside a few times, it reminds me of when I had a major crush on Trowa. It's a beautiful night, I'm writing on the balcony (I know so many balcony's! ^o^), I can see all the stars, there's a full moon too (stop giggling you immature people! ^o^). I just heard something wonder what it is, oh I know, I just heard duo scream followed closely by Wufei's yells, Wufei seems to be chasing Duo, again. I am so tired.
Feb. 3
Whoa has Trowa been acting weird today, I mean even for him. He had nightmares last night, I could feel it. I think I'm still in love with him. It can't be true, no! What's wrong with me? I haven't felt so empty. God…I just want t-
~Owari~
~~EPILOGUE~
"Jessica…" a familiar voice…
"Nani?" I said startled
"I forgot to tell you something…" said Trowa
"Hai…" I urged, shakily, I knew I was going to cry tears of pain, not physical pain but mental pain, I still wasn't over him.
"I hate leaving things unfinished, as Heero says 'To live a good life you should act on you emotions', so...umm…Will you Marry me?" he said the last part very fast.
I am so shocked…What should my answer be? I already knew deep down…
"Hai of course!" I replied as I threw my arms around him.
We leaned forward till our foreheads touched. "Another thing I forgot to tell you is I Love You"
"You don't need to tell me that, I already know… Ai Shiteru"
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Well I'm done the fic, well I need C & C's flames are welcome for the first fic! I need Reviews ppl!!