Recalcitrate
A/n: I decided it was time to truly solidify my geekiness with a Star Wars piece. This one is based one the prequel movies and focuses on Anakin. I'm sure this idea has been done before but it's new for me. I wanted to write about how even though he doesn't want the Dark side in the end he knows that it will get him. It's pretty short but I hope you like it.
He was trying. Trying to fight, trying to resist. He was a Jedi. He did not want to join the Sith, did not want to join the Dark side of the Force. But resisting was so hard. And everyday it seemed to get harder and harder.
Anakin knew the prophecy. He knew that according to it he was the 'chosen one'. He was the one who supposed to bring balance to the force, supposed set things right. He was supposed to be the good guy. He knew this. He'd heard it for years, through conversations that he wasn't supposed know about and from his own Master Obi-wan. He was supposed to be good. But good was looking less and less appealing with every step he took, every move he made.
It wasn't merely his dreams that were pushing him towards Darkness. The dreams, no nightmares of Padme's death. Padme, his wife, the woman who even now was carrying his children. He couldn't lose her, she meant too much to him. She couldn't die. He loved her and he couldn't see his life without her. And he'd sworn that he would never let another person he loved die. He wouldn't lose her. He couldn't lose her.
But it was more than the nightmares. It was the desire. The desire that had been building up with in him for years. The desire to prove himself, the desire to be seen as the best. The desires to be above all Jedi and to have them look at him as if he was the only one who mattered. The desire to have Obi-wan finally acknowledge him, not as an equal but as a better. As his better. The desire to have the universe acknowledge him, acknowledge his greatness, his power. That desire was growing, becoming more and more consuming.
He tried to fight. Tried to tamp down his desire and his fear. He tried to clear all such thoughts from his mind, as if by doing so he could remove them from his heart. He didn't want to feel these things, didn't want to think that way. He didn't want the dark side.
He tried to remember why he didn't want to crossover. He tried to focus on all the good things he had, on how all he wanted from his surrogate father was acknowledgement, not groveling, not fear. How all he wanted from the Jedi counsel was recognition, was to be made a Master, not the supreme Jedi ruler. He tried to focus on all the ways to ensure that Padme would not die, on all the ways he could help to prevent his horrible dreams from coming true. He tried to focus on all the good things he'd done and all the good things that had been done for him. He tried.
But he knew it was futile. It already had a hold upon his heart. He knew that he couldn't fight it. Knew that eventually the temptation would be too much. Knew that eventually his fears and his desires would become too much to resist, eventually they would win the internal battle he was waging. His heart wasn't strong enough to continue his resistance. The power and the glory he knew would eventually win. He would join the Dark Side.
A/N: So…there you go. I was watching the Star Wars marathon on Cinemax when I was inspired to write this one. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think. By the way recalcitrate means to fight against or resist.