Woohoo! Return of the Charlz! (Hey! I heard that booing and hissing you know! And that! Shut it!!)
This, I suppose is especially for Freyja,who likes my fics and keeps telling me to write more. So, here's one for you, Frej! And hi Catherine, who loves Remus too. Even though I love him more….well, er…yeah.
OK, anyway, yet another Enya song. This one is Evening Falls. Enjoy! Feed me and I write! Flame if you will, I can toast some marshmallows.
When the evening falls and the daylight is fading
And so the sun goes down again. The world is soon to be illuminated by the argent glow of the full moon. People say it is beautiful. It may well be but it is a cold and merciless beauty.
From within me calls – could it be I am sleeping
Something calls, something within me, a part of me I hate and fear. A part of me that I cannot control.
For a moment I stray then it holds me completely
For an insignificant moment in time everything stops. Each part of me struggles to dominate. And the same part will always win, will always dominate under the silver orb that calls it forth. Who am I? I am man. And then I am wolf.
Close to home – I cannot say
Close to home, feeling so far away
And so I am me, and yet I am not me. I am the strong and ruthless one who feels no emotion, no pain. No guilt. Inside every person is this creature, I think, the thing which feels no remorse, nothing but the wanton desire for destruction. But I am this creature. It is me, yet it is not. I am me, yet I am not.
As I walk the room, there before me a shadow
All the time, I am all too painfully aware that I am different from the people I see. Some mock me. Some befriend me regardless. And some fear me. They should fear me. It always hurts, to be around people, those who mock me. Those who befriend me too, I am so grateful to them for bothering to look for a person in me that it hurts. And the look of fear in people's eyes, that hurts more than anything. I do not want to be feared. I want to be liked, I want to be wanted, I want to be loved.
From another world, where no other can follow
I long to be accepted. For the most part I am normal, although what normal is has never been clear. I feel sometimes that I should be accepted. But sometimes I feel so utterly apart that I can hardly go on. I am different. None of them can understand what it is like to be surrounded by people, sometimes even by friends and yet be completely on my own.
Were I them, I wonder, did I not know what it is to be me, would I act as they do? Would I turn someone away for what they were?
Carry me to my own, to where I can cross over
I wish there was somewhere where prejudice was dead. Where people did not care that I am different. I wish I could become part of it all and leave this misery behind.
Close to home – I cannot say
Close to home feeling so far away
And once more, I am me yet I am not. The person they see is not who I am, but perception is everything in society. When they look they see no more, no less than a monster, a freak to be scorned and ignored. Very few see me.
Forever searching, never right
So I have no choice but to keep moving. To go from place to place, looking for somewhere to work, to live, to have friends. And wherever I look, that place is not there. It does not exist but I keep going anyway, for what choice do I have?
I am lost in oceans of night
I am just one person, lost in the night, wandering aimlessly. I feel like I am drowning, in despair, misery and dejection.
Forever hoping I can find memories
Before this happened, before I became this thing. Then I must have been happy, although I can barely remember. I still have hope that I will be happy again. And sometimes, for a time, I am. When I am accepted I almost forget and then I am happy.
Those memories I left behind
But inevitably I must leave. Someone will reject me, it is unavoidable. Someone will say, leave, and so I must. Leave behind happiness, that unsubstantial screen I fool even myself with from time to time. And once again I am wandering, searching but never, never finding.
Even though I leave will I go on believing
When happiness is again no more than a memory, I wonder if I still believe in happiness, in acceptance. Is it just a sham, a fakery? I think so.
That this time is real – am I lost in this feeling
But every time, every time I stumble upon good luck I can convince myself that this time it is real. I am so caught up in the contentment of being me that I forget that soon I will be alone once more.
Like a child passing through, never knowing the reason
I do not see why I should be the one that suffers this. It is not fair, I think, like a child wondering why. So I come and I go, screaming wordlessly at fate, at destiny if there is such a thing, for making this mine.
I am home - I know the way
I am home, feeling oh, so far away
Maybe this is my home, the whole world, the open road as it were. As if it were my choice to live as I do. Maybe I am looking for something I have, my place. This is where I belong. Nowhere.