Title: Desperate Times
Author: Moi
Disclaimer: Don't own characters yadda yadda yadda.
Elizabeth sat on her couch in her studio staring at the walls. So much had happened in the past few months. Memories that have haunted her race through her mind. The moment she saw Carly in the hidden room. All the lies that Ric had fed her. The screams, the cries, the hate, the love. All of it raced through her veins as she tried to shutter it away. Her eyes began to water.
So what did I do to get rid of this pain?, she thought. I slept with Zander. My best friends ex husband. I didn't even know if they were ex's at the time. I need to get out.
Elizabeth got up and grabbed her coat. She glanced in the mirror and wiped away her tears. Even her face had changed. No longer was her face framed by frizzy youthful hair. No longer were her eyes wide and innocent. She shut them to prevent more tears and went for the door.
She reached Kelly's and was about to walk in. That's when she saw him. Ric, having lunch with Scott Baldwin. I guess it figuers, she thought. They're both corrupt and only care about themselves. It still hurt for her to see him though, so she took her hand off the cold steel handle and continued to walk the other way, finally finding herself in the park.
"Elizabeth?"
A mans voice. A familiar voice. Calm. Comforting. Safe. Everything she felt she needed. She turned around.
"Hi Jason." she said.
He walked towards her. Of course wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and his black leather jacket. Some things never change, she thought. Thank God.
His kind blue eyes looked into hers. "What's wrong?"
Damn. Elizabeth suddenly felt the dried mascara below her eyes, which must of tipped him off. She wiped it away. "Would you believe me if I said nothing?"
He smiled. "Not a chance." He sat down on the bench behind them. She followed and sighed.
"God Jason. How could I turn out this way?"
He shook his head. "Like what?"
She stared in front of her. She could feel her tears forming again, but for some reason she didn't want to cry in front of Jason. "It's shameful. You'll think I'm..."
"Why don't you leave what I think up to me, and just tell me what happened."
Elizabeth sighed again. "W-well...I slept with Zander." The tears came again. But softly and individually.
"I see." Jason too stared out in front of them. Not knowing what to think or say he just stayed silent.
"He had come to me right after I had an argument with Ric. That man just doesn't know when to quit, and I don't want to be with him. Well Zander said that him and Emily were over. Their marriage was done. That she and Nikolas," realizing that Jason was Emily's brother she decided to hold back on the details, "Well that Emily and Nikolas were together now. And all I could think of was how much I hated Ric. How much I didn't want to be with him. How much I just wanted him to leave me alone." The tears started to stream. "So when I looked up at Zander I saw a solution, not a person. I wanted to do something that would push Ric away, keep him away. Something he would never forgive me for. I used Zander...And I never thought I could be someone like that. I mean look at me. I used to be so innocent. I used to put so much importance on honesty and trust. I even put honesty before love. And now what am I? I'm coniving, maipulative-"
Jason leaned forward and caught her gaze. This was the time to talk. "Stop Elizabeth, you're none of that. And you know it. We all do things that we regret. We're human and we make mistakes. What was the first thing you did after you slept with Zander?"
Elizabeth sniffed. "I called Emily."
Jason smiled. "Exactly."
Elizabeth shook her head. "But Jason I still used Zander, who used to be a friend."
"Look Zander probably had the same hidden intentions that you did. It doesn't make you both bad people-"
"-I guess but I still can't forgive myself. I mean look at the way I used to be-"
"-everyone changes Elizabeth."
Elizabeth looked into Jason eye's. How blue they looked at the moment. She had seen them at times filled with love, and other times as cold as stone. "You haven't."
Jason smirked. "You don't think so?"
Elizabeth shook her head lightly, wiping away her last tears.
"Well I have. Especially with morals and everything..but we're not here to talk about that, we're here to talk about you."
"Oh please, anything to get off the subject of my problems. What's going on with you?"
It was now Jason's turn to sighs. He rubbed his eyes and stared back out in front of them. "I don't know whats going on. I used to hate Carly for trying to change me. I fell out of love with Robin for it. And now it feels like Courtney is doing the same thing. I am at a point where I don't know what to do or feel. And I know what'll happen both ways."
Elizabeth, trying to understand, said "And what's that?"
"Well if Courtney and I stay together, she'll continue to try and change me. Make me into something I'm not. I only know the business I was brought into after the accident. She doesn't understand the relationship that Sonny and I have. And she won't try to. I love her, but to keep feeling that and to stay out of all the arguments and fights, I'll have to lie to myself. I'll have to say that I'm ok with what she's trying to do. And I'm not. Again, I used to be an advocate for doing what you think is right. So I guess I'm a hypocrit now too."
Elizabeth stared at Jason. How could Courtney be so blind? Shaking her head, Elizabeth replied. "And what'll happen if you don't stay with her?"
Jason sat back. "Sonny'll kill me for hurting his baby sister. Courtney will be heartbroken. She might even go into pain killers again, I don't know."
Elizabeth pushed her eyebrows together, "Yeah but how will you feel? You never consider yourself in these situations Jason. You always do things for other people."
Jason looked into Elizabeth. He knew she was speaking the truth. "Yeah. I know...To be honest I don't know what I'll feel. Just like I don't know how I'm feeling for Courtney anymore. Our relationship seems to have taken a rest. We always talk and hug over the same things. It's like we're their for each other because we both need someone. Not so much eachother, but someone. We're together out of convience."
Elizabeth understood what Jason was saying. She wanted to comfort him. She wanted to reach out and hold him. But how? "Ok, I'm going to be honest with you Jas. I don't know how to comfort you or tell you how to fix things. I mean look at my messed up track record of love lives. All I can say is that you are amazing. Don't doubt yourself or regret your descisions. You are, and continue to be, a man who does what he thinks is right. You don't have hidden motives. You're genuine....and I don't know Courtney all that well, but from what I can tell she is too. She's proabably just doing what she thinks is right. You should have the right to do the same."
Jason looked at her as she half smiled at him. He used to love that flare in her. When she talked about something she cared desparately about. He was about to respond when his cellphone rang. He looked at the caller ID. It was Sonny.
Elizabeth sighed and smiled. "Duty calls?"
Jason nodded. "Yeah, I gotta get going. We should do this more often."
Elizabeth watched him get up. "I know. It feels like we never talk anymore."
"That'll change. I'll see ya," He started to walk away.
"Bye" smiled Elizabeth. Out of everything that was going wrong, at least one thing was looking up.
Elizabeth sat on her couch in her studio staring at the walls. So much had happened in the past few months. Memories that have haunted her race through her mind. The moment she saw Carly in the hidden room. All the lies that Ric had fed her. The screams, the cries, the hate, the love. All of it raced through her veins as she tried to shutter it away. Her eyes began to water.
So what did I do to get rid of this pain?, she thought. I slept with Zander. My best friends ex husband. I didn't even know if they were ex's at the time. I need to get out.
Elizabeth got up and grabbed her coat. She glanced in the mirror and wiped away her tears. Even her face had changed. No longer was her face framed by frizzy youthful hair. No longer were her eyes wide and innocent. She shut them to prevent more tears and went for the door.
She reached Kelly's and was about to walk in. That's when she saw him. Ric, having lunch with Scott Baldwin. I guess it figuers, she thought. They're both corrupt and only care about themselves. It still hurt for her to see him though, so she took her hand off the cold steel handle and continued to walk the other way, finally finding herself in the park.
"Elizabeth?"
A mans voice. A familiar voice. Calm. Comforting. Safe. Everything she felt she needed. She turned around.
"Hi Jason." she said.
He walked towards her. Of course wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and his black leather jacket. Some things never change, she thought. Thank God.
His kind blue eyes looked into hers. "What's wrong?"
Damn. Elizabeth suddenly felt the dried mascara below her eyes, which must of tipped him off. She wiped it away. "Would you believe me if I said nothing?"
He smiled. "Not a chance." He sat down on the bench behind them. She followed and sighed.
"God Jason. How could I turn out this way?"
He shook his head. "Like what?"
She stared in front of her. She could feel her tears forming again, but for some reason she didn't want to cry in front of Jason. "It's shameful. You'll think I'm..."
"Why don't you leave what I think up to me, and just tell me what happened."
Elizabeth sighed again. "W-well...I slept with Zander." The tears came again. But softly and individually.
"I see." Jason too stared out in front of them. Not knowing what to think or say he just stayed silent.
"He had come to me right after I had an argument with Ric. That man just doesn't know when to quit, and I don't want to be with him. Well Zander said that him and Emily were over. Their marriage was done. That she and Nikolas," realizing that Jason was Emily's brother she decided to hold back on the details, "Well that Emily and Nikolas were together now. And all I could think of was how much I hated Ric. How much I didn't want to be with him. How much I just wanted him to leave me alone." The tears started to stream. "So when I looked up at Zander I saw a solution, not a person. I wanted to do something that would push Ric away, keep him away. Something he would never forgive me for. I used Zander...And I never thought I could be someone like that. I mean look at me. I used to be so innocent. I used to put so much importance on honesty and trust. I even put honesty before love. And now what am I? I'm coniving, maipulative-"
Jason leaned forward and caught her gaze. This was the time to talk. "Stop Elizabeth, you're none of that. And you know it. We all do things that we regret. We're human and we make mistakes. What was the first thing you did after you slept with Zander?"
Elizabeth sniffed. "I called Emily."
Jason smiled. "Exactly."
Elizabeth shook her head. "But Jason I still used Zander, who used to be a friend."
"Look Zander probably had the same hidden intentions that you did. It doesn't make you both bad people-"
"-I guess but I still can't forgive myself. I mean look at the way I used to be-"
"-everyone changes Elizabeth."
Elizabeth looked into Jason eye's. How blue they looked at the moment. She had seen them at times filled with love, and other times as cold as stone. "You haven't."
Jason smirked. "You don't think so?"
Elizabeth shook her head lightly, wiping away her last tears.
"Well I have. Especially with morals and everything..but we're not here to talk about that, we're here to talk about you."
"Oh please, anything to get off the subject of my problems. What's going on with you?"
It was now Jason's turn to sighs. He rubbed his eyes and stared back out in front of them. "I don't know whats going on. I used to hate Carly for trying to change me. I fell out of love with Robin for it. And now it feels like Courtney is doing the same thing. I am at a point where I don't know what to do or feel. And I know what'll happen both ways."
Elizabeth, trying to understand, said "And what's that?"
"Well if Courtney and I stay together, she'll continue to try and change me. Make me into something I'm not. I only know the business I was brought into after the accident. She doesn't understand the relationship that Sonny and I have. And she won't try to. I love her, but to keep feeling that and to stay out of all the arguments and fights, I'll have to lie to myself. I'll have to say that I'm ok with what she's trying to do. And I'm not. Again, I used to be an advocate for doing what you think is right. So I guess I'm a hypocrit now too."
Elizabeth stared at Jason. How could Courtney be so blind? Shaking her head, Elizabeth replied. "And what'll happen if you don't stay with her?"
Jason sat back. "Sonny'll kill me for hurting his baby sister. Courtney will be heartbroken. She might even go into pain killers again, I don't know."
Elizabeth pushed her eyebrows together, "Yeah but how will you feel? You never consider yourself in these situations Jason. You always do things for other people."
Jason looked into Elizabeth. He knew she was speaking the truth. "Yeah. I know...To be honest I don't know what I'll feel. Just like I don't know how I'm feeling for Courtney anymore. Our relationship seems to have taken a rest. We always talk and hug over the same things. It's like we're their for each other because we both need someone. Not so much eachother, but someone. We're together out of convience."
Elizabeth understood what Jason was saying. She wanted to comfort him. She wanted to reach out and hold him. But how? "Ok, I'm going to be honest with you Jas. I don't know how to comfort you or tell you how to fix things. I mean look at my messed up track record of love lives. All I can say is that you are amazing. Don't doubt yourself or regret your descisions. You are, and continue to be, a man who does what he thinks is right. You don't have hidden motives. You're genuine....and I don't know Courtney all that well, but from what I can tell she is too. She's proabably just doing what she thinks is right. You should have the right to do the same."
Jason looked at her as she half smiled at him. He used to love that flare in her. When she talked about something she cared desparately about. He was about to respond when his cellphone rang. He looked at the caller ID. It was Sonny.
Elizabeth sighed and smiled. "Duty calls?"
Jason nodded. "Yeah, I gotta get going. We should do this more often."
Elizabeth watched him get up. "I know. It feels like we never talk anymore."
"That'll change. I'll see ya," He started to walk away.
"Bye" smiled Elizabeth. Out of everything that was going wrong, at least one thing was looking up.