THE ASHTRIX:Chapter one
by The Cheesebadger
PROLOGUE: These events take place directly after the ending of Army Of Darkness, just after Ash kills the witch hag in S-mart.
ÒHail to the king babyÕ, i smirked as i kissed that red-headed girl who i donÕt even know.
ÓOh Ash, youÕre so sexyÓ said the red-headed girl.
ÓYeah I know, but your not so bad your self, say you into dressing up as a 15th century maiden and calling yourself ÔSheilaÕ?Ó
ÒWhat?Ó
ÒOh nothingÓI said as I noticed something strange.
I looked off in the distance, behind the dead hag the executive washroom door was starting to glow bright green.
ÒHey, uh baby you might wanna get outta hereÓ I said to the girl. ÒCall me!!ÓShe yelled out as she ran into the parking lot.
The door burst open with a bright green explosion of light.A figure emerged from behind the fog created by the explosion.He was dressed in black clothes and a trench coat and was wearing shades.He walked slowly toward me his features looking startlingly familiar.
ÒAshÓ said the man. ÒWho are you?,Where did you come from?,Why are you dressed in black? and why the hell did you ruin the executive washroom?!!?Ó I yelled.
ÒBeing as only the human you are, irrecivably I expected questions.Your last two questions are unnessecary.As to who I am, I am Bruce Campbell, I come from a world you have never seen, i am here to show you the wayÓ,the guy said.
ÓYouÕve come to show me the way?The way to what?And who the hell is Bruce Campbell?I Shreiked.
ÒThere is a world you do not know of, an alternate reality if you will.I am from this world, I am here to help you find the way against the deadites.Your primitive means of disposing of these vile creatures viv a vis is inadequate.Ergo the council of R.A.I.M.I. has chosen for me to aquire you into said worldÓsaid Bruce.
ÒWhat!!!???ÓI exclaimed
ÒIn our world we have subpar defensive capabilities against the Deadites.You are the only individual who can combat the deadites confidently.Concordedly, In is in our best interests to--=Ó
ÒWhat the hell are you saying!!??What is this some kind of frikkin vocabulary contest!YouÕre yappinÕ louder than a damn chihuahua!Speak english damn it!!!!Ó I yelled at the bastard.
ÒWhoo.Thank god, i hate having to talk like that manÓsaid Bruce. ÒI hate having to speak in that stupid self inflating tone, the folks back at the R.A.I.M.I. council tell us to speak like that for some strange reason.Ó
ÒWhat the hell is the R.A.I.M.I. council?Ó
Ò ItÕs the people who sent me here to get you to help us kill deadites in the MAT--er...I mean uh ASHtrix.Oh, and RAIMI stands for Radicals Against Intelligent Monsters.Ó
ÒWait, but thereÕs an extra ÔIÕ in RAIMI, and why do you look EXACTLY LIKE ME!?ÓI questioned. ÒYeah, we at the RAIMI council just try to ignore that extra I, uh for the reason I look like you...we are two alternate versions of the same person from two different worlds.Ó
ÒOh, kinda like that movie The One, with Jet Li in it?ÓI said. ÔSorta, but donÕt kill me it wont do anything like in that crappy movieÓ ÒYeah i know what is up with Jet Li anyway, he seems to be making such crap movies lately?ÓI said
ÒYeah I know, itÕs like heÕs TRYING to be in bad movies, and that one with DMX, uh donÕt get me started...........IÕm sorry what were we originally talking about?Ó
Òyou recruiting me to help save your world from the deaditesÓi said quickly.
ÒYeah, Yeah right.Ummmm.....hmmm....Ok, i got it.Now i just need to take you to the council and then weÕll take things from there.Ó
ÒRightÓI said in a slow drawl.
ÒWhere is another bathroomÓBruce said. ÒWhy you gotta take a dump or sumthin?Ó ÒNO!For some strange reason we can only travel from world to world in bathrooms.Ó ÒWhat?Why?ÓI asked ÒSome stupid union thing, cÕmon we gotta get you dressed up in black.Ó ÒBut i like my clothes...Ó
ÒYeah, well where youÕre goin your gonna stick out like a sore thumb palÓBruce said.
Ans as we approached the the customer restroom all i could think of was ÒWhy didnÕt i get that little redheads name and numberÓDamn.
by The Cheesebadger
PROLOGUE: These events take place directly after the ending of Army Of Darkness, just after Ash kills the witch hag in S-mart.
ÒHail to the king babyÕ, i smirked as i kissed that red-headed girl who i donÕt even know.
ÓOh Ash, youÕre so sexyÓ said the red-headed girl.
ÓYeah I know, but your not so bad your self, say you into dressing up as a 15th century maiden and calling yourself ÔSheilaÕ?Ó
ÒWhat?Ó
ÒOh nothingÓI said as I noticed something strange.
I looked off in the distance, behind the dead hag the executive washroom door was starting to glow bright green.
ÒHey, uh baby you might wanna get outta hereÓ I said to the girl. ÒCall me!!ÓShe yelled out as she ran into the parking lot.
The door burst open with a bright green explosion of light.A figure emerged from behind the fog created by the explosion.He was dressed in black clothes and a trench coat and was wearing shades.He walked slowly toward me his features looking startlingly familiar.
ÒAshÓ said the man. ÒWho are you?,Where did you come from?,Why are you dressed in black? and why the hell did you ruin the executive washroom?!!?Ó I yelled.
ÒBeing as only the human you are, irrecivably I expected questions.Your last two questions are unnessecary.As to who I am, I am Bruce Campbell, I come from a world you have never seen, i am here to show you the wayÓ,the guy said.
ÓYouÕve come to show me the way?The way to what?And who the hell is Bruce Campbell?I Shreiked.
ÒThere is a world you do not know of, an alternate reality if you will.I am from this world, I am here to help you find the way against the deadites.Your primitive means of disposing of these vile creatures viv a vis is inadequate.Ergo the council of R.A.I.M.I. has chosen for me to aquire you into said worldÓsaid Bruce.
ÒWhat!!!???ÓI exclaimed
ÒIn our world we have subpar defensive capabilities against the Deadites.You are the only individual who can combat the deadites confidently.Concordedly, In is in our best interests to--=Ó
ÒWhat the hell are you saying!!??What is this some kind of frikkin vocabulary contest!YouÕre yappinÕ louder than a damn chihuahua!Speak english damn it!!!!Ó I yelled at the bastard.
ÒWhoo.Thank god, i hate having to talk like that manÓsaid Bruce. ÒI hate having to speak in that stupid self inflating tone, the folks back at the R.A.I.M.I. council tell us to speak like that for some strange reason.Ó
ÒWhat the hell is the R.A.I.M.I. council?Ó
Ò ItÕs the people who sent me here to get you to help us kill deadites in the MAT--er...I mean uh ASHtrix.Oh, and RAIMI stands for Radicals Against Intelligent Monsters.Ó
ÒWait, but thereÕs an extra ÔIÕ in RAIMI, and why do you look EXACTLY LIKE ME!?ÓI questioned. ÒYeah, we at the RAIMI council just try to ignore that extra I, uh for the reason I look like you...we are two alternate versions of the same person from two different worlds.Ó
ÒOh, kinda like that movie The One, with Jet Li in it?ÓI said. ÔSorta, but donÕt kill me it wont do anything like in that crappy movieÓ ÒYeah i know what is up with Jet Li anyway, he seems to be making such crap movies lately?ÓI said
ÒYeah I know, itÕs like heÕs TRYING to be in bad movies, and that one with DMX, uh donÕt get me started...........IÕm sorry what were we originally talking about?Ó
Òyou recruiting me to help save your world from the deaditesÓi said quickly.
ÒYeah, Yeah right.Ummmm.....hmmm....Ok, i got it.Now i just need to take you to the council and then weÕll take things from there.Ó
ÒRightÓI said in a slow drawl.
ÒWhere is another bathroomÓBruce said. ÒWhy you gotta take a dump or sumthin?Ó ÒNO!For some strange reason we can only travel from world to world in bathrooms.Ó ÒWhat?Why?ÓI asked ÒSome stupid union thing, cÕmon we gotta get you dressed up in black.Ó ÒBut i like my clothes...Ó
ÒYeah, well where youÕre goin your gonna stick out like a sore thumb palÓBruce said.
Ans as we approached the the customer restroom all i could think of was ÒWhy didnÕt i get that little redheads name and numberÓDamn.