Finished around 2:30am. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

These Hands of Mine

Hiccup wondered how complete silence could be this deafening.

There was the soft humming of the lights out in the hallway and the occasional footsteps of a nurse doing their rounds or of a doctor on a late night shift, but other than that it was mostly quiet.

Yet he found there was a stubborn buzzing aswell as a constant beeping tone in his ears. Combined, they almost seemed to be muffling his hearing.

That was what silence sounded like to him. That and the sound of his own voice inside his head. It couldn't be more obvious then now that he was alone.

He'd had visitors of course. His friends came by every single day even while he hadn't been awake to keep him company. His mentor often came by and his father made sure to stay whenever it was possible.

If it were up to them, he would never be alone. But it was already long past visiting hours and that meant they all had to go home, despites their many protests.

Those times were the hardest. The nights when Hiccup was left alone with his thoughts.

There was no one to distract him from the pain and he wasn't a fan of taking painkillers with their supplies limited. He was vulnerable to the lurking fears that now plagued him with his uncertain future. He was no longer protected from the very fact that his body would never feel quite right ever again.

He was left to experience everything that his friends, his family, had been shielding him from with jokes and laughter for hours during the day.

"Look at it from the bright side, Hiccup. Instead of just punching out three of a guy's teeth, you can dislocate his jaw instead! No one in their right mind is gonna mess with you now!" Snotlout had snickered, smirking at the thought.

"Think of the jokes you could make on Loki Day!"

"They will be truly glorious, H." Tuffnut had added to Ruffnut's claim.

"And you'll be more protected against dragon fire! No more burning yourself in the Dragon Nursery or the Training Ring!" Fishlegs had helpfully reminded him as there would indeed be no more burning of freckled skin on his arms and hands.

"If you still had any trouble lifting weapons before, Babe, you won't now. I'm looking forward to sparring with you again." Astrid had told him, carefully grabbing the hand nearest to her to hold on her lap as she sat on the side of his bed. He hadn't opposed to it too much then.

"I know you will recover soon, son. When you do, Toothless and I will be waiting for you." His father had kept his mind on Toothless, on the Night Fury who couldn't be here simply because his size wouldn't allow him too. That was all that had stopped him from making this hospital room his own.

They were his family by choice and as such they had done their best to keep him occupied during the day, to protect him for as long as they were able. They had been reluctantly to leave because of it.

But it was night now and Hiccup was sure that they were asleep.

He hoped so at least. They needed their rest and he'd hate it if they were kept awake by their worries. Even Snotlout, as uncaring as he tried to make himself seem, and the twins, as much as they loved violence, the chances that they were lying awake at night too were big.

With a sigh Hiccup moved to lie on his side. Despites the bandages around his torso and covering part of his face, he still did so with ease. He felt his arms moving with him, could hear them move, they were the very reason why he could still move. Yet it still felt like they weren't actually there.

As they settled on the mattress before him, moonlight shone down upon them and caused their reflective surface to catch Hiccup's eyes.

This was what was wrong with them. Why his body felt off despites the definite presence of a pair of arms.

They were replaced by prosthetics now. Both of them.

Their last battle against Viggo Grimborn, a hunter of and business man in the dragon- aswell as other markets with an intellect that rivaled Hiccup's own, had been an arduous one.

Fight after fight the two had tried to outsmart each other, think ahead of one another, pull moves before the opposing party could, and finally this war had reaped what had been sown months ago.

The Dragon Riders had attempted to take out one of Viggo's weapon storages to make it easier on them to raid future auctions and Hunter outposts.

It had all gone well until Hiccup had triggered a new kind of trap that caused a massive explosion. Toothless' thick fireproof draconic hide had protected most of his Rider's body from burning up alive, but it had quickly become clear that one of the eighteen year old's remaining three limbs was missing and another badly burned.

Toothless had saved his life, but failed to keep him entirely intact.

Hiccup didn't blame him. Though he knew the Night Fury absolutely loathed himself for failing, Hiccup found the fault lied only with him.

He should've been more cautious. He should've known Viggo would come up with newer and better ways to defend his merch. Because he failed to foresee this, that was why he had to suffer now.

What if it hadn't been him? What if it had been any of his Riders? What if it had been Astrid?

No, a large part of him knew he deserved this.

He didn't remember much of the night after that last explosion besides hellish pain. Though he had been told later on once he woke up after his first surgery that he had been awake enough to scream the lungs out of his body and deliver his Riders with new nightmares for the coming months to accompany the horrible smell of burning flesh.

It was the complete opposite of his eerie silence when he lost most of his lower left leg three years earlier as he had been unconscious then.

Unable to find a comfortable position on his right side Hiccup moved onto his left, the covers becoming stuck in an elbow of his as he did so, like it had done many times before.

Trying to remove the fabric from the joint had caused it the rip and Hiccup had to stop himself from growling out loud in frustration. He may have a room all to himself, but he still didn't want to risk waking anybody up.

Giving up on finding a comfortable spot, Hiccup simply chose to lie on his back and stare up at the ceiling. His body was recovering, but he found he was wide awake. He didn't feel like sleeping even if he wasn't.

Bringing a hand up to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose, cold metal met his freckled features instead of warm skin and briefly did it startle him.

Keeping the arm in the air, Hiccup found himself staring.

They were the best you could find on the market, his father had made sure of that. They were built to last, to carry weight, to replicate a real arm. A better model would have needed to come from Viggo's own collection, but Stoick outright refused to have his son humiliated like that after the loss he had suffered.

So Hiccup was stuck with these instead. He should be happy with them, though he knew they didn't possess the accuracy or functionality necessary for the sometimes very delicate parts he works with.

Well... used to work with.

He doubted he'd be allowed in his workshop ever again.

There were a lot of things he doubted he could do ever again.

Holding onto his saddle might be a problem. Despites the tighter grip this particular model provided compared to his flesh and blood hands, Hiccup felt nervous at the very thought of holding onto a saddle he couldn't actually feel anymore.

Tough as they were, he wasn't sure if he could show his face in the Dragon Nursery again in fear of hurting any of the hatchlings.

Hel, Hiccup didn't even know he would ever let these hands touch Astrid, who hadn't been his girlfriend for all that long yet.

He felt broken.

Not mentally, his mind worked just fine, but physically.

First midway down his lower left leg and now his right arm from his shoulder and his left from halfway down his upper arm. Though both harnesses to keep them in place required covering his two shoulders for the sake of stability and sturdiness, to optimize the functionality in his metal limbs.

Dropping his arm back down, Hiccup released another sigh.

He could feel everything. Every little shift of the harness, every little bolt and artificial nerve, the strain these would put on his body for the foreseeable future until he got used to them. In a way these arms could feel, but at the same time they couldn't. It was a frustrating sensation that drove his brain mad trying to figure it out.

Yet, there was nothing that could be done about it now.

His carelessness had ruined him. There was really no one to blame but himself. The bruises that littered him on both face and body, both the minor and graver burns, the loss of his arms... He couldn't even blame Viggo for this one.

He had no one to blame this one but him. And all he could do now was try to live with himself and the choices that brought him to his current reality.

The silence in his room continued. And it was more deafening than ever.