A/N: I have not seen any of the third season yet so I have no idea how Trip
is acting at the moment. The following thoughts are inspired by the various
fics I read during the summer. I am sorry if it seems totally out of
character.
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned within this story belong to Paramount. The thoughts contained are merely my attempt to sum up his feelings after the Xindi attack on earth and the death of his sister.
When Elizabeth Tucker died, she took a piece of each member of her family with her. Trip Tucker knows this, deep inside, in a place he doesn't acknowledge. Though there are constant reminders and each day is a struggle. New people, new friends, new technology just mean one more thing that he'll never get to tell his sister about or someone he'll never introduce her to. This reminds him anew of what has happened and a gamut of emotions run through him. Fear, disbelief, denial, unbelievable pain, the sense that something that can never be repaired has been fractured, that something irreplaceable is missing.
Anger is the tool he uses to deal with these feelings because it feels safer then the awful chasm inside that he might otherwise have to deal with. That compels him to search for the Xindi instead of remaining with his family. Anger that causes him to snap at his colleagues for the least little thing. Anger that pushes his friends away, leaving him alone. How dare they tell him what he should feel, how to deal with what happened? He doesn't need to talk about it, he needs to find the Xindi and make them pay. They don't understand how can they when they haven't lost what he has? And deep inside, he hopes they never will. In this same place, he acknowledges that talking about it will make him face the reality that she really is gone, that revenge on the Xindi will never achieve what he hopes. Deep inside this place he refuses to acknowledge during the day, only when it is dark and the demons start biting at his heels, he longs to reach out to his friends, to take their support but beneath the anger he uses as a crutch, is a numbness which leaves him feeling totally outside everything, a freak and he's not sure how to relate to people anymore. The Trip Tucker who came on board the Enterprise three years ago eager to explore is gone, Elizabeth Tucker took him with her when she died.
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned within this story belong to Paramount. The thoughts contained are merely my attempt to sum up his feelings after the Xindi attack on earth and the death of his sister.
When Elizabeth Tucker died, she took a piece of each member of her family with her. Trip Tucker knows this, deep inside, in a place he doesn't acknowledge. Though there are constant reminders and each day is a struggle. New people, new friends, new technology just mean one more thing that he'll never get to tell his sister about or someone he'll never introduce her to. This reminds him anew of what has happened and a gamut of emotions run through him. Fear, disbelief, denial, unbelievable pain, the sense that something that can never be repaired has been fractured, that something irreplaceable is missing.
Anger is the tool he uses to deal with these feelings because it feels safer then the awful chasm inside that he might otherwise have to deal with. That compels him to search for the Xindi instead of remaining with his family. Anger that causes him to snap at his colleagues for the least little thing. Anger that pushes his friends away, leaving him alone. How dare they tell him what he should feel, how to deal with what happened? He doesn't need to talk about it, he needs to find the Xindi and make them pay. They don't understand how can they when they haven't lost what he has? And deep inside, he hopes they never will. In this same place, he acknowledges that talking about it will make him face the reality that she really is gone, that revenge on the Xindi will never achieve what he hopes. Deep inside this place he refuses to acknowledge during the day, only when it is dark and the demons start biting at his heels, he longs to reach out to his friends, to take their support but beneath the anger he uses as a crutch, is a numbness which leaves him feeling totally outside everything, a freak and he's not sure how to relate to people anymore. The Trip Tucker who came on board the Enterprise three years ago eager to explore is gone, Elizabeth Tucker took him with her when she died.