an: old fic/ tumblr prompt/ No one beta'd this, because I'm both lazy and very impatient. Apologies in advance. This takes place after Marian comes back. No ice queen or frozen heart or any other ouat madness.
I throw open the convent door, eyes scanning all the scared, shocked, and some angry faces of the former nuns and now fairies that were roaming the halls.
My dramatics are not for nothing though, because Tinkerbell is quickly catching my sight, walking swiftly up to me with a tight and forced smile, probably hoping that I don't make some kind of scene.
"Regina, what's wrong—?" Her words are interrupted by a small squeak as I take her gently by the arm, but none too gently lead her down the hall. I'm walking quickly and she's trying to keep up, until I find a dining room that's actually empty, and pull us into it, closing the door behind me. When my eyes land on Tink, she looks a little scared now, her mouth opening to speak again but I cut her off.
"I thought you said that Robin was my soul mate." The words come out of my mouth in a rush, and confusion washes over her face, replacing any previous emotion.
"What?"
"Robin. He's my soul mate." I say again, frustration bubbling up inside me. "That's what you said, isn't it? That's what your green sparkly dirt told me, isn't it?" She raises her hands in defense at my rising tone.
"Calm down, please. What happened?"
I take a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts and patience, closing my eyes briefly before looking at her again.
"Marian left Robin." I state simply, watching shock wash over the fairy's face. "And now…He wants to be with me."
Though it's not as simple as just that, no of course it wouldn't be, because Robin did come over to tell me yesterday evening, and I when I saw him on my door step and the emotions playing on his face, I was quick to send Henry upstairs as I ushered him into the living room. Once we sat I opted out of the pleasantries of offering any kind of drinks and asked him what was wrong.
"Marian left me." He said with a defeated tone, looking at me for my reaction. One that was filled with shock at those words, because of all the ways that I had imagined this to go, it was never her leaving him, without reason or warning. It had been months since Marian had shown up and essentially ruined my 'happy ending', and after the initial thoughts of murder and revenge, I was finally moving on. Henry helped a lot, kept me grounded and not without hope. Things always worked themselves out, he would say, so I moved on as much as I could, and perhaps in spite of everyone's assumptions that this would destroy me, I had formed somewhat of a friendship with Marian. If you could call it such. She was enjoyable enough, and quickly seemed to be full of forgiveness for me. That was hard to believe at first, but I assumed Robin's promise of my redemption probably helped.
So her leaving him so suddenly, was a surprise, because Marian always seemed happy enough. Smiling with a sense of wonderment at every simple trip to the grocery store, at every movie we would rent with our sons. And she had this borderline adorable expression of confusion the first time I showed her what 'internet' was. I was smiling endearingly at her before I could stop myself, when she looked at the computer as if it was medusa herself, experimentally pressing a few of the keys.
Still, she seemed happy.
Though she was never with Robin when she was with me. At first it was too awkward, too painful to watch them interact with each other as a couple, the sting of our break up still fresh. Then, it was just habit. She would go out with me, or come over with Roland. Her visits had gotten more frequent recently, but I didn't think anything of it. It was nice to have a friend that wasn't deeply woven in my past, one that actually found me quite tolerable, and vice versa.
"Regina?" Robin asked, obviously sensing that I was lost in thought.
"Yes, sorry." My apology came with a small blush of embarrassment. "This is just so sudden."
"I felt her growing distant—"
"Do you think there's someone else?" I wondered out loud and mentally kicked myself at how much I sounded like a high school gossiper. It wasn't my business. And it was felt odd to even think about. Marian with some faceless man that gave her false promises and fed off of her innocent nature. It was ridiculous, because she was smarter than people gave her credit for, she was resourceful and a hell of an archer from the one time I actually convinced her to show me. You couldn't wipe the shock off me face when she hit an apple straight through the center from its hanging position on the top of my tree. She was standing in the drive way at the time, and barely even aimed. With my reaction, you couldn't wipe the smile off of her face.
Robin Hood's wife. Go figure.
"There is someone else." Robin answered, shaking me out of my thoughts once more, and this time my attention stayed. Because there couldn't be, when Marian wasn't with him she was with me— "You."
Then a small smile settled on his lips at my slack jawed and silent surprise.
No.
No, that can't be—
"The someone else is you, because I'm still in love with you, Regina." I about slapped him for nearly giving me a heart attack with the confusing way he structured that statement, because really, would it kill him to speak simply and clearly in a time like this? Instead I just sighed out all the tension that moment brought.
"Did she move out?" I asked, because they finally managed their way out of the woods, with my persuading and I helped Marian—all of them—get a small cottage outside town limits. She had a home, a family, why would she—
"I'm staying at Granny's Inn for the time being." He said with a distracted tone before he shook his head a little, looking at me curiously. "Did you hear the part where I'm still in love with you?" Robin gives a small nervous laugh, and my features soften immediately at that.
"Of course, I'm sorry." My hand reached for his as our fingers link together. I smiled over at him, focusing on his face that I had seen so little of lately, his features that had love shining in them. There was a pull between us, which much was undeniable, but there was also something else, a nagging in the back of my brain.
"Do you love me?" He asked, leaning towards me slightly.
I did.
Of course I did.
"This is sudden." I almost cringed at the words as they came out of my mouth, and disappointment crossed his face. "I do, Robin." I quickly corrected, forcing a smile that was brighter than what I felt. "You're still married though, she just left."
He nodded so understanding and concerned and wonderful, just as he always is.
"Yes, I know. But it's still the start of something new, and I just hope you could be a part of that." He lifted my hand to his lips, kissing the back of it lightly. Always a gentleman. "We can go as slow as you want. You're worth waiting for."
Now that he had nothing left to lose, I supposed.
I stopped those thoughts before they even started, because anger and bitterness were always so quick to rise in me, and nothing good ever came of it. Instead I focused on his kind eyes and soft smile, that strong jaw line that I used to trace with my fingers when we kissed. My hand raised to cup his cheek, and it was strange to do this all again, yet there was a comfort to it. When I leaned in and kissed him, it was just as I remembered. It was a slow burning in my chest, near the heart he once held, it was tingling on my lips and hum in the back of my throat. It was…nice.
I did love him.
Of course I did.
Not long after, he left with promises to call and have lunch and all those things we couldn't do for months, and it wasn't until I shut the door behind him did I feel relief wash over me. Which was odd. I looked at my watch and though it was late, I just hoped Marian was still awake as I waited long enough to let Henry know I was going out, before I was in my car driving towards her house.
I knocked on her door softly, the lights were on, but Roland was probably sleeping, and it was only a few moments before she opened the door. She looked surprised to say the least that I was standing on her door step.
"Regina? What are you doing here?"
Something about this situation made me suddenly nervous, something about seeing her, never having to deal with things like this before. Still, she opened the door wide enough for me to come in, until I was standing in her small living room, taking notice of some boxes packed up, most likely Robin's. Marian was serious about this. I turned to look at her standing by the door still, arms crossed in front of her and looking to the ground.
The sight didn't make my nerves any better.
"Well, I have a friend," I started, flexing my fingers inside the pockets of my jacket. "And she…she just left her husband, so I thought that maybe she'd want to talk about it."
Marian finally looked at me, with eyes that were guarded and a face that showed pain through her mask. It practically broke my heart, and made me wonder at what point had I become so soft, especially towards this woman.
She didn't speak, just watching me, like she wanted nothing more than for me to leave.
"You're the friend that I was talking about." My words are quiet, hoping to get some kind of reaction from her.
"Yes, I know." She finally said, with a small smile. And I grinned brightly in an overreaction that I couldn't stop. "You shouldn't be here though."
My face fell at that.
"Why?"
"Because you should be with Robin." She looked away again, and I thought that maybe that's what she was so upset about. Not about leaving him, but knowing that he would just find his way on my doorstep. And we were friends, so it hurt her. Of course it did. But it still didn't answer the question of why she left him in the first place. He said she was growing distant, and with all the time I spent with her, I didn't see it. She never talked to me about it.
"…I was." I said seriously. "We talked a little, but he didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know." My feet took a few steps towards her, bringing her attention back on me. "Besides, you leaving him, which was a bit of a surprise." With a soft sigh and hopeful look on my face, I shrugged. "So now I'm here, because I want to know why."
She was quiet again for a long moment, thinking about something when she looked at me, and not knowing what was on her mind was making me uncomfortable.
"Do I owe that to you?" Marian asked and it shocked me, her tone wasn't necessarily cruel, but it wasn't very kind either.
"No. I just thought…" My words died in my throat, feeling like an idiot and a fool, because Robin was just at my house, and she knew that, and this was just so stupid. Why was I even here? I shook my head and walked past her towards the door, very willing for this odd and confusing night to end.
Then she stopped me with a soft grip on my arm, before I could move past her, and I looked down at the small hand and then back up at her searching eyes on my face. It was odd and confusing, though I had no idea why, so her hand slowly fell back to her side.
"I want you to be happy." She practically whispered, but it was full of emotion and intent, as if that was the answer to everything that I questioned. It wasn't though, and it only made me more confused. My eyes narrowed to show it.
"What about your happiness?" Her husband, her son, and her family. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? That was what we're all supposed to want.
"You're more important." Her eyes looked away, and I scoffed before I could stop myself.
"My happiness is not more important than anyone's, Marian. If I learned anything in my life, it's that." And the bitterness in my voice was dull but it was there. It probably always will be.
When she spoke again, I could hear her voice crack with a tearful emotion and her upset surprised me.
"Nothing's more important than fate, than your soul mate." Her eyes met mine again, and I could see the water shining in them. It was only serving to confuse me further. "That's what he is, isn't he? He's your happy ending."
I was silent and stoic for a long moment, searching her face and trying to decipher her words. Something seemed hidden underneath the surface of this, be it my paranoid nature, or the oddness of the situation, something was hovering in the space around us unsaid.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked seriously.
"All this time I've spent with you…Everything you've been through, all the good you've done, I see it now." Marian tried to smile but it was broken and sad, tearing a bit at my heart. "I see what he sees in you. The two of you are a set point, and I'm…not." I shook my head at where her thoughts were leading us. "I'm not even supposed to be here, Regina."
I took her hand in mine, causing her to gasp, and it almost made me pull away. That, and the spark of heat that I felt when our skin touched. Still I pushed away the feeling, squeezing her hand gently, in a show of comfort.
"Stop. You are right where you're supposed to be. Roland has a mother again because you're here." I smiled encouragingly, but it didn't penetrate her emotions—as if she didn't believe me. I looked down at our joined hands, trying to get a grasp on that something that was hovering around us. "There been nothing but good ever since you came here." I wasn't sure why I said that, and it was disconcerting, because it wasn't true…but it felt true. It felt like a truth and honesty finally being pulled out of me, and it was so terribly confusing.
"I want you to be happy." I looked back up to her face, because I realized that she was crying now, tears streaking down her face, and it made my eyes sting at the sight.
"Stop saying that, and tell me why." I almost snap at her, frustration making my words suddenly sharp. My hand released hers and raised to cup her cheek. The action surprised her, and the intimacy that it brought surprised me as well. A half realization and vague epiphany started to sink in, more and more, as her wide brown eyes skirted down to look at my lips. It froze the air in my lungs. "Tell me, Marian." I managed to whisper, words struggling to get out.
Then she kissed me.
A brief shift of her head connected her lips to mine, making me realize how close our faces were to each other, barely a move had us connected in a soft and gentle kiss that wasn't chaste. It wasn't friendly or even slightly more than. It was passionate and painful.
And it absolutely set every single inch of me on fire. Scorching along every single nerve, my face heated up and I was kissing her back so quickly, so perfectly, the way our lips fit together, the slight parting of her mouth caused me to pull her body towards me with the soft grip that I still had on her cheek.
Though as I moved to deepen the kiss, as my mind cleared with nothing but this, nothing but the near destructive amount of emotions that this was drawing out of me, she pulled away from me quickly. Marian jerked out of my grasp harshly, taking a few generous steps back, and it felt like something was ripped out of me at the action. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything but stare at her in a stunned stupor.
"I love you." She said, tears back in her eyes. "Far too much to see you unhappy just because of me."
I physically shook myself out of my stunned silence, more confused and scared than ever.
"Don't do this." I managed, voice cracking, but she only shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself, looking cold and small
"There's nothing I want from you, I'm not asking for anything—"
"Don't." I had no idea why I was even saying it, what I was even begging for, but I was begging, the desperation clear in my voice. "Please."
She wouldn't look at me, a silence was between us for a long moment until she moved to open the front door that we were standing near. Marian stood with her eyes down, and door open as an invitation to leave.
"You'll be happy with him. He still loves you, and of course you love him." She whispered, but there was a firm finality in her voice and a clear sound of breaking coming from my chest.
When I left her house, I spent the entire night restlessly pacing my bedroom, trying to make sense of all it, and failing miserably. By the time morning came, I was exhausted and angry at being confused still. Angry at how complicated the simplest things had to be.
So now I'm standing in front of Tinkerbell, and all her good intentions that put me in this mess, just as her good intentioned smile at my announcement starts to fade. Because Robin wanted to be with me. We were soul mates, so this should be a happy day.
I'm not happy though, and she can tell.
"But…" She starts, confusion lining her features. "This is a good thing then, isn't it? You two can be together without guilt or consequence. He chose you."
I roll my eyes at her.
"He did not chose me, he chose his wife and his wife chose to leave—…" I stop myself from going on, from saying too much.
"You're together now." The fairy says firmly and encouragingly, as if it's that simple.
"And that's the way it ends? Just like that?" Her eyes narrow at me. "It's not right…" I whisper, and Tink takes a few steps towards me.
"Why? She broke off their marriage—"
"She left him because of me." I snap, irrationally glaring at her for being forced to actually tell her why I'm here. "She gave up her marriage because she's in love with me."
Surprise settles on her face quickly, eyes growing wide.
"Oh." The wide eyes turn sympathetic quickly. "Oh, Regina…"
"I seem to be very popular all of a sudden." I say sarcastically and defeated.
A moment passes between us.
"Do you have feelings for her?"
An indignant anger flashes through me at that.
"I'm not here to talk about my feelings." I snap, even though that's exactly what I'm here for, but to show that kind of weakness—it's not something I'm fond of.
"So, that's a yes." Tink says blandly and far too sure of herself.
"I'm confused and angry, and right now I'm pretty much blaming you." My words are cutting and they bring a flare of red in her eyes.
"There's a lot of blame to be tossed about this room, Regina." I'm a bit taken back at her accusing finger pointing at me, along with sharp and cutting words. "You do not want to go there."
I look away and take a few deep breaths, dampening a temper that never gets me anything good.
"The words you said when you told me about the pixie dust." My eyes close, trying to piece together the fog of my past. "I can't remember exactly…what were the words?"
A long silence brings my attention back on her.
"What does it matter?" The blonde finally says, confused and naïve, causing me to roll my eyes.
"It's magic, the words are all that matter. Magic does what it wishes, and it wishes to be as confusing and round about as it damn well pleases." I wave my hand absently in space around us. "Light or dark, it makes no difference."
Her features twist in a thoughtful expression, eyes cast downward.
"It was…" I heavy sigh later, she looks back at me. "It led you to your soul mate."
I take a step closer to her and try to keep my frustration at bay, forcing myself to be calm.
"Please, Tinkerbell. Try to remember."
"Blue told me what I told you." She thinks about it again, trying to get her mind back to the place that was so long ago. "It was meant to bring happy endings through true love. It leads you to your happy ending."
I remember that part, as she says it just like she did then. A wave of disappointment went through me, not really sure what I was hoping Tink would say, but her words just seemed to seal a fate I wasn't sure that I wanted anymore.
"You said that. Several times." I reply, thoughtful.
"Yes."
"And pixie dust doesn't fail. You also said that." I sigh heavily, conflicted with a sense of dread filling me. "Several times."
The blonde fairy starts to look concerned.
"You have feelings for Robin, that much is obvious." That much is obvious, because of course I do. He's been nothing but wonderful to me, and I would never have broken down my walls, for the first time in so long, if I didn't have feelings for him. He opened me up again, making me see the person I want to be. It was only because of him that I didn't go on a murderous rampage once Marian came back, only because of him that I was even able to befriend Marian, to open myself up to her as well—to see her as someone who— "Surely they outweigh what you feel for Marian." Tink continues, interrupting my thoughts.
"Would I be here if they did?" I snap, before even realizing that I say it. Not even realizing that I was thinking it. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
"Regina…" Tink whispers, putting a comforting hand on my forearm, but I shrug her off, crossing my arms around my chest and not meeting her eye contact.
"She kissed me." I finally say absently, my mind back on the memory. "She kissed me and it was…amazing. It was everything it used to be back when—When I knew what love was." A heavy and painful sigh later I look back over at the fairy, desperation painted on my face. "Kissing Robin never felt like that."
"So you love her?"
I nod and she's quiet for a long time, in deep thought.
"She's only in your life—" She stops, reconsiders her words and looks at me. "You only know of her because of Robin…"
I throw my hands up in frustration, causing her to take a surprised step back
"So I should stay with him? Even if what I'm feeling—"
"He led you to her." She interrupts and the words start to register in my head, my eyes narrowing towards her. "I led you to him. Pixie dust led you to your happy ending."
She looks at me encouragingly until it suddenly clicks.
"…In a confusing, round about sort of way."
Tink smiles at that, relieved that I'm finally on board with her train of thought, and looking very proud of herself.
"Magic does have that way about it. So I've heard." She winks at me, and I hold on tight to my reservations and fear. Because it can't be that easy. It's never that easy.
"Tink," I shake my head in denial, because if she's wrong—or lying, if this is just another dead end road… "Are you just saying this—"
"Are you so adamant about being unhappy?" The fairy snaps and rolls her eyes, she waves her hand at my general direction with a short disbelieving laugh. "Even after all this time." My sight on her narrows at her scolding. "You love her, she loves you."
"But—"
"Go. Be in love."
Her voice is stern and left no room for argument.
I stay for a moment and think about arguing it further with her, but then I realize that I really don't want to. I don't want to be adamant about being unhappy. She gave me an out, whether it was went by her fairy rules or not, I've never cared about such things before, and it's too painful to start now.
"Thank you." I tell her sincerely, and she's taken aback by it, that much is obvious, and Tink simply nods at me as before I rush out of the convent.
I'm standing on her doorstep again, approximately 4 minutes after I left the blonde fairy, jumping into my car and driving far too fast to get here. And now that I'm standing in front of her door, I feel awkward and nervous—things I don't tend to feel often. I think maybe I should wait until my thoughts are more clear, or maybe I should have brought flowers, or…something.
This is ridiculous.
I knock quickly, before losing my nerve. I know she'll be alone, Roland is at a daycare now, per my insistence, since I'm not too confident on the teaching skills that come from merry men that spend their time stealing and hunting. My hands nervously twist in my coat pockets when I hear the clicking of the lock, and I try for a small smile when she opens the door to me.
I try for a few words of explanation, maybe some seudo-romantic speech about how falling for her was the most unexpected kind of thing. That her kiss woke me up to the only real possibility I want for a future. But words die quickly in my throat, and her reaction upon seeing me is not an encouraging one, her face falling and head turning away.
"I didn't say what I said last night lightly." She states before I could even greet her.
"I know—" My mouth opens to add more, but she looks at me and cuts off my words.
"Seeing you makes it harder. And I'm not without any pride, Regina. I can't keep going on as if nothing—"
"Let me say what I came here to say, Marian."
She goes silent and I cringe at my slightly sharp tone. This is off to a great start.
I take few deep breaths and I'm taking too long to form my words, my hesitation turning into staring, watching her face and re-noticing every little detail that I've always noticed, but never realized I noticed. Too much silence passes between us, and her mouth opens to speak, but no words come out, because something subconscious in me licks my own lips when my sight is caught on her mouth.
"I fell in love with you," The words blurt out, awkward and idiotic, and it's not surprising when she looks at me suspiciously because of it. "…And I had no idea." I look down, because besides my fight or flight instinct, mostly I'm just a coward, running away and looking away from all the things that could make me happy. A heavy sigh escapes my lungs, and it sounds more frustrated than I mean for it to be. "I could probably just walk away, and forget about it. I could probably be with Robin and make a comfortable kind of life with him." I still don't look at her, because I know they'll be pain on her face at that. "If you would have just told me you loved me and then told me to leave, I would have and I would have kept going on as if nothing had happened." Finally, because I have to—because it feels like forever since—I look up and into her eyes. "But you kissed me, and that was terribly unfair."
And there is pain on her face, an unbearable kind.
"Regina…I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't." Her eyes water and voice cracks, and I know if I spend another single second watching her, she'll start crying. So I take the few steps that separate us, and capture her lips with mine. The kiss is better than the first, if it's even possible, and I just melt for it. This pull I have towards her, it doesn't help that she's grabbing the sleeves of my coat, gripping tight and tugging me closer, my arms wrapping around her hips, holding her against me. I have to physically force myself to break the kiss, and it's so much harder than it should be.
We both breathe heavy in the space between us, as I watch her face, noticing and re-noticing every little detail. My hand reaches to softly cup her cheek.
"You gave up your husband, your family—you're happy ending. No one's ever done that for me." My thumb brushes away a stray tear, and I smile softly at her.
"He wasn't my happy ending."
"He wasn't mine either." I whisper, and lean in to capture her lips. And when we kiss, I swear on everything I have that I'll never stop.