Koma, my love. I know nothing will make you understand. Too many lies have been said, too many, and now the truth is but a lie itself. Things out of my control have attacked our love, and I stand beneath the ruins of all that my life, my love for you and my happiness, my very soul was. And I tried, I really did, desperately, tried to make things right, tried to put the broken pieces back together, hopelessly, miserably, but with all my might. Who would've thought I would be writing this to you. Who would've thought i will... My heart was broken, no, more than that, i have lost something, somehting so important to me, that words cannot express it. You know, my life, I have always been an outcast. In school they would make fun of me, because I was not like them. The kids are ruthless in Morocco, but I had good values and a good heart. I have put that past me, now that I was a grown-up. And things did change. I was making friends at uni and I was happy for once. Dark helped me with that. I was socially awkward, but he made me overcome my fears. Thats why I trolled with him, because I didn't want to be how I was, I wanted to be like Dark. You know, just say whats on my mind and not care about anyhting. I started to trust him and rely on him alot, but see where that got me. It's funny, really. I thought Dark only wanted whats best for me. So when i told him that I love you, Koma, I thought he would be happy for me. But you see, he did the exact opposite. He pitted me against you, made you do things you didn't want to do, put words in my mouth, yes, abused my trust in him. I have lost my hope in this world, in my life. You made me happy, you were maybe the only thing I truly cared about. I regret not having seen but a glimpse of your beauty. I regret not pleasuring you. When you told you that you were a virgin, I was really happy, because I am too. Though I didn't tell you at the time, because I was ashamed. My family is strict Asian, so I have not been with a woman yet. I'm sorry I was too afraid to tell you, but now I have nothing left to lose. I love you. But now I have lost you. So forgive me, if you still love me, forgive me. I will leave. You don't deserve an idiot like me. I cannot live without you, but you are better off without me. This will be the last time we will talk.
Heart, my heart, what can it mean?
What could trouble you so?
What a strange new life, it seems!
You, I no longer know.
Everything you loved is done,
Everything that grieved you,
All your work and peace is gone –
How could this overtake you!