I was eleven when my mother died. My father couldn't cope with it. I remember the day it happened, I was in my room, but I could hear my fathers cries through the small house. I didn't sob like him, only silent tears ran down my face. It's not that I don't love my mother, I love her more than anything, but she's told me not to cry, because in this world you have to be strong and you can't show your weakness.
My father came in a moment later, but he couldn't talk to me. He opened his mouth several times, and then walked out, slamming the door behind him. I didn't know that in a few moments, he would decide to send me away. He used to be friends with a rich man, Archibald Craven. He sent a letter, telling him what happened, and that he couldn't handle it. He needed a place for his daughter to go, away from the pain that burdened the house.
He received a reply in a week. Lord Craven would take me as a maid in his household.
And that's how I came to be at the dreary manor in England...
When I first arrived at the manor, I was immediately scared by the huge manor, and the people in it. Mrs. Medlock especially. She stood, tall and straight-backed, as I walked up to her.
"Elizabeth? she asked.
"Yes, miss." I replied, bowing my head to escape her penetrating gaze.
"Follow me," she said and began walking through the manor. I followed her quietly, but I could feel the gazes of the staff. Mrs. Medlock eventually came to room, where only two beds were pushed up against the wall.
"This is your room, and you are never to go into the other rooms unless told to do so. For the time being, you are to shadow Martha. She will teach you what to do," she said and then began to walk out, but she stopped at the doorway. "One last thing, there are two children here. Master Colin, and his cousin, Miss Mary. You are never to talk with them unless you are serving them." she said and then left me in the room alone...
Despite her warnings, I did meet Master Craven and Miss Mary. I was the same age as Miss Mary and Master Colin. I didn't try to talk to them, but one day I was in the library dusting off the books, when I found Master Colin reading. I apologized for disturbing him, but he smiled and waved it off. Then he began talking, and slowly we became friends. Then he introduced me to Miss Mary, who was as kind to me as anyone could be. I cared for both deeply... but there was another person who held a place in my heart...
It was a rainy day out. Master Colin and Miss Mary were inside, preparing to go away for school. Lord Craven decided this...He wants them to get their full education... so they're leaving us. I suppose it is time, with us being thirteen and all.
I made my way through the moor, the rain soaking my hair and clothes. The small white cap we're required to wear had blown off my head, causing my hair to fall out of its bun and stick to my face and neck.
I finally reach the open moor, and I take in the grey dreariness it holds. But then something catches my eye, a spot of white in the grey. I walk towards it, and I find that its a white pony. I walk to him, moving slowly so I don't spook him. He seems calm as I approach him, and I gently stroke his wet cheek. He nickers, and pokes me in the arm with his nose, and I see he has a rope bridle. He must belong to someone.
"Miss?"
I jump around, and there stands a boy. He's considerably taller than me, and I become frightened. He tries to say something, but I've already run away from him.
"Miss!" he yells. I look behind me, and I see he is on his pony, and is following me. I try to run faster, but the ground is slippery and I stumble, and by then he's caught up with me.
"Miss, it's freezing! Tha' will catch a cold!" he yells. He offers me his hand, and I take it slowly, and then he grabs my waist and puts me on the back of the pony, and then he hops on behind me.
I have to admit, I'm freezing. And when his arms reach forward and clutch the reins, I tighten my arms around my body and lean on his shoulder. I think he's older than me, and then I remember something... Miss Mary talking about someone named... Dickon. Yes, that's his name, Dickon.
"Miss? Why were tha' out in this weather?" he asks me, hunching as a large branch almost hits him in the head.
"Miss Mary and Master Colin... they're leaving and I don't want to say goodbye..." I whisper.
"Ay, I know. Its' very sad." he said, his voice drifting off.
"You know Miss Mary and Master Colin?" I asked him.
"Oh yes, we found the garden together 'n then Master Colin walked n' Miss Mary learned to laugh and cry..." he whispered.
"Cry?"
"Ay," he said, grinning.
"Are you close with her?" I asked. We were nearing the manor now, and it would soon be time for me to get off.
"Close? Yea," he said and stopped in front of the house. He jumps off, and then lifts me down. "'Tha' better get inside, before thee catches a cold." he says and gently ushers me towards the manor.
"Thanks, Dickon." I say and begin walking towards the manor. He grins at me, and then jumps on his pony and disappears into the rain. He didn't even ask how I knew his name.
That's how I met Dickon. The next day, we waved goodbye to Colin and Mary. Mary was crying, as was I. I noticed how she always looked from side to side, and I could only guess she was looking for Dickon. But he didn't come. And Mary left looking heart-broken.
I found Dickon later that day. He was sitting in the moor, throwing rocks and making them shatter. I asked him why he wasn't there, and he said he couldn't handle saying goodbye to her. I knew then he loved her...
And that's how I came to know Dickon was three years ago. I'm sixteen now, and he's eighteen. At first, Dickon wouldn't let me close to him. He was in too much pain, from losing Mary. It took me months for him to finally go back to his normal self. But I knew that there was a place in his heart that belonged to Mary, and no one could ever fill it.
o0o
Mrs. Medlock had to leave the manor to take care of some business in London. And she wanted me to go with her as her personal servant. We left for a month, and it was a terrible month. I did nothing but fold clothes, wash dishes and make beds.
We've finally come home and I've disappeared from Mrs. Medlock. Martha was able to distract her, and then I was able to get out. It's a wonderful sunny day, and it feels wonderful when I'm able to take off the white cap and then my apron. I hide them behind a bush, and then I start to run. The feeling is wonderful, my hair flowing out behind me and no tight sash around my waist, constricting my movements. I'm free now, like a bird about to take flight.
I run through the gardens, and then out into the moor. And I spot the familiar white pony. I stop, grinning when I see Dickon poke his head out from behind the pony. He smiles, and then walks over to me. I've waited for a long time to see him, and I'm so thrilled to see him. He's grown up a lot over the short three years. He now towers over me. His face has also changed. His boyish cuteness has disappeared, and is replaced with a face that would make any girls heart melt. His speech has also changed. Mrs. Medlock took him in as a gardener, and then she practically yelled his accent out of him, which was upsetting for everyone. Everyone loved Dickon's voice, but there was nothing we could do.
"I was wondering if you'd ever show up," he said, grinning and sitting on the ground.
I sit down beside him, and begin picking blades of grass. "Your wonderful sister was able to distract Mrs. Medlock." I tell him.
"Poor Martha, having to deal with that witch." he says and lies on his back, staring up at the blue sky.
"That's mean, Dickon." I say and lie down beside him.
"It's true though," he says. I smile at him, and he begins to dig around his pocket. Then he begins to dig around in his pocket, and he seems to find his desired object. He pulls out a handful of flowers. Then he begins to braid them, weaving the beautiful flowers into a crown. He finishes, and then places the crown on my head.
"There," he said and leaned back, admiring his work.
"Where'd you learn that?" I asked him, smiling as I touched the flowers on my head.
"Figured it out myself," he tells me.
"ELIZABETH! Where are you!?"
We both jump, as the loud, booming voice of Mrs. Medlock fills the air. I jump up, as does Dickon.
"Sorry, Dickon. I'll visit you later." I say and begin running back.
"Liza?" he asks. That's his nickname for me, Liza.
"Yes?"
"There's something I need to tell you..." he says. He looks nervous, and he's shifting from foot to foot.
"What is it?" I opens his mouth to answer, but then closes it. "I'll tell you another time." he says and then jumps on his pony and rides off.
o0o
I was wondering what Dickon has wanted to tell me. It's been three days since I saw him, and now I'm finally able to slip away. I've missed Dickon... a lot. I don't want to admit the reason... but I think it's time I stop hiding from it. I think I love Dickon.
I'm walking through the moor, on the way to the Sowerby's cottage. But then I see something that makes my heart stop. There's Dickon with another girl. I'm hidden behind a rock, but I have a clear view of her. She's beautiful, her skin tanned from years of sun. She has magnificent red hair that falls down her back in tight curls. She's smiling, and laughing at Dickon. Then she reaches forward and clutches his hand. I stand up, my heart feeling like there's a knife going through it. That's when Dickon spots me. His face falls and he looks embarrassed, shocked and scared at the same time.
But I don't wait to see what he does. I'm running again. I'm trembling and tears are streaming down my eyes. I'm running through the trees, branches whipping me in the face as I run, leaving small, stinging cuts along my face. I end up in one of the gardens. How could I've allowed myself to fall for him? People don't like me. My own father didn't want me. Dickon didn't want me. He's found someone who's the complete opposite from me. She's beautiful, with red hair and tan skin. I'm just a small, black-haired girl with practically white skin and icy eyes.
How could anyone love me? They can't. He can't.
I've waited for him, I've waited my whole life for him. I waited in vain.
o0o
I'm in the library, my eyes swollen from crying. I've returned to the manor... but as I was going up the grand staircase, I hear Mrs. Medlock speaking to Martha, introducing a new maid. And when I looked down, there stands the red-haired beauty. She's smiling at Martha, and her smile lightens up the room. Again, I realise how different I am from her. I rarely smile, usually only when I'm with Dickon. Even then it's small, guarded. I'm always guarded, ever since my father gave me up, I've been scared to be abandoned again.
I go to the library, and begin dusting off the books, as Mrs. Medlock instructed me to do days ago. I do not hear Lord Craven come up behind me.
"Why are you crying?" he asks. I gasp and jump around to face him. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to bother you."
"That's not what I asked you."
"I was crying, sir because... nevermind. It's not important." I say.
"Are you happy here?" he asks me. "Answer truthfully."
"Truthfully? No, sir. I'm not." I tell him.
"Well, that's not good. I promised your father I would take care of you, but it seems I'm not. But I have a proposition for you. I'm leaving for London tomorrow, and I can arrange for you to go work with a colleague of mine. He owns a large house in London, and you can work there. If you wish." he says.
Do I want to leave? I don't want to leave the place where I feel free. But, truthfully, I know that if I stay here, it'll only bring pain.
So I say yes.
I'm packed that night, and I say goodbye to Mrs. Medlock and Martha. Martha cries when I tell her I'm leaving. I don't go out in the moor. But in the middle of the night, I wake up because the door opens. I'm alone in the room, because I used to share it with a girl named Betty, but she left to get married. I sit up, scared of who it is. And then I see the angry face of Dickon. He's standing against the door, his body rigid with anger.
"You're leaving?" he spits.
"Yes," I say, my voice lowering to a whisper.
"Why!?"
"There's nothing left for me here."
"What do you mean!?"
"I only stayed for you. You knew that!" I cry. His face melts from anger to confusion, and he sits on the foot of my bed.
"What do you mean? You didn't... I didn't..." he drifts off, at a loss for words.
"Don't lie to me," I whisper. And then he looks away from my eyes, and swallows.
"I knew," he whispers. "But I need you! I can't lose you too!" he says and grabs my arm.
"You don't need me. You have her." I whisper.
"You saved me, Liza. I don't know what I would have done without you... and I'm sorry I didn't do the same for you. Are you sure you can't stay?" he asks me, and I see tears in his eyes. And I feel tears in my own.
"I can't," I say. And then I begin crying. Dickon pulls me close, and I cry into his chest. "Goodbye, Dickon." I whisper. I feel a tear land on my head, and then he kisses my head and he's gone.
o0o
It's been two years since I've arrived in London. I've grown up since I've arrived. The main housekeeper is even more frightening than Mrs. Medlock, which made me grow up. But something else happened to make me grow up. War. People always go around with worried faces, me included. War is all we think about. And it doesn't help that soldiers have recently arrived here. I do not know why they're here, I try not to pay attention to war matters, but sometimes it's inevitable.
I'm walking quickly through the streets, trying to avoid the soldiers that are crowded in any place they can go. I search the crowd, praying that I wouldn't find a face of someone I knew. I do this every time, and every time I'm happy to find no one. As I'm looking at the crowd, I walk into someone.
"Sorry," I mutter.
"Oh, it's alright, miss." the man says. He has a grin that would make you grin yourself, and then he has warm, chocolate brown eyes. But then I see another pair of irises. They're blue. A beautiful blue. Unforgettable eyes. The eyes register me, and open in temporary shock, but then the eyes disappear.
o0o
I'm in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes from dinner, when Edward walks in. Edward is one of the gardeners, even though he is only fourteen. He's a blessing to have around, because he brings some happiness in these dark times. Edward bounds in, and then hops on the sink next to me.
"Get down, Edward! The Master hates it when you do that!" I tell him, and try to push him off the counter.
"If you make me leave, you won't be able to hear what I have to tell you!" he says, grinning.
"What is it?" I ask. He seems to always have news, but it's usually gossip.
"I talked to a soldier today!" he says excitedly.
"Good for you, now run along, I have work-"
"He asked about you."
"What?" I asked him. That's very unusual. A soldier asking about me? Who could be asking for me?
"He said he saw you with me, and that he wants to meet you. He said he knew you."
"What was his name?"
"He didn't tell me, but he said to tell you to meet him tonight, that he'd be in the same spot and that I would bring you to him!" Edward says.
"Ugh... Alright. Tonight?"
"Yes, I have to weed the roses, but I will be back in an hour! Be ready!"
I smile at the silly boy, but then my smile falls. Who is this mysterious man?
Then I remember the blue eyes... but no, that can't be him. I pray it isn't him.
o0o
I stand with Edward, who gazes at the crowd, trying to spot the man. Then he does. "There he is!" he cries and points. I'm praying, begging, that it's not him. That it's not Dickon... but then I see him. I begin to tremble. His beautiful, once so full of life eyes are now icy and hard. There's a scar running down his face. I take a step forwards, and then I run into his arms. He pulls me close, crushing me into him.
"Why?" I cry.
"I had too," he whispers. He pulls me away, and holds my face in his hands. "I've missed you, more than anything since you've left. There's something I didn't tell you. I love you, Liza. I do. And I know you love me." he says. Then his lips are on mine. I'm lost, I'm melting. I love him.
"Don't leave me, Dickon. Please." I cry.
"I'm sorry," he says and then pulls out a note and pushes it in my hand. "Keep this. In case. I need to leave... Goodbye, my love." he says and then kisses me on the head.
He starts to walk away, but I can't take it. "Dickon!" I yell and run to him. He catches me, and I hug him fiercely. "Come back to me. Come back." I whisper. Dickon doesn't respond. He lets me go, and walks away, but gives me a final instruction. Go back to the moor and wait.
o0o
I'm back on the moor. I'm on a rock, my arms around my knees, the rain falling down in sheets around me. I feel scared. I've waited. I've waited for a long time, just as he told me. I haven't heard anything from him for a year. But I've been waiting. I will always wait for him until he comes back to me. Suddenly, there is a noise beside me. I jump, and I see that beautiful, old white pony. I grin, standing and stroking his delicate nose.
"You waited."
I turn around and there he is. There's more scars covering his face, and a patch covering his eye. He stands straight and strong as he always done. He walks to me, and takes my face in his hand.
"Of course I waited. I will always wait for you. I always have." I whisper.
He smiles, and I know that under the scars and patch, he is still him. The boy I love. The boy I've waited for. And who's waited for me.
Hope this was ok :P please leave a review!