Disclaimer: Again, I don't own anything!
A/N: Ever since I read To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time, I was really annoyed by Alexandra. I still found her rather annoying in Watchman, but I thought it would be interesting to kind of combine the plots of the two books in order to see how Alexandra would react to the death of Jem. I don't consider Watchman a true sequel to TKaM (I just regard them as two separate entities), but for the sake of this story I combined elements of both plots.
-o-o-o-
For the second time in the twenty-two years since she had passed, Alexandra Hancock was almost thankful that her sister-in-law had died.
It wasn't as if she didn't love Jean. She certainly did, albeit in her own way. It was just too difficult to bear thinking about how Jean would have reacted to the events that unfolded in her children's lives since she passed. First, it was her children being attacked by that dastardly Bob Ewell on the Halloween of 1936. Now, it was the death of Jean's first baby—her beloved Jeremy.
Just as she had been thankful that she had been the one sitting in the living room that dreadful Halloween when Arthur Radley carried Jem's limp body into the home, she was thankful that it was her on the receiving end of Atticus' call when he informed her that his son had dropped dead on the sidewalk outside of his office.
The thought if it made Alexandra sick. The boy hadn't even reached thirty yet—he was in the prime of his life! He was engaged to be married to a darling little thing, he had gotten his law degree like his father (and was about to inherit Atticus' practice) and had survived a war. Yet, it was his heart that killed him.
His mother's heart.
Alexandra should've been wary, should've told her nephew that he should get himself checked out—with the advances in medicine these days, this surely could've been avoided. But she didn't, it was almost as if she had forgotten about the condition that killed Jean, her father and her grandfather. Now, it killed Jeremy.
She wondered if Jean would blame herself if she had been alive to see that day. That thought seemed to weigh heavily in Alexandra's mind, because she could only imagine Jean's anguish upon discovering her baby had died. If anything had happened to her Henry or her Francis, Alexandra knew that she would wish that it had been her instead. Each night when she said her prayers, she prayed for God to tell Jean that this wasn't her fault.
But she probably knew that—Jeremy was probably with his mother. Alexandra wasn't quite sure how these things worked, but it comforted her to think that Jean had been reunited with her son after twenty-two years apart, and that he told her it was alright. That it wasn't her fault.
She remembered how Atticus had been crying on the phone when he told her Jeremy had died, just as he had been crying when he told her Jean was dead. Both times, it made her heart break. Her older brother had always been the one she confided in during their youth because of how serious he always was. She lost count of the times he had given her advice as a teenager (and even in the early stages of adulthood), and when it came time for him to need her, she wasn't sure if she had ever been adequate enough. While they were both known for being serious people, Alexandra was vastly different than her older brother. Her life revolved around propriety and living up to certain standards. To some, this made Alexandra cold and uncaring. She couldn't help but to be offended by such assumptions. She cared about a great deal of things, but had a different way of showing it.
She remembered when Jean died that she swore, for the sake of their mother, that she would step in and be that maternal presence in Jeremy and Jean Louise's lives. This seemed simple enough; she had raised her own son and took good care of her grandson. However, her brother had been raising his children in a manner different than what she was used to, and her efforts seemed to be done in vain.
Both Jeremy and Jean Louise had been stubborn and rejected her efforts countless times. In the seventeen years she had lived with her brother, she had clashed heads numerous times with both her niece and nephew. Whether it was about who they befriended, what they wore, how they acted in public, or anything else Jeremy and Jean Louise were sure to find something wrong with her advice. She was only trying to help them, to step in for the mother who had been taken from them too soon. They didn't see it that way, though. They saw her as overbearing, constricting and harsh.
But she loved them, she really did. She was there during that trial of 1936, when they were almost taken from her. She was there when Jem tried out for the football team in high school, and when it was time for Jean Louise to learn about womanhood. She witnessed their heartbreaks, their joys, their struggles and their triumphs. She proudly sat in the stands of the high school stadium when Jeremy threw his last winning touchdown, and she sat in the auditorium to see the sets that Jean Louise helped design for the school play. She waited while Jeremy had been sent off to Europe during the war, not being able to breathe until he was finally home where he belonged. She had silently cried when he returned home, just as she had cried when both he and Jean Louise graduated from high school. She remembered feeling happy and proud over these accomplishments, but found herself sad for Jean. How had Alexandra deserved to see all of these things, when their own mother had been ripped away from them so soon?
Jeremy had sat next to her at Jean Louise's graduation, he was so excited he was actually home to witness it that he couldn't stop fidgeting the entire time. Despite it being unbearably hot, the graduation was held outdoors. Alexandra still wore her corset everywhere, so she remembered being especially uncomfortable. When they called Jean Louise's name and Alexandra saw her niece confidently walk to get her diploma, Alexandra cried silent tears.
"Aunty," Jeremy had whispered, smiling. "Aunty, are ya cryin'?"
"Don't be silly," she said stiffly, trying to discreetly wipe at her eyes.
He nudged her gently with his elbow, his smile growing. "Aw, Aunty," he said. "You're just an old softy!"
"Don't make a scene, Jeremy." She had said, though she smiled back at him. For a moment he took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. That made her feel as though she had done something right.
She watched as Jeremy went to law school and assisted his father at his firm whenever he had spare time. She watched Jean Louise go off to school and find her footing in New York. Alexandra was scared to death when Jean Louise had moved, and could only be settled if her niece had promised to telephone at least once a week. Afterwards, she watched Jeremy get his law degree and start working for Atticus. She watched him fall in love with a darling girl and propose to her. She began to imagine the life he had in store for him.
And then she got that call.
It was a Wednesday afternoon, which meant that the ladies from Atticus' old neighborhood were going to come over for tea. They were set to arrive at any minute when the phone rang.
"Finch res-"She began before Atticus cut her off.
"Something's happened." Atticus said shortly, his voice sounding different.
"Atticus?"
"Jeremy's dead." He said, his voice cracked. Her heart sank.
"Wh-what?" She asked in disbelief. Her brother made a throaty noise on the other end. "Honey, where are you?"
"I'm with him," he said firmly. "They brought him to the hospital."
"What happened?" She asked, feeling tears stinging in her eyes. Did she even want to know?
"His heart." Atticus said shortly, and Alexandra could swear he was forcing himself not to cry. "A heart attack."
Like Jean.
"He went to go get me lunch," Atticus said as he let out another throaty noise. "I had told him I would get it, but he said it looked like my hands were botherin' me so he would do it. They found him…they found him on the sidewalk outside of my office." Alexandra closed her eyes and sighed sharply. Her brother was getting old, and with his age came various aches and pains. But, recently his hands had started to go into fits. Jem was the first to notice, and although Atticus was adamantly against it, Jem insisted on helping his father with everything. "If I had gone…" Atticus said before trailing off.
"Honey," she said, coughing as her own voice cracked. "Honey, you couldn't have done anything."
"I need to tell Jean Louise," he said softly. "I need to call her."
He exhaled sharply, as if he was desperately trying not to outwardly mourn for his son. For as long as Alexandra could remember, her brother had been a pillar of strength. Alexandra couldn't even recall seeing her brother openly cry when their parents had died. The only time he had ever cried or shown fear was twenty-two years ago, when his Jean had died. "Do you want me to do it?" She asked, her voice beginning to not sound like her own.
"I have to," he told her, and he was right.
"Honey," she began.
"I'll be home later." He told her before hanging up the receiver.
Furiously wiping the tears from her eyes, she had intended to call Jack. However, the news of Jeremy's untimely death spread quickly throughout Maycomb it seemed. As she went to call Jack, the phone rang.
"Finch residence," she said coolly, trying to hide her frustration.
"Honey, I've heard about Jeremy." It was Stephanie Crawford. "All of the ladies won't be coming over, to give you and Atticus your space but honey if you ever need anything—"
"We'll be sure to let you know." Alexandra said quickly, wanting to make this conversation as brief as possible. "I'm afraid I can't talk about it right now."
The woman had been understanding and hung up, allowing for a slew of other calls to follow in her place. None of them had been Jack. Trying to be as patient as humanly possible in a time like this, Alexandra thanked each person for their kindness and hung up. Finally, twenty minutes later, she was able to call her brother.
"Finch," Jack had said gruffly. He must have been in the middle of something. Alexandra's breath caught in her throat. "Hello?" Her younger brother asked.
"Jack," she said firmly, trying not to sound like she had been crying.
"Zandra?"
"Something's happened, sweet." She said slowly.
"What?" Suddenly, Alexandra couldn't bring herself to tell Jack that Jeremy had died. Jack had loved his sister-in-law in a way that he shouldn't have, and because of that he had taken on the habit of pretending like his niece and nephew were his own children. He was going to be utterly devastated about Jem's passing, and Alexandra wasn't sure if she could handle it. "Zandra, what's happened?"
"Jeremy," she said slowly, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. "Jeremy's died, honey."
There was silence on the other end and Alexandra tried to picture her younger brother's reaction. This time, she didn't bother to wipe the tears that were forming in her eyes once again. "Um," he said, clearing his throat.
"He's had a heart attack."
She could hear Jack swallow. "Where's Atticus."
"He's with his son," Alexandra said, her voice cracking. "He's calling Jean Louise."
"I need a drink," she heard him whisper under his breath.
"Honey?"
"What?"
"Do you want to come over?"
"I'll be there in a bit."
While she waited for Jack to walk over, she called her sister to tell her what happened. Caroline had cried in disbelief, and claimed she'd be in Maycomb as soon as she could. It was then Alexandra realized that lately, the only time the four Finch siblings were all together was for funerals.
Jack had come when Alexandra was on the phone with Caroline. His eyes were red-rimmed and he looked solemn. Again, Alexandra's heart broke. Once she was done talking to her sister, she and Jack sat together in the living room in silence. It seemed like hours had passed when Atticus finally arrived home. For a moment, he silently stood in the entrance to the living room looking at his siblings. For once in his nearly seventy years of age, Atticus looked old. She could tell he had mourned for his son and as a result of the day's events he appeared incredibly tired.
"Would you like—"she began.
"I'm going to bed." He said shortly, before retreating to his room.
Jack sighed. "I should go." He mumbled, standing up.
"You can sleep in the guest room," Alexandra offered, and was for some reason relieved he accepted.
He had gone to bed shortly after Atticus, leaving her alone. She remained on the sofa, and felt sad about the fact that she couldn't even go in Jeremy's old room one last time. It wasn't too long ago that Atticus sold his old house (which they now demolished) and moved to another portion of town. This wasn't his home, this wasn't his children's home and the room that Jeremy had once occupied was gone just like he was.
It wasn't until she was alone that she cried, really cried. Wiping her eyes, she stood up and decided to go to her brother. Despite the fact that Atticus had said he was going to bed, she noticed his lights were still on so she knocked. He didn't answer. Slowly, she opened his door.
There was a book spread out on his lap, though it didn't seem like he was reading it. His eyes were glassy and red, and his mouth was formed into a frown. He hadn't noticed his sister was there until she cleared her throat. "Zandra?" He asked, not looking at her.
"How was Jean Louise?" She asked meekly. At the mention of his daughter's name, Atticus looked up. Alexandra noticed tears in his eyes.
"She's devastated, Zandra." He said, and she wasn't surprised. Many times throughout Jean Louise's upbringing, the girl had declared that her brother was the only person she really had, and Alexandra knew she meant it.
"When is she—"
"She's takin' a plane in tomorrow." For once, her brother sounded weak.
"Atticus—"
"I'm fine."
"You're not."
"My son's dead." His voice cracked at this. Biting her lip, she crossed the room and sat on the foot of his bed, and for the first time in years she saw her brother cry.
She sniffed, resting a hand on his knee. "Honey," she started.
"I don't want to hear anything." His voice sounded like a croak.
They sat there, silently crying with one another for what seemed like an eternity. Atticus coughed, breaking the silence. "You should go to sleep," he told her as she stood up.
"If you need anything—"
"I won't."
"Atticus?"
"Yes?"
"I love you." She said slowly, her throat feeling tight.
"I love you too, Zandra." He said as she walked out.
The days following Jeremy's death had been a blur. Jean Louise had caught the earliest flight from New York and arrived to Maycomb in a tizzy of tears and hysterics. Alexandra tried her best to comfort her niece, who immediately had locked herself in the guest room and wept. In all of Jean Louise's twenty-four years, Alexandra had never seen her like this and found herself unable to adequately address her niece's needs. This embarrassed Alexandra, who had always prided herself on her preparedness and manners. But, nothing would bring Jeremy back.
The funeral had taken place in the church that the family always attended, in the place where Jean had been laid to rest. It was strange to Alexandra how a place that was so familiar and home-like to her before could become a place associated with such dark memories. She wasn't sure she'd ever feel the same way in there again.
Calpurnia had come to the service, and she and Jean Louise sat together crying in the second pew next to Alexandra. Cal had nearly raised Jem and Alexandra could see her heart was clearly broken by the death of one of her babies—Alexandra couldn't even bring herself to look at the other woman. Atticus, like he did on a normal Sunday, sat alone in the front of the church. Alexandra's eyes were set on her brother, who in public seemed so stoic and statue-like. While he had mourned privately, he was hardened in public. He had been the same way when Jean had died, and Alexandra couldn't help but be afraid that Atticus would simply stop taking care of himself out of guilt, just as he almost did at the death of his wife.
When Jean died, Atticus at least had the children to keep him from losing himself. Now, Alexandra wasn't sure what Atticus had. Yes, he had Jean Louise, but she was living in New York. Alexandra knew her niece would offer to return to Maycomb, but how happy would she really be? How happy would Atticus be seeing his daughter suffer each day? He had work, though he was getting close to retirement. Unlike before, there wasn't much to keep Atticus sane, and that scared Alexandra.
The funeral went by quickly, and afterwards it seemed as though the world was continuing to function as it normally had before Jeremy Finch lost his life. But in the Finch household, everything certainly wasn't the same. Jean Louise had stayed for nearly a month, helping her father and her aunt, obviously still deep in mourning over her brother. When it came time for her to leave, Alexandra thought that maybe things would slowly return to normal at home.
That hadn't been the case. After the death of his son, it took Atticus nearly six months to return to work. In those six months that passed, he secluded himself from the town. He remained hidden in his study and would spend his days reading. He would get up, get dressed and then retreat into the study. He barely ate and it was almost impossible for Alexandra to get to him for he was in his own world. Alexandra was almost certain that she was going to lose her brother, too. Despite the fact that Atticus was intent on distancing himself, Alexandra made a promise to both herself and to Jean that she wouldn't let her brother lose himself in grief.
Then one day there was a change in Atticus. Instead of waking up late, as he had grown accustomed to after Jeremy's death, he arose at half past five in the morning. He bathed, got dressed and ate his usual breakfast. At seven, he knocked on his sister's door and declared he was going back to the office for he had work to do. She didn't question him, she just let him go and finally the pit of anxiety that settled in her stomach was beginning to dissipate. Her brother had come back to her. She wasn't sure what motivated him to do so, but Alexandra was not going to question it.
A week after Atticus had gone to work, Alexandra called Jean Louise long after Atticus had gone to bed to tell her she no longer had to worry about her father.
"Aunty?" Jean Louise said, sounding alarmed. "Is everything alright?" She had been expected bad news.
"I'm calling to tell you that your father went back to work last week." Alexandra said and she heard Jean Louise sigh in relief.
"He's doin' okay?" She asked, still sounding concerned.
"He's just fine, sweet." Alexandra said, and she couldn't help but to smile.
After a few moments of silence, Jean Louise asked: "how are you, Aunty?"
"Honey, I'm fine." She said truthfully.
"You promise?"
"I promise." Alexandra affirmed. "How is New York?"
Alexandra liked to imagine that Jean Louise was smiling on the other end. "It's good, it's busy but I'm really startin' to like it. I pushed a man on the bus the other day."
"You what?"
"They get so crowded that people are always pushin' and shovin', so someone pushed me and I pushed back so I could stand." Jean Louise explained. Alexandra found herself proud—her niece was becoming a part of the city that had once made her so nervous. She couldn't help but to think that Jean would have been proud, too.
"Look at you, gettin' some nerve." Alexandra responded with a smile.
"You sure everything's okay?"
"I'm positive." Alexandra said before she paused for a moment.
"Aunty?" Jean Louise asked.
"Scout," Alexandra found herself saying. That nickname hadn't been used since Jean Louise was in elementary school.
"Yes?"
In an unusual occurrence, Alexandra felt tears prickling in her eyes. Clearing her throat, she said: "I want you to know that I'm proud of you, and that I love you, okay?"
Alexandra had never been one to express her feelings so openly, unlike Jean. Alexandra hoped that her little gestures and actions would help display the feelings that she otherwise kept inside. She knew that if Jeremy and Jean Louise had grown up with their mother, she would've constantly been telling them how much she loved them and how proud of them she was. At that moment, Alexandra thought that maybe Jean would've been proud of her for doing something that was usually so difficult.
Jean Louise sniffed, then chuckled on the other end. "Aunty, I knew that," she said confidently, making Alexandra smiled. "I love you too, you old softy."