This is a story about Starfire's impending emotions after a brutal breakup with the love of her life. It's been years but it still burns her soul each time something reminds her of it. Fear of allowing herself to love him again burns on her conscience. Will they end up together? Or will their love perish in the unforgivable game of life? Is love simply rigmarole, or is it an illusion? R&R.
A/N: I've never done a RobxStar story! This story will mainly be RobxStar but as most of you know I'm a diehard BBxRae fan, it's a nice little mix. So the Titans are 21+ around that age, I've never done a POV story so go easy on the reviews; lots of love from Louddragon XOXO.
"Most people think that shadows follow, precede or surround beings or objects. The truth is that they also surround words, ideas, desires, deeds, impulses and memories." Elie Wiesel
Starfire POV
I screamed into the night air, my lungs filling with the tears streaming down my face. The wind whipped my hair ferociously in all directions. My heart was no longer beating regularly; it felt like it shattered into millions of pieces. Those pieces were now just shards cutting through my veins as the blood circulated through my body. I lifted my hands now covered in blood. I pressed down on his chest, trying to keep the splurging blood in. It kept pooling around him. His mask had fallen off and his bruised face reflected back at me. His eyes were now glassed over and he stared into the night air. His pupils were extremely dilated and his skin was clammy. I screamed again, begging for anyone to come save him. I failed him; I was the cause of this. The thumping of his heart beneath my hands slowed to a complete stop. Pain coursed its way through me like poison, I felt paralyzed, forever still, forever gone, forever in love. Hands wrapped around me and I was pulled away from him, flashing lights and sirens screamed into the chilly air. Small snowflakes began to fall, adding to the influx of tears on my face. People were talking to me but I could not hear them, all I could hear was his last words to me; "Forever, together in love".
1 year ago
January 1
Midnight
Starfire POV
Bottles popped and giggles and shouts erupted from the crowds. The countdown had ended and now everyone in the Tower was drinking Champaign and bringing on the New Year. This was all strange to me, Earthly traditions confused me immensely but that did not mean I could not participate in the fun activities the night had for me. I grabbed a Champaign glass off of the nearest tray and began to sip from it. The bubbles hissed their way down my throat and the music began to play. Cyborgs voice bleared out of the speakers as he announced his party music mix. The guests began to dance excitedly. Most of the guests were just Titans from all over the globe including important politicians and mayors. Flash bumped into me slightly as he pulled an angry pink haired witch onto the floor with him. She smacked him in the chest playfully but gave into the temptation of the music. I smiled at them, they were happy, they were cute, and they were a couple. My heart suddenly felt sharp and I sucked in a breath. They were also a reminder. I turned to walk across the room; I would not allow myself to slip back into the pain. I needed to enjoy myself just as Raven had told me to. I reached an empty table and sat down at the nearest chair. I studied the dancing couples and their happiness. Their faces were pink with drunkenness, happiness, and love. Something that I am internally bound to forever. The same pain came back to me and I downed the rest of my Champaign. I refuse to sink back into my feelings; I saved those for when I was alone at night with my pillows and blankets. The best thing about pillows is that they do not tell anyone what you are feeling. You can cry into them for eternity and no one will ever know. Something suddenly touched my shoulder and I jumped. I looked to see who it was, of course it was Raven. She could sense others' feelings and she probably could feel my impending darkness enveloping my soul. Her words exact.
"Hello friend Raven, are you enjoying the party?" I smiled brightly at her.
"Cut the crap Starfire, I know you're upset. Can't you just enjoy yourself for one night?" She asked sympathetically. Her purple eyes seared into mine and I shivered. It was hard to keep up a fake smile when someone like her was around. She could read my entire soul if she wanted to!
My smile faded and I sighed. "I am trying, I really am." I said quietly.
She glared at me. "Try harder." She stepped from behind me and looked to the dance floor. Her purple dress was absolutely stunning on her. She begged me not to make her get it, but it was literally made for her.
I stood up and placed my glass on the table. "Want me to try harder? Fine." I grabbed her wrist, which was as cold as hell itself. I dragged her onto the makeshift dance floor. Music screamed at us and I began to dance. Raven looked like she wanted to throttle me. I giggled at her expression. "Dance Raven! You cannot just stand here!"
She crossed her arms. "I can and I will."
I smirked devilishly. I grabbed her hands and began to twirl her. Before I knew it she was dancing along with me. We ended up morphing further and further into the twisting and meshing crowd. Sweat licked my neck and dripped off my forehead. It was hot! Bodies bumped back and forth and Raven actually let out a small smile. I was so happy she was allowing herself to be free for this one careless occasion.
"Having fun?" I shouted at her.
She wiggled her hips to the music. "I'm only doing this for you." She grunted and continued to dance. Someone bumped into her and she momentarily stopped. Her cheeks turned pink as she muttered her small apologies. When she realized who it was she punched him in the arm. "Watch it!" She screamed.
I let a giggle escape me. Beast Boy smirked at her. "I didn't know you could dance!" He had a goofy smile plastered on his face and his green hair was tousled sexily. His tie hung limply around his neck and the top button of his shirt was undone.
She crossed her arms. "I don't, I'm only doing this for Star." She mumbled.
Beast Boy smiled cheekily at her. "You look nice tonight Raven, dance with me. Please?"
Her eyes widened and she looked to me for help. I shrugged and continued to dance, Speedy appeared by me and we began to laugh and bebop to the music together. Beast Boy grabbed Raven and began to dance with her. I swore she smiled. It made my heart flutter to know that she was crushing on Beast Boy. I felt like he was too, but I was not sure. I continued to dance with the red headed boy until he was dragged away by another Titan. I danced by myself enjoying the variety of music playing. I giggled when I saw the mayor swinging his tie over his head. Cyborg and Bumblebee were dancing close together, their bodies meshed together. He opened up a panel on his arm and pressed a button. The music suddenly changed and I frowned. It was slow dance time. Everyone grabbed someone as the jazzy and seductive tunes flowed mellifluously from the speakers. People paired off and danced romantically with each other. I frowned and inched my way off the dance floor. I saw Raven and Beast Boy huddled together dancing romantically with each other. Her head was resting on his chest and he rocked her back and forth. It looked so sweet, and I felt so happy for her. There was really someone for everyone. Except me.
The pain coursed through me again and I clutched my chest cavity. I tried to calm myself but seeing all the coupled people together alarmed me. Raven's head snapped up and she looked towards me. I put on the best fake smile I could and waved happily at her. She mouthed "Are you okay?"
I nodded and left the room. I could not torture myself any longer. My heels clacked on the linoleum fake flooring that we had installed in the common room just for this event. The doors opened for me and it was a relief when I stepped into the hallway. Even though it was cold outside there was no reason to crank up the heat. It was the same temperature as the dance floor! I sighed and began walking away from my room. I needed some air; air equaled jovial feelings and revival of my spirits. It also was a small comfort and relief from my pain. The pain that he caused. I shook my head angrily, I was not about to let his name or face ruin my night. He is probably off somewhere in the City playing with one of the City girls, or at a fancy party of the New Year. I could not stand to think of it.
I reached the door I was aiming for and I pushed it open. It creaked and specks of rust flew off of it. The cold weather always made doors to the outside rusty. A strong gust of wintry air slammed me and I welcomed it on my skin. Goosebumps shot up on my bare arms and legs but I did not care. The sky was extremely dark and fat flakes of snow pirouetted down from the sky. I heaved off my heels and they clacked harshly towards the direction on which I threw them. My bare feet tingled on the tower roof and I walked towards the edge of the building. I looked over and I could see the lights of the party reflecting off the windows far below. It felt odd not being down there. I ignored the feeling and sat down on the edge of the tower. I allowed my feet to dangle and I placed my hands on my sides. Now was the time as any to let my emotions flow freely. Raven probably would not sense me when I am all the way up here.
I believe what really was bothering me was the way the couples were having fun. It sounded preposterous to my own ears but sensible. They were happy, loving, and joyous; I was not. I do not think I will ever be again. I allow myself to fall back into grief over and over again, it is not fair being Tamaranian and unable to control who you fall in love with. I was so young all those years ago; Robin and I were inseparable after Tokyo. We dated for an entire year; it was truly magical for me but now that I look back on it not so much for him. His mentor, Batman, did not like the idea of a girlfriend tying him down. I guess he wanted Robin to be as much as an Obergnak as him, I think on Earth that is called a 'loner'. Robin was constantly arguing with him about how much he loved me and in return Batman said that he did not know what love was. Infuriated I rebutted with my famous last line of 'who are you to judge what love is?' Neither Robin nor the Batman liked that and for our last three months together Robin pushed me away from him. At our one year anniversary I was going to tell him the truth about Tamaranian love and what it does to me but by that time he was ready to do the breaking up. He shattered my heart claiming that we were 'heroes', meaning that we had duties that regular people did not. As usual I respected his decision and we seized our romantic endeavors, in the process we also ended our friendship. I guess that is what I cherish and miss the most, our friendship. Raven is a glorious friend, but I cannot talk to her like I did Robin.
I sigh and notice that I lost feeling in my toes because of the cold weather. I try to wiggle them but they do not listen. I light up and Starbolt and bring it close to my feet, it hurts too much to thaw them out. I grunt angrily and proceed to stand up; I wish I did not become so lost in my mind. I walk towards the door ready to head to my room and jump into my shower. As I open the door my head hits something equally hard. "Garflgnaks!" I yell and I grab my forehead. I look to see what I hit and I meet an all too familiar mask. I intake a breath as I mutter a small apology.
His mask scrunches up slightly. "Are you okay?" He asks his voice full of concern.
I nod, unable to talk.
"Your eyes." He breaths and comes a little closer to me.
I look at him curiously and touch my face, it is damp and I redden slightly. "I was expressing my sorrow." I say slowly. "I did not realize."
Robin touched my cheek. "Did something happen at the party, are you hurt?" He asks with so much concern in his voice it falsely raises my hopes.
"No, I was just reminiscing. Have pleasant shlorvaks." I skirt around him and proceed to continue my plans with taking a hot shower. I feel a hand grip my wrist and I turn my head back towards him, full of confusion.
He looks surprised and perplexed but he shakes his head quickly. "Do you want to talk for a little bit, I can't concentrate with the party going on. Care to be a distraction?" He smirks at me and my heart melts.
I truly consider his offer; my heart is fluttering as I think of all the possible things we can catch up on. I miss his companionship and our random conversations. I quickly think of the heartbreak and snatch my arm away. I do not wish to fall back into my sleepless nights and teary eyes. "No, I am fine."
The disappointment in his face was excruciating to look at and I was a second away from changing my mind. "One of these days I'm going to make you have a conversation with me." He said sadly.
"That is fine; I have the option not to answer." I said hotly and made my way down the stairs. I heard his footsteps as he tried to catch up with me.
He sighed. "Come on Star; are you still angry with me? It's been years!" He said agitatedly.
The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine. If only he knew, if only he would have listened when I tried to tell him that Tamaranian love is everlasting. I am lucky to still have the ability to fly. "Goodnight Robin." I said sternly, hoping he could not hear the pain in my voice. I exited the stairway and ran towards my room hurriedly. As soon as I arrived in my room I broke down into sobs, I am glad no one was around to hear me. Silkie looked at me queerly and I flopped down on the bed next to him. I hate feeling like this, I hate knowing that I will love him until the day I die. I sometimes wish I never fell in love with him. I am 21 years old and there is no reason for such sadness at such an age.
The tears stop sometime when the sun peeks through my window. I feel numb and tired and physically exhausted. I need to move on, I cannot bear to keep living like this. My brain wracks for an answer and I reach over to my night side drawer to pull out my answer; it is the interplanetary device I use to call home. I believe it is time to move on and leave the Titans for good; my heart cannot bear anymore avoidance. Earth has been very kind to me and I wish for my leave to have a small impact on the City.
A/N: First chapter is done! If you guys like it then I'll definitely move on with the story and post the next chapter. This took some extreme thought and logic to come up with a plot, but I did it! I am POSITIVE you guys will like this story. As for my other stories, I'm working on it; promise! I've just taken a small break from Unraveled by Indignities. My brain can't take anymore Sabot Bey Drama (if you don't know what that is look it up). ANYWAYS, stay with this story! I love reviews and I will accept any requests!
Please FOLLOW, FAVORITE, AND REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! PLEASE! Let me know how you feel!
Next Chapter: Starfire says goodbye to the team and one member of the team takes her leaving the hardest. *Robin POV* next chapter! AND Raven and BB share a secret moment sensual moment (ooh). XOXO
What the Story had ahead: What will happen when Starfire gets to Tamarand? What is Robin going to do when Crime increases in Jump City? What will happen when Beast Boy makes a shocking confession to Raven? Follow to find out!