Life in the Mushroom kingdom is pretty difficult and complicated. But not for the reasons that people think. Yeah everybody hears about that good for nothing piece of trash, Bowser. And every body knows how the Mario brothers are there to put a stop to that ugly, over grown turtle every time. All anybody ever talks about is Bowser and the Mario brothers. Nobody ever talks about how many times that we, the royal guard have stopped that fire breathing piece of trash. But I do hear a lot of people questioning why we never prevent that stupid lizard from kidnapping our princess. Outsiders only know what they hear about. They never learn about the truth behind it all. Well, today is the day that I'm going to tell you what life is really like, here in the Mushroom kingdom.

As a member of the royal guard of the Mushroom kingdom, life here isn't as black and white as people think. For example, when people think of goomba's, they assume that they are minions of that stinky lizard, Bowser. But not all of them work under him. There are some that would rather live in peace with this country's citizens. It's not an easy thing to consider to be honest. Even now, I personally remain skeptical of the situation. But the princess has given her blessing to the goomba's. So while I might not agree with her decision, I certainly respect it. Unfortunately the transition phase hasn't been easy. The idea of the goomba's living amongst the people has been met with resistance and protests. There were even a few instances where we had to step in and protect the goomba's from the people. Which is something that I never thought that I'd have to do.

While I can't fault the people for being afraid, I can't support their actions either. Everybody deserves to live a life where they feel safe. Everyone deserves a chance to live a life where your free. At least that's what I think. Despite my skepticism, I do believe that those goomba's deserve a chance to live a life of peace away from Bowser. This is just one of the examples of what I was talking about, when I said life here isn't as black and white as people think.

It's been a year now since the first goomba started living here, but nobody outside of the kingdom talks about it. But the next time that stupid turtle attacks, everyone will be gossiping about it. It's pretty sad to be honest. But I kind of understand where they're coming from.

Every day we live with the expectation of a raid on the castle. It's become a routine for those of us who actually live in the castle. Every morning we go through emergency drills. After that, we go through combat training. The rest of the day is spent traveling through the kingdom as we try to keep the peace. There is rarely a dull moment around here.

Just based off of today alone, my partner and I had to clear out a piranha plant from a few warp pipes. Which is something people rarely think about. Far too often a citizen will jump into a pipe without looking inside first. They only think about the convenience of the warp pipes and not of the hidden dangers. Sometimes they get lucky and we can rescue them in time. But that isn't always the case, sadly. But it's even worse when we get tourists. They like to pretend that they're one of the Mario brothers. So they jump into one of the warp pipes that they've heard about in stories. The thing about those stories is that they never talk about the piranha plants that like to lurk inside of the pipes.

And the reason that I know about that, you ask? Because every time that we manage to rescue a tourist from one of those piranha plants, they all say the same thing. That the stories they've heard, never mentioned a monster living inside of the pipes. Now I can cut the tourists some slack because they didn't know. But the citizens are a whole different story…we even posted signs warning explaining the dangers of using the warp pipes. But nobody ever heeds those.

I don't get it. They know how dangerous the warp pipes can be. But they choose to ignore it. Maybe they think the Mario brothers will save them. Or maybe they just assume everything will work out. I really don't know. But that is why someone is checking the pipes every day for those stupid plants.

After clearing out the pipes, we had to round up a couple of spiny that had wandered out of the forest. I hate dealing with those spiky turtles. They're not easy to deal with and you have to make sure that you don't piss them off. Which is easier said than done, since they're pretty temperamental. But spinies aren't the biggest threat normally. It's the Lakitu that likes to throw them.

I hate that guy so freaking much. All he does is ride around on that stupid cloud while he mocks you from above. I'd like to break those damn glasses that he wears over his fat head. Maybe than he wouldn't be so smug. But that isn't going to happen since he likes to keep a safe distance away you. Lakitu doesn't like to get close because he's to busy tossing those spiny eggs onto the ground. So if you ever see a Spiny, you better make sure to look for Lakitu. Because if that guy is around, you'll find yourself surrounded by Spiny in no time. And once that happens, you're screwed. I know that from experience. I was lucky that the Mario brothers were able to get there in time.

What's that? You want to hear about how I was saved by the Mario brothers? Maybe I'll tell you about that some other time. Now as I was saying, you have to be careful when dealing with spiny. They might be temperamental, but they're pretty stupid. So if you ever find yourself face to face with one, you can get them to walk off of a cliff. They really aren't very smart. So that works to your advantage if you're up against one or two of them. My other piece of advice is to make a run for it. They're pretty slow and they have a tendency to get stuck due to those spikes on their shells. Which is why I was saying that the Lakitu is the real threat. That bastard is pretty smart, but cowardly. So he'll always try to corner you if he gets the chance. So always keep your eye out for a smiling cloud. That's always a bad sign, because it means it's really a Lakitu.

Everything I just told you about was just from this morning. And that's what we in the guard consider a slow morning. Stuff like that is what keeps us busy. But people just assume that the Mushroom kingdom is a quiet place until Bowser attacks, but as you can see. Nothing is farther from the truth.

And than there is the maintenance workers who work around the clock to make sure the kingdom is running smoothly. Someone has to make sure that the warp pipes are working properly after all. While I haven't experienced this directly, I've heard tales of people getting lost in the warp pipes. One tale I heard, had one of the toads ending up in one of the underwater worlds when he was trying to warp to one of the castles. That poor little guy ended up being chased by a school of cheep cheep until he was able to find another warp pipe.

Needless to say a maintenance crew was sent out right away to fix the problem. I'm glad that kind of problem doesn't happen regularly. I would hate to think that everything was ok. Only to find out that I'm in unfamiliar territory. Those maintenance workers are some of the hardest working people that I know of. They really don't get enough credit for all that they do. They fix the pipes when they start showing cracks. They help rebuild the towns when there is a Koopa attack. I mean look around you. Do you see any signs that there was a Koopa attack? Of course not! And that is due to the diligence of the people. We work hard to make this place what it is. We take pride in what we do. It would be nice if people from the outside could take notice of the little things that make this land great.

Yet the reality is, that this kingdom is only known for three things. Bowser, our princess and the Mario brothers. That's all anyone ever thinks about when they hear about the Mushroom kingdom. I mean it's no secret that the princess is kidnapped more than we would like to admit. And no one is really sure why old lizard lips has it out for her. But he does. Which really doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean of all the people that you could kidnap, you take the princess. You think he would be after the king. And yet it's always the princess that he targets.

Which leads me to the other point of my little rant. Yeah it's always the Mario brothers who go off to rescue her. And I'm glad that they do. Don't get me wrong. But the problem with this is that everyone thinks that were useless. I mean how is it that we can never stop that foul smelling turtle, you ask? Well that's the thing of it. As much as I hate that lizard's guts. He isn't stupid. He waits for the right opportunity to strike.. He might not look it, but he's pretty damn smart. He knows how to plan things out. And that's what makes him so successful at kidnapping her. And the other factor is that he uses distractions. With all those minions of his, we can't ignore them. Which is what I hate. We're forced into a situation where we have to protect the people against his forces.

So it's either, we ignore the people and fend off his attacks. Or we come to the people's rescue as we leave our princess vulnerable. It's easy for people to just point out how easy it is to abandon the people. But it isn't. It's not like we like to leave the castle when that spiky shelled loser appears. But we know that we have a duty to protect this kingdom at all costs. We have a duty to the royal family and the citizen's. There isn't a single moment where we don't regret that we have to leave the castle. Because we always do.

This is something that other's probably don't consider. But the princess reminds us that our duty is to protect the people. Due to that. We're under strict orders to ensure the safety and well being of the people, first and foremost. It's not easy knowing that you have to turn your back on someone so that you can save another's life. In this case, we the royal guard have to place the lives of many over the one that we wish to protect the most. That feeling is one of the most difficult to live with. In my experience, it doesn't get any easier with time. Leaving the princesses side is the hardest thing for me. There is a small part of me that thinks is this going to be the day that she doesn't make it back?

I don't know if that's how the others think or not. Maybe I'm the only one. Or maybe they feel something similar. I really don't know and it's not something that I want to dwell on. It would just be nice if people understood the bigger picture in all of this. It's so easy to second guess everything or to say what they would do if they were us. But they don't live here. They don't experience the things that happen here on a daily basis. They don't know what it's like to be attacked. Or to risk your life against a koopa. Everything they know, is what they hear through a secondary source. Maybe they should try to spend a day in our shoes before criticizing our way of living.

Sorry about that. I didn't mean to rant like that. But this gets to be a touchy subject with me. When people constantly look down on what you do, you start to get bitter about it. Especially when you know that the things you do, make it a better place. And that finally brings me to the Mario Brothers.

All of us in the guard have a lot of respect for them. They're not from around here and they don't owe us anything. But they choose to stay here and risk their lives for this kingdom. I appreciate that. We all do. And that is the other reason that we have to leave the princess behind when an attack occurs. As I told you, we have orders to protect the citizens. But it goes deeper than that. We've been given orders to do nothing when the princess is kidnapped. It's expected that the brothers will set off to rescue her. As much as I hate it, I understand the wisdom behind it. In the time that it would take us to repel the invasion, the princess would be impossible for us to reach.

And that is where the brothers come in. They can move swifter than any army. They have everything they need to stop that turtle butt. They've proven that they can get the job done each time. So as much as that order sucks to hear, we choose to believe in the Mario brothers. Because we know that we can trust them to save the day once more. We put our faith in their hands to get the job done.

So I guess what I'm saying is, that this is a team effort. Everyone has to do their part for this to work. So as you can see, everything isn't as black and white as everyone thinks. Life here can be complicated at times and the sacrifices that we make go unnoticed by others. But at the end of the day, what makes everything worth it, is knowing that someone appreciates what you do. And we've been reminded of that fact by the brothers and the princess. When the heroes are stopping to say thank you for all your hard work, you feel a sense of pride. It's a great feeling. Because you know that everything you do, doesn't go unnoticed. And when the heroes notice your hard work, you kind of feel like you're a hero. And I think that makes it all the better. Because you know that you're being appreciated.

So yeah, we might not be the one's to save the princess from that jerk lizard. But everything we do while out on patrol is saving lives. And that is just as important. I like to think that all the little things add up in the long run. And that's what keeps me going as one of the guardsmen. The belief that what I do is making this a better place. I hope you'll share this story with others so that they'll get a better understanding of what life is like here. Maybe it'll open others eyes. Maybe. But that is enough for now. I need to get back on patrol. Maybe we'll talk again sometime. And make sure you heed my advice about the Lakitu. There's always some kind of danger around here, so always keep your eyes open. Always. Ok? Now I really need to get going. Take care of yourself kid.

Off in the distance I see my partner waiting for me as we get ready to go back out on patrol. Life is good here. I'm sure I'll have some more stories to tell in the future. For now, I have a job to do.