A little Classic!Chryed :)

"My head is telling me I can't do this, it's wrong, so very wrong. But my heart, my body..."

"Then maybe what your head is telling you is wrong, what you've been told is wrong. Feelings aren't right or wrong Sy. They just are."

Feelings. Feelings that are overwhelming me right now. They come up from somewhere deep inside and flood every one of my senses until all thought is drowned out. I feel. So intense, so powerful. It doesn't feel wrong. It feels like life itself, bright and burning, strong and pure, a natural, never ending cycle that wills to connect.

I need it. I need him.

My mouth meets with his once more.

Afterwards I lay wrapped in his arms. Our breaths slowly even out. His gentle fingers go through the motion of taming hair that was stroked into submission long ago.

My heart aches.

I wish I could stay here. I wish my soul wasn't already separating itself off. Wish my heart hadn't grown so adept at hiding. Wish the haze didn't lay its deadening blanket over me quite so soon.

I smile as I extricate myself from his embrace, make a light-hearted joke at his protestations. I hear my voice as it exits my body. I'm aware of the movement of my limbs, the cool air and emptiness against my skin as I move away. I pull on my clothes. I feel nothing.

I re-enter the half-life. I give apologies, reassurances and promises. It's like I can't get out of there quick enough. Like I don't even care.

The thought that he would think that panics me and in a heartbeat I turn to look at him.

He's staring back at me. I will my feet to move, try to focus my mind on the facade.

I see the hurt, sadness, anger, frustration, barely concealed on his face. And I see with earnest what he wants more than anything, an open plea to a future that he can almost touch... until I take it away again.

I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. I want to touch him so much. More than that I just want to be with him, be there for him. I stare at him as he stares back at me and I feel so much, and it is simultaneously so glorious and yet so excruciatingly painful that my very self seems to crumble. It seems that all I am is this feeling, and this feeling cannot be.

It feels like I'm underwater and my arms and legs are made of lead. I can't move, when all I want to do is crawl to him on my hands and knees. I don't know how long I stand there in no man's land, but I become aware that his expression has changed and he is moving down the bed towards me. He moves so gracefully and fluidly for someone of his stature, and somehow I feel less small and ungainly when I am with him.

His hand is around mine, and I feel the charge of electricity and the surge of life go through me.

"Christian... " is all I manage to blurt out, my voice hoarse.

His thumb caresses circles across my hand, his eyes wide and soft with concern, and the love, sadness and honesty that is plain to see.

I squeeze his hand as if I am never letting go, even though I know that I will. I search his face, for what I don't know.

"It's going to be ok." he says softly, but behind his eyes I see the flicker of insecurity.

I reach out and hold his face within my palms, kiss him gently but intensely on the mouth, and then rest my forehead against his as our lips part. His arms encircle my waist and we stand there like that, connected and wrapped in each other, vulnerable yet strong, our embrace a cocoon to our feelings and a makeshift barrier to the world outside.

"Come back later?" he asks as we pull away, and I can see it's not just for him, he's worried about me.

"Ok. Thank you." I mouth, the words barely making a sound. And then I turn and disappear again.